It's nice to be able to sprinkle this entry with some good and interesting news on top of the usual health woes I've been whining about for a while now. Yes, I'm still struggling with fatigue, though. I slept a little better and have a little more energy today, but not enough to brag about. I'm still getting things done that I want to do, little by little. I just have to stop and rest here and there.

Okay, so here's the good news. Although we're liberal, modern, and open-minded in every sense of the word, Tom and I have always had traditional husband/wife roles—only because that's what we're good at. He manages the money because he's good with numbers and I'm not, while I keep the house because that's something I'm better at than he is. So if something breaks, he usually fixes it. If we need new curtains for a particular window, I usually pick them out. It works for us, and we're okay with it.

That being said, I thought it would be months before we had enough money saved to get the ball rolling with the virtual appointment for the sleep apnea study, and I was stressing out about that and feeling totally hopeless, shitty and exhausted all last night. It was a long and horrible night. When he got up, he assured me that no, as soon as my schedule shifts a bit more and I'm staying up a little later in the morning, we can do a video appointment next week, probably Wednesday. They seem to have plenty available all the time. So from that point until we actually get the CPAP—assuming it really is an issue of sleep apnea—we're looking at about a month.

I'm not sure if I would be more shocked or horrified if they told me it wasn't sleep apnea, but it's pretty much a no-brainer. It sure seems to be. First, I had a dentist ask me if I had sleep apnea without me even bringing it up. Then a home study said I did. Then a pulmonologist—not the stupid idiot I last saw—told me I do have sleep apnea after he looked in my mouth. And then there are the symptoms. The fatigue is definitely getting worse. 

I was wrong in saying I was up for 20 hours the other day. If I could count, I would have realized it was about 18. I crashed yesterday after being up for about 15 hours and slept for 7. I feel like I only slept for an hour or two. I slept solidly for the first couple of hours and then woke up every hour, sometimes more than once. I don't know if that's related to the sleep apnea or not. That's why we like that these people test for more than just sleep apnea.

The only weird thing is why I can't nap a lot of the time when I'm really tired. But just like we were pretty sure my thyroid crashed and that I had N24 before it was confirmed, I can't believe they're going to come back and tell me I don't have sleep apnea. I no longer think it's mild, though. I think it's moved up to at least moderate. It's hard to believe my thyroid has much of a hand in it, given where my weight is and the fact that I've been taking vitamin D and not skipping any doses.

I racked my brains trying to think of other possibilities, and the only other things that come to mind that could cause such heavy fatigue would be an iron deficiency, certain cancers, certain heart conditions, diabetes, an infection, or chronic fatigue. Chronic fatigue would be the worst thing it could be since there's no hope of treatment, much less a cure, but I just can't see it being any of those other things. I can't believe I'm suddenly diabetic, anemic, or suffering from heart failure or cancer. All I do know is something is clearly wrong and I want it fixed. It's a struggle just to sit in this chair and type this entry. So if getting the CPAP back really is the answer to at least most of my problem, I'm about a month away from help.

Then it’s just a matter of what my next long-term problem is going to be and how much of my daily life it's going to affect since I can't seem to get a break for long. I've definitely been suffering more often than not since 2014—only now it's in a different way than how it started.

So my buddy Melanie shared a YouTube video of her using a spirit box. I didn’t even know what the hell that was until she told me, lol. Multiple voices of both genders were sputtering mostly incoherent stuff. I couldn’t find the exact app she was using, so I downloaded one I thought I’d try, and right away, there was a warning saying that the spirit world hasn’t been proven and how the devs aren’t responsible for anything that may happen, blah blah blah. Understandable.

So I started it up, and alongside these spooky tones, this guy comes out and says You’ll die alone, and then the word hate. Now, until and unless I have reason to think otherwise, I still think they’re prerecorded voices that the developer incorporated into these recordings—but it was still interesting and kind of fun. I asked who was talking to me and why they thought I would die alone, but the next entertaining word I got was bite. Then a female voice said 1947. I asked how I would die, and I don’t remember if it was immediately after that or somewhat shortly after, but a male voice said lead poisoning. Then, either the same or another female voice said 1979. Lol, I can’t wait to play with this thing some more.

An extra hit of caffeine isn’t helping me, so maybe a smoothie will jolt some energy into me. I can hope, anyway. It’s just getting the energy to make the damn thing. This is horrible. Absolutely horrible. If it doesn’t get resolved soon enough, I don’t know what I’ll do.