Of the 11 states that decided to put banning gay marriage on their ballet, all states banned it, including Oregon. So now those gays that could get married for a while up in Portland can no longer do so. How frustrated and infuriated they must feel! I’m sure that one by one, each state will ban gay marriages, though Tom, after pointing out that some other countries allow it, says he doubts that’ll happen because when you get out of sync with other countries, you get problems. But we are out of sync with other countries. How many other countries have so many damn races? How many of them pay “minorities” to sit on their asses all day and night? I still can’t believe how many people hate gays in what’s almost the year 2005! They’ll never gain acceptance and equal rights. Never. If they haven’t yet, then I just don’t see how they ever will. With all the anti-hate messages going around, I still can’t believe it applies to everyone but gays (but it does) and that it’s still an issue. This is something that should never be on any ballot anywhere, any more than straight marriages should be. It should be an automatic right for people to be themselves and to marry whomever they choose. Again, why is it so important to people who other people marry? I just don’t get it. Why do Jane Doe in Michigan and John Doe in Texas care about who someone in Oregon marries? What’s scary about it is that if they’re allowed to say who can and can’t marry, the next thing you know they’ll be saying who can breathe! Once you give someone a bit of control like that, it goes to their heads. Especially if it’s given to a society that wants to shape and mold others into what they feel they ought to be. Everybody wants to own everybody else. They see others as wads of clay to be molded to their own personal satisfaction. Why don’t they just not marry those of the same sex if they’re so against it rather than tell others that they can’t do that if they want to? They practically hand the world to groups of people who are a known menace to society, all the while these harmless people who just want to be themselves, don’t get shit. It really scares me to know we still live in a world where people can butt into the personal issues of others and basically tell them how they can and can’t live. What are they going to ban next? Marriages amongst those who are of different ages? Different heights?

Anyway, we went up to the land to find that Michael sent someone out to leave us a note threatening to end the contract by December 10th. Tom believes that if he words the letter just right, he won’t take us to court, but I don’t know. We seem to get stuck in court a lot, though I’m hoping he’ll listen to me this time around and not go if we do get subpoenaed. Going to court is like stepping in the line of fire on a firing range. It only gives others a chance to screw you over. I’m hesitant to think he won’t try to get us into court because number one, something up there hates us and is never on our side. Two, we can’t seem to not end up in court every few years or so. Three, now that we’re in a place, I fear it’ll give us something else to have to deal with, not that we’re not still dealing with money issues. Money, however, is supposed to be an underlying problem throughout our lives. That’s just the way it’s destined to be. But still, we have nothing up there on our side, we’re done with motels, so why not have us move on to court next? When I told Tom I was adamantly against going if it came down to that, he said he didn’t want to give them a chance to garnish our wages. Then we get out of here, I told him. Moving is what we do best. I promised myself that after the sicko’s shit was done and over with I wouldn’t allow us to sit around and take shit from others. We should’ve run when I was let out of jail, and we shouldn’t let people here order us around either and tell us we have to do this or pay that, etc. We’re not children, for God’s sake!

Anyway, we stopped for a few 25¢ treats, then for a dollar’s worth of incense. Jan said she did order from Incense Galore and was impressed with their selection. Sure enough, she didn’t mention that I recommended her. She said she couldn’t remember my name. She said she’d get some of my favorites in, though I’m not going to buy from her regularly because she charges more than Bob and Jeff. Still, she’d be good to run to in between orders, since we’re not going to be able to afford to buy it from Bob and Jeff regularly.

I wonder if the queen and Miss Perfect think they haven’t heard from us because we’re pissed at them for not helping us when they had the means to do so a million times over, or because something’s wrong. Well, they can wonder all they want, the fucking assholes!

I’m both excited and apprehensive about the possibility of seeing “Kate” this Sunday. I just don’t want any shit from Tom. I don’t want him interfering or trying to deter me in any way. Kim, Phil and Alex’s visit taught me that the guy does have a bit of a jealous streak in him, like it or not, which makes no sense, considering the fact that he has no interest in me sexually. Actions speak so, so much louder than words, and I don’t have to be a genius to know that if he wanted me, he’d have me despite our circumstances in life. It’s ok, though, because I don’t want him either, and I can admit to it when I don’t desire someone sexually. I’m totally ready to move on sexually if this is what’s meant to happen between Kate and me. At least I think I am. Again, I can’t say for sure until and if I actually do anything with a woman. I may think I’ll be ok with it, then chicken out with guilt in the end. I shouldn’t, though, for logically speaking I have no reason to feel guilty at this point. If your mate doesn’t want you for sex, you should have every right to seek it elsewhere, though I’d never actually “seek” it. If it came to me, I might take it, but I’d never go looking for it. All I know so far is that Kate’s not half bad-looking and that she likes me. So, if she’s not a druggie or a bad person in any way, why not give it a try and see what happens as long as she knows I’d never leave Tom? I still love Tom with all my heart, regardless of the lack of lust between us and that’s not going to change. Maybe she’s the “other reason” we were meant to get trapped in the city, besides to torment me with noise or at least potential noise. I’ve always had the feeling there was some other underlying reason, so maybe she’s it.

Anyway, step one is getting my number to her with the incense being the bait. Step two, assuming she calls, is going to be setting up a time and place to meet.