I had an awesome money-making idea! At least I hope it is. It’s hard for me to be positive because every time I try to make extra money I never succeed, but I’m kind of excited about it just the same. To find plain mannequin heads that aren’t made of Styrofoam to use to practice painting on has proven to be rather impossible. The best I could find were forms, but they’re not much cheaper than full plain white mannequins. I could get a plain white one from the people I got Ashley from for $99. Then it hit me that for just $20 more we could save ourselves a lot of hassles, mess and additional money by getting a fully painted budget mannequin. Ashley was a high-ender. All a budget mannequin is one without painted nails and pierced ears. The high-enders run from $165 - $199, and the budgets run from $99 - $119. So maybe we should get a budget mannequin and skip the paint cost/mess/hassle and list them on eBay at twice the cost. Your average cheap mannequin these days goes for $250 - $275. A budget mannequin would be $180 with shipping. If we list it at $250 and say the price includes shipping, I don’t see why it wouldn’t sell. Especially if I take really good pictures of it both nude and in some outfits. We’d make a $70 profit each week if we could list one every Sunday to Sunday. I know that wouldn’t be much, but it’d be a start. Some profit is better than none. It’d be a little less of a profit if we got a wig with each one, in which case we could raise the price to $275. I’d like to start with Monique but I don’t know when because I really want to finish getting the Tonners and Barbies on my list. She’s listed as an ethnic but is as white as these two. She seems plenty nice enough to be stuck with if something up there is really against us and we can’t get rid of her. I’m really excited about this. The only hassle would be getting lots of brown paper to ship them in the boxes they were shipped to me in, and getting new boxes if they’re too beat up by the time they reach me, and then getting them to FedEx. If this works out we could maybe buy them in sets. We could get a 3-piece set for $350 (this includes a male) and sell each for $275 with shipping. We could get a 6-piece set for $800. That’d be an $850 profit if I did the math correctly! Since I wouldn’t have the 50 feedbacks required to list her as a buy-it-now, I’d put her up with a starting bid of $219 and set the shipping cost at $49. This would also be a great way to see their mannequins in person in case there are any I want to keep. You know how sometimes things look good online that aren’t as nice in person. Fortunately, Ashley looks better in person and so did Denise once I did her makeover. She still needs lower lashes, though.

Tom has been racking his own mind thinking of business ideas. I always did say it would be so, so ideal if we could have our own business! No one could fire or lay him off that way. It would be even more ideal if we could own just one house somewhere totally outright, but I don’t know that God would want us to have that much security and extra money. He hasn’t yet anyway.

We rode up to Circle K and Tom was surprised that I didn’t have to stop since it’s up a steep hill. I was surprised too, though I sure did come close. It was quite a workout, but it just goes to show once again how keeping in shape by working out at home has paid off. I haven’t lost any fat, of course, but I can feel the muscles firming up underneath the fat. You know your metabolism’s barely moving when you eat 1200 calories several days in a row, ride a bike in such hilly terrain, and still weigh the same!

I don’t miss open spaces, but I miss flat ones, that’s for sure. I hate riding these hills. Going downhill can get a little scary as you can pick up so easily.

Today we rode to the street on the other side of the canal to see if we could spot the dog that’s been horrible lately with its fucking barking, then figure out what to do about it. However, we never saw it if it was there because of the high stockade fence surrounding the place. We never even heard it, either, but yesterday it was barking like crazy, suggesting its owners were out of town over the 3-day weekend. You couldn’t even go 10 minutes without it going off. Since it can’t see any street activity, then I’d say my guess was right and that it’s going off because it’s being neglected, and so if its owners are there, it’s going to bark to try to get attention. Dogs need attention. Not to be stored outdoors like old pieces of furniture. This is definitely one of the biggest differences between East and West, however. In the east dogs are considered pets that are part of the family, but out here, they’re mostly used as guard dogs, and to hell with how annoyed the neighbors may be. Either way, I’d like very much to put this old, neglected piece of furniture out of its misery, but I don’t see any way to get at it. I guess not only is God going to protect any people who wrong me from having to pay for doing so, but he’s also going to protect any dogs that drive me crazy as well!

After scouting out where the dog lives, we went to Safeway, then came back. The bike rides so smoothly uphill. The bike I had as a kid could never ride that well. I’d be peddling furiously, though you still have to do that to get up these steep hills even on modern bikes. I was just thinking that I hadn’t gotten enough of a workout when we reached this street which is uphill coming back. By then I was panting quite heavily and my heart was thumping wildly.

Exercise may not cause weight loss, but it sure helps to keep from gaining. I’ve been having 1500-2000 calories a day lately, but have been the same old 124 pounds for a while now. Riding is so much more fun than walking. It’s going to really suck when it not only gets cold again but snowy and icy. I’d rather ride in 110-degree temps before I rode in the wintertime here!

May is going to end up being my worst month for wins since going premium. I hope it only means I’ll be compensated with a biggie soon!

I can’t say I’m depressed, but for the millionth time, I have to ask why the simplest of things are so hard to achieve. All I want is to own a 1400-1600-square-foot new or fairly new house in a warm climate where the only music and animals (except for the wildlife) that we hear are ours. That’s all I want in life. Is this really too much to ask for? I feel like it is even though it seems like it shouldn’t be. But as Tom said, he’s come to hate the job because it’s obviously going nowhere. There’s no hope for a partnership, no hope for more of a raise, and certainly no hope for me to ever be insured. As much as I’d still hate to go to a doctor without something like a broken neck or close to it, having the insurance, both dental and physical, would be more comforting. He said he feels all the more motivated to get out of here because he’s at a dead-end at work, and is trying harder and harder to win money at the tracks. As I reminded him, however, my dreams aren’t allowed to come true, so whatever’s up there is going to do everything and anything it can to block us from getting to California. While it seems silly to say this since this is the fourth state I’ve lived in, we just may be forever trapped in Oregon! As long as we wouldn’t lose our stuff I wouldn’t mind being put out for a while in order to make the move, but instead I feel like we’re going to be nothing but city renters, forever dreaming of the impossible until we’re eligible to live in a retirement community. Of course by then the fucking stereos will be so damn loud that they’ll be able to reach the centers of even the largest of senior communities. Another 5-10 years and these things will be smashing windows on a regular basis and people still won’t do shit about them! It’s all the more important, as we both know, to make sure we have more than enough money if we ever can bust out of here since we’ll have no one to help us along the way. You know no one gives a shit about us, and if they do, they don’t have the means to help us.

