Summer’s setting in a good 6 weeks earlier than last year, I’m happy to say. I’ve been sleeping without heat for days now. In fact, I’ve been waking up sweating! Although I’ve been sleeping during the daytime since it warmed up, this comforter is much warmer than my old one because satin can’t breathe as well as cotton, so it retains body heat better. I found a shop online that has some cute wind chimes, lighter blankets like the wolf print blanket that’s hanging in the front bedroom window (in fact, they have the same one), and an indoor lavender growing kit. Two of the wind chimes will go out front to replace the two that broke last fall. One’s 20” with roses, the other’s 40” with butterflies. Then there are two really cool indoor chimes. One is sound-activated. I’ll put it in the kitchen for every time that fucking dog goes off, though I’m sure it wouldn’t drown it out completely. The other has a little fountain and is activated by water trickling through it. Although their butterfly print blanket is utterly gorgeous, it’s out of stock and more expensive, so I’ll probably go with the leopard print one for half the cost. The plant, 4 chimes, and blanket should be right around $100. I want to keep the cost as low as I can so I don’t delay Rebecca or other things too long.

Anyway, I was able to turn the living room heater off at 7 AM. It only ran for 7-8 hours last night, and not too often.

Someone was mowing the yard of the house diagonally across from us. I still don’t know what’s up with that place. There’s a chair out front and a wind chime hanging there too, so it makes me think someone may’ve moved in. Incredibly, there are no dogs or kids yet. In fact, no one on this block seems to have kids.

The bees and spiders are up and about now, unfortunately, so I set up the spider traps and had one hell of a scare with Tinkerbell! These are sticky pre-baited traps. I taped one to the living room wall by the door above her reach, as well as on the kitchen door. Then I placed one on the floor behind the toilet, planning not to let her in the bathroom. After letting her out later, I was wondering why she hadn’t come to see me in a while. I called her and she never came to me. Then I heard scuffling sounds while I was standing in Tom’s room and thought, well certainly she couldn’t have gotten in the bathroom and trapped, but she did! Doing my best to keep calm, I gently pried her free. It wasn’t easy either! To say the shit is sticky is an understatement! There’s no way even a huge tarantula could escape it. She squealed a bit but remained calm while I freed her, then washed her paws as best I could. I don’t know how the hell she got in the bathroom. She’s never gotten in there before. I felt just terrible, knowing I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her, but so far she doesn’t seem at all affected. She was playing with me, eating, and doing her usual thing. I reminded myself that the stuff was meant for bugs, not rodents, but I’ll still worry about her for a couple of days. Even if she didn’t digest anything, I would think her paws would be sore, though she isn’t limping.

Uh-oh. Through the wooden planks of the stockade fence across the street, I can see the dogs. I hope they won’t be living out there till the fall!

When Tom was walking to the store the other day, he said he saw a woman get out of the ugly old white truck we’ve seen before next door, and also the girl I saw on the night they moved in. He said she looked 12, though he knew she had to be older because she was wearing some type of uniform with an ID tag.

I see that Jessie recently joined Classmates but like everyone else, she’s not a premium member. She left no information on herself. If you don’t, people can email you to ask what’s up with you, but I think you both have to be premium members to send/receive mail. So she’s got a computer. Guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Just about everyone does these days.

I won a couple more Nair samples and an assorted flower basket that I guess a local florist is going to deliver at some point.

I got the red wig and it’s way nice. I prefer dark red over bright fiery red that’s sort of orangey. This one’s a nice, shiny ruby red. I’m amazed at just how shiny it is. It looks cool when the light hits it. I know my least favorite wig is the free blond one, but of the other 3, it’s hard to say which one I like best. The red one’s so shiny, the Cher one’s so long, and the copper one’s so Kate-like, even though her hair was actually dark brown.

It’s warming up and getting noisier. Next door’s been behaving so far, but I couldn’t even listen to my own music till after midnight because someone had to put on a show for a few minutes here and a few minutes there. Having the bass thumping along with my music was thoroughly obnoxious. To think I have to live with these things for another 40 or 50 years makes me want to scream! And they just keep getting louder and louder all the time. When it gets to the point where people’s windows are being shattered regularly, then will someone do something about them??? Is it going to take such extreme shit like that before someone does something???

It’s to be in the 70s by the end of the week. I checked my journal, and according to what I wrote, we didn’t hit the 70s till mid-May last year, so we’re a little ahead of the game this year.

Like every household but us, Tom said they got a grill next door, but it’s on the deck on the other side, so that’s good. He also got my computers hooked to a wireless network so that anytime they feel they have to make their presence known, I can escape to the other room. Tom doesn’t think they will with their house being a good 100 or so feet away and with the way it’s laid out, but we’ll see.

The order from Dragon Tears was a bust. Half the scents smell the same and none are very fresh. No wonder they claim to rarely have problems with the bendejo’s service; because they’re too stupid to take the time to make sure the scents are what they’re supposed to be. Either they just don’t care or not many people bother to let them know the scents aren’t all that kosher. They just end up doing what I’m going to do and not bother ordering from them again.

The coyote's face would be perfect if the nose wasn’t bent. I guess I’ll try to steam it sometime and see if that helps. The fur is beautiful and it’s nice and soft.

