At last, the house is filled with good smells, both old and new. The package ended up getting damaged the first time around, so Elliot repacked it and shipped it overnight, which probably cost them $50 or so. It was cool to see it zip across the country and be in TN just after 1 AM, then just after 5 AM, it was over in Sacramento!

That would be a fun job if I were single, could keep a schedule and didn’t mind motels...flying FedEx planes all night. No drunks or traffic lights to have to deal with, and no people other than whoever was in the jump seat.

It finally rained again!

A couple of OLSers were applauding my bashing Brent, the owner of OLS, for how they’ve been operating things. People are still complaining like crazy about all the comment and blog sweeps, asking that they be put in their own category, reminding them that they’re the paying members, but does he care, no of course not! So in response to yet another thread that started bitching about it, I said hey, the guy obviously doesn’t care. Maybe if enough of us stop buying premium memberships and his money starts to dwindle, then he’ll care. For now, all we’re going to get are bogus promises of “improvement.” Yet since I’ve been a member, nothing has changed but the comment/blog trend.

One of the OLSers PM’d me to say she not only agreed with me but that she was surprised I didn’t get banned (she’s been banned 3 times for things she’s said). Obviously, I’m not the kind to worry what others think or do or else I wouldn’t have an online journal!

It really does suck, though. Not just the comment/blogs, but the “do this, do that” bullshit that seems to be getting worse. Recipes, trivia, videos, photos, essays – we can’t simply fill and submit the forms that much anymore! They continue to rudely delete a lot of my posts that have everything to do with the sweeps and aren’t the least bit rude in any way, they rarely ever answer my questions, and I’ve basically gotten nothing but rudeness the entire time I’ve been a member. I only put up with it because of how much I’ve won. But my wins have been down lately, and if Tom’s wrong about them picking up when the economy improves, I definitely won’t renew my membership, even though the premium sweeps are where most of the good ones are.

I’m getting fed up with Kiwi again. First they say they’ll send me a temporary tattoo and a full sticker sheet with points from my old account and all I get is the tattoo. I still haven’t received the CD I put in for on the 20th from this account, and now they’re ripping me off of points!!!!!! For two days now I haven’t gotten points for the slots and memory games I always play. What is wrong with these people??????

There’s probably more I could update on, but I’ve got enough other things to do, so I’m going to call this an entry!

Later…

It rained in the evening last night for the third time since we’ve been in Auburn. Then after he got in before midnight it came down hard and has been doing that off and on ever since. It was so nice just lying in the darkness listening to the sound of the rain falling.

According to Lisa, yes, she did at least get the chance to mention our names to my mom, so yes, it is something personal, though I haven’t a clue as to what it could possibly be and I’m not sure I even care anymore. I’m still not sure why they bothered saving us if they knew they didn’t want anything to do with us, but I’m glad we’re making sure that we don’t ever need saving again because they’re the last ones I’d turn to. No hard feelings, though, as strange as the whole thing is. They have a right not to want to associate with me just like I have a right not to associate with whomever I choose not to associate with. It’s better to ignore each other than not to do so and do nothing but fight.

I apologized to Lisa for my mother’s rudeness, and have kept in mind that these are people that caused me all kinds of pain and misery. I would never have a friend or a lover like that, so why should I allow anyone else to treat me the way they have just because they’re blood?

And of course I’m sure it’s all my mother’s doing and that dad is simply going along with her even if he disagrees with her. He never did have a backbone of his own. I tell you, she could’ve killed one of us as kids and he’d still follow her like a faithful puppy, always quick to obey, agree and defend the all-mighty Dureen.

I can’t help but wonder where someone like Charlotte stands as far as this shit’s concerned. I mean, surely my mom has told her she refused a prize we tried to transfer to them without even finding out what it was. Did Char tell her she should’ve at least found out what it was? Call her mean, rude and ungrateful? Or is she patting her on the back and saying, “Good move, Doe.”

My guess would be that she’s going along with her. You kind of have to if you want to be a friend of Doe’s.

How wrong Tom was when he said it was probably important to them to have me back in their lives because of how old they are now. Well, like I said, it really is all for the better. They just better hope that if Larry hasn’t dumped them again, Tammy hasn’t either, because I won’t be there for them in the end. I doubt Tammy would ever dump them, though. She likes having abusive people in her life.