For now, I’m going to enjoy having money since we so rarely get to have any! Having a field day with all the shopping I’ve been doing could very well be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so I’m enjoying it while it lasts. I may even give it up once I get all the things on my list if that’s what it’ll take to get us out of here. I’ve been spending $200 a month. As for how many more winters I’ll have to suffer through here – I don’t want to know. I really don’t. I’m afraid if I knew the answer to that one I’d scream!

Today was a fun and productive day with the only damper on it being the fucking canal dog. Oh, how I want to kill that thing!!! What I don’t get is why it’s been louder lately. I have to have sounds of some kind going in every single room in order to mask it, and I can’t even stand to sit in the kitchen. Maybe I can at least take back the living room at around 10:00 or 11:00 and get some peace then.

It was warmer today, so people had to make a show of themselves, of course, and I swear every other person who passed by was walking dogs. This only set off the neighborhood dogs all the more.

Anyway, the fun part was when we went riding downtown, then to Safeway for a few things, then back. I’m totally comfortable with this bike now. I just wish the seat wasn’t so uncomfortable.

As fate would have it, that skirt Two Daydreamers owed me from when I ordered a bunch of Tonner clothes, isn’t going to be produced, after all, so they refunded my deposit.

I have two ethnic Barbies on their way, and on the Friday after next, I’ll be ordering Cinnamon Swirl Tyler, High Style Sydney, and two killer gowns.

Yesterday was a fun day. The only negatives were the cold and wind, along with a few kids here and there who were just as uncivilized and animalistic as they usually are. At least there are not zillions of them everywhere you turn like down in Arizona, and at least the one that started screaming when we were eating hushed up a bit when its mother told it to.

Anyway, it wasn’t cold to the point where I needed my ski jacket and gloves. I could get by in just a windbreaker, but it was the wind that made it seem rather chilly. When the sun came out, which wasn’t often enough, it was okay. But being both cloudy and windy for the most part, it wasn’t as nice as it could’ve been. Summer’s supposed to be back Tuesday. Let’s hope it’ll be for more than a week, too! It shouldn’t be in the low 50s in what’s nearly June.

We got off the bus which had been fairly crowded and checked out a flower shop. They had these colorful, hand-painted butterflies that were nice. Sometime I may pick one up for Joy to hold instead of the dingy white dove she’s been holding.

We ate lunch at what’s still my favorite Chinese place. I missed it a lot. He got American food, of course, and I got fried rice and egg foo young and found it to be just as good as always. The owner was there, as well as the waitress who waited on us the very first time we went there. She remembered us and said she saw us walking earlier.

I found myself half-wishing Jane had returned to work there, free of drugs and looking good.

We thought of how our lives were when we were last there a year and a half ago and were like, wow! You mean those two people were us? Those broke, homeless people who nobody gave a damn about were us? I still can’t believe his mother left us to starve and live in motels. As I’ve been saying ever since, may the rest of her days be filled with pain and misery! Some things truly are unforgivable, that’s for sure. I will never forgive her, and I sure as hell won’t forget either. The only thing that’s worse now as opposed to the last time we were there is my ear problems, and of course, God only knows how many more cavities I’ve got now. I’ve prayed for help with these things just to be ignored, so I’ve given up and have learned to live with it, though some days are harder than others. Why God would want me to continue to be plagued by these things is beyond me, but obviously He does. After all, if He didn’t care about all those who died in the tsunami or Hurricane Katrina, as I’ve always said, then why would He care if little Jodi S of Klamath Falls, Oregon suffered ear and teeth problems and continued to get more and more farsighted by the minute?

After we ate, we went to K-mart and found that they had many of those pink and purple bikes, but decided that Tom would walk up to get one today and then ride it back, since we knew we were going to be bogged down with grocery bags on the way back. The front half is pink and the back half is purple. The wheels are 26” like the wheels on Tom’s red bike, but a different brand. He’s watching a car race now, then we’re going to lower the seat, tighten things up, and head out. This is my first bike since I was 19. My hips and ankles sometimes bother me if I walk a long time, despite my jogging in place a few times a week. I used to have no problem walking long distances, but back then I wasn’t 40 years old and 25 pounds overweight. So this is why I hope biking will be better for me.

What I did get at K-mart was a Courtney doll. Guess she’s another new friend of Barbie’s. I got a new hairbrush there too, then it was off to Fred Meyer. There, I got another Lea doll and fake eyelashes for Denise while he started gathering groceries. When I was done I went to help him finish off the shopping before we took the bus back. It was very crowded at this time, but it was nice to be dropped off right in front of the house.

The eyelashes turned out to be a bust which really sucks since they’re awesome. They have glitter on them. Because Denise has no eyelids, her original eyelashes are applied from under the rim of the top part of the eye. Ashley, who also has lower lashes as well as upper ones, are applied the same way on the inner rims of the eyes. I might be able to apply the plain lashes I got on Denise so she can have lower lashes as well, but if I applied the upper glittery lashes, the glitter would be on the underside and not on top. Perhaps if I get that mannequin I hope to get at the end of the year that gazes downward, she could wear them because half her eyes are covered by her lids.

Later…

Tom and I researched getting clear plastic tubes to use as doll covers for those dolls whose outfits are hard to wash. Those are usually the glittery ones. It doesn’t look good for us getting any because they’re typically sold in such huge quantities. I’ll probably get vinyl bag covers for them. They’re the cheapest I could find.

We also researched painting mannequins to sell and that didn’t look promising either. There was no set way to do it that we could find. I guess you just use whatever you feel works best. You can put any kind of coating you want over the fiberglass, which we’re now pretty sure both of these are made of. One company needed people to paint mannequins for them and out of the 130 applicants they got, one of which was an art instructor, not one of them could paint on a 3-dimensional surface. I don’t know if I can, but as Tom pointed out, I have a way of doing things most people can’t. Yes, and I also have a way of not being able to do things others can do, too!

I still have quite a bit more stuff on my list I want to get, so it’ll be a few months before I get a cheap form and some paints to practice on, but this is only if I think I can really sell any. It’s gotten to be a rather competitive business.