My wins are getting pretty pitiful lately. I won a watch and a 1-year subscription to Women & Horses magazine. I’m not sure what the grand prize was I was going for to end up with such a bum win like that, but at least we’ve got some other instant prizes coming that are ok. We’ve both been playing an instant sweep Kodak’s been doing. He won an 8x10 print and a mouse pad, both of which he’s received. He chose an old picture of his dad for the print, and I chose a mannequin picture for the mouse pad that he’s using. I haven’t received my 3 wins yet which are a 5x7 print, an 8x10, and a deck of cards. I used two rat pictures and a squirrel for these things, now all I have to do is hope we win mugs! A puzzle would be nice too, even if it’ll probably only have 50 pieces. But that’s just the thing; I just don’t seem to get the prizes I really want.

Later…

I just went to take some trash out. The dumpster’s half-empty since Miss Fat-n-Filthy doesn’t dump her trash. She just bags it and tosses it outside her door. What’s she going to do when she runs out of room back there? Put them by our door or start filling up our utility room?

Anyway, it’s hard to tell from this angle and distance, but it looks like they have a flowery plant on their porch. That’s what we need – two more wind chimes and a floral plant for our front porch. It’s not a high priority, but maybe we’ll find something. They also appear to have a nice bench swing with an awning like Miss Perfect had. Again, it’s hard to really see it well, but that doesn’t seem very college-kid-like to me. Too comfy, too fancy. I figured they’d eventually end up hanging on the front porch a lot, too. That could get to be a real drag depending on how loud they are and how often they are out there. At least they’re not literally right up against the wall of the house like the duplex assholes! Come to think of it, though, I don’t know just how shaded that deck will really be because that side gets more sun at least until the late afternoon, but they have trees over there, too. I don’t know how well they’ll shade the deck, but we’ll see. I still think they’re all a bunch of misfits on disability or in minor trouble and trying to get their act together before they end up in jail rather than a group home.

Tom shared with me his “bold dream,” and I was like, oh no! Your bold dreams are scarier than mine! And mine are always impossible whether they’re far out or not, while my goals are hit or miss. Well, I doubt it’s possible, but it did sound good once he explained it to me. We haven’t exactly been doing the greatest job of saving money, especially since we’ve been having so much fun shopping. Who could blame us, after all? We so rarely have money like this that after being so broke for so long, it’s hard not to get the things that were just a dream for so long.

The plan is for him to gamble enough horseracing wins to cover the cost of a trailer, which would be 5 grand or more. Then we’d save up enough money to live on for 6 months (we’d have unemployment checks for a while, too), while I won a grand’s worth of stuff to sell once we got down to Cali.

As I told him, saving up 6 months’ worth of living expenses may be reasonable, but gambling enough for a trailer and me winning that much stuff to sell seems unlikely. We may be able to do it, but it’d take 10 years since most of my wins are small. He’s thinking we could do it in just a year or two, but we’ll see. Then again, I’ve won at least 2 or 3 grand worth of stuff already. It’s just that you can’t usually get what things are worth when you try to sell them.

He said that if we could afford a hybrid car right away, there’s this perfect trailer park an hour outside of Sacramento that’s 3,000 feet up. High enough to be above the city smog, but low enough not to get more than a dusting of snow every few years. I’d hate to have even one flake a decade, but an occasional dusting would certainly beat this place any day. He says they only allow one pet per trailer that’s no more than 20 pounds, so you figure they’d get on them about it if it were noisy. They do have kids there, but we don’t have to have them right up against our place, he said. They have play areas designated for them, and as for the younger ones whose mothers would want them to play close by, they group those people together. We’d tell them up front that because I work at home, I would need a quiet section. We also agreed we’d soundproof certain areas of the trailer, which I always thought would be cool to do no matter what. That way I would not only not have to hear from other people, but no one could complain about me for having my own music too loud either.

This is going to be our cheapest day here so far this year. The heat hasn’t run since I got up at 3 PM, and I’m sure it was off for hours beforehand. It’s been hovering at 72º in here, but by midnight I’m sure I’ll want to kick it on for a while.

It’s been an amazingly quiet day, too. When I got up I expected to hear stereos boom by every few minutes, for the dog to be going crazy in back, and for the yard to be swarming with people next door. Instead, the stereos went by a little less often than a few minutes, the dog only took a few barking fits, and I never saw a soul next door. Tom said he saw 3 cars in front when he went to the store and there was a girl of perhaps 12 sitting on the back of one of the trucks, suggesting visitors. I think they’ll have visitors every day. Neither of us saw or heard any dogs, though, so that’s cool. The owners must’ve stuck to their no-pets rule.

Yuck! I swear I smell skunks now. Thank God for Pink Sugar! Whatever trailer park we land in, I sure hope it is livable and tolerable and that we can skip what’s my definition of rural and just go straight to a retirement community. In the West, they determine rural areas by how far they are from big cities, but in the East, it’s determined by how far you are from your neighbors. My demented sister had 11 acres in CT yet she was just minutes from cities of substantial sizes.

