The fucking rats woke me up for the last time last night. No more wheels for them while I’m asleep! Its squeaking was what woke me. I had to take a Benadryl to fall back asleep, so naturally, when the alarm went off at 8:00, I was dog-tired.

I want to maintain a day schedule until Friday the 21st. I’d maintain it just till the 15th if it weren’t for the freeloaders, but the freeloaders say I have to report just one week later, and that might not be enough time to flip my schedule. I should be used to the fact that most of my life comes down to the freeloaders by now. After all, I’m an expert at it. It’s nothing new. It’s been this way since 1996. However, it’s something I just can’t get used to. Maybe in another year.

If only we’d both done our homework up front and known all the facts! If we’d only known what we came to know too late! I’d never have been in jail and I’d never have met Teddy Bear, which would be a good thing, in light of her abandoning me the way she has.

Mary, I could take her or leave her. I wonder why I haven’t heard back from her, though. Hasn’t she had enough time to ask around about the bear’s whereabouts, not that I care anymore, cuz all I know is that Teddy Bear couldn’t have cared the way she led me to believe she did? Whether or not she got my letter, she’d have called if she cared and she didn’t.

Mary never even let me know if she got the stuff I sent her, and again I wonder if someone’s playing games and could be interfering with our mail.

I always believed that public pretenders just didn’t care all that much since they weren’t being paid by their clients, not that they were out to convict along with the DA. Then again, I’ve never been charged with a felony before this, so how was I to know that since public pretenders work for the state and since it was the state that was against me, failing their clients means “winning” for them? Conviction is a victory for them just like it is for the DA. They’re all on the same side.

And if it wasn’t for Tom, I would still believe to this day I went down for the journals and not this letter. Nor would I know about the information Paul withheld from us.

How much longer am I going to let this state victimize me? When am I going to just turn my back and walk away? Oh, how I want to so bad! How I want to show them - see? You can’t always get your way and you can’t push just anyone around. Certainly not me! - But I know that I’d be treated no different than if I’d been a convicted mass murderer who escaped from prison. They’d pursue me as if I were a heavily armed and dangerous person. That means they’d either bust through the door, or they’d throw teargas in here. They wouldn’t consider me a lower priority. They’d put just as much energy and effort into getting at me as they did with Ted Bundy. Then once they got me, I’d probably be looking at close to a decade in prison, then a good 5 years to life on probation once released. Like I said, I’m forced to take this abuse that I wouldn’t deserve even if I wrote them a million threatening letters. It’s just like being strapped to a chair while someone beats on you. There’s just no breaking free!

When Tom was out burning a few days ago, I went out and called to him from about 30 feet away, asking if he wanted a baked potato as I was about to make one for myself. This was in the early evening.

He told me to keep my voice down since voices carry at that hour, so no one would look out to see who was talking, then report us for burning trash.

In the past, I’d have been like, “Oh, you and your silly fears and paranoias! You worry too much about what others may do.”

But now I know better. I know that we must see each and every individual out there as being the potential threat and enemy that they are. Just like animals have to be wary of other animals, we have to watch out for other people. People like Doe and Art would say our attitude sucks, but if our attitude keeps us safer, out of jail and from losing money, we’ll keep our sucky attitude.

There appears to be a new house visible about two properties in front. I can only see part of the top of the house. It looks to be a tan-colored house. I heard what sounded like loud engines around here the other day, but when I looked outside, I didn’t see anything. Well, maybe this was what I heard.