We took our bikes out earlier, and for a minute there I wanted to slap the person who said that one never forgets how to ride a bike! I’ve only ridden kids’ bikes before, so I had to get used to this adult bike. Tom said it was awkward for him at first too, but after a few rides, he was fine. K-mart said we could return it for a kid’s bike if need be, but I think I can get comfortable enough with this one. If anything, the seat was the most awkward. This fat ass could use a wider one, but I think I’ll get used to that, too. I just wish this place wasn’t so damn hilly! Even MA was flatter than this. Coasting too fast downhill can be scary, even dangerous, and there are such steep hills here that you have to squeeze the brakes all the way down to keep from reaching such outrageous speeds. On level or somewhat level surfaces, it rides smoothly. We just rode up and down some side streets, not wanting to ride on this street because it’s a busy one until I’d tried it out. Tomorrow we’ll probably go downtown. With it being Memorial Day, there shouldn’t be too many vehicles or pedestrians out. Let’s just say I already got enough of a head start to see where it really would be a wonderful form of exercise. Tom says he thinks it’s the best. Walking and swimming never did much for me, and neither did the jogging in place since I can only do it for so long before my knees get irritated. Too much walking gets to my ankles, knees and hips, and you’d have to swim for many hours to really get much benefit from that, not that I could just go swimming anywhere around here. With a bike, though, you’re using muscles you don’t ordinarily use and elevating your heartbeat without putting stress on your joints.

I’m so sick of being hungry half the time that I’ve decided to just eat when I’m hungry and forget about trying to hold my weight down where it’s at. It’s just too much work. I feel pretty certain that the intense hunger spells I have are my body’s way of saying, “Hey, when are you going to let me gain the rest of the weight a middle-aged person is supposed to gain?” Most people are 40-50 pounds heavier by the time they’re my age, but I’m only 25 pounds heavier. I only fought to keep from gaining anymore so I could save us money, but I think I’m ready to just let my body do what it feels it needs to do. I’ll still work out, though. There’s no reason I can’t keep in shape just because I’ll have more fat on me in time. I don’t look forward to not being able to get around as well, since carrying extra weight is harder on a short person, and I don’t want to have to spend money periodically on new clothes as I gain whatever I’m going to gain, but I’m tired of feeling lousy so much of the time.

I was going to quit the Claritin since it doesn’t seem to do much to curb my hunger lately but decided to stick with it a little longer because my ear’s been better overall. Tom said that sometimes things can take a long time to take effect, though I still think it’ll always be a problem. That’s what I get for having the fucking canal drilled! If only I had known. If only. Anyway, I understand that our bodies are designed to obtain a slower metabolism and be hungrier with age to protect us against illness since our immune system weakens with time, and so I’m prepared to just roll with the punches, so to speak. Tom spent most of his youth at around 150-160 pounds and then jumped to over 200. I know Paula was 120 for the longest time before she jumped to 160. I’ve calculated that I’ll eventually end up around 140-150 since my average younger weight was 100.

How I wish I could live a life with no pain, run to the dentist to get my teeth filled and sealed, then get LASIK done on my eyes!!! But these things will never happen because I know what additional trouble they’d eventually bring. God didn’t want Andy’s sister Linda to have kids, yet she forced them into her womb through in-vitro. Because of this, her kids will pay dearly. But I’m the one that has to pay for the ear surgeries and braces, and will no doubt continue to forever since I have no descendants for whatever the hell’s up there that thinks we must pay for the sins of our forefathers to take it out on. So I have to wonder if any additional procedures of any kind are worth it that isn’t a matter of life or death.

I was thinking how great it’d be to buy plain white mannequins for $100, paint them up pretty, then sell them on eBay for $250. If I sold one a week, that’d be an extra grand a month. But then I was not only reminded of the no-making-money-allowed rule fate so cruelly put on me but also that we’d need the truck up and running in order to get them to FedEx. With the cost of gas these days, that may not mean much of a profit, and there may not be that big of a market for them. Especially if most buyers were store owners wanting to buy in bulk.

The place I got Ashley from got the new sitting mannequin they said they’d get in this month and it sucks. I definitely made the right choice! Unless there’s something fantastic about her I doubt I’ll get any more sitters because they take up so much more space than the standing ones.

It’s now been nearly two years since I’ve gotten any porcelain dolls, and I don’t miss them.

The weather’s been a lot like it was at this time last year – cold and wet. It really sucks and there seems to be no end in sight. This could go on for weeks.

My picture’s been entered into the ‘curly’ section of the Sexy Hair contest. Voting begins on our anniversary. They sent me some hairspray, not that I ever needed it, for being one of the first 1000 entrants.

I also got a letter saying the rat picture I submitted to another photo contest site has been advanced to the final round, along with being published in one of their photo books.

I won another DVD, too.

The flowers are all wilting away, but at least I’m up to 3 lavender sprouts. I didn’t realize they’d take so long to sprout.

If it could be this quiet every day, then my only complaint would be the lack of space. Well, that and the weather. Just when summer finally arrived, we slipped right back into winter. It’s been in the 60s and we’ve even had some rain. It probably won’t warm up again for another week, but we’re still saving money because it hasn’t gotten cold enough to need the heater fired back up. I’ve been sleeping at night too, when it’s coldest. I’m just using the electric portable heater for now.

Got a surprise win, though it was just an anime DVD. Neither of us was interested in it, so it went straight to my unwanted wins pile.

I looked out the kitchen window and already I can see she’s starting to pile more bags up back there, and I wonder this: if Bill hadn’t come around when he did, how far would she go with this stockpiling thing? How many bags would end up back there? And what is so hard about bringing them to the dumpster? She does know she’s allowed to use it and she used to use it when we first moved in, so why she would refuse to put them in there after Bill spoke to her about it is beyond me. I guess it’s just a Western thing. Ask or tell a Westerner to go right, they go left. At least she’s quiet other than the occasional door-slamming.

Ok, now for the surprising news, then I’ll get to Denise, the mannequin. I was looking out the front window when I saw a snake a few feet in front of the truck! I got good pictures of it. It was about 3’ long with diamondback-like markings and a tail that tapered off to a skinny point like a king snake. Because it had no rattle or triangular head, I’d say it wasn’t poisonous. It was so brave when I walked up to it. Birds were curious about it, but wouldn’t get any closer than a few feet. It moved very slowly towards the road and I thought it would be dumb enough to go into the street and get killed, but instead it went around the side of the truck facing the street and curled up in the grassy area between the road and the utility pole. I caught the mailman and warned him about it in case it is harmful. I asked, but he said he didn’t know what it was. I’ll bet the guy’s gonna be really paranoid from now on. You could tell he was scared, but not Tom and I. We’re probably the only two crazy people here that went looking for it and taking its picture. He didn’t see it because he was still at work. It had moved on by the time he got in. He’ll still have to watch out for that and the ants she brings in when he mows. I never thought I’d see a snake smack dab in the middle of the city. I joked about feeding it any mice the filthy slob may also bring in, and as Tom pointed out, that may be why it’s here. I know she had mice when we first moved in because Bill told Tom he set up traps in her little dump.

