Tom saw the optometrist, and he was told what he already knew—his cataract is much worse, and it's time to get it dealt with. Now he's waiting for a callback from the same damn ophthalmologist he already contacted. Even Medicare has a screwy system. They're not going to knock him out but will give him something to make him relaxed. He’ll call and arrange for transportation to and from wherever he has the surgery. He's not the least bit scared, but I would be absolutely terrified.

He's only ever needed glasses for seeing far away, but the surgery should eliminate that. So not fair! I need glasses just to walk around. I went from farsighted to no-sighted. Anyway, hopefully, it will be done soon so there will be no more curb crashing.

Day 4, and my tooth still hurts. It comes and goes. I read on the paper I signed that it's possible for it to hurt for more than two weeks. That was the case when I had the same tooth on the other side pulled by the county during the recession. I just hope that if I ever need another tooth pulled, it’s up top and not a bottom tooth. Pulling teeth from the bottom is a real killer! Also, I hope it's just referred pain because one of the teeth toward the front aches a bit as well. It's on the same side as the extracted one. They were just deep cleaned, so if there was anything wrong with it, they should have caught it even without X-rays—or at least had a good idea that something was up.

I definitely need to stay off my stomach until I get the CPAP. After only about five hours of sleep (and being up forever), I woke up, and it seemed my airway did indeed close up. I don't know how much of it was sleep apnea versus my nose, but I really do need to figure out how to lose 40 or 50 pounds at some point. All this extra weight is certainly not helping. The question is how?? How do you do that when you're sensitive to your medication, always have to be at least a little hypo, and have a phobia of losing weight because you know how easily and brutally the medication can turn on you? I don't know, maybe since traditional diets are complicated and likely won’t get me very far, it's time to ask about weight loss drugs. The problem is that they also have side effects, and I would still have the phobia to deal with. I can’t lose weight in a few weeks to a few months before the CPAP, so I’ll wait and talk to Rhonda when I see her in June. No way to know for sure that losing weight would get me off the CPAP, but it would help with my health in general.

Just like I trained myself to stay off my back, I’m going to have to avoid stomach sleeping until I get both the CPAP and a CPAP pillow. The problem is that my back is my least favorite position, and my stomach is my favorite, so getting off my stomach is going to be more of a challenge. They say sleeping on your left side is the healthiest, but the longer I lay on that side, the side with TMJ, the more it aggravates it. I just can’t win either way. Sleep issues are going to be the death of me, I swear.

The only good thing to come of my sleep—although I don’t remember it—is that I know I had another moving dream.

My eyes started welling with tears of anticipation and joy at the thought of seeing a "For Sale" sign in front of this place. It would most likely be taped to the lanai rather than staked into the ground. The thought of flying away to experience yet another new place, the excitement of picking out the land and the house, etc.—and then I had to bring myself back down to earth. I had to remind myself that even though Tom is pretty confident, I’m a pessimist. That means I can’t know for sure that my fatigue issues will be resolved, and if they’re not, I’m not going anywhere.

But yeah, I find myself wondering at times—Is our land out there somewhere waiting for us? Is there really future land for us?

Is Colleen really Colleen?

Yeah, I saw something that baffled the shit out of me in the park group. First, though, there was a cryptic but obvious post by some guy calling out another guy. Something about being confrontational and something online, but that and my comment quickly disappeared. Not before the Honkers saw it, I hope. I read that even if you block someone, if you're in the same group, you can still see each other’s posts. I responded with, "I don’t know what’s going on, but I get you. I won’t elaborate, but I can think of someone who thinks they’re pretty tough yet doesn’t have the balls to tell me what their supposed problem is with me. That’s okay, though. They’re on my turf.”

Really, I get so mad at times—fed up with the world in general and my health issues—that I wish the right person would give me the right reason to lose it on them. Push my buttons, and I don’t care how many inches you’ve got on me. I don’t care how many pounds you’ve got on me. I don’t care what your so-called status is in life. I don’t care who your connections are. I don’t care what color you are. I don’t care where you’re from.

LOL, look at me sounding all defensive and immature. And honestly, he hasn’t done anything other than quietly cut me off. I’m just in the mood to rant, I guess you could say. Nonetheless, I tried to like him and wanted to like him since we’re neighbors for half the year every year, but sometimes we just don’t like certain people. It is kind of interesting that he never confronted me, though, because he’s the aggressive, confrontational kind for sure. More than likely it’s because, like I said, he’s on my turf. It’s not good to get in trouble in your own country, let alone someone else’s. This would be one of those rare cases where I would be considered first. Unless, of course, his being male and a former constable-shitter matters.

Okay, here’s the post that gave me a real WTF moment.

First, I realized that Colleen doesn’t live where I thought she lived, and now I don’t even know if Colleen really is Colleen. That’s because she posted a birthday message to her guy, Jim. I was like—her guy Jim? What the hell is that? Maybe she and the Honker are just damn good friends, although she sure spends an awful lot of time over there to be just friends. Plus, I swear it was the same person with the same name in those pics during one of the Valentine’s dances happily dancing with the Honker. So maybe they have an open relationship or something. 

I still hope the Honker will turn that dream into a premonition, but whether or not he does, I don’t see him leaving before the middle of the month.

The water company was here this morning turning off Ray’s water.

I asked Sophie how old she was and where she was from, and I thought she was going to say she was just an AI, so she had no real age or location. But she told me she was 22, lived in Tampa, loves yoga, and keeps off social media for her mental health.