So it was a waste of time editing the few entries that I edited on MD because they’re not going there and neither is Tammy. If they didn’t want to hear about their prize, then why would they want to read my letter? So I’ll get on with my life, uncensored and uncaring as far as what I write. As I always did say, don’t like it? Don’t read it!

I got a message from Lisa this morning saying that she got a hold of my mother, but before she could explain what I won and that there was no cost, she said she wasn’t interested and hung up. I replied explaining that my mother is old and not as sharp-minded, and might have even thought she was a sales call if she didn’t get the chance to mention our names. I thanked her for trying anyway. It’s their loss! Meanwhile, she still has yet to talk to Jessie, but as I told Lisa, Jessie works full-time and has a 6-year-old, so she doesn’t have much of a life or free time.

Of course there are other possibilities where my folks are concerned. Yes, my mother’s probably losing it and maybe even my dad is, too. They’re right around the age when the 3 grandparents I knew lost it. I don’t think anyone in my family has ever made it to the 80s, and they’re 76 and 77 right now. I still feel that they will, but no one can know for sure. Either way, I thought she sounded a little out of it at times last year, asking how to spell our last name, who I was with, etc. She was her usual stern-sounding self, but just the way she talked and some of the things she said made me wonder.

Most would probably say I was being too hard on myself, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking this personally, but being the curious type, I’ve wondered why they stopped writing. I’m just the kind that likes to analyze things. My parents, especially my mother, can be rather fragile and sensitive. Meaning that they get nervous and or uncomfortable easily, and tend to take things the wrong way. So I thought of the few letters I’ve sent over the last year, and I can’t think of anything I said wrong. The only thing that might’ve set them off is our difference in opinion regarding other family members, both dead and alive, or maybe the psychic talk freaked them out. That always did seem to be a little spooky for them which tells me they may not be as much of a non-believer as they like to let on. Hey, if I thought someone may be able to make me ill or bring me bad luck simply because they got upset with me, I’d be hesitant to associate with them too, whether they could help themselves or not (I posted the letters on MD).

Some have suggested they only saved us last year simply because they felt obligated to. Well, thinking back to the time we spoke on the phone, Dad did seem concerned, he did say he loved me, but not once, not even in the card my mom sent, did she say she loved me. And when we spoke she seemed burdened and annoyed more than genuinely concerned for Tom and me. Maybe all those who insisted over the years that they never truly loved me and that they even hate kids and simply had them for appearance’s sake, have a point. After all, what kind of mother pawns her kid off on camps, hospitals, relatives, and schools, and goes and uninvites them to family gatherings so they could have a “quieter evening?” Not one who isn’t in a hurry to have the house to herself and her friends (my siblings were long gone by the time I was in my teens) or who could accept their child as they were, unique or not, different from them or not.

Some may also say they’re simply giving me a taste of my own medicine for dumping them like I did in ’99, but Larry dumped them for a decade too, yet they welcomed him back with open arms. I don’t know if they’re still in touch, or even if they’re in touch with Tammy, but they want the money they play down, so they probably are. Oh, they might’ve lost a good amount to medical expenses, but no one gives someone $450 on the spot that has any real financial problems. Then again, what I’d consider comfortable probably isn’t much to them. These are people who are used to being loaded and living high off the hog. They weren’t ever millionaires, but they were still way upper class.

So I did something today that a part of me regrets doing. I sent them a letter before Lisa told me she spoke to Mom. Or tried to anyway. I gave them the link to MD, as anyone who reads their letters will see, and asked that they pass it along to the drama queen. I even have an entry just for her, explaining why I could never forgive her. But now I don’t even know if they’ll read it or visit the site if they do. Makes me sorry I “desexed” my stories, hoping they might enjoy some of them. I’ll remember not to bother when the one I’m working on is done. After all, it’s my journal and they don’t have to read anything they don’t want to, and I told them that, too.

I updated them on what was going on with Tom and me, told them about getting books published, and enclosed a couple of pictures, and that’s pretty much it. There really wasn’t much else to say.

For whatever reason, be it real or imagined, they’ve decided they don’t want me in their lives, and I never liked them as people anyway, so we’re done with each other. They’ll never hear from me again and I doubt I’ll ever hear from them again or anyone they know, not that they know where to contact me. Yeah, I didn’t put a return address on the letter. As I explained to them, I chose not to so they wouldn’t feel obligated to reply, and so they wouldn’t think I was out for birthday money with my birthday being just over a month away.

Yup, things would’ve been a lot different had they been divorced or I’d been an only child!