Denise came Friday, the same day Rebecca, who I’m really glad I didn’t get, would’ve arrived. Denise isn’t quite as nice as Ashley, but she’s really close. When I first pulled her out, I thought her face was kind of plain with what we both agreed was one weird eye color. It was like a cross between gold and olive. I don’t know what the hell it was, but very slowly and carefully, I redid her face and can’t believe how good it came out! I was worried until it was done because it wouldn’t have been that easy to fix had I fucked up. I thought the lips were light pink, but once again, what you see online isn’t necessarily what you see in person, depending on how different people have their computer colors and contrasts set. It almost looked like she didn’t have any lipstick on at all, so I used pink chrome nail polish to make the perfect shade of shiny light pink lipstick that goes great with her overall coloring. Then I took a brown eyeliner pencil and darkened her eyes. Like it or not, after trying all the wigs on her, I could see that she was definitely meant to be a blond. She looks best in the blond wig, as well as with her eyes darkened. Usually, the brown eye/blond hair combo doesn’t look good, but she looks great with it, plus the pink lips. The long layered wig she enclosed is a darker shade of blond than the yellowy blond wig, which is the one I’ve got on her now. Its fine, wispy strands look so pretty against her hot pink top.

She looks a little younger than Ashley. Ashley looks to be in her late 20s, but this one looks like she’s early 20s, maybe even around 18.

The only thing I don’t get is why they didn’t bother putting bottom eyelashes on her. No big deal, cuz it’s something I can always pick up for next to nothing, though it is weird. And why is it always a case of overkill on the eyelashes they do put on them and regular dolls? Not even mine are that long! I might trim down the top ones, though they look good from a distance. They didn’t even put blush on her, but that’s another easy thing I could do myself if I wanted to. She’s almost as pale as Ashley, but she’s not as shiny and so I think that looks more realistic. Her feet are a little better detailed, too.

I polished both her finger and toenails in purple chrome. She doesn’t have pierced ears, so she’s not wearing any earrings. Just a necklace, bracelets, and a beaded ring that came with one of the dolls. Ashley’s gold pumps fit her better, so she’s wearing them. I figured they were both a size 8. I think that’s pretty standard for mannequins as is the 3” heel height. On Friday I’ll be getting Ashley shoes in black. I may get either wedges or wide heels like dancing shoes tend to have.

She was hard as hell to dress because most of the tops billow out in front what with the way she’s sitting hunched over. She might be slightly skinnier than Ashley. Her arms and fingers seem to be. Anyway, I decided she looked best in a purple skirt with pink and gold and a short-sleeved pink half-shirt.

Fortunately, she’s just as light as Ashley at just under 30 pounds. I think the reason I thought she’d be heavier is because of the 41 pounds she was listed as being at a site that was selling her with a seat. Well, that seat would’ve added weight. Perhaps they really are both fiberglass, though they sure seem like some type of plastic.

She’s sitting in the living room by my computer in the plastic lawn chair that was first my office chair and then the kitchen chair. I could roll my new office chair into the kitchen if I really wanted to, but until we have a real dining table, I just eat at my desk. She freaked Tom out a few times till he got used to her presence when he came out of his room and into the kitchen. From there you can see the back and side of her and it looks just like a person’s sitting there. Ashley, who’s now in the bedroom, did that to me too, at first. They do look very lifelike! If someone had shown me pictures of these mannequins 5 years ago and told me that one cost just under $300 and the other just over $200, I never would’ve believed it. Getting one for under $450 was unheard of and the faces sucked. The bodies were always pretty realistic, but they simply didn’t have the faces they do now.

Sometimes it’s the outfits you least expect that end up looking the best on them because you just can’t tell what looks best till you try it on them, but I was right in assuming Denise wouldn’t look as good in swimwear being posed the way she is.

I’ve turned into such a mannequin junkie and I cannot get that Asian one out of my mind or the one that looks downward! They were really beautiful and would cost about $500 together like these two did. If I got them I’d want to see close-ups of the faces first, and it wouldn’t be till sometime next year.

I both love and hate this house. I hate it cuz it’s so small, tilted, old and ugly, but I love it because it saves us money.

There are currently 12 flowers blooming now, but 5 of them are white crocuses, not mentioned or pictured online. It’s still one of my cooler wins. It’s fun to watch them grow. Unfortunately, the old infertility waves that have always seemed to be with me have affected the lavenders. There are only two sprouts yet there must’ve been 20-30 seeds.

Tom checked to see if they updated the satellite pictures yet of our old place, but from what we estimate, the picture is about 6 years old. It shows our house, but only two rentals. If they kept recent pictures people would be suing them for spying. We’ll have to wait 5 years to see what’s going on today. Common sense tells me there’s got to be a shitload of new houses in that area by now. On our lot, there must be at least two of the four houses that were to be added.

Bill, which is the handyman’s name, knocked yesterday. I had the rat in here at the time, so I went out and shut the door behind me, using the yellow jackets as an excuse to keep the door shut, and it was true that they were everywhere! He asked if we had a problem with ants. I said no, then he said he was gonna spray in back cuz of the ants her trash is collecting, saying she’s so filthy, etc. I guess getting on her about it didn’t do any good, but hey, she’s a westerner. How often can you complain to them in even the nicest of ways and have them comply with you?

He asked if we had a pet. I said no and he said he thought she had a cat. I told him we’ve heard/seen cats around here, but I hope she doesn’t get evicted since all she gives us are car doors. As much as I don’t like it that’s nothing compared to what we could get and we know it! Meanwhile, the rat’s staying in the kitchen in case he comes back. I’d rather a bee get in than for him to see her, although he seems like a nice guy who would keep his mouth shut. Also, when they say “no pets allowed” they generally mean cats and dogs. She’s out running around now. She played with me for a while and now she ran off to play in the other room. She loves to explore.

Anyway, the ant lover back there might’ve actually gotten a job. This is the third day in a row she’s left early, but since I’ve been crashing in the early afternoon or earlier, I can’t say what time she’s been getting back. It’d be nice if she got a job. Then maybe she wouldn’t come and go as much, though she hasn’t been too bad with that lately.

Bill’s interested in buying the truck, but Tom’s going to call him and let him know he does not wish to sell right now.

I finally got a tracking number for Denise. She’s got an estimated delivery date of the 22nd, but since she left Portland last night, I can’t believe it’ll take that long to get here. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came today.

Later…

It rained for the first time yesterday. Other than that, the weather’s been beautiful, but dry. So dry that it really dried the hell out of my skin. There’s been a little more humidity lately so I’m not as dried out as I was. I wish it were like this every day. We’d save a fortune and I like wearing summer clothes and not having to wear socks or sleep with anything on. It’s quieter than usual, too. I could use a nice peaceful day like this with such gorgeous weather every day!

