I’m so sick of being hungry half the time that I’ve decided to just eat when I’m hungry and forget about trying to hold my weight down where it’s at. It’s just too much work. I feel pretty certain that the intense hunger spells I have are my body’s way of saying, “Hey, when are you going to let me gain the rest of the weight a middle-aged person is supposed to gain?” Most people are 40-50 pounds heavier by the time they’re my age, but I’m only 25 pounds heavier. I only fought to keep from gaining anymore so I could save us money, but I think I’m ready to just let my body do what it feels it needs to do. I’ll still work out, though. There’s no reason I can’t keep in shape just because I’ll have more fat on me in time. I don’t look forward to not being able to get around as well, since carrying extra weight is harder on a short person, and I don’t want to have to spend money periodically on new clothes as I gain whatever I’m going to gain, but I’m tired of feeling lousy so much of the time.

I was going to quit the Claritin since it doesn’t seem to do much to curb my hunger lately but decided to stick with it a little longer because my ear’s been better overall. Tom said that sometimes things can take a long time to take effect, though I still think it’ll always be a problem. That’s what I get for having the fucking canal drilled! If only I had known. If only. Anyway, I understand that our bodies are designed to obtain a slower metabolism and be hungrier with age to protect us against illness since our immune system weakens with time, and so I’m prepared to just roll with the punches, so to speak. Tom spent most of his youth at around 150-160 pounds and then jumped to over 200. I know Paula was 120 for the longest time before she jumped to 160. I’ve calculated that I’ll eventually end up around 140-150 since my average younger weight was 100.

How I wish I could live a life with no pain, run to the dentist to get my teeth filled and sealed, then get LASIK done on my eyes!!! But these things will never happen because I know what additional trouble they’d eventually bring. God didn’t want Andy’s sister Linda to have kids, yet she forced them into her womb through in-vitro. Because of this, her kids will pay dearly. But I’m the one that has to pay for the ear surgeries and braces, and will no doubt continue to forever since I have no descendants for whatever the hell’s up there that thinks we must pay for the sins of our forefathers to take it out on. So I have to wonder if any additional procedures of any kind are worth it that isn’t a matter of life or death.

I was thinking how great it’d be to buy plain white mannequins for $100, paint them up pretty, then sell them on eBay for $250. If I sold one a week, that’d be an extra grand a month. But then I was not only reminded of the no-making-money-allowed rule fate so cruelly put on me but also that we’d need the truck up and running in order to get them to FedEx. With the cost of gas these days, that may not mean much of a profit, and there may not be that big of a market for them. Especially if most buyers were store owners wanting to buy in bulk.