As figured, I keep remembering more about what Shelly and I talked about. Well, not only was I amazed at how much she remembered me, the house, and wanted to talk to me like I said, but she even remembered some of my clothes! She started to describe some white nightgown with flowers and some dresses, but I can’t remember one piece of clothing I had back then.

Tom and I talked some more about the fertility thing and I misunderstood him about a couple of things. It’s not the kind of invitro Linda had, that I would have. It’s a new technology that’s just getting ready to be more widely used and that’ll hopefully get cheaper soon enough, as well as more available. This technique is even better. When Andy said it took Linda 4 tries, that didn’t mean she had 4 miscarriages, which means that the egg didn’t get fertilized the first 4 times. Invitro wasn’t always guaranteed to take right away, cuz all they’d do is use something to make the egg release, then shoot sperm up there. With this new thing, they take the egg out and then directly fertilize it by injecting a sperm into it, so it’s a guaranteed pregnancy you got the first time around. Then all you have to do is hope to hell you don’t have a miscarriage. Anyway, this is what Tom was talking about us doing if need be.

Andy said it cost Linda 8 grand per pregnancy, but of course, she got her money back on the babies that didn’t get made. I think I’ve always heard that you only pay if they can make the kid and if the kid makes it into the world. If they can’t make the kid or if the kid’s miscarried, you don’t pay.

The other thing is, is that I thought we couldn’t go to a doctor till precisely January of 2001, but Tom said it’s best for us to be flexible and not decide on a date. I asked him if he’d like to be the one to decide on when we go and he said yes, just like I thought he would. I’m sure he would like to be the one to decide this, so he can make me wait for years. I told him, though, to try not to make me wait too many years, but he really does get off of me waiting on him, as well as instilling patience in me. Then he brought up the marriage saying he didn’t have me wait on that. Oh yes. The marriage. The marriage he would’ve preferred to wait a little longer on. I see. So now it’s his turn to make me wait on the baby, cuz I didn’t let him wait longer on the marriage. I’m not surprised.

I asked Tom if he’d go by when he felt it was time for the kid to make his decision on when we go to a doctor, or if he’d at all weigh into it my sheer desire to have this kid yesterday. He said neither cuz there are a lot of factors involved. He said we’ll go when he feels the time is best, for various reasons.

I’m very glad to know of this guaranteed procedure, but I know Tom’s gonna make me wait years before he’ll let us go to a doctor. And also, even if we went right now and they got a fertilized egg in me, would God let it stay there for 9 months? Will he let me have it vaginally? Will he let the kid be OK?

I know we’ll never get me pregnant ourselves, and even though this procedure sounds so promising, it seems too unreal and just too far-fetched to think that I’ll be pregnant and have a baby vaginally in 9 months. Something’s gotta go wrong, cuz that’d just be way too good to be true. There’s gotta be miscarriages in there, or a c-section, me being one of those rare cases they can’t impregnate, etc. You know how it is with me and God, the more common something is and the more I want it, the more I either can’t have it or have to work my ass off for it. It’s gonna be a long hard haul at ever getting a kid, that’s for damn sure.

Meanwhile, I’ve got years to wait for whatever’s gonna be the outcome of this thing, so I may as well enjoy my freedom, cuz I’m gonna have that for quite a while.

Again, just like last weekend, two little boys were playing ball next door. They played for about two hours and I swear, I’m gonna lock up that fucking hoop! We couldn’t see them both, but I think they were both white boys and I don’t think anyone was home. What did they do, just walk up to a stranger’s driveway and start playing ball? Well, it looks like they’re gonna do this every weekend if I don’t lock up that net. It’s basketball season and if they are associated with next door in any way, now’s the time they’re gonna be playing more often till it cools down again.

Later...

I talked to Andy who talked to his sister Linda. Linda really wants me to call her. I told him to tell her I appreciate her wanting to talk to me, but there’s nothing she can really tell me that I don’t already know.

It’s up to Tom. Plain and simple. When he’s ready for us to go to a doctor, we will, and that’s that. It’s not up to me.

Andy said he felt we were just procrastinating. I explained to him again how it wouldn’t do us any good to go to a doctor now with the way he cums so little. But if he keeps cumming so little or cums more often and I’m still not pregnant, then we’ll go see a doctor, and I trust Tom to know what’s best for us and when.

He said Linda said that these things get more expensive with time, not cheaper. Maybe so, but again, it’s up to Tom and I filled Andy in again on the situation for the 20th time since he’s got such a short-term, pothead of a memory.

No, I don’t fully agree with what Tom’s doing, but there’s nothing I can do to stop him. If he is truly controlling how much he cums and is planning to make me wait, then yes, that’s wrong. If this is the case and if he’s not as ready as I am and doesn’t want a kid as bad as I do, then yes, he should come out and say so, but I can’t force him to talk, to cum more often, or to go to a doctor sooner than he’ll allow us to go.

Yes, I do think he should put as much energy as he does into losing weight into having more sex and cumming more often, but again there are a lot of factors here. His mother’s slowing him down along with any progress we could make, he’s older, he’s not as horny and again, I don’t think he’s in much of a hurry to cum more and have that kid in the near future. Even he said it wouldn’t be a crisis if I had my period and that he’s not urgent about this month being no period. Well, I feel the opposite and I understand that it’s a woman thing and that guys don’t feel the same as women do about having kids. Women are always in a hurry for that. Guys take their sweet old time till the last minute and that’s just what he’s gonna do here. He’s gonna either cum more often when I approach the last handful of childbearing years and get me pregnant ourselves with no interference from God. Or he’s gonna do that with God making sure I’m not pregnant, or he won’t be cumming any more than he does now and again, God will be there making sure I’m not pregnant, then he’ll OK a trip to the doctor.

I don’t know how guaranteed this procedure is, and if it’s as sure to win as he says it is, but that’s beside the point right now. He’s waiting. Waiting patiently, all the while enjoying the agonizing wait he knows it’ll be for me. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s gonna be a long time before we ever do have a kid if God will allow it and that he’s not ready to cum more often (if he can control that), and he’s not as ready as I am for the kid. When he catches up to me, has made me wait enough, and is ready to see a doctor, we will.

Meanwhile, it’s not for sure that we’ll be going to CA, but I guess we’ll be going. So, I talked to Andy and he’s gonna do me a little favor while we’re gone. He’s gonna lock the basketball hoop for me. He’s tall enough to reach it, and if we don’t go to CA, he’ll do it as soon as he can. So, I guess I’ll have another 3-4 weekends of listening to that obnoxious ball bouncing. I just hope to hell they don’t distract the visit with my folks and go playing for hours while they’re here. For the most part, though, we all will be out doing stuff and not just hanging out here at the house.