It’s hard to believe that exactly 21 years ago today I bought my very first journal with someone as selfish and as stuck-up as Jenny C was and probably still is today. I may have had no taste in friends, but I sure started a fun hobby that day!

Jessie emailed me all excited about the MedSpa transfer. She got Lisa’s message and will call her back tomorrow. Hope she can use it and my folks too, now that Lisa has the right number. She said the number I gave her wasn’t theirs, and for a minute I thought they changed the number because of me, thinking that was a rather extreme move of them, not that I’ve called them or would ever bother to if they asked me not to. Then I saw that the number was wrong. I knew nothing happened to them or else someone would’ve told me. So Lisa’s going to call them tomorrow.

Jessie asked if I remembered Lisa C from school, saying that her sister gave Lisa her number. Actually, I do. A blond girl. I’d forgotten about her till she mentioned the name, though.

Fortunately, gas prices have dropped and this will help us save even faster. I just hope it lasts more than 5 minutes!

After thinking about it, I don’t see how gay marriage won’t end up being banned in this state, as wrong as it will be. It only took about 9 people to give them the rights they deserve, yet millions are going to be voting. Sadly, most people still hate gays, especially older people. Therefore, I don’t see how it could possibly pass, though I hope I’m wrong. If I’m not, it almost seems cruel of the Supreme Court to give them their rights just so they can be stripped of them a few months later. Then again, some may say that a few months of equality is better than none.

I’m up 1.4 pounds. That’s what I get for living it up on Chinese and Jelly Bellies over the weekend, but sometimes you just gotta take a break and have fun! I’ll get it off in a day or two.

I just finished running and Tom finally got the bugged cookie off my computer that was causing FF not to remember me at various sites.

We went and got some Chinese take-out for me at the grocery store that has that. It’s gotten way too expensive now that they’ve started charging by weight. It was bad enough before, but as great as most of it is (when the rice isn’t undercooked and the meat’s not dried out), it’s not worth it.

Amber, one of my top annoyances on Kiwi was warned not to contact me “since she clearly cannot be civilized,” according to Susan. So many people have complained against her I wonder if she may’ve even been banned, not that she won’t come back with a different s/n.

Anyway, I still like Kiwi, but I sure get sick of the immature bullshit that goes on there. Again the post boards, which they ought to call the bicker boards, are such a drag. All they want to do is tear into each other when they disagree! And now that they’re sick of picking on me, they’re picking on some other girl they suspect has multiple s/n’s, and of course they wonder if it’s me. rolls eyes What losers! If it weren’t for the prizes and the fun creativity of making colorful journal entries, I wouldn’t even bother.

Speaking of prizes, I decided that rather than go for either just lotion or just CDs, I’ll go for both. I’m going to rotate back and forth between the two. I just put in for a CD, so now I’ll go for their wonderful lotion. It worked so well and it smelled so good!

Today I awoke at 137.6 pounds! I still look terrible but feel a lot better. It’s getting easier to get around.

I gave some gay-bashing bigots a piece of my mind at their site who are bullying businesses that support equality in Cali, and claiming they want to “restore” marriage. But straights never lost the right to marry in the first place just because gays gained the right to do so! So what’s to restore??? These people aren’t just mean and hateful, they’re insane!

That SleekMedSpa rep, Lisa, emailed me about not responding to the prize, and as I told her, I didn’t realize there were no transportation or hotel accommodations when I entered (their spas are in NY, Massachusetts & Florida). So Lisa replied saying the prize was transferable and they could accommodate up to 3 friends or family members. I gave her my folks and Jessie’s numbers, though I think she got off work before she could call Jessie. She did call my folks, she later said in another email but got their machine. They probably didn’t get a chance to talk today either, and if they’re interested, they’re going to have to wait till Monday.

I’m sure their health will depend on it, but I hope they’re interested and could use it. Despite any nasty things they’ve done in the past, it’d be nice to give them this in return for saving us last year, even though they were nice enough to tell us not to bother to pay them back.

I almost nailed the 10-pound marker today! If I’d gotten up an hour or two later I might have, but I missed it by a 10th of a pound and woke up at 138.0 instead. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

By the time I got up at 10:00, it was too hot to run outside, so I ran 6 songs in here. It’s going to be even hotter tomorrow, so I’ll be running indoors again. I can’t run as many songs outdoors because I run too fast. It’s hard not to with all that open space.

