Last night was long, exhausting, and left me feeling totally hopeless. Today, I am a little better after sleeping a whopping 9 hours and 15 minutes. I must have really needed the sleep, but I'm not that much better—only a little. A little is better than nothing, but something is clearly wrong, and I wonder if it goes beyond sleep apnea and thyroid issues. Looking at my nails earlier, Tom and I wondered if I could be anemic, although I've never tested low on iron before. This can also cause feelings of fatigue and weakness.

We still have to do a little more research and check reviews, but we found a website that will do a video consultation with me on my symptoms and then send me the equipment for a two-night sleep study. Fortunately, I could do it in my own bed on my own time, and not have anything connected to my head or up my nose. Also, what we like about it is that they check for more than just sleep apnea, although I don't know what the other tests involve. In the end, assuming they write me a prescription for another CPAP, it could cost $800 to $1,000, but if it’s going to give me my energy and my life back, it’s a small price to pay. This way, I also wouldn’t be pressured to be available to take replacement calls. If you don't answer when they call to ask if they can send your scheduled replacement parts, you don't get them.

I don't know that I'll ever be brave enough to try the Inspire, and while I do like the idea of an oral appliance better than a CPAP, that wouldn’t push air through my collapsed nasal canal. So, I think my best bet would be to go back to the nasal pillow. Even the ENT said that should help.

I'm trying to remember and use the fact that I beat years of killer anxiety as an example when I feel hopeless due to the fatigue, and hope Tom’s belief is correct in that we’ll find the culprit(s) and fix it. As we both know, I seriously believed I would never beat the anxiety, but I beat 98% of it, especially the hardcore part of it. I still can't believe it! It brings tears of joy to my eyes just thinking about how I finally, after 8 years, fought that beast. It was a truly soul-crushing experience.

I just really hope to hell this isn't chronic fatigue, but I'm guessing it's not. That would definitely be the worst thing it could be, with cancer as the second worst thing. I say cancer because these days, a lot of cancers are beatable. Although honestly, I'm at the point where I would rather get something that just takes me out rather than continue suffering. For now, I’m still going with sleep apnea as the most likely culprit.