Well, the car left quietly next door yesterday, whoever it was.

I put Bunny outside a little while ago and am just waiting for Tom to come home.

I know he was going to stop at his mother’s to check on her and to give her the tapes I have for her. She said she liked all the Beatles’ songs when I was over there. I told her I’d pull out all I’ve got and tape it for her. I filled the ends of the tapes with classical songs of Linda’s since I didn’t have enough Beatles stuff to fill a whole 90-minute cassette. I also gave her the tape of the album Trio with Linda, Dolly and Emmylou.

Tom’s also gonna pick up a few groceries and stamps to mail our taxes, that letter to “Shelly” and other bills.

He’s picking me up decaffeinated tea. I have tea, but it’s not decaf. I want to cut out not only the caffeine but the sugar, too.

Today, I’ll be finishing one of the two library books I got.

My husband’s gonna be fucking me over royally in just two days. Why aren’t I nervous? Again, I guess it’s just cuz I know to expect this of him. I guess it’s better than being nervous or not knowing he’s gonna fuck me over.

Later...

I broke down and weighed myself. These 108 pounds are sticking to me as well as my split ends do. I know this diet’s not gonna work. Nothing’s gonna work, cuz God doesn’t want it to, cuz he now wants to control what I weigh as well. Yeah well, as soon as we see that I’m right about this diet not working and as soon as I try starving for about 3-4 days before my parents get here, then after they leave, that’s it. Fuck it. I’ll just keep gaining weight and learn to live with it. If that’s what my owner up in the sky insists, fine.

Speaking of my master, he’s gonna get me for what I did earlier. A few days ago, I got a birthday card that’s supposed to be for N. 21 Drive, but since our mailman still can’t read, or doesn’t care to, I checked it out. It was from a girl in Colorado to her mother. So what did I do? I sent the daughter a weird letter, claiming that I was her ma’s friend and I mentioned her address and birthday card, too. That’ll really confuse the hell out of her. On the other hand, I’m sure the daughter will realize right away, unless she’s really damn stupid, that the card was misdelivered. I thought Irene was at that address? Guess maybe she moved. Or died. She seemed pretty old. The name the card was going to was Kay. The daughter was Michelle.

I forgot to have Tom mail out Tammy’s pictures today. He went to the post office to get stamps and mail our mail, but now the poor guy’s gonna have to make another trip.

I thought he was going to get tape to stick the bathroom carpet to the floor. Probably hasn’t had time on top of taking care of his mother. Tomorrow he’s got to take her to get blood drawn, but says he’ll still be able to get caught up on his sleep. Yeah, right. I still believe he loves to tease me when it comes to sex and a kid and he always will. He’ll make sure he gets up and claims that he couldn’t sleep or he has a bad belly.

I wonder, though, what he’ll use as his excuse for breaking the promise? It’ll either have something to do with how tired he is or something he’s got wrong with him, but it’ll more than likely be cuz of something I did or said. That and the timetable pressuring him.

What really burns me up is how he can so boldly look me in the eye, and promise me this bullshit, so smoothly, without a care in the world about how this is gonna affect me. He just has to tease me and lie to me. He just has to do this, but why? What did I do to him? Or is it that he just gets that much of a kick out of saying he’s gonna do shit that I know there’s no way he can do. If he could do it, God wouldn’t allow him to. But maybe God would allow him to. After all, God can let Tom squirt me like hell and still make sure we don’t make a baby.

I wonder if he could be feeling pressured or jealous over my parents’ upcoming visit and if this is his way of “getting me” for it? He hasn’t shown or said anything negative about my parents’ visit, though. In fact, I think he’s looking forward to it. He had no problem going to see Goldie and Al and I know he’d have no problem if my brother or sister came to see us or if we went there. It’s something about Kim. Is it cuz she’s a woman? I don’t know, I mean, he knows I’m not the least bit attracted to her. I think that his beef with Kim was sheer jealousy. He gave that away one time when she came to Phoenix the second time (I didn’t see her), but when I was working out, he had said, “Oh, you want to look pretty for Kim?” 

Of course, that didn’t have a damn thing to do with why I was working out. I worked out cuz I wanted to.

I got my Snoopy and cactus labels. That was fast! They’re really nice, too!

When Tom got home, he and some other dude on his shift got an award for their hard work and he also got a balloon, a picture frame with a digital clock, and a caramel apple lollipop. I put the picture of Piggy and Bunny sitting outside on the chair in the frame.

I’m going to be waking Tom up at 8:00 and tonight he says he’s gonna work on the screen saver and wallpaper.