My incense has finally been shipped. I’m looking forward to it! They had labeling issues and so they’re giving me free shipping which they’ve upgraded. I’ll receive it on Tuesday.

So we get this message yesterday on the cell from a woman having some “exciting news” for me, and to call this 800 number as I’ve been selected as one of the winners for mumbles something inaudible spa.

It turns out that all it is is up to 3K in one of their medical spas in either New York or Florida for some nasty-sounding treatments like laser hair removal, microdermabrasion, vein treatment, photo facial and/or chemical peel. The laser hair removal may be nice to have done, but they don’t provide any air or hotel accommodations, not that it’d be that nice to have if they did. So it’s a biggie that isn’t a biggie. I knew that before the year was out I’d hit a big one. I just didn’t think it’d be this! Why did I even bother to enter? I guess that when you make so many entries a day you tend to miss stuff like this.

It does seem quite a coincidence, though, that as soon as I realize my wins may be down because the Lucky Bamboo plants are too far away from my PC, I hit a biggie, even though it’s a biggie that never was

Amber’s already starting her shit with me again on Kiwi, even with this account. She even passworded her journal so she could openly bash me to the select few she gives the PW to. That’s okay cuz this time Mike has told me it’s only fair that he make this right, don’t sweat it, etc. Whatever. All I know is that I’m not hiding this time!

Oh, what she did was after I mentioned being a suspense writer in one of the post boards talking about writing, she replied to that with, “You’re a smut writer, not a suspense.” And so I thought both Mike and Susan would want to know about it. He pulled her post and probably emailed her a little reprimand. I can’t believe she’s still subbied to my journal! I must be rather interesting to both her and Emma.

Here we go with the engine-gunning. Yeah, he gave it to me yesterday, as I figured he would. The question is, is he going to sic it on me in spurts for the next two hours, or will it be a one-time thing like yesterday? I don’t think I want to find out, and once is annoying enough, so I’ll throw the tunes on.

I just used up the last of my iTunes credit. I want to eventually buy any songs I have that are of poor quality that are available on iTunes.

I called Paula yesterday from the landline, got her machine and told her to send me a letter as to why she can’t get online and hopefully I could send her back some helpful advice, then she called back, unsure of who the number belonged to. But then when she was in the middle of begging for a CD, we got cut off. So I’m sending her a letter explaining that the cell doesn’t work well here cuz of the metal trim on the trailer, and the landline is either full of static or disconnecting calls, so she’ll either have to get online or send letters. I’m sick of her stupidity and calling only when she wants something! So if the phone rings today, I’m not answering it.

Later…

The engine-gunner just left on the motorcycle. Ah, but let me guess… it’ll be right back in just a matter of minutes!

Other than his racket, it’s a gorgeous day out there. A little chilly at night, but today we’ve got a beautiful cross-breeze going throughout the place. We shouldn’t need the cooler at all today so long as I don’t use the oven while it’s light.

I want to work on my story but am not sure where to go with it next. I’ve got the rest of it all mapped out in my mind, I’m just not sure of the best way to go about it.

Later…

It turned out to be warm enough to need the cooler today after all. Tomorrow it’s to be in the 80s!

I put about 15 dolls away that aren’t my favorites to make dusting easier on me. So now I only have about 80 of the damn dust collectors set up that I kind of wish I never began collecting in the first place!

Candy was getting to be a fun rat. Not like Tinkerbell, of course, or even Blondie or Little Buddy, but fun enough. However, I now can’t let him out anymore the same as Brownie, but for different reasons. He chews like no other rat we’ve ever had before! It’s insane. He chewed the cord to the portable heater, but hopefully Tom can fix it. Both these rats suck after all. One’s terrified and won’t usually go home on his own after being let out, and the other is destructive. I’ve been so totally cursed in the rat department since losing Tink. I want my Tink back!

Just when I thought maybe somebody did something to keep those dogs at bay, two of them went traipsing by yesterday afternoon, and Tom saw them, too. They passed the kitchen window, walked down to the end of the clearing, then started barking their way down into the ditch very slowly. By the time Tom got down there, they were gone. I wish we had a gun! If dogs didn’t bark I wouldn’t give a shit any more than I do with cats roaming around our place, but these creatures that I wish never existed are too noisy to simply sit back and welcome along.

