Here’s a case that’ll show you just how different Massachusetts and Arizona are. This chick tried to sue Harvard saying that she never got a promotion as a library assistant because she was considered “a pretty girl who dressed sexy.” Also, being black, she had to throw race in as a crutch, but she lost the case. Now you know she’d have won big time if it were in Arizona!

True to vibed, they’re continuing to play with Tom’s head by dodging his phone calls. The guy’s said to be either “away” or “tied up.” He’s going to make one more attempt to try to call there today to at least find out why they won’t hire him, but I don’t think he’ll get an answer. Especially if the answer could get them sued! I’m surer and surer that he’s going to be stuck at MCX indefinitely. Meanwhile, we may have to fight whatever wants us here and move closer so he has a shorter drive to work. We may intend to get a minivan or SUV that has better gas mileage, but gas prices are still going to be insane.

It hit me that for the same cost as a new house, which we could probably only afford to put 20 grand on up front, we could buy/own an old piece of shit outright and fix it up little by little ourselves. A little old single-wide like Dan had. As long as it’s structurally sound, who says an old place can’t get new carpet, new cabinets, new faucets, and totally remodeled? We were going to eventually buy all these things for the dome anyway. Tom said he’s always wanted to do this, but I was so hung up on a new place being the modern freak I am. What’s happened to us really has a way of changing your outlook on things, alright. Having 450’ between you and the neighbors tends to spoil you, even if it was too open with little vegetation in between. However, after living attached to someone, the thought of us having just 50’ of breathing space is heaven. If someone had told me back when I was in our big beautiful, brand-new doublewide, that we’d one day agree to strive for an old shit single-wide, I’d never have believed it. But big and fancy just isn’t a priority after hitting rock bottom the way we have. If you’ve got money and you like big, new, fancy places, then fine. Meanwhile, if I see any light at the end of the tunnel, it’s in having a paid-for house. Who knows, maybe our mortgage-free house dream is possible after all, though we’d still have all the other bills. The only thing I wonder is just how much equity we could build up on an old piece of shit. If the queen stiffs us, it’ll take us forever to save up 10 grand on minimum wage. Still, to one day have a place no one can take away from us and no mortgage payment is so worth striving for. I only hope God will let us! And we must do more research when choosing a particular town. We should’ve done our homework in advance of moving here and researched things like the unemployment rate, etc.

A part of me is also glad our plans got shot to hell because like I said, I don’t want to stay in such a cold, snowy climate. I thought I’d be ok with it after 12 years, but I thought wrong. Winters are as long here as summers are long in Arizona.

I gave Blondie a quick bath. He fought it all the way, but he survived. He’s all excited now cuz he knows his mommy is making chicken.

I’ve been dizzy on and off, but that’s mostly from sleeping just 5 hours last night. I hate to say it, but as much as I’d like to work only to double our income, I’m also so, so glad I don’t have to and that I can just relax when I’m tired like I am right now!

Some older guy was trimming trees in back, but he left not long after I spotted him. I guess the trees on this lot didn’t need much trimming.

Nothing but a few mild bumps from next door so far today. She was out yesterday for several hours. I don’t know if she’s over there by herself or what. Just as long as she doesn’t drive us crazy again before we get out of here! Like I said, I know we’re doomed for noise no matter where we go or what we live in, but I’ll be so glad when we’re not attached to anyone anymore and their animalistic company! We’re hopeful that due to the fact that the office hasn’t called or mailed us anything to tell us to renew our lease, it’s a good sign. One saying they really will let us go month to month. I’d so, so hate to get trapped in another lease here. This woman simply has way too much company for me!

I’m a little concerned with the way she’s been backing in a lot lately as if to suggest she’s helping someone move in little by little. No one grocery shops that much. And the way I think things are coming in versus going out is because once she gets in, I hear cabinets that suggest she’s loading them up with whatever shit she’s bringing in.

No longer would I assume any chatter was self-chatter, though I haven’t heard any. The nature of her chatter, while the vacuum was running, was certainly self-chatter, but I think someone’s moved in with her or is staying with her at least on weekends. I just hope that damn dog stays out of the picture! Barking this close would be unbearably loud even over the fan.

I also wish I could know for sure when we’ll move. That’d take a lot of stress off me. Then again, it could put more stress on me if the answer wasn’t until the end of the year.

She’s gone again. I’m going to really be worried if she comes back backed in. That’ll make me think that if she’s not helping someone move in, she’s stocking up groceries for a large group of people. As in more overnight company filled with all kinds of trouble and banging.

I just looked back in this journal and found that in early February she took off, backed in, took off again, backed in again, yet there was no company, so maybe we’ll be ok. I hate this shit with having to dread weekends all over again! I’m almost scared to ask just how many more years of listening to other people’s shit I’m going to have to deal with!

