How sad it is to know you have to burn 3500 calories to lose a pound, but it only takes 1400 of food to gain one. Nobody should gain weight from 1400 in a day. Nobody. There’s got to be some other reason I gain weight so easily besides age. Is God just that determined to see I don’t get my way or what?

Of course, I’ve been stuck for days, too.

Once again, I’m so close to saying fuck it! But saying that and eating what’s considered to be a reasonable amount of food, versus trying to have 1400 or less, means gaining tons and tons of weight. I don’t want to spend my extra money on clothes as I continually go up in size.

I also don’t want to feel like I’m starving half the time just to stay 30 pounds overweight either.

If it’s any consolation to myself it’s that I don’t have to deal with this problem if I choose not to. I was forced, for example, by the freeloaders but no one can force me to deal with this not being able to lose weight shit if I don’t want to. Nonetheless, I agreed to go along with Tom’s suggestion. He’s going to measure the ratios of the different food groups for us for a few weeks and see what we’re taking in. Then, it’s off to the doctor. I’m going to tell them, look, I’ve been working out, drinking lots of water, eating sensibly, so what’s going on here? Tom says there are several possibilities. He said I could have diabetes which my mother and grandfather had. As funny as it may sound, I hope they do find something wrong because then I’ll at least understand what’s going on and have a shot at doing something to make losing weight possible once again. But if they come up empty, then I’ll know something up there’s doing this to me just to do it and not letting me lose weight just to have control over me and piss me off.

Something’s gotta be wrong. I understand that losing weight gets harder with age, but impossible? Totally impossible? I can’t even get down to 125 anymore! After a week of nearly starving myself to death, I can lose a few pounds, but as soon as I have a measly 1400 calories like I did yesterday I go back up.