Tom is still working on the horses and is still sure he’ll get them to pay off enough to buy us a house but doesn’t know exactly when. He doesn’t think we’ll be here for more than a few years. I’m not sure what to think. I mean, we have to win our way out of here, or else we’ll be here forever as long as there are no problems with Jesse and we don’t go broke for some reason. This wouldn’t be the worst place to be stuck in, but I kind of miss not having to move my desk chair just to enter my closet. I miss being able to walk up to a full-size washer that’s always hooked up. I miss being able to walk up to a microwave that faces forward without having to reach into a corner to clean it.

When I was out hanging laundry a little after 10:00, someone drove up to Jesse’s place. I heard voices, barking and car doors. Nothing I could really hear much of indoors. When we were coming in yesterday the dogs were loose up by his place and barking at us. No wonder they’re always wandering off! This explains why the barking is sometimes louder than others; cuz they’re obviously able to circle the house.

Just a few minutes ago I heard the ATV buzzing about. I hope he doesn’t get obnoxious with the fucking engine-gunning! But he didn’t yesterday, and if he doesn’t today, then he’ll definitely be at it tomorrow. He can’t seem to go more than a few days without annoying us, but at least he’s not coming down here as often. Even when I’m wide awake and not busy, I’ve always hated people popping in on me uninvited and unexpected. It’s kind of rude, you know?

Jessie sent a message yesterday saying that now that she’s past the 3-month marker at work, things are a little less stressful. I still think something else is going on, though. Yes, having kids equals no life, but it wouldn’t surprise me if dear ole hubby was being a problem of some sort.

She also said she had her first mammogram and wondered who the hell designed the machine, saying it was probably a man.

It’s been a while since we treated ourselves, so we went out today. We didn’t get much, but we had fun.

First we went to KFC, then to Goodwill. This Goodwill is pretty overpriced, but we got a few things anyway. I got a halter top and matching jacket with colorful square sequins that are really shiny. The jacket is trimmed with purple feathers. The halter actually looks better on me than the Ashley mannequin it’s now on because I have the tits for it. But I couldn’t stand to wear it because the sequins scratch me and so it’s horribly uncomfortable. It looks nice enough on Ashley, though I wish I had a matching skirt to go with it. Instead, she’s in a black wrap skirt.

I also got a bag of overpriced peach incense. It’s been just over two weeks since placing the incense order. I really hope they get it out to me soon!

Tom got a cable for the TV for better reception.

Next we stopped at the pet store that’s sort of in one of the stories I’m working on. We were last there in early May. It’s where we got the female rats I ended up dumping. I’ve also got a character in it based on the girl (who I thought was a guy at first) who waited on us the first time we were there. She was a definite lesbian who was plain-looking but kind of cute at the same time. Anyway, I didn’t see her there, but I saw another chick that was there last May.

Their prices were also pumped up, though we ended up getting a free bag of bedding with a coupon we had, some alfalfa hay, and a wooden burrow. They wanted $30 for some of the burrows and rat wheels which is just totally ridiculous! They also have a points program, so we have a card for that store now, although I doubt we’ll be back anytime soon.

KFC had this cool pinball game and when you lose the ball, which is a small super ball, you get to keep it. Well, I was bouncing it around for Candy and he loved it so much that I ended up giving it to him. He was so funny, trying to grab it from me and run off with it. He wanted it cuz it made a good chew toy, of course.

Well, this sure beats Jesse rudely coming down here without calling us first every week or two, but I’m getting awfully sick of the engine-gunning sprees. I don’t know if he’s working on a vehicle or it’s the bulldozer, but it sure gets old to have to listen to. We can’t even go a week without him pulling this shit!

Whatever he said to the renters worked, though, cuz I haven’t seen or heard their dogs in a while now.

Anyway, he’s going to get noisy any minute now, more than likely, so I’ve got the radio cranked up even though I’d prefer to write without music. Maybe I’ll switch to the sound machine.

He’s definitely not working, so there’s either no work available cuz of the economy, or he just wants us to think he’s working. Fat chance with all the racket he makes!

I finally got them to redeem my points for me at my old account. I’m getting a temporary tattoo and a sheet of stickers since all I had over there was a little over 3000 points. Soon I’ll have enough to redeem for a CD at the account I’ve been using.

I’m still recovering from the 2300-calorie binge I went on over the weekend, slowly working my calories back down to the 1200 range or lower. It’s been tough. I should’ve known better than to get that carried away. I had a few brownies and tons of chips in every variety imaginable! I’m up nearly two pounds.

