Today was a bit of a rough day and a busy one for Tom who ran a lot of errands, including picking up the two new identical pairs of glasses he got.

I’m glad the truck’s working and all that, but I’m not glad the damn thing wakes me up when he leaves in it when I’m sleeping. For now, I’ll sleep with the fan on high till he quiets it down with a muffler which is what it needs.

One of the junk emailers just wouldn’t leave me alone. I mean, they just wouldn’t give up. So what did I do to these pushy, persistent pests? Sent them about 50 emails of my own, letting them know that as long as they wouldn’t let me unsubscribe and kept badgering me, I’d do the same. In each email, I’d copy and paste a paragraph from old journals. Anyway, today’s the first day I didn’t get anything from them.

Still nothing from Mary. I don’t know what the scoop is at this point. I mean, it could be any number of things, I guess. Maybe she’s in the hospital having hernia surgery. I doubt she was hurt by another inmate. I’d think that if that were going to happen, it would’ve happened by now. If I don’t hear from her by the end of the month, I guess I’ll send her aunt a copy of her books and pictures on a CD, then delete them from my drive. I’ll keep a backup copy archived on my other PC. I don’t see why I wouldn’t hear from her, though. I’m sure she’s just having a rough time of it.

Okay, here’s the worst part of my day. It really was quite frustrating! Well, as I’ve said a million times, I’ve always believed that it varies from gay to gay as to who gets what they want and who doesn’t, just like it varies from woman to woman who has kids. That’s God’s decision to make in the end as to what women he’ll allow kids to. I not only knew I was never meant to have kids, but I knew I was a man’s woman and not meant to be a woman’s woman. God wouldn’t have paired me with a man like Tom if I weren’t which is fine since Tom’s a great guy. Anyway, I don’t know why I was meant to be with a man. Could be to tease me with the kid I once wanted, could be so I’d have medical insurance. I don’t know. I just know that God never liked it when I’d get it on with a woman and that was pretty much why the phone would conveniently go dead a lot back east when I would call the gay meeting line, and why I got hurt by Teddy Bear, etc. Although Tom and I certainly wouldn’t see it this way, he’d much rather I stepped out on Tom with another man before I simply fantasized about another woman. I really believe he wouldn’t punish me for it if I did.

Anyway, Tom was trying to get my burner to be the burner it’s supposed to be and not just a player when he suddenly came out and asked where all my Charlie’s Angels clips were that I spent so much time editing. I was like, “What do you mean, where are they? They’re where they always are.”

But not only did last night’s CA not record (I’m trying to snag the ones I missed), but the clips were all gone! All the CA clips were gone, but the circus acts, our wedding and me as a toddler were all still there. Now tell me something up there wasn’t trying to tell me I was a sinner and a half and I’ll tell you you’re full of it! There’s no way either Tom or myself would be dumb enough to have deleted all those files. No way! I know damn well what did it and it’s something that sits up in the sky. Something much more powerful than I could ever be who doesn’t agree with my ways, but like I can help it? We can’t help what we’re attracted to any more than we can help what flavors, colors and music we like or don’t like. We are who we are and so be it. It’s like, what do I do if whatever’s up there decides they don’t like short people? I can’t very well stretch myself up any taller.

So I said fuck it, I’m not going to mess with this evil outer source, whatever it is, yet Tom managed to rescue most of the clips, using a special recovery program. See, they were deleted only just last night so they haven’t had time to be overwritten. Still, I learned years ago that if we fight for the not meant to be and try to avoid the meant-to-be, we’re just asking for trouble. We must take what God gives us and accept what he doesn’t give us.

I also said I’d do my duties, so to speak, and get it on with him if he picked up some KY jelly, but I know he’s not interested in that any more than I am.

Anyway, we’re getting ready to hack in and break the registration code on the digital editor we got. It only gives you 10 free days with it, then you have to pay for it, but we can break the code and trick it into thinking we paid for it. It’s a shit program. I can’t imagine anyone buying it, but unfortunately, it’s all there is that I can use. Nothing else works, but with it being such a sin for me, I figured God wouldn’t make it easy for me anyway.

I’ve been walking and jogging a lot lately to fill in all this free time I have so I don’t get too bored. Right now I’m a little wary of writing any more gay fantasies. I start off jogging, then I walk briskly. As soon as my heartbeat starts slowing down, I pump it back up with another burst of jogging. I know that walking alone isn’t very beneficial. You really have to get yourself a bit out of breath.

I once read that walking 90 minutes a day burns 500 calories. If that were the case I could eat 1500-1700 calories a day and still lose weight, though I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like walking that much. My feet get pretty tired once I get over a half-hour, so I break it up and do it on and off whenever I feel like it.

For this next week, but only this next week, I was thinking of doing the eat-every-other-day routine to settle my curiosity as far as how my body would react to it with the vitamins. Without the vitamins, I lost anywhere from 0-2 pounds on non-eating days when I thought I’d lose 3-4. Maybe I could lose weight in 5-pound intervals, but I don’t know. I mean, do I really want to bother? We’ll see, depending on the results of this little test I’m going to do for a week.

My Yves stuff still hasn’t shown up. Tom thinks it will tomorrow. I hope he’s right! He also thinks Samantha will be here Saturday, but I think that’s too soon. It took Mei Li 4 days to come from California, so I don’t see how it could take Sam just 3 from North Carolina. She might not even have been shipped till Wednesday because they didn’t take the money till then. The only thing that worries me is that no one answered my email asking when I should receive the doll. They’ve always answered emails in the past. Their site’s been around a long time, though, so hopefully I’ll get the doll. Intact, I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll get it.