I just spoke with Andy, who’s still doing just fine and loving Phoenix. He reminded me that our clocks here go ahead an hour, but they don’t change out there. Weird, huh? He’ll now be 3 hours earlier.

I played him the slurred edits, where I had the pause button partially down. They are so funny. I may do more editing later now that I have two tracks in working condition.

I fell asleep near 5 AM yesterday and woke, as usual, 4 hours later with an attack. Not a killer one, but a very annoying one. Kim is picking up a refill of Alupent for me on her way to Springfield to work at Baystate. I’ve got a doctor that Kim called to follow up with this Monday.

Also, I stopped my Theodur like a jerk, but you know I hate any kind of drug. After the Navane, I’ve been really paranoid, although that too has been better since I’ve moved. What a major curse Springfield was.

Kim is so great and so sweet. She’s everything I look for in a person. I feel I can never express how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me. It’s like being rescued from Valleyhead. She’s a person who comes rarely and far between. I will just repay her by being a good friend.

Also, I was right from the very beginning, as I may have mentioned before. She is very attracted to me and to who I am. It’s amazing too, as I’ve always said, “Is there anyone out there who’s sane and upper class but yet will accept me for who and what I am?”

Sure enough, as we both agreed, we’re a lot alike. Not all serious, not all nuts. We’re both half sane, half insane. Also, she’s like me in always wanting to help others. I feel guilty, though, as I have no money to give her if she needs it. She doesn’t need it, but part of me wishes we could swap incomes for a week or so, so I could do for her what she’s done for me.

I wish she were here with me now. I could use the company, and I’m bored, but I don’t do walks at night, even though I can usually defend myself quite well. I did cruise up and down Elm St. a bit today at around 2:30. It was 80º today, and I got a great breeze through my windows, even though Kim and I have yet to figure out how to open the skylights. Thank God cats are sure-footed, as Shadow went roof cruising for an hour or so. Can you believe it? I was scared shitless for him at first, but even though he enjoyed it and was not hurt, I’m getting him a leash. That way, he can also accompany me on walks. I tried taking a big ribbon and tying it up to one of the posts on the deck, but he just kept slipping it off his neck and going about his tour.

I feel so happy and safe since I’ve moved, but at the same time, a little lonely. I miss my friends, and I can’t lie—you know me—but the urge for a lover is picking up here and there. I hate that feeling. I’ve learned now that those feelings don’t mean I’m weak, and yes, I know you can be with someone and still be independent, but I still wish I could want to be alone 100% of the time. Oh well. I couldn’t get someone if I wanted to, as I’ve written about 10 billion times before.

Getting back to Kim, sometimes I wish she were here to hug me and just hold me, but I try to keep my feelings inside. There’s no point in saying anything. The last thing I need to do is make her feel depressed or burdened in any way, and I don’t want her to feel used. I only hope I haven’t talked too much already. I also feel like a jerk because all my bottled-up frustration came out earlier today when I had that attack. Sometimes that’s the only way to vent it out, though, and get it out of me, rather than trash my place or do something stupid. Those days are over, and I haven’t slashed my wrists since age 17, and even though I was trapped as a minor and couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt the ones hurting me, those days are over.

I don’t want to lead Kim on either, as I am not attracted to her.

Time for some hot chocolate.

I want to be a singer!!!

Wait till I tell Kim about that call.