Today was a pretty shitty day, thanks to Cigna. They have changed dramatically since we last used them. They’re just as bad as Intergroup now! We went to my appointment but were told that the doctor moved. That was the final straw. Having to fight tooth and nail for these inhalers and having to chase the right to breathe normally is no way to live. I’ve had it with doctors and inhalers and the whole nine yards. I’m fed up with the run-around I’ve been getting. I’ve had enough dealings with doctors and medical problems to last me many lifetimes. I just don’t need it anymore, and like I said, I’ve had it with my time being wasted because people keep fucking up. God just won’t let people quit disrupting and interfering with my life. We drove all the way out there for nothing when I could’ve been doing other things, such as working on my story. Tom says he’s happy just to be with me no matter where we are, and that’s really sweet of him, but I’m sick of this shit. I’m really sick of it. Tom and I made a deal that if they couldn’t work me in by tomorrow, I’d just quit the inhalers and the doctors unless it was a dire emergency. He keeps saying I’ve got a life-threatening disease here and that I’ll die without my inhalers. Not that I’ve made any major contributions to this world or that I’m something society should miss, but I won’t die. As long as I don’t smoke and stay out of the pollution, I should be fine. I’m tight and congested on the inhalers so why would I be that much worse off the inhalers? I seem to be doing a lot of this lately - fighting for inhalers. Especially since we moved. Well, did you ever think, I asked Tom, that maybe God’s trying to tell me something? Maybe he’s trying to tell me I can live without them. At first I was mad at God and was like - what is this?! First I don’t have the right to be a total woman and now I’m gonna lose my right to breathe? Well, if he doesn’t think I deserve to breathe, then neither do I. But then I thought about it and was like, hey, you don’t smoke anymore. There’s no reason why you should go through the 2½-year cycle of hell you went through with the wheezing and trips to the ER. Not that I’d be alive by the time I got to an ER, but still, I should be just fine. God may be unfair and I may not be on his list of favorites, but I trust him. If I truly do need these inhalers to survive (especially since my vibes say I’ll live to be 61 or 63) he’ll make sure I get them.

The having to be disrupted by other people’s incompetence and having to alter plans and work around their stupidity is far from over yet. We still have to deal with a stupid, useless Mexican coming out here tomorrow, supposedly, that we know damn well can’t fix this electrical outlet. So, that’ll interfere with our lives for a while too. Then when we get done fixing what they fucked up within the house, God can see to it that things start breaking much sooner and much more frequently than they should. Playing car will be a regular thing again once we take care of the house’s fuck-ups. There’s always something going on. Gotta always have setbacks.