The good news is that Tom found out that you only have to be 50 to get into a retirement community down there, but the bad news is that they’d probably want me to be at least 50 as well. So if we left Oregon in two years, that’d be 8 years before we could get in, so this is why I hope to hell we can find a suitable place and skip rural living, knowing all the hardships that come with western rural areas. We don’t want to have to drive an hour to go grocery shopping and we don’t want to deal with wells, shallow or not, or loose dogs running wild on our land which we can’t afford to fence.

Ah, to stay put for 8 or more years! So far this has been just a dream, but maybe, just maybe, we could even stay in the trailer park after I hit 50, though I would think that by then we’d want a nicer place because whatever trailer we get wouldn’t be much nicer than this house. I could easily live in a place like Sun City or Sun Lakes, although it doesn’t have to be that ritzy. I mean, I can’t believe my singing would bother neighbors in houses like that, though I wouldn’t blast the stereo. I may be able to sing nearly as loud as the stereo, not that I have such a shabby voice to listen to, but I have no vibrating bass in my voice as the stereo does. I’m not like most people, so insecure that she feels she has to get the attention of every single person, stranger or not, that passes by. The only negative to moving to a retirement community if we couldn’t afford a down payment on a house would be that we’d have to rent. However, he’d be 58 when I turned 50, which would mean he’d only have 8 years where the threat of being fired or laid off was present. I guess that as long as the monthly costs weren’t as outrageous as Maricopa and we didn’t have a million-year mortgage, our security shouldn’t be in danger.

Mary’s going to be in for one rude awakening once she gets out and has access to computers if she thinks she’s going to make money at home. I told her not to bother falling for the survey scams and their false promises and said that if everyone could work at home that easily, they would. Work-at-home moms are a big scam right now. They couldn’t do it even if it was totally legit. How much work could they possibly get done with the kid screaming in their ear one minute, needing to be fed or changed the next, having questions to ask, wanting attention, etc.?

So far, the kids next door have been seen, but not heard. I did hear a minute’s worth of voices and laughter when I was in the kitchen earlier, but I’m pretty sure it came from across the canal. It was nice today and it’s to be even nicer tomorrow at 68º. Of course attention-getters love it and so between the stereos crashing down the street in front every few minutes and the dog going crazy in back, I put my headphones on to escape it all. Now things are winding down nicely.

When I got up at 2:30, I could see 4 or 5 kids with shovels in front of the house. I started to wonder if they were delinquents. Not criminal delinquents, but in a group home they set up over there for troubled kids since they’re home at that time. Tom pointed out that college kids’ schedules aren’t like regular jobs, and that management probably stressed to them the fact that they’ll need to care for the place.

It just seemed rather odd, all of them working diligently together, even amazing. There’s also the fact that all these kids seem to be in bed by midnight and they don’t blast music from either inside or outside the house. Tom thinks that they probably don’t blast it inside because they all wouldn’t agree on the same kind of music, and that if they do have car stereos, they’re far enough away on the other side of the house that they’d just blend in with all the ones that drive by.

I saw the black dog being led toward the front of the house, but I still can’t believe it lives there. We’d have to have heard it by now if it did. It better not live there! They’d have to chain it to the fence to keep it in the yard anyway.

Tom says he’s seen them hanging out on the deck on the other side and doubts they’ll switch to the yard in the summer since the deck is shaded and right off their kitchen. There’s no entry door on this side, fortunately. Either way, it’s still too soon to know for sure what kind of trouble they may cause.

We canceled our subscription with Netflix, and as far as signing up for the radio for a year goes, I don’t think it’s worth it. Sure the unlimited song-skipping is nice and so is not having commercials and having higher quality music, but you can’t get every single song they have and they’ve been playing less variety since we went premium. Perhaps I’ll just deal with the commercials and limited skip time for free. I can always play my own music files when my monthly limit is up. We got the recorder up and running again so I can snag whatever’s playing.

Since my sweeping’s done and I have nothing more to update on, other than that I ordered the last wig, a $35 21” red wig, and am to save up for the sitting mannequin next, I shall escape to the wonderful world of fantasy and fun and work on my story.

The incense people called to say they were out of cinnamon, so should they replace it? Hold the order till they get more? Or take it off my order? We told them they could replace it with an additional chocolate pack.

I got up today to find the handyman watering the backyard. He appeared to be concentrating mostly on the bushes in back of her place. We thought this was kind of weird since we’ve had enough rain. Besides, we’re coming up on May. It rains 24/7 in May. I wonder if his doing this means he’s going to do the mowing, too.

I hope he got on her about all the trash bags she’s got piled up in back. She’s going to attract ants like hell if she keeps trash back there. No wonder she had mice. I used to think that those that considered fat people to be filthy were just being mean and stereotypical, but I’m finding that this is no joke any more than it is to say that most blacks are mean vindictive assholes. I know what their lame excuse is for why they think they should be the sickos that they are, but just what was it that made fat folks decide they should be filthy?

Anyway, the children next door weren’t heard yet, but they’ve been seen and smelled. The place started smelling a little smoky and when I went and looked, I could see they were burning brush at the back corner of the fence. Typical rude western neighbors – stink up other people’s places, but not their own. If they make a habit of this I’ll tell them, hey buddy, do it up against your place, not ours, though I can’t see them having that much more brush to burn. Also, unlike with past neighbors that have run us out of various places, these people are going to pay with slashed tires and more should they run us out of here and fuck up our plans in any way.