I caught Bill who had come back to spray like he said he would and let him know Tom doesn’t want to sell the truck at this time. He said no problem.

Although I still haven’t received a tracking number, I did get an email saying the mannequin was shipped yesterday and that I should have it in 4 days. 4 days from when? The day it was shipped? If that’s the case, then I’d say FedEx is going to deliver it on Saturday.

I wish to hell the doctors could know it was my ear frame that was the problem back in Phoenix and not anything inside. If I’d gotten just that removed I may not have ended up so punished since they’d only be removing something God never intended for me to have in the first place. It’s what I’m not supposed to have that he goes after. I wonder when He’ll have the bottom retainer fall out. Believe me, if it was a simple matter of reaching in my mouth and yanking it out, I would. This is why I’m afraid to consider LASIK surgery, even if they had it available in this little shit town. I was meant to have my eyesight worsen with age, not get better. So if I ever had this done, would He make sure I acquired some terrible eye disease later on? I believe He would. It may take 10 years, but yes, He’d do something. Why’d He give us the brains to figure out how to perform these procedures in the first place if He didn’t want us altering things? I suppose that’s a dumb question. I mean, I know good and well that not all rules apply to everyone. Just because someone who killed me would automatically be allowed to get away with it doesn’t mean I could get away with breaking into someone’s house.

I always wondered why He ever allowed me to be able to experience orgasms. I mean, if I was destined to be so cursed sexually that I could never get anyone that turned me on like Kate or even Teddy Bear, then why not go all the way and deny me orgasms? But then I realized that with the exception of those of us who don’t want to cum, lust and cumming go hand in hand. Therefore, you couldn’t frustrate someone with lusting for those they could never have without allowing them the ability to get off in the first place. This is the best reason I can come up with anyway, for why He ever allowed me that much.

Kim left at 5 AM yesterday and was still gone at 10:00. I’ve never seen her leave that early before.

Here’s a news excerpt that made me more glad we never had kids: Last year, a middle-income family spent an average of $190,980 to feed, house, clothe, and entertain a child from birth until age 18, with the preteen and teenage years taking the heaviest toll, according to the U.S. Agriculture Department.

I realized a funny thing about this clip and that’s how they said kids cost so much “with the preteen and teenage years taking the heaviest toll.” But that’s the entire time - dah!

I also dig how the label on one of the Tonner doll boxes says, “For the adult collector, ages 14 and up.” Since when did 14-year-olds get to be adults?

I went down another pound even though I had just over 1000 cals yesterday. I don’t expect to lose anymore.

Although Tom is prepared for the fact that it could happen any day, he sees no signs of them closing their doors or firing him anytime soon, but it’s something he wouldn’t know about till it happened. I’m surprised employers aren’t required to give 30 days’ notice to people they’re gonna lay off or fire. After all, you gotta give it to vacate an apartment, but you know how it is - if it should be a law, it isn’t, and vice versa.

Since most retirement communities are trailer parks, what’s the story with Sun City and Sun Lakes? How come they’ve got real houses? I’d prefer a real house when the time comes, but I’d live in a tent in a retirement community before I lived in a palace in the city!

We’ve been having record highs lately. Tom got the AC in the living room window today. I’m still hopeful we won’t need to put one in the bedroom.

I still haven’t received a tracking number for Denise yet. If I’d ordered Rebecca, she’d be here in just two days, but I’d rather wait longer for what I really want. They say they usually ship out mannequins within one week of purchase.

If ever I wanted to strangle the cock that invented these car stereos, it’s now that it’s gotten hot out! If they weren’t so in people’s faces about getting attention and acknowledgment, I could open the bedroom window and let the fan blow in cooler air when sleeping during the daytime, but no, these needy little fuckers won’t let me. And I don’t care whether or not many others have the same problem. A problem’s still a problem whether it’s shared by several people or just a few.

Even though it will still be chilly in here during the early morning hours for some time to come, we’ve blown out the heater’s pilot for the summer, and our gigantic neighbor is back to stockpiling trash outside her door. We haven’t been back there, but we figure she is because she hasn’t stuck anything in the dumpster. I still don’t understand why most obese people are so filthy, but she’s just another one who goes to prove that not all stereotypes are mean and mythical, just like with blacks and us Jews. The blacks chose to hang onto a past that’s severely exaggerated and to use it as a crutch and an excuse to act out, but the Jews picked themselves up after the shit with Hitler and forged ahead, determined to succeed without using the past to gain sympathy.

It’s rappers like Snoop Dogg that really piss me off! This ain’t no “rapper” or “artist.” It’s a glorified gang member. He’s a murdering, dope-dealing junkie who’s made millions off his albums which are loaded with crime/hate-promoting lyrics. For the millionth time I have to ask myself – why do good things always seem to happen to bad people? Perhaps if Tom and I had been as low as that shithead we wouldn’t have had so many struggles in life!

Not much in the way of wins other than another round of Nair samples. Another thing I love about winning things is the money it costs others. We have lost so much money to others that it’s about time someone loses some to us! For so long I felt like one of my purposes in life was to be a profit to others. Hell, I’ll even be a profit in death considering all the dolls and other goodies people will get! If I were dead, though, I wouldn’t care because well, I’d be dead after all. If someone could use something I’m no longer alive to use, great. I just hope we don’t get taken advantage of again while we’re still alive. That’s the thing I worry about. My once being overly generous and too forgiving is what caused me most of my past problems, and not doing my homework on people and various things up front.

Another Mother’s Day has passed with a certain so-called mother in Florida as well as one in Arizona having to do without the daughter and son they lost and don’t at all deserve. I never give much thought to them, and when I do it isn’t in a kind way. The only ones I wish well are Andy and Lisa. I still think Lisa will eventually try to find me, not that I expect she’ll succeed, but not until she’s older, like around 30. In our 20s we tend to be more into ourselves with our desire to experience new things and find our niches in life. It isn’t until we get older that we start thinking more in terms of what’s going on in other people’s lives. Eventually, though, I’m almost certain she’ll start missing the good times we shared and will come to miss me and wonder what’s up with me.

I guess there is someone living in the house diagonally across from us because I’ve been seeing lights on at night.

I thought I was back in Phoenix last night! Some cock went down the street bouncing a basketball, not at all caring that it was nearly midnight, a time when most people are asleep.

My garden basket is just now starting to bloom. There’s a variety of flowers. It’s the daffodils that are starting first. From the picture, it looks like there’ll also be pink tulips, hyacinths, and some blue flowers.

