Been busy the last few days doing various tasks. For one, I’ve been signing up for tons of freebies and I’m still not done yet. I’ve also been making stills from the Charlie’s Angels DVDs since Tom installed the DVD player on my computer. DVD quality sure beats VHS!

After their damn doors woke me up two days in a row, I’m glad to say they didn’t today. I’m pushing to get back on days as fast as I can, though, as I know I’m vulnerable to wake-up calls if I don’t. Tom disconnected the doorbell, so that’ll help so long as no one goes pounding on the door, but they shouldn’t be able to tell that the doorbell’s disabled.

I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps Beverly isn’t a bit of a hypocrite. And a liar, too. Yesterday, while Romeo was visiting, we could hear the thumping of bass coming from the music she was playing in her living room. She had told me that she had her music in the bedroom and that she had company “very rarely.” It was only 20 minutes, but still, I could hear the bass even in the bedroom and it was annoying. After a while, Tom realized it was reverberating under the floors. That’s why I hate not being on solid concrete. We’d still hear it if we were, but not in the bedroom. That also explains why their doors wake me up, but the Phoenix crazies, who would deliberately go out of their way to slam their car doors as loud as they could, did not. It also explains why the NHA was so thunderous. When those animals would run around, the whole building would vibrate.

Anyway, there wasn’t a peep out of Bev today, but I wonder, is she going to do something every weekend? If she does get noisier more often, I’ll go to her just like she said I could. I wonder if these last two weekends were a test of some kind. I’ve lived in enough cities and next to enough renters to know how testy and pushy they can get.

Yeah, well, I’ll be out of here in 5 months, back to the sticks, even if we have to rent a place.

Or will I?

I’m so afraid to wish, to dream, to hope. Nothing ever goes our way, and if it does, it’s not as fast as we’d like it to. This is why I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing by sending that online gay publishing company my College Romance manuscript, but I am. It’s just that I know I’m probably setting myself up for nothing, but at least I have nothing to lose. I know God is against me doing the things I want to do and that He’s going to make sure I don’t succeed, but maybe someday I’ll learn not to even bother trying. For now, the story will be sent tomorrow.

I got a letter from Paula the other day. I’m way impressed with how often she’s been writing. I think I’ve gotten more letters from her in the short time we’ve been in Oregon, than all the time we were in Arizona! I don’t like it when she bullshits me about sending the $10 which I know she’ll never send, but oh well.

She mentioned meeting this guy, asked about us and about the motels as if she never got the letter I sent from here when we first moved in, then said she’d like more incense and CDs. The incense I can maybe send in a few months, but I’m not doing any more CDs at my expense. Too much is done at our expense as it is. She needs to send the $10 if she wants them that bad, and I told her that. I can’t keep giving to her or it will get out of hand.

Saturday was a shitty day cuz they did cash the deposit check, after all, so now it’ll be even longer before we can make an attempt at pulling ourselves up out of the mud somewhat. Every time we start to, we get kicked back down, so I don’t expect to stop struggling anytime soon. I know we’ll always struggle, but there’s struggling and then there’s struggling!

I know one thing for sure and that’s that I’m definitely done with dolls. I can’t be teased by fate with dolls if I don’t collect them, and I’ll be damned if I’ll be made to feel like a kid with these dolls I want dangling over my head, close, but never within reach. I just won’t bother collecting and then it won’t matter. Besides, we move too often to be collecting too many more dolls as it is. Also, dolls are simply too expensive. Especially the nicer ones. There are so many other things our money could go towards, like getting a small manufactured house, even if it’s going to be made by a bunch of illegals who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

Tom says that although things will continue to be rough, it takes a lot of stress off him to not have to worry about it anymore since they could’ve evicted us, but as I told him, it’d be awfully hard for that to happen. Something wants us here, remember?

Despite how shitty Saturday was, we wouldn’t let it stop us from getting a couple of dollars worth of incense. We were surprised Jan still hasn’t gotten the incense. I’m confused as to what she got, though. First she said she got a small tube display that contains 20 100-packs, according to their web page, but last time she said she only ordered 8 scents so she could try it first. Well, if it turns out that she still hasn’t received her order next Saturday, we’re going to be scared to order from them.