I didn’t see any dogs today, but as always there were lots of cars. Tom pointed out that some may go to school while others work at night. He also said that there’s a possibility that the parents are paying their expenses. That’d be nice because then they’d be more apt to behave.

I love it late at night. Late at night I know I can do my thing in peace. Being on days may keep me from as many wake-up calls and let me be able to sign for any packages that require signatures, but the nights are so tranquil compared to the days. Either way, I sure am going to miss those wonderful 7½ months that next door stood vacant!

I went next door to Kim’s out of curiosity and asked if everything was ok. It was shortly after I’d gotten up at noon. It’s a good thing I did too, cuz she’s got a hive in front of her place too, and I asked if she wouldn’t mind us spraying it when we spray ours. She said that’d be fine, so I’ll have Tom check the eaves of both places, though I don’t imagine he could check her right side. That’s pretty much in the old lady’s yard next door. Anyway, the driveway was littered with half a dozen or so pieces of trash that may’ve blown in but are more likely to be hers. Also, she had like half a dozen black trash bags stacked up just beyond the gate. Has she just been too lazy to drag them to the dumpster? I’d say her place was a shed rather than a garage. There didn’t appear to ever have been a door large enough for a car, and it’s angled too far in back of our place for a car to drive through. Looking over at next door I realized she was going to have to deal with it too, if they set up a circus of any kind in the yard.

Anyway, she said that after spending hours trying to fix the toilet, the handyman fixed it in just two minutes.

I was up late last night but never saw the blue truck return. That is, until today. It’s now parked in front of a lighter-colored truck that was there when I got up. There’s got to be 6 vehicles over there right now. No barking or music yet, though I did see a black dog run into the yard, then turn around and dash back out. I do not like the idea of people bringing their dogs over every day, and obviously they’re going to be home all the time like all our neighbors always are.

When Tom got in he told me he saw an ambulance over there on his way to work, but couldn’t tell what was going on. Some kid probably panicked over being away from home for the first time, he says.

What I wonder is – who’s going to pay their expenses if they’re going to be home all the time? Are they all on disability or something?

We took pictures of ourselves standing next to the mannequin, and I swear I’ve aged 10 years in the last 5 years! Boy, do I look bad! And there’s no way I’m in the 120s. I’m definitely in the mid-130s. Oh well. As long as I don’t have one health problem after another I’ll be ok. I’d rather be fat, old and ugly 24/7 than sick, injured or depressed half the time. My only thing right now besides my ear, which has been somewhat better overall, is that I’m waiting on my two-week period to begin any minute. I don’t think it’s that my ear has gotten better so much as it’s a case of me building up a tolerance for it.

I hit a Kodak instant win and got a deck of customized playing cards. I chose a picture of Little Buddy wandering around the Maricopa house. Since it allowed multiple people per household, Tom played too, and won a mouse pad. I chose one of Ashley’s pictures for that.

We just met our very ugly and very large yet seemingly nice neighbor Kim. Her toilet’s clogged up so she knocked and asked to use ours. Fortunately, the rat was in the kitchen and out of sight, but she doesn’t seem like the type who’d say anything. She left a message for the maintenance guy about the toilet, but being Easter Sunday, she probably won’t get anyone to help her till tomorrow, which means she’s going to have to piss and shit in buckets tonight. She said it’s been clogged since this morning.

Meanwhile, I told her I hoped she stays put and that she’s been the only decent neighbor we’ve had in years. She said she was in an apartment for 5 years, hated it, and that this place isn’t so bad. I still don’t see how they can even fit a bathroom and kitchen in that tiny room of hers. Anyway, I said that I understood what a nightmare apartments are and she said she tries to be quiet and I told her I try to keep the music down. She doesn’t get to door-slamming nearly as much as the dog across the canal gets to barking these days.

As for our other neighbors, they’ve still been okay, though they had me worried for a minute there. When Tom was coming back from doing laundry before I got up, a young guy was with a medium-large brown and white dog. Only the guy was outside the fence while the dog was inside the fence and the gate was wide open. Given the way everyone takes their dogs everywhere, we think it may’ve been a visitor with his dog, helping them get moved in some more. With the gate being open on both ends, there’s no way they could contain any dogs over there anyway unless they tied it to the fence. Well, I not only hope they don’t go getting any dogs of their own, I hope visitors don’t constantly bring dogs over either. As young as they are, they’re bound to have company just about every day. Anyway, we haven’t seen any dogs since and there’s been no music yet. We did see a guy walk to the back corner of the yard with a box, then back again, which was sort of weird. It was also weird that Quest was over there with it being a Sunday and especially Easter. The truck’s been gone all day, too. When he went to the store earlier he said there were 3 vehicles on the other side. I’m still not ready to say the neighbor curse has been broken, but it’s looking good so far.

We seem to have dropped the sex again, which doesn’t surprise me. It’s just fine with me too, since all I got out of it was pain and we both got zero orgasms.

Well, I’m a redhead, sort of. The 5 or 6 inches of regrowth I’ve got since dying my hair 10 months ago is bright red, but the rest is dark auburn, almost brown. It’s funny because it looks like my natural color is bright fiery red and that the auburn/brown is what I dyed it. I always said that blond was my least favorite hair color, but perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to have since it’d cover so much easier.