Later…

The dogs across the street have become the problem I knew they’d be once it got hot, barking through the cracks in the fence at passers-by. I couldn’t even open the window in peace, so I blasted the stereo. I could still hear them, though.

I thought I’d lose a few pounds and realized I could do it the hard way and drag it out all summer, since 120 is worlds away from 125 at this age, or I could just crash it off and get it over with quickly. I figure if I don’t eat today (at least I’m gonna try my damnedest not to), then eat tomorrow, take the next day off, eat the next, and take one last day off, I can get at least 5 pounds off. I’ll feel more comfortable that way and some of my summer clothes will fit better. For now, I’m pumping myself really well with liquids.

They oughta invent a pill you can swallow that has some type of Novocain in it so that it numbs your stomach for hours. That way you couldn’t feel any hunger! I could never do this without the Claritin, that’s for sure.

I want to try to stay on nights throughout the summer. That way I’m up when it’s both quieter and cooler. It’s been in the mid-80s lately. I’d only want to be on days when I was expecting packages, but I’m not planning on making any more than two orders over the next two months; two Barbies from Walmart, and the big $700 Tonner/Barbie order I plan to do with the summer savings, since he may very well not get overtime again for quite a while.

Later…

I had to have a bowl of cereal to give me the energy to work out and I was just as hungry when I finished so that was a dumb idea. Hunger’s like headaches - the longer you put off doing something about them, the harder it is to nip them in the bud. On the other hand, I don’t know that I want to bother putting myself out and into so much hunger for so little. After all, one doesn’t need to be thin to be fit. I’m as fit as I am fat and I have been for years now. There are people who are 50 pounds overweight but are in excellent shape. Yes, I shall indulge! As long as I don’t go over 125 pounds, I’ll be okay.

Some young dude went running down the street faster than lightning not so long ago. I’m amazed at the amount of sidewalk activity in this state. I’m not only amazed by how much winter activity there is, but how late they’re milling up and down the sidewalks in the summer. I thought it was only bad neighborhoods like where I lived in Springfield that had such frequent activity.

Tom got me those blackout drapes for the bedroom’s side window. They look nice and do a good job of keeping light out. They can be used in our next 50 places, although we could very well end up here for years. Without a big win or the wrong people moving in and driving us out, we just may be here for quite a while. As I told Tom, though, if we do stay long and he keeps making what he’s making, we just might need to rent a storage place!

He said that while riding the bus to Walmart, he went through a section of town he’s never seen before that was more spread out. The houses seemed to be on farm-like lots. And I’m sure we could never afford to live there either. To say that something wants us in the areas that are more congested is an understatement! The city’s like the sickos used to be – always with me, always with it. It would actually be pretty damn quiet if it weren’t for the fucking stereos, and it’d be really quiet if the dog were out of the picture, too.

It got up to 80º in here today with a high of 77º outside. It’s to hit 88º come Thursday, so we’re going to put the AC in the living room soon.

I got my flower basket today. At first I was almost sorry I won it since there’s such limited room in here, but I weaseled it in by the front window. The bulbs are in their second of three stages. This means the stems are visible, but the flowers have yet to bloom (the lavenders just started sprouting). I was shocked because when I went to water it, it jumped up half a foot in minutes! I was surprised it came in a box. They’re pre-forced bulbs that were stored in a cooler that was void of light.

There are some orange-yellow tulips coming up in front that are kind of cool. I just wish I could see them from inside the house. Why in the world do people plant things to look nice for those going down the street and not for themselves? I still can’t understand that; showing off and trying to get the attention of strangers and virtually anyone and anything that’ll notice.

Tom read that they’re training rats to identify dangerous landmines in Colombia instead of dogs. Dogs are heavier and can cause the mines to explode when they stand on them. Also, rats are cheaper to care for, have much more sensitive noses and are smarter which makes them faster and easier to train. They also say the females are smarter, but as I told Tom, that goes without saying for any animal or person! That is, with him as an exception. Yes, I’ve always said he’s a man born with a woman’s brain. Anyway, I never could understand why people would want dogs as pets. Sure some of them are cute and they’re not the dumbest animals on earth, but they’re a big expense, a lot of work, and one hell of a noise-maker!

We’ll be ordering the Denise mannequin bright and early in the morning! I hope she’ll have a safe journey up here. She’s coming from Oklahoma.

Although it cooled down fast at sundown like most dry climates, it was a nice warm summery day, and of course the attention-getters were sucking it up and doing a fine job of getting on my nerves. I couldn’t seem to hold them off very well today. At least I only heard the canal dog bark once or twice. The dog across from next door has been going off more, but with the warmer weather, that’d bring more sidewalk activity. It could also be due to next door hanging out on their deck and porch. I’m just glad we don’t live on the other side of them or else these so-far good neighbors would be a nightmare! Especially with all the vehicles coming and going.

It got up to 77º in here today which now feels like 82º used to.

My hair is growing pretty fast. It’s sort of fried, but not as fried as I expected. They really have improved hair dye. It’s okay, though, because with it semi-fried, all this thick long hair isn’t so heavy as opposed to the last time it was really long and healthy.

It’s been a very dry May so far, unlike last May. Better this year than last. Last year it delayed everyone’s antics at the duplex for a month, and the drier it is here, the less I have to worry about the mail. It may very well not rain till September. The summers are the driest time here.

Yesterday was unbelievably quiet as far as stereos go. Whether or not it was just a grand coincidence, Tom and I agree it was nice. The dog was still a problem, but not as much. I think it went off about 3 times which is better than 10, so maybe I really can influence these things.

I had fun making my first electronic medleys. It sure beats doing them on tape. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to keep the volume balanced! The equalizer can only do so much.

When I got up at 1:00, I saw that Roto-Rooter was here snaking away at the pipes. Apparently, there was a hole in Kim’s pipe under her toilet, so the entire underside of her place is full of shit. Also, there was a clog where the two houses’ pipes meet up with the main big pipe that runs under the street. They also tried using a steamy hot high-pressure water hose to no avail. Tom said it was probably something that had taken many years to build up, and asked me to try to put a spell on it. So I concentrated real hard and next thing I know I was down in the pipe. Not literally, of course, but in my vision. I could see calcium build-up and all kinds of slimy scum which I concentrated on dissolving. Next thing we know, one of the guys goes running down the street. He then opened a manhole to see if the water was flowing smoothly and after 6 hours of working on the thing, it was! As I told Tom, I never would’ve thought to put a spell on such a thing. That’s when he told me that while he doesn’t think I could control things, he thinks I could at least influence them, and says I oughta try to influence more things in general. You may not be able to stop the stereos from booming by, he told me, but I think you could influence them so they’re not as bad, and even things like what’s on sale at the grocery store.