I got letters from Mary yesterday, who said she didn’t think Oregon was a mistake because we went through hell down in Arizona, but as I told her, yes, Oregon was a mistake. First of all, finding a job here is hell, I told her, and then there are the forced benefits that cost an astronomical amount. So much so that we can’t afford to insure me. I explained that he makes $7.60 an hour. Then they take a buck an hour to insure him, which is mandatory, but they’d want $5 to insure me. So he’d be working for insurance, not a living! And yes we went through hell in Arizona, but we’ve gone through hell here, too. It’s just a different kind of hell. What it all comes down to, however, is that I miss warmer climates. Since I know we’re going to be poor and going through various kinds of hell all our lives, we may as well do it in a warmer climate since Tom really doesn’t care all that much about climate. And if I’m going to be sentenced to life in the city, we may as well do it in one that’s big enough to hold more job opportunities for Tom.

She asked me to send her back her letters to José, but since I didn’t have them, of course, my story was that I dumped them, figuring she wouldn’t want them, and that if I couldn’t get them to go through, how could she?

Unfortunately, she had me send the envelopes and stamps (I kept some) to her friend Martha in Naples. It’s too bad she didn’t tell me to keep them after all I’ve done for her, but like I said, I kept some. Some were supposed to have gone to him anyway, with envelopes enclosed. She probably had me send them to this Martha character out of spite, though she may not realize it.

It’s sad to see someone so smart be so naïve at the same time. She’s got her life all planned, figuring that she’s going to make tons of money waitressing while José miraculously gets out and makes a fortune landscaping. Oh, and of course they’re going to live happily ever after with two kids in their nice new home. This is coming from someone who’s apparently been abandoned by both José and Maria. Maria, who was supposed to let Mary live with her, sold her house, moved to Puerto Rico and forgot all about her. Jose, on the other hand, doesn’t even have the decency to write to her aunt to have her let Mary know how he is. So, unless he’s dead or incapacitated, he’s obviously used the move as an excuse to dump her. But Mary’s too naïvely optimistic to see this, so I won’t even bother pointing out these possibilities to her other than in a quick and vague reference.

I wonder how easy it’ll be for her to get work when she’s released, after being in jail and involved in such a high-profile case. You would think that the jail would be affiliated with employers just for released inmates. They should have some sort of program.

She said she’d gladly give us money to help us if she were free and making a lot of money. I appreciate her generosity, but I wouldn’t ask for money unless it came down to a matter of life or death because I’d hate to take advantage of her that way.

It’s Tom’s mother I’d gladly take from if she cared enough to be Tom’s mother and my mother-in-law. It’s been what? 4 months now since she cared enough to write? And of course she never calls. It’s ok, though, because neither of us has any desire to speak with the selfish bitch, and we don’t need any letters all about her wonderful achievements at daycare, their new animals, new flowers, bad allergies and whatever else they can complain about that’s absolutely nothing compared to the shit we’re going through.

Back to Mary. I was surprised to hear her say she’d never talk to Jackie again, a fellow inmate she was friendly with, for disagreeing with her on the abortion issue. She feels those who foolishly play around without protection should have their babies and give them to those who can’t have their own. I thought she was more open to other people’s beliefs that may differ from hers. What about me? I’m pro-choice too, so why is she talking to me? Maybe there was something else going on between them other than a simple difference in opinions/beliefs. I gotta agree with her on the part about people taking responsibility and using birth control. There really is no need for abortions in which the pregnancies could’ve been avoided in the first place. However, rape and incest victims should not be forced to have children. I don’t think it should be their responsibility to supply the infertile either, but you see, I’ve always been a freedom freak. Especially after all I’ve been through. It doesn’t mean I think we should have the freedom to kill outside of self-defense or freedom to rule the world and other people’s lives, but I think we should have freedom with our bodies, our own lives, etc. I believe in things like freedom of speech and individuality. I don’t agree with 95% of what my “fellow” humans do, say, think, feel, believe, etc., but I know I have to accept that we can’t all see eye to eye on everything. No one agrees on every issue there is. If we let other people’s different ways bother us, it only drives us crazier, though I know and understand that it can get awfully old to constantly hear so much shit against gays and praise for non-whites. Still, I learned a long time ago that it’s best not to worry so much about what others think and believe. The queen and Miss Perfect probably believe without a doubt that I picked on the neighbors for no reason at all and that I simply had nothing better to do with myself. But so what? I know the truth and so does Tom and that’s all that matters. I told her this too, and reminded her that not everyone’s going to think abortion is wrong, that gays should/shouldn’t marry, or that we should provide welfare to the lazy. That’s just the way the world is – very diverse. Sometimes I wish we could all look the same and think the same. A universal appearance and way of thinking sure would make the world a much easier place to live in, wouldn’t it?!

I also heard from Paula in one of my envelopes. Finally. She said she has a bunion on her foot that I guess they may operate on, needs more incense (that’s probably why she finally decided to write), and “locked eyes” with yet another Puerto Rican at the bus terminal. And his name’s Miguel, too. When oh when is she ever going to learn? Some people never do! She enclosed her new number, but as I told her, I can’t call for a while. I told her we’re too broke to put more minutes on my phone and that I use an online text message service if I need to leave a message on his phone. I copied the number in my address file, though, for when I can make calls. I love the convenience of cell phones but I hate the minutes thing!