Tom went to Fred’s today where he got two boxes of dye with coupons and other stuff to take care of the pending bugs and spiders. We got flying insect tape, spider traps, bombs and beehive killer for the hive that’s under the front eave of the house.

They didn’t have Natural Black dye, but he said they had shiny black. If the damn company had their color list online complete, I’d have told him to get Shiny Black, but instead he got Chocolate Velvet. This means my hair will be a lot like my natural color. Tom likes that best, but I prefer black or red.

The jail’s fucking with me again. I sent 2 envelopes to Mary, each with 2 sheets of pictures and a letter. The first one has already been returned saying the pictures must be 5x7, but I swear they’re not larger than that! I think they’re just fucking with me cuz I’ve done time too, and they always try to discourage contact between two current/past inmates, and this was the perfect excuse to do just that. I knew I shouldn’t have bothered and could kick myself for it! Just because we’re not broke at the moment doesn’t mean I need to have our stamps and ink wasted. I could send in pictures that are 1x3 and they’d still find some reason to return them. I re-sent the letters and will just hope for the best. If this gets returned then I can’t write her till she’s released, whenever the hell that may be. I’m starting to wonder if she’s either in denial or being seriously bullshitted as to how much more time she has and beginning to suspect she may have many more years to do in jail and possibly even prison as well. Prison is very different than jail and while it may be more comfortable in some ways, I’d just hate to see her go there and piss off some bitch with a life sentence, no commissary, no visitors and nothing to lose.

As for next door, so far, so good, but I know that means absolutely nothing so far, and that it may take a month or two before they act up.

Since they don’t have any window coverings yet, I could see a teenage girl with straight blond hair to the middle of her back last night, and a young guy in his teens or 20s, walking around at one point, but after the truck backed up, they cut the front light and that was it. All inside lights were out by around 1:00.

We’re suspecting there’s a group of young adults over there, possibly college students. If that’s the case, then they can’t be home 24/7, and while it may be wonderful that there are no dogs or kids, college kids can be pretty damn wild. Come June it wouldn’t surprise me if they partied in the yard and blasted music both inside and out. With my shit luck, they’ll have band practice, too! Tom said that judging by the 1 car he saw in front and the 3 he saw on the other side, he doubts they’d have stereos, but I say that’s an awful lot of young folks not to have any. The blue truck hasn’t moved all day. They’re probably mostly night people. With at least 4 people over there, that means everyone has to pay just $200 a month which would make the ridiculous $800 a month seem like nothing. They probably liked that it was on a corner which would give them more space to park their cars, too.

True to vibed, Tom got a third $20 check from Pepsi, but I sense no more.

Another reason to hate Oregon. We owe nearly $300 in taxes. At least paying it won’t kill us or prevent us from moving when the people moving in next door raise holy hell in the yard. Yeah, it’s been rented. This is right about when I figured it would happen, too. All I’ve seen so far was an older guy in a white SUV and a couple that could be either young or middle-aged who carried in some piece of furniture. The guy took off in the SUV after they hauled the furniture in, leaving them to take off on their own in some other vehicle that was parked on the other side of the house, out of my view. I’m just so glad that house and its driveway aren’t right up against this house and that no dogs are allowed! If any dogs do come in over there I’m going to call the rental company and complain and complain and complain till something’s done about it, and I will not let what happened with the blacks and Mexies scare me out of doing so!

Tom said I shouldn’t jump the gun and assume the worst, but as I reminded him, you know we’re not allowed to have good neighbors. The only reason the lady on the other side isn’t a problem other than car door slamming is that she has no space in which to be a problem in the first place, though God could see to it that she started having company with stereos, or that she moved out and someone with a stereo moved in if He really wanted to. Regardless of who’s over there, they can’t have dogs, they can’t have kids living in that tiny shack, and there’s no basketball hoop on the driveway either.

Anyway, they can scream and blast music in the yard next door, and they can open their doors and windows and throw on their inside stereo when it gets warmer, but at least they can’t be playing basketball just a few feet away anymore than anyone on the other side could.

Tom agreed that if it got to the point where it was too obnoxious for me to work here in the living room which is practically in their yard, then we’ll swap offices. Better yet, we just got a wireless network hook-up also known as Wi-Fi, so I could drag my two PCs into the bedroom and stack up the boxes that are in there in here. But if it’s really, really horrendous, we’ll just move. I don’t know where the hell we’d go, but we do have the means to give notice right away if we had to. This much gives me great comfort as anyone who knows me knows I hate to be trapped by leases, poverty or other means.

Because their back door is on the opposite side of the house and because they have that nice, enclosed deck on that side as well, I’m hoping against hope that they’ll do their daily barbecuing on that side of the house, but I’m sure that whatever kids are over there will be running in and out of the yard on this side every chance they get. With my shit luck, they’ll put up swing sets and kiddy pools there, too. People don’t usually want big yards to act as buffers like we would, they want it for dogs and kids.

