Well, we did get it on after all, but only for a millisecond. He managed to get in there, and after I told him not to think or assume for me, he goes and does it anyway by saying that he stopped so quickly because he didn’t want me to get irritated, which I assured him I’d let him know if I was. I didn’t say anything, but the real reason he stopped was that he went soft.

I still don’t see the point in having sex that doesn’t get us off. I mean, how can anyone feel fulfilled and satisfied afterward? He’s already made it clear, although not directly, that he has no intentions of cumming and that’s a turn-off to me right there. At the same time, I don’t want him cumming. Not because I fear pregnancy, but because I don’t need the mess. Nonetheless, I don’t see what we expect to get out of it, but I’ll give it a chance for a while and we’ll see. I know it won’t last long anyway.

The scalp massager might be helping to speed up the growth of my hair, but it’s still too soon to say for sure. One thing I do know is that it seems to keep my scalp from getting so oily as fast.

For most of my life, I’ve looked younger than my age and lighter than my actual weight, but not anymore. I think I look a few years older, like 45, and I think I look heavier than 125 pounds. I think I look 140, but at my height, the extra pounds do show, so what’s considered average on a woman of average height is a lot of weight to carry down here at my height. How I feel is more important to me than how I look, or else I’d say that nothing’s more frustrating than doing all the right things to lose weight that I never seem to lose. At least I’m not gaining. That would be something I definitely wouldn’t want to do. As long as I work out regularly and stay between 1000–1500 calories a day, I should stay in the mid-120s. I just try not to deprive myself too much when I get hungry and to eat as soon as I do because the hungrier I get, the harder it is to get rid of.

The canal dog has stopped its barking fits. I don’t know what starts it up or what shuts it up, but I’m just glad that it’s not something we hear most of the time.

Someone was next door today because the upstairs light they had left on for about a week was off.

Tom says he feels I’m getting close to winning big. Well, I sure hope so! Especially since they could let him go tomorrow at work and trouble could move in next door the next day. I’d gladly settle for enough money for even the smallest of dumps in rural Sacramento. Of course, a newer pickup, some furniture and a silicone doll to go with it wouldn’t hurt, but I’d settle for just “getting home.” However, I still say there is no “home” for us, and if there is, it won’t exactly be much more peaceful than the city.