What contradicting fools! I emailed Incense Galore to ask when I’d receive my order and they wrote back saying that it should be shipped out early in the week, as early as next Friday. Well, Friday is not early in the week. Either way, they say they’ll email me when it gets shipped. The reason for the delay is that it’s hand-dipped and not made up until ordered. They don’t grab the stuff from storeroom shelves and send it right out.

It is so, so beautiful out there right now. A little warm in here, though. Instead of paying the money to run the AC for a little while, I’ve opened the kitchen, retreat, office and living room windows to let the easterly breeze push the warm air out. Got a couple of fans on too, to help. At first I was hesitant, thinking of giant spiders, but knowing it isn’t psychically possible for them to fit through the screen, I opened the windows, but am keeping the lights off so as not to attract little tiny bugs that can get through it. I’ll only leave them open for a couple of hours or so.

I left Kate a birthday message, though I doubt she’ll ever see it. They have this site where you can leave her messages wishing her a happy birthday, so I said what the hell, and I left a quick message. I even told her I had a crush on her! Why not? Most of the others did. Besides, what could anyone do to me for it, sue me?

Here are our current pet plans. We’re going into Pick-A-Pet first thing Saturday morning. If we’re told that little rats get too big for the Crittertrail cages we have in mind, then we won’t get the cages or any more rodents for now. We can get a dog anytime as I can always raise whatever animals we do have above and beyond its reach. Also, the little rats wouldn’t be allowed to roam free without being in plastic balls, and this pisser I got now can’t run free anymore. Only on the bed or on us! I don’t know if Tom really wants a dog, though. It’d mean some work and some money, that’s for sure. It’d mean putting up a chicken wire fence if we’re never going to have real fences, interior or exterior, and me? Well, I guess it’d depend on the dog. As I told Tom, two things must be agreed upon first and that’s that there must be a doggie door installed before getting the dog, and the dog must be returned if it turns out to be either too aggressive or too obnoxious, or I swear I’ll dump it.

I got a slew of catalogs and magazines today. One of them had a couple of perfume samples. I wasn’t impressed with JLO’s Glow, but Calgon’s Hawaiian Ginger was really nice. Even Tom liked it.

I had vibes of us moving between 2009 - 2011, though I don’t know where to. Tom thought we’d move sooner than that. It’ll depend on how fast this place keeps building up. If they ever make that subdivision just a few miles away where the old vineyards were, that’d make us a ton of money.

Although I know it’s not our fault that our outside projects got delayed, I’m getting awfully sick of things not happening around here. So much so that I’m just about ready to write off any kind of fences, finishing driveways, landscaping, shed paneling, porches, pools, and finishing installing the posts. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if we never got to do any of the things we talk about doing, but it’d be nice if sometimes we could do at least some of them. We’ve had these projects on hold for so long that I’m seriously wondering if they’re even meant to be, so I really think we should just forget them altogether. Especially if I’m right, and I sure seem to be, about something not wanting us to make ourselves comfier here.

I’m almost afraid to move, no matter when we do and no matter where to. If part of my punishment for moving here was 6 months in jail, what’ll it be next time? A few years in prison?

So where will we move to? I have no idea and neither does he. I guess there are only 5 possibilities, though. We either stay in AZ and get a nicer house, we stay in AZ and get tons more land and 2-3 old small junkers to live in, we go to a beachy place, we go to a wooded place or we get a houseboat. One thing I know I’ll never do is move to a seasonal climate such as Massachusetts. No moving to places with lots of cold and snow! The snow may’ve been fun to play in as a child, but as an adult, I hate the shit. I still think we may end up in a retirement community once we get old and need doctors more often.

I had a dream I ran into Deanna and in the dream, she asked me who made me a racist.

“Why, you,” I told her.

“Me?” she said with shock.

“You as a whole,” I said. “Oh, I was always aware of various people’s varied opinions of blacks, but I am only the racist that you yourselves have made me.”

This is exactly what I would say to anyone who asks me. It’s true. No one told me to be either way. They taught me to dislike them all on their own with their horrendous behavior. If they’d drop the race crutch, get into the present, let us achieve equality and not use weapons against us like the law in my case, then just maybe I’d have a change of heart. Right now, though, it’s still discrimination for us to have our white this and white that, but perfectly okay for them to have their black channels, black pageants, black everything. What I don’t get is this – if it’s so damn important to them that we like and accept them, and it obviously seems to mean the world to them, then why do they carry on the way they do?

Tom’s finger is still sore, and my tooth is acting up again. Tom said it makes sense, though, as I’m not telekinetic, whereas a cold is a disease, unlike broken bones or cavities. If I had the power to move objects, I’d be able to have every doll I wanted materialize right before my eyes. How I wish I was telekinetic! Not just to make things appear, but to pick people up that piss me off and slam them into the wall would be way fun as I have as much compassion and empathy as I do not! At least I can make them sick.