I have prayed nearly every day that God spares us from legal, health, financial and neighbor problems, but I’m not yet convinced that He gives a damn whether or not Jodi S is constantly annoyed by rude, selfish, loud unruly neighbors. It’s hard for me to pray for even these simple things because it’s awfully hard to forget just who allowed the horrible experiences I’ve endured in life to happen to me.

Tom doesn’t think we’ll notice they exist 99% of the time, but that’s just my dear optimistic husband for you. So what if there’s a 14-year pattern that says otherwise?

Oh, here’s a blue pickup that just parked along the side now. Tom assures me they won’t park on the side after they’re all moved in and that they’ll park on the other side. I hope so because while the door slamming wouldn’t be like next door, it could get obnoxious depending on how many people are there and how often they come and go. Our place and theirs are the only houses on this street that have a strip of space in front right next to the street to park because the houses are set back slightly further. None of the other houses can park in front unless they want to park on their lawn, and of course, there’s no on-street parking. Whatever the case, I’m sure there’ll be someone home all the time there. We’re also not allowed to have neighbors who work, remember? I see a twin-size mattress. Unless the people are just roommates that spells animal to me right there. Why do the 2-bedrooms always have to go next to the 3-bedrooms?!?!

Later…

The pickup left and just returned. Come to think of it, I’ve been hearing someone’s stereo that’s been parked somewhere around here lately. I wonder if it’s them. I also heard music before I saw that the pickup had returned.

What a pisser. They’re having highs in the 70s in Springfield, but as I always said, New England winters may be colder and snowier, but they don’t last till mid-June. This is the time it typically starts warming up there. They should have highs in the high 60s to low 70s till late May, then have highs in the 80s from June till August, then they’ll have some 90s mixed in with the 80s till September. August was always miserable there, deathly humid.

Later…

The bad news is that the blue pickup does have a stereo. It pulled up alongside here closer to our house so someone else could later pull in behind. It’s too dark now to see who else came in, but they arrived without music or a show of any kind. I haven’t yet heard any dogs, kids or house stereos. I’d bet just about anything that the vehicle that came in quietly doesn’t live here, but the pickup does. As for dogs, if they’re coming, I wouldn’t expect them till they’re completely moved in which I would assume would be sometime over the weekend.

The visitor just left and the pickup backed up closer to the door without any music, so that’s promising. With all the stereos swarming around here, maybe it wasn’t them I heard. Maybe someone with music happened to go by as they pulled up. Time will tell. It’s dogs I’ve got to worry about most. There’s nothing yet to say they didn’t ban the no-pets-allowed rule.

The front light is still on so unless they’re going to make a regular habit of that at night, someone still plans to either come or go.

Thank God for the air cleaner! Yes, basey sounds override it as well as shrilly ones like sirens, but it does a way better job than the fan. With just the fan I’d never get any sleep in the daytime on such a busy street and with her coming and going on the bedroom side.

Parking on the side (which is really the front) shouldn’t be an issue noise-wise, but Tom said that if they do make a regular habit of that, they’ll probably get ticketed. He parks on concrete that’s been designated for parking, but they can only park on a strip of grass and gravel.

I’m glad their living room is also on the other side. That way if they are blasting music, it would be harder to hear over here unless they’ve got the door and windows open.

It hit the low 60s today which is a bit warm for Oregon. I still don’t expect to trade in my sweatpants for shorts before another couple of months, though. The leaves are just starting to bud on the trees.

When I think back to the girl back east who sat alone with no one but losers for friends and who was in touch with an abusive family, it’s hard to believe that person was me! Getting my “family” out of the picture was by far one of the best things I ever did. I’ve never had any regrets since. My life back then consisted of nothing but getting up, going to cash in my food stamps, having to deal with buses and cabs to and from doctor’s appointments in what was usually pretty lousy weather, then coming back home to make prank phone calls, listen to music, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and fantasize in my journal. It seems that even my worst of times with Tom beats my average times back east simply because I didn’t have a life back east, whereas my worst of times with Tom was still a life.

I got Ashley’s shoes and the Cher wig. They look great on her. I just wish she wasn’t so damn pale! The copper wig looks best of all on her because it matches her eyebrows and goes with her overall coloring best, but to have variety is nice. I’ll get the red wig next week.

Tomorrow I’m making a $35 order at a place that has cheap yet nice stuff. I’m getting a terry robe, a terry dress, and a lotion applicator that should be easier to use than the one I’ve been using with the various attachments. I can use it when Tom’s either asleep or at work. I’d say that the scalp massager is definitely speeding up my hair growth. Pulled straight it’s only 2” from the crack of my ass.

Anyway, the Cher wig is awesome. How I wish I had straight black hair like that, not too thick, not too thin. Instead, I’m stuck with a thick curly brown mane, sprinkled with gray. At least I know I could grow my hair as long as the wig, which comes to the middle of my thighs and just below Ashley’s ass.

What’s really weird is that they said Amazon said Ashley’s shoes would come via UPS, and the wig store said the wig would come via DHL. However, the shoes came by regular mail and the wig came via UPS! Weird. Really weird.

I won an autographed book by Sylvia Kurtz whom I’ve never heard of, and a book from Ebony, though they wouldn’t say what book and I can’t remember the sweep. Ebony is a black site, so I’m sure it’s just about gangs, welfare, drugs, rap music and that sort of shit. Something to add to my sale pile.

