Last night Ma called and said that Mary left $40 for us at her house for taking care of her hamsters and that she had meant to leave it there before. That’s a lot of money for just taking care of her hamsters and for doing a few other odds and ends! That’s really, really generous of her, but then Tom explained something to me about the way his family works and I ended up feeling guilty, too. If you mention that you’re going to buy something that some other family member is into, they give you the money. Ma’s into sewing, for example, so if Tom said he was going to go shopping for sewing supplies, Ma would give him the money for it. If Ma was into journal writing and I mentioned that I was gonna go get some, she’d give me the money for them. This is weird, but I wish I knew this, cuz if I had, I’d have never mentioned being about to buy that cage to Mary. From now on, though, I’ll watch what I say. I asked Tom if we should give some of the money back, but he said that when someone gives you something, you should politely accept it. Well, that sure was very nice of her and I’m grateful and we’ll definitely use it for the cage, as I’m sure Mary hopes and expects I will.

Once again, this intermittent sex really sucks. I know it’s just a matter of a week or two before something else comes up to steal our fun away. Even if we didn’t want a kid, it’s frustrating to have to settle on taking what we can get when we can get it. And even if I were OK, getting me pregnant would be like my trying to shoot a cigarette out of someone’s mouth with a bow and arrow from 40 feet away. Babies are made by constant screwing and getting off consistently, so we wouldn’t even have a slim chance if I were OK.

I wasn’t too thrilled with something Tom said last night. He said to take care of myself so we’d have more opportunities for sex, but then he turned around and said he knew I’d been doing well after I said I’ve been fine and I’ve been taking care of myself. Well, if he knows I’ve been fine, then why haven’t there been enough opportunities? Cuz he and God don’t want there to be and cuz Tom would rather indirectly pin it on me and cry no opportunity. I can tell he enjoys this, too, no matter what he says. It was like he had a smirk on his face last night, enjoying every minute of my bitching about our situation (not that that’ll ever change it), but I still know that no matter what he says, he still doesn’t want a kid that bad, isn’t nearly as horny as I am or most others are and like the sex in spurts.

Well, if we’ve always had full-time sex on a part-time basis, we always will. And if I still haven’t gotten pregnant in this day and age, I never will. He’s the one that needs to take better care of himself. He’s the one who’s had 3 colds this year. He’s the one who’s tired a lot. Even Mary said that he was never like this before, so that convinces me even more that something up there wants to keep us from a full-time, normal sex life. And it’s usually when I’m mid-cycle, too, and cuz I’m sterile, why is it acting like I’m not? Why have it so the cards usually fall out in a way that keeps him from cumming at prime time? I know a part of it is Tom’s own individual fears and doubts, but still - it makes no sense when you’re sterile and if Tom’s so sure due to experience that he gets off more the more he screws, then knowing that, why doesn’t he put more effort into screwing more? He’s gotta be afraid of something.

Other than that, things have been fine with us and this week, we’ll be seeing Dr. Nielsen on Thursday and we’ll also be going to get the cage, to the library, to photocopy my drawings and hopefully to measure Andy’s door. I also hope that next weekend we can film Bunny and I got Home Video’s address last night. I think they said that all tapes must be in by October 1st for the new season, but the sooner the better. And also, the pool will be too cold by mid-September.

Later...

I just gave Shelly a call. She sounds much better than she did the last time we talked and she really is a strong and brave one. If it were me in that situation, you know I’d just want to give up and curl up and die, but she’s still sure that there’s a Mr. Right out there for her. Even after all she’s gone through.

She has 3 kids she does daycare for 5 days a week so she’ll keep up with that and will move soon. She’s definitely finished with Todd and she doesn’t want to stay at the house and live with her mother, so she’s gonna hunt for an apartment, till she can get her own house.