God knows I wish I could influence that fucking dog back there. Half the time I can’t do anything in the kitchen! I can’t cook in there, I can’t eat in there, I can’t do shit! I also have to have music or something going in the other rooms to drown it out of there too, though the kitchen’s certainly the worst room. I want to turn off my music now so I can sit and listen to my new wind chimes out front, but I can’t even do that. It’s ridiculous! Dogs have been a problem ever since I moved out west, and I wouldn’t put it past them to treat the case of a murdered dog the same as a murdered person. Still, I wish someone would kill it! Maybe then people wouldn’t be so quick to toss their dogs outside and forget about them.

I wish I could influence the bigger sweeps as well. It’s great that I just hit my 100th win, but it’s not doing anything to help get us out of here.

All the chimes are lovely except for one of the indoor ones. The one with the fountain is a complete bust. The water trickles along the chimes so gently that it doesn’t make them clank against one another, and they’re so soft anyway. The sound/vibration activator isn’t very sensitive either, and you have to practically beat on it to get the water flowing. We agreed it wouldn’t be worth returning, though, because after they took a 20% restocking fee and you deduct the postage it’d take to return it, we’d only be getting back about $8. If we can’t come up with some clever idea to improvise it, then I think it’d be a good tag sale item. The indoor one, which I’ve got on my desk, is dull-looking compared to my colorful outdoor ones, but it doesn’t take much to set it off. It chimes for 25 seconds and works by way of magnetic repellants. It sounds really pretty, too. If I cough, sneeze, talk loudly, blow bubbles with my gum, or set a cup down on the table, off it goes. It’s way cool.

Sure enough, my appetite’s increased since stopping the Claritin, I’m up two pounds, eating like a pig, and have a runnier nose. Maybe I’ll start it back up tomorrow. I was going to wait till Friday when it had been a week, but I’ll be up 5 pounds by then!

The handyman and the owner were here today right after Tom got done mowing with the weed-eater which didn’t take too long since the yard’s so small. It looked like they were watering the bushes in back once again, but Tom went out and discovered what they were really up to which was the same thing they were up to the last two times I saw the handyman out there thinking he was watering. Kim clogged her toilet again. They were doing something that flushes the pipes, Tom explained, and said that they’d get Roto-Rooter out here if need be. Meanwhile, they put Kim’s trash in the dumpster where it belongs. Maybe she’ll take the hint and keep up on it from now on, but like most huge people I’ve known, she’s not exactly into cleanliness. The dumpster’s full now, but it’ll be picked up in just a couple of days.

He said they also said they’d replace the utility door, but Tom told them not to worry about it. It’s the back door they should replace, but we don’t want the hassles of dealing with them either disturbing us, waking me up, or spotting the rat.

The guy said that when they were doing the roof with new rafters and such, he was then going to jack the house up to make it level again until he realized that that would mess up the new roofing. That’s a typical dumb cock for you, though as sexist as I am, I realize there are a few things better about guys in general. For one, they don’t care how a woman decorates, so she doesn’t have to worry about him bitching about that. Also, if she’s like me and wants to skip out on having kids so she can have a life, she’ll never have to worry about an argument on that one either!

Not surprisingly, Tom said the dog was going crazy in back for a while when he was out, and that someone came out and yelled at it at one point. Why don’t they just take it inside or get rid of it??? What’s the point of leaving it out to bark up a storm and annoy them and those around them if they don’t give a damn about the thing and are just going to neglect it anyway??? There’s always gotta be something we have to listen to no matter where we go.

I quit the Claritin for a week to renew its kick and I’ve already eaten a pound back on. I’m 124 pounds on this scale, but of course, a doctor’s scale would tell me I was really between 132-134.

I got the lavender growing kit on Friday, and tomorrow I’ll get the chimes. I hope I get all 4 of them since this company obviously does drop-shipment.

Ah, the peacefulness of the nighttime. It’s still early on a Saturday night, so I’m sure the city’s desperate and deprived will make enough shows of themselves with the bass, but as much as I complain about not being able to hold a schedule, it’s still nice to enjoy the best of both worlds; the peacefulness of the nights and the convenience of days.

I got a rather weird package from FedEx the other day. An empty box. Just a plain old empty box. It was from Florida and was probably from a company that sends prizes. I hope it wasn’t a prize I wanted. Some asshole probably swiped it on the assembly line. Tom emailed them, but he hasn’t gotten a response yet.

I spotted a good deal on a Janay doll, a 12” vinyl doll like Barbie, on eBay, so I got one coming from Texas. She’s black with realistic features, gold hair, and a casual yet flashy outfit.

Tom’s going to make a habit of biking it to Fred Meyer every weekend because he misses being in a grocery store that has everything. Me too! I hate this little half-assed Safeway store we usually walk to. I miss Albertson’s and the Walmart Supercenter. Actually, he’s going to Walmart so he can get me a blackout draper liner which hotels use, to put in the bedroom’s side window because that window’s going to get hit with a lot of afternoon sunlight. I like it darker when sleeping in the daytime anyway, and it’s good insulation against both heat and cold and it supposedly reduces noise, too.

This weekend he picked up a weed eater. With the yard being so small, he should be able to do most of it with just that.

We walked to the store yesterday and passed a heavy woman in her 20s or so sitting on the porch swing. On our way back an animal yelled out of the upper window, but we never saw it in the yard. There were 3 cars parked there, along with a stroller and a garden trailer on a grassy area alongside the driveway. They have yet to be a problem, and if some bass I hear is theirs I wouldn’t know it there’s as so damn many people blasting music.

Silk Splash, the new site that’s to be run by SOS, isn’t ready yet, but I’m excited about buying their ½-oz. roll-ons for a buck! I’ve got to stop using the burner and sticks cuz of the residue. I can’t wash some of the doll clothes like the glittery ones. I can personally say that a ½-oz. lasts longer than one might think, especially if I buy 50-100 at a time like I know I will. I still want to wait till after I’ve gotten Denise and most of the dolls on my list. Besides, I’ve still got quite a bit left. When I do order, I’ll get my favorites and some newbies! I still may grab a few 1-oz. sizes for the warmer. At least that doesn’t smoke or get too overwhelming.

It’s cold again, but only at night. The heat can still be off during the daytime.