They’ve been working on the house diagonally across from us as well as building a porch on the front of the house that’s two houses away in front and to the other side. Fortunately, I haven’t been woken up or distracted from my work. Just a little hammering at times.

We don’t want to get our hopes up, but what Tom said happened at work may be a good thing, not that I still don’t fear they’ll close their doors forever, even though he’s learned that the owners aren’t exactly rich enough to quit working. Well, they had some visitors today from a technical company that orders parts to build various electronics. At first Tom thought they were coming to see if there was any chance they’d shut down for fear of placing an order they’d never get, but the truth is that they’re checking out and deciding who to use for certain parts. Supposedly they have over 400 companies that they use to make parts for them and they want to cut the number of companies in half. So as they told everyone there if they’re on the half that they keep, which I vibe they are, then their work will double. If there’s no hope for another raise or partnership, at least he’ll be doing overtime again, though he enjoyed taking a break from it for a while.

Got a letter from Mary. She’s doing well. Keeping busy. She says she got measured at 25-21-26. I hate to break it to her, but that’d be impossible even if she were as short as me. I can maybe see the 21” waist, though I’m sure her waist is at least 23”. Also, she’d have to be dead to have 25” tits and 26” hips. She’s got to be at least 32” or 33” in that department and maybe even higher in the hips. She had 4 kids for God’s sake. I was quite anorexic myself at 5’ measuring 32-23-32, so there’s no way her hips could be that small on a 5’ 3” frame. The skeleton itself has to measure more than that.

We had a hail storm for a while there not too long ago. It’s been mostly in the 40s. They’re saying we should hit the 60s this Thursday.

The dog across the canal has gotten to be a problem again. It starts up at 6 AM on the dot and barks all day long. No one pays any attention to it at all. It’s just left out there to bark its ass off. I don’t see how the owners can stand it but maybe they haven’t been around. This barking is clearly that of a neglected dog calling for attention. I don’t think there’s more than a 15-minute lag between barking fits. And some say God never makes mistakes? Well, somebody sure as hell did when creating the dog! I hate the fucking things! It’s the same old shit that follows us everywhere we go with the only difference being that in some places it’s annoying while it’s downright maddening in others like at the duplex.

We made a botched attempt at intimacy on Saturday till I had to stop him because it hurt. I was surprised, too. I thought it’d be no problem at this point, so maybe I won’t have to fake pain after all. I offered to take care of him, but as always, he had no desire to participate in any way. I still say, what’s the point? What could possibly be in it for him if all he wants to do is get hard, jump in and jump out? And what could be in it for me when I don’t have any lust for him? I think we do much better as friends. If there’s one department we’re totally on the same wavelength in, it’s that one.

There are still a few more programs that need to be loaded up on my computer, but we’re trying out a month of the premium radio. It allows for commercial-free, unlimited song-skipping. It also allows access to download most of their songs.

We went out on Saturday and browsed through some stores while waiting for the pizza place to open. When it took longer to open than we’d have liked we hit the grocery store on our way back with plans to go back to the pizza place today after work. Hopefully, it won’t be jumping with too many unruly kids whose parents don’t care to teach them any manners, so we can eat in peace.

On the way down, we had just crossed the canal which they filled back up when the cops pulled up to ask if we happened to see which way this particular couple went, which we hadn’t. We weren’t paying attention. As long as pigs stick to asking about other people, I can deal with the slimy, corrupt little bastards.

The new bras came and they fit just fine, but talk about a bad win day! I got a book about big businesses, and 4 different predator and alien toys. Tom thinks I’ll have no problems selling it all. We haven’t decided yet when we’re going to have a yard sale or do eBay again. Yard sales are usually a summer thing around here.

Tom got all psyched up yesterday when he first got a message about my winning airline tickets, then totally disappointed when he called back. Yes, the tickets are for real. We could get two tickets for anywhere in the US, but we’d have to drive to the Oregon coast to get them which would take a few hours. There also wouldn’t be any hotel accommodations of any kind either, so we’re not interested. Even if the truck was licensed, the gas money it would take to get the tickets would cost nearly as much as what we got for selling the tickets. I don’t see why they can’t just mail the fucking things to us, but they won’t.

Anyway, I’m still waiting on the Cher wig and Ashley’s shoes. Plus, we ordered incense and the coyote face this morning from Dragon Tears, the site that uses Incense Galore as their supplier.

I won some sci-fi action toy that’s on its way to me. A definite sell item!

We each also won a $25 Visa card, but we won’t get them till several weeks after the promotion ends, which will be around August.

I got my new panties yesterday. Although my hips are now 38” which falls into the category of medium on their size chart, they’re pretty snug. They say that when you’re heavy your clothes don’t fit as well and this is true. Maybe someday I’ll brave the hunger and lose some of this blubber. I really think our scale’s way off. No one carries rolls of fat like this at just 124 pounds no matter how short they are. I’ve got to be in the 130s. I’m currently 38-31-38, so how could I be 124 pounds? It’s just that while I could still lose weight in my early 30s even though it would come right back, by the time I got to my late 30s the weight became virtually impossible to lose! I could lose a few pounds, but I’ve already lost those so-called few pounds, and this is as low as I can go without coming real damn close to starving myself. I just don’t have the metabolism it’d take to lose the 15-20 pounds it’d take to make my clothes fit better. I suppose the sports bras I’m waiting on will be too tight too, though Tom says the undies fit perfectly and that I always think everything’s tight.

