If ever I wanted to strangle the cock that invented these car stereos, it’s now that it’s gotten hot out! If they weren’t so in people’s faces about getting attention and acknowledgment, I could open the bedroom window and let the fan blow in cooler air when sleeping during the daytime, but no, these needy little fuckers won’t let me. And I don’t care whether or not many others have the same problem. A problem’s still a problem whether it’s shared by several people or just a few.

Even though it will still be chilly in here during the early morning hours for some time to come, we’ve blown out the heater’s pilot for the summer, and our gigantic neighbor is back to stockpiling trash outside her door. We haven’t been back there, but we figure she is because she hasn’t stuck anything in the dumpster. I still don’t understand why most obese people are so filthy, but she’s just another one who goes to prove that not all stereotypes are mean and mythical, just like with blacks and us Jews. The blacks chose to hang onto a past that’s severely exaggerated and to use it as a crutch and an excuse to act out, but the Jews picked themselves up after the shit with Hitler and forged ahead, determined to succeed without using the past to gain sympathy.

It’s rappers like Snoop Dogg that really piss me off! This ain’t no “rapper” or “artist.” It’s a glorified gang member. He’s a murdering, dope-dealing junkie who’s made millions off his albums which are loaded with crime/hate-promoting lyrics. For the millionth time I have to ask myself – why do good things always seem to happen to bad people? Perhaps if Tom and I had been as low as that shithead we wouldn’t have had so many struggles in life!

Not much in the way of wins other than another round of Nair samples. Another thing I love about winning things is the money it costs others. We have lost so much money to others that it’s about time someone loses some to us! For so long I felt like one of my purposes in life was to be a profit to others. Hell, I’ll even be a profit in death considering all the dolls and other goodies people will get! If I were dead, though, I wouldn’t care because well, I’d be dead after all. If someone could use something I’m no longer alive to use, great. I just hope we don’t get taken advantage of again while we’re still alive. That’s the thing I worry about. My once being overly generous and too forgiving is what caused me most of my past problems, and not doing my homework on people and various things up front.

Another Mother’s Day has passed with a certain so-called mother in Florida as well as one in Arizona having to do without the daughter and son they lost and don’t at all deserve. I never give much thought to them, and when I do it isn’t in a kind way. The only ones I wish well are Andy and Lisa. I still think Lisa will eventually try to find me, not that I expect she’ll succeed, but not until she’s older, like around 30. In our 20s we tend to be more into ourselves with our desire to experience new things and find our niches in life. It isn’t until we get older that we start thinking more in terms of what’s going on in other people’s lives. Eventually, though, I’m almost certain she’ll start missing the good times we shared and will come to miss me and wonder what’s up with me.

I guess there is someone living in the house diagonally across from us because I’ve been seeing lights on at night.

I thought I was back in Phoenix last night! Some cock went down the street bouncing a basketball, not at all caring that it was nearly midnight, a time when most people are asleep.

My garden basket is just now starting to bloom. There’s a variety of flowers. It’s the daffodils that are starting first. From the picture, it looks like there’ll also be pink tulips, hyacinths, and some blue flowers.

Later…

The dogs across the street have become the problem I knew they’d be once it got hot, barking through the cracks in the fence at passers-by. I couldn’t even open the window in peace, so I blasted the stereo. I could still hear them, though.

I thought I’d lose a few pounds and realized I could do it the hard way and drag it out all summer, since 120 is worlds away from 125 at this age, or I could just crash it off and get it over with quickly. I figure if I don’t eat today (at least I’m gonna try my damnedest not to), then eat tomorrow, take the next day off, eat the next, and take one last day off, I can get at least 5 pounds off. I’ll feel more comfortable that way and some of my summer clothes will fit better. For now, I’m pumping myself really well with liquids.

They oughta invent a pill you can swallow that has some type of Novocain in it so that it numbs your stomach for hours. That way you couldn’t feel any hunger! I could never do this without the Claritin, that’s for sure.

I want to try to stay on nights throughout the summer. That way I’m up when it’s both quieter and cooler. It’s been in the mid-80s lately. I’d only want to be on days when I was expecting packages, but I’m not planning on making any more than two orders over the next two months; two Barbies from Walmart, and the big $700 Tonner/Barbie order I plan to do with the summer savings, since he may very well not get overtime again for quite a while.

Later…

I had to have a bowl of cereal to give me the energy to work out and I was just as hungry when I finished so that was a dumb idea. Hunger’s like headaches - the longer you put off doing something about them, the harder it is to nip them in the bud. On the other hand, I don’t know that I want to bother putting myself out and into so much hunger for so little. After all, one doesn’t need to be thin to be fit. I’m as fit as I am fat and I have been for years now. There are people who are 50 pounds overweight but are in excellent shape. Yes, I shall indulge! As long as I don’t go over 125 pounds, I’ll be okay.