Amazingly, next door’s still been fine, not that I’m ready to say the noise curse has been lifted. All we’ve seen is them mowing, and right now someone’s edging, and then on Saturday, there was an animal in the yard for a few minutes. I heard its screams, but it was nothing like the animals that visited the fat tub of shit we lived next to last summer. Tom was right when he said the bad makes the good even better and more enjoyable. If the same people are still at the duplex now, I’m sooo glad that I’m not! If that sick bitch hasn’t been evicted, then I know that anytime now the beast of hers will be let out at 6 AM sharp, and there it will remain for hours on end. Then she’ll let it out for a few more hours along with herself in the early evenings and gab on the phone, oblivious to its barking, not giving a damn about others around her. I do not miss that shit!

Since my last entry, I’ve won a cheese spreader, a Superman action figure, and a Fine Living Chris Isaak Jazz Pack which includes: a DVD, a dozen pralines, a cooler chair, a Louisiana music CD, and a Louisiana Official Tour Guide. I also won 5 of the 2006 Best Picture Nominated DVDs and a bag of Granola Munch’ems snack packs at an ARV of $110.

We bombed on Sunday while we walked up to do the laundry. We washed my comforter and the wolf print blanket that I’ve been using as a curtain. I’ll use it as a blanket when it gets a little warmer, rather than buy a new one. Instead, I’ve got the two indoor chimes, the two outdoor chimes, and the lavender growing kit on its way to me.

The cherry and apple blossoms are abloom now. It’s too bad they won’t be for long.

I’ve changed my mind as far as the Rebecca mannequin goes. Yes, she’s nice, but she’s got a few things about her I don’t like. For one, she looks like Ashley’s twin sister, she’s also white as a ghost, and I don’t like the way one of her arms hangs. It’s supposed to be resting on her lap, but it doesn’t quite touch it, so the pose doesn’t look as natural. I’ve always liked the Denise mannequin that a couple of other sites have, but she was twice the cost so I never seriously considered her. However, I found an eBay seller selling her for $275 with shipping, just $25 more than Rebecca, and I think it’s worth it to get the one I really want. Especially since it’s something I’ll have all my life, assuming we never lose our stuff. She said she’ll throw in a long blond wig and that she’ll hold her till the 12th when we’ll have the money, but I don’t know if she comes with any kind of a seat. If not, I can always buy one or make one out of boxes or something. She has a more unique and stable pose. Rebecca sat cross-legged with one hand on her hip and the other resting a couple of inches above her lap which looked a bit odd. This one sits resting her forearms on her lap with her hands dangling by the sides of her knees. Her left hand is by her right knee and her right hand is by her left knee. Her knees are close together, but her feet are spread apart. She is also known as “The Intellectual Beauty” and measures 33-24-35, the same as Ashley, though Ashley’s waist is a half-inch bigger. She may have hazel eyes like Ashley, but she doesn’t have the same red lips.

I was contemplating saving up for Lasik eye surgery next summer if we’re still here and not broke to help get me out of glasses for a good 5-10 years. At least out of prescription glasses anyway. However, I realize that that’d fall along the same lines as having my ear operated on and my teeth straightened. In other words, whatever’s up there would not like that at all, and because I didn’t stick to the farsighted eyes I was meant to have, it could very well punish me with total blindness or something else much more horrible than just farsightedness.

I got a letter from Mary. She said she was sorry my pictures were returned and that others have had glitter cards returned to them and that it’s taking everyone 9-11 days to receive their mail from the date it’s postmarked. She said she didn’t know if it was the post office or if they were seriously reading people’s mail. As I told her, no, it’s not the post office that’s the problem, and reminded her that jails and law enforcement in general aren’t just about “justice.” It’s about power and greed, and in the case of the mail taking forever to get to her, it’s a case of control since there’s no money to be made by making sure they delay giving it to her. Whether they’re reading incoming mail or not, it shouldn’t take any more than 4 days to get to her. But they’re not going to come out and say, “We deliberately hold the mail for a week just to feel we’re in control of you, etc.” Tampering or withholding anyone’s mail is a federal offense, so I wouldn’t expect them to admit to what they’re doing. Even so, they always gotta do something to feel powerful.

She said her friend Brandi, who’s still in Estrella, said crazy Joe took away the radios. I’m surprised it took this long. I guess he decided the control and depriving the inmates of music was worth the money loss. I just thank God he didn’t swipe them when I was there!

She suggested we don’t move just because it may get noisy next door, and said that many others have the same problem with noise and to just be glad things aren’t worse. As I told her, we wouldn’t move if it was just kind of noisy or even moderately noisy, we’d move if it was VERY noisy with a capital V. The duplex wasn’t just noisy, it was insanely noisy! Yeah, it’s a noisy world and it only gets worse and worse, so we wouldn’t move unless it was an extreme situation. We also left the duplex for other reasons, as I reminded her.

Sure enough, she’s thinking of working at home when she gets out and goes to live with her brother, so I reminded her that there is no work-at-home job and that they’re all scams. If it were that easy to work at home, then just about everyone would. I told her that sure, she’d get survey invitations, alright. But what she’ll find is that they’ll always say, “Sorry, you didn’t qualify for the $2 or $5 or whatever it is, but we’ll enter you into our drawing.” Meanwhile, they probably don’t even do drawings, and if they did you’d have to count on winning all the time to be able to support yourself. They’re targeting mothers because they know they’re the most desperate for money and that they’d rather stay home than spend money on daycare where their kids could be molested and God knows what else. This is why fewer and fewer women are having kids these days. It isn’t just that so many guys don’t want to deal with the kid taking their attention from them, or because they don’t want the extra expense/responsibility. It’s because most jobs don’t pay enough to cover the adults’ expenses and the kids’, daycare or babysitter. The dollar just doesn’t go very far these days. I told her that her best bet will be to take the highest-paying job she can get, and then do her hobbies and other things she likes to do during her time off. Like it or not, we can’t do it all, can’t have it all. We gotta just make the best of the hand that’s dealt to us in life and hope for the best.

She wants to do email with me when she’s free and get a text reader. I told her email would be fun, but to keep in mind that I don’t have tons of free time anymore.

They finally moved her to an open dorm. She said she doesn’t have any privacy there, but that it’s calmer there without the constant fistfights and bickering. She said she’d still go back to Estrella if she could, even though she couldn’t have a radio, and they’re now only allowed two showers a week. The two showers a week – ugh! That’s definitely overkill, but once again, they get off on making the inmates feel as miserable as they can, not just to punish them, but because it makes them feel bigger and badass.

I didn’t know this, but apparently Adam lives in a mountain cabin. He must make a ton of money to afford the gas to commute. Is she sure the probation department will let her live in such a remote place? And is she sure she’s even going to be happy in a mountain cabin? She was always a city girl and always loved it, from what she told me.