Well, we did get it on after all, but only for a millisecond. He managed to get in there, and after I told him not to think or assume for me, he goes and does it anyway by saying that he stopped so quickly because he didn’t want me to get irritated, which I assured him I’d let him know if I was. I didn’t say anything, but the real reason he stopped was that he went soft.

I still don’t see the point in having sex that doesn’t get us off. I mean, how can anyone feel fulfilled and satisfied afterward? He’s already made it clear, although not directly, that he has no intentions of cumming and that’s a turn-off to me right there. At the same time, I don’t want him cumming. Not because I fear pregnancy, but because I don’t need the mess. Nonetheless, I don’t see what we expect to get out of it, but I’ll give it a chance for a while and we’ll see. I know it won’t last long anyway.

The scalp massager might be helping to speed up the growth of my hair, but it’s still too soon to say for sure. One thing I do know is that it seems to keep my scalp from getting so oily as fast.

For most of my life, I’ve looked younger than my age and lighter than my actual weight, but not anymore. I think I look a few years older, like 45, and I think I look heavier than 125 pounds. I think I look 140, but at my height, the extra pounds do show, so what’s considered average on a woman of average height is a lot of weight to carry down here at my height. How I feel is more important to me than how I look, or else I’d say that nothing’s more frustrating than doing all the right things to lose weight that I never seem to lose. At least I’m not gaining. That would be something I definitely wouldn’t want to do. As long as I work out regularly and stay between 1000–1500 calories a day, I should stay in the mid-120s. I just try not to deprive myself too much when I get hungry and to eat as soon as I do because the hungrier I get, the harder it is to get rid of.

The canal dog has stopped its barking fits. I don’t know what starts it up or what shuts it up, but I’m just glad that it’s not something we hear most of the time.

Someone was next door today because the upstairs light they had left on for about a week was off.

Tom says he feels I’m getting close to winning big. Well, I sure hope so! Especially since they could let him go tomorrow at work and trouble could move in next door the next day. I’d gladly settle for enough money for even the smallest of dumps in rural Sacramento. Of course, a newer pickup, some furniture and a silicone doll to go with it wouldn’t hurt, but I’d settle for just “getting home.” However, I still say there is no “home” for us, and if there is, it won’t exactly be much more peaceful than the city.

My periods are getting stranger by the minute. I hardly had much of a flow. Just maybe menopause is starting to set in, though I’m still rather young, and I have no hot flashes. Hot flashes are something I could definitely use in this frigid state! It’s April yet it’s snowing and it’s below freezing, too! Another 2½ months to go of winter – argh! I can’t believe some people consider this the high desert, but they do. Ain’t nothing deserty about this place to me! I don’t consider a desert to be a place where it snows and is this cold for this long no matter how dry it may be at times. Some people also consider this town a rural town, but to me it’s just a small town. I don’t consider this rural at all. Too many businesses, too many people, too many houses too close together.

Since I’m not allowed to make money, I do things to try to save it when I’m not blessed with spending it. I started turning down the gas heater in the living room when I go to bed. Then I turn it back up when I get up.

Buying the cones was a big mistake. They totally suck cuz I have a problem keeping them lit! Every other one I light goes out on me. I’m going to stick with sticks or with just pouring oil into the burner or warmer.

I won a coupon for a free half-gallon of Dole’s flavored juices. I love those juices and they’re kind of pricey, too. I also got that Mattel toy. No one who works in Tom’s department has kids, so it’ll just get added to my sale pile.

Every day I fear Tom’s bosses will decide to live the easy life, forget about what their dad started, and close their doors forever, leaving Tom to find a new job. He assures me that unemployment checks will hold us over till he finds a new job and that getting cut back to around $9 an hour wouldn’t be much different than $13 because the less you make, the less they take. Also, he wouldn’t have to pay a buck an hour for insurance. It’s only small businesses such as where he works that makes you do that in Oregon.

This may all be well and good to know, but still, we don’t need it. We don’t need it at all. It would still be enough of a setback for us, even if it didn’t exactly leave us homeless and starving, and it’s exactly something God would do right about now too, is say, “Okay, you guys have had your fun for a while, now I’ll just yank the carpet right out from under your feet and make you start all over again while I get a big old kick out of watching you struggle to pick yourselves back up.”

We might even be forced to license the truck which would cost a couple of hundred bucks a month if he couldn’t get a job close to home.

For now, I’m doing what I said I’d do…enjoying the money while it lasts. I got a hell of a deal for just $30. For an amazing $30 I squeezed in 6 new pairs of panties, 2 new bras, and a pair of gold pumps for Ashley. I just hope they fit as her feet are so narrow. I also hope they hide the toes too since they’re open-toed shoes. I’d have preferred closed-toed ankle pumps, but they were too expensive or were out of her size, which is an 8. I decided to go with gold rather than black or white because gold is sort of in between the two. Also, the style of shoe I chose goes with both dressy and casual attire.

In a $40 separate order, I also got that 40” Cher wig.