Although I still haven’t received a tracking number, I did get an email saying the mannequin was shipped yesterday and that I should have it in 4 days. 4 days from when? The day it was shipped? If that’s the case, then I’d say FedEx is going to deliver it on Saturday.

I wish to hell the doctors could know it was my ear frame that was the problem back in Phoenix and not anything inside. If I’d gotten just that removed I may not have ended up so punished since they’d only be removing something God never intended for me to have in the first place. It’s what I’m not supposed to have that he goes after. I wonder when He’ll have the bottom retainer fall out. Believe me, if it was a simple matter of reaching in my mouth and yanking it out, I would. This is why I’m afraid to consider LASIK surgery, even if they had it available in this little shit town. I was meant to have my eyesight worsen with age, not get better. So if I ever had this done, would He make sure I acquired some terrible eye disease later on? I believe He would. It may take 10 years, but yes, He’d do something. Why’d He give us the brains to figure out how to perform these procedures in the first place if He didn’t want us altering things? I suppose that’s a dumb question. I mean, I know good and well that not all rules apply to everyone. Just because someone who killed me would automatically be allowed to get away with it doesn’t mean I could get away with breaking into someone’s house.

I always wondered why He ever allowed me to be able to experience orgasms. I mean, if I was destined to be so cursed sexually that I could never get anyone that turned me on like Kate or even Teddy Bear, then why not go all the way and deny me orgasms? But then I realized that with the exception of those of us who don’t want to cum, lust and cumming go hand in hand. Therefore, you couldn’t frustrate someone with lusting for those they could never have without allowing them the ability to get off in the first place. This is the best reason I can come up with anyway, for why He ever allowed me that much.

Kim left at 5 AM yesterday and was still gone at 10:00. I’ve never seen her leave that early before.