Good God was I tired this morning! I didn’t fall asleep till almost 3:30 again. No noise kept me up. It’s just that I’m a night person. Always have been, always will be.

Yesterday I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy. Just the rapists and murderers. I had the worst period cramps in a long, long time and had to leave yesterday at noon. Maybe it’s cuz I’ve gained 5 pounds. Shit, it looks like I’ve gained 10 and I think I have a hideous shape, although people think I’m nuts when I say that. Anyway, the more I weigh, the worse my cramps are.

I’m really enjoying this job, even though I sit here doing nothing 90% of the time. I see no difference between sitting at home or sitting here.

I spoke with Steve and Jai briefly yesterday, and Steve should be stopping in soon. His ex-wife is really doing a number on him or trying to, and in this case, I have to admit it’s the woman who’s fucked up.

Although I’ll always be attracted to women, and we all know they’re far less brutal than men, I’m starting to be a little turned off myself. I don’t trust them as much anymore. I mean, they’re supposed to be calling the 900-line cuz they want to meet someone, right? So, why do they always give you the wrong number then? Or no number? Or set up a time to meet and not show up? What’s the fucking point? Do they just get a kick out of leading someone on? Well, it’s my turn now. If this girl Lisa shows up this Sunday, that is. She sounds pretty sane compared to most and I like the idea of someone not too close (she’s from Fairfield, CT), but I’m just not ready to get involved and if I ever am able to get involved, it’s not gonna be for many, many years. Maybe occasional sex here and there, but that’s only if we click right away and if she’s gorgeous, though I doubt I’ll meet someone all that gorgeous unless she’s straight, gay and taken, or gay and not interested. But either way, it’s not worth the hassles, and I find I really want to be alone more and more as time passes. I’m so used to it, too. And again, I’m usually too moody. I get scared. I know it’s bullshit if they say they care and have feelings for me. And they don’t want to get to know you. They’d rather watch TV, go to the movies, read a book, eat dinner, and meanwhile, you remain very calm and say nothing about yourself and don’t dare mention music, cuz it’s in one ear and out the other one. You simply talk about your sexual appearance, if you speak about yourself at all, then they’re gone.

Later...

I feel so much better today. No cramps, though I woke up pretty damn congested, but what do you expect when you only sleep 3 hours?

I tried to call Steve, but his computer was hooked up to the phone.

I’m amazed that the second my alarm goes off, I hear it instantly. I’m not on any medication. When I was, I could never wake up to it, but now I can, even with just a few hours of sleep.

Louis is such a nice guy. He and I have the same personal feelings about how much easier it is to be alone. He told me not to tell anyone, but that he was in the funny farm for a while. I told him I was, too. He’s very encouraging and cheerful. Practically all my fears of working have vanished. I’m a little tired in the morning until I have my coffee. I like this job even though it’s dead. Better dead than a zoo, like I said before. And it’s under the table even though it’s only $3.50, but any bit will help. And I don’t have to take buses.

Later...

Well, only 3 more hours to go. I got 19 hours in, so that’s $68.35. Pay day’s Friday.

Dotty’s son Chad’s here doing his laundry. He has to work after I leave in a few hours. He just woke up. I told him he could go back home and that I’d finish his laundry.

Maybe Betty, the woman next door in the salon, can trim my hair after work. It hasn’t been trimmed in 15 months and needs a good inch hacked off. I want it one length. It’ll take a while to get it even, but it’s a hell of a rat’s nest. If I could get a dollar for every split end I have, I’d be rich.

Later...

Two more hours to go. I guess Andy and I are going shopping later. I hate grocery shopping, though I really need to go. I still have to get my food stamps first.

Tracy, and possibly Bobbie too, are supposed to be coming over later tonight. If for some reason they don’t, I’m gonna tell Tracy to just mail the $10 I loaned her. I’m not waiting any longer for it. I should’ve known better, though, than to give it to her. I’m gonna try and call her now.