Tom started a diet because he’s pushing 250 pounds.

I’ve now built up enough stamina to run several songs, but I usually just do 4.

Paula left a message saying she couldn’t get online. Now why doesn’t that surprise me? sighs I’ll call her when my schedule rolls around a little further and see if I can find out why, although Tom would probably be able to help her more than I could. I don’t see what the big deal is, though. She was online when we were in Maricopa.

Got a letter from Mary saying she should know something about her case by the end of this month. Today’s her 31st birthday, too. She agrees that staying at her aunt’s may not be the best place for her, but neither is jail. Her aunt’s going to throw her a huge barbecue party when she gets there. Tom laughed when I said I was glad we won’t be her neighbors! I HATED it when the fucking freeloaders would party just a few feet beyond our walls!

Tom overheard people talking about a particular site at work that he thought I might be interested in, and when he checked it out and told me about it, I said, “Wow, Mary’s going to want to know about this one!” It’s lulu.com and they publish people’s works. But the good thing is that no one has to approve and accept your manuscript like at PD Publishing. It can cost anywhere from about a grand to several grand depending on how many copies you have made, in hardcover, softcover, etc. It gets better. They’ll even edit your book and you don’t have to worry about not having a full-length story like PD wanted, and they’ll help you obtain and ISBN (barcode) and get your book into stores! I’ve got a few stories I’m working on now. Maybe those or some future story I haven’t even started yet will be the one I’ll get published! This is obviously not something we’d do while money’s tight, but it’s nice to know a site like this is out there in case I ever get serious enough about my writing in the future!

You know, the thought of surprising my folks with a published paperback of mine sure is a hell of a lot funnier than surprising them with a postcard from some other country!

It’s been warmer again in the 80s and it should stay that way for the next few days. Last night was nice because we didn’t need the main heater. I just ran the little portable one in here a bit and that was it. I didn’t even need my robe.

SOS has this points program now. That’s Kepa’s wholesale site. You get points for buying stuff and 15¢ for reviews. They last a year and there isn’t any minimum requirement to make a purchase, so maybe in a year or so, I can grab some oils.

My period ended up being a week late, but I finally got it.

The weather’s to warm up over the next 4 days and be in the high 70s to low 80s, which is just fine with me. I’m glad I got this robe as it really helps keep me warm on those chilly nights, but I hate being bundled up like this. I miss the airy freedom of summer clothes. It’s hard to do stuff all wrapped up like this.

Yesterday morning at 8:00 sharp Jesse began his engine-gunning routine and after 15 minutes of that, I had to throw the sound machine on just to concentrate on my writing. The renter’s dogs, however, have been much quieter for the last couple of nights. Maybe he did talk to them after all.

Someone fired shots after dark, but as Tom and I both could tell, it wasn’t the renters. This was at least a mile away. Usually, when you shoot at night you’re shooting at something trying to get at either your livestock or your pets. Hope they shot those dogs!

Today I awoke at 138.6 pounds, and Connecticut is the 3rd state to legalize gay marriage! I would’ve guessed it’d be New York with all the people there. The crazies out there could ban California gay marriages next month, but Connecticut and Massachusetts should be safe from the issue ever being on the ballot again. Once again, I don’t see why things should be one way or the other. We don’t force straights to marry, so why should we force gays not to marry?

We got down to 39º last night – ugh! I don’t know if we’ll ever buy a house again, but if we do it won’t be in NorCal!

We had a hell of a time trying to light the heater last night, but fortunately, I had the portable heater in the bedroom. It got down to 55º in the living room, but Tom said he was fine under the blanket. This morning, though, he brought it up 10º in 15 minutes with the oven on 350º, then he managed to get the pilot lit on the heater.

It hit me that the reason my wins may be down is that the bamboo plants have been sitting on the counter between the kitchen and living room. That’s quite a ways away from my computer! I wasn’t sure anymore if they were really all that magical since we were nearly killed a year ago. I asked Tom if he still believed in their power and he said yes. So, knowing it couldn’t hurt, I left two on his desk and took the other two in here. The biggest one is now 30” tall! Let’s hope they turn on the wins!

Today and yesterday I woke up at 139.2 pounds. Yup, swapping those 100-calorie coffees for 10-calorie coffees really helps, even if the coffee’s not as good since it’s the creamer that makes the coffee. I also dropped the snacks that were around 100 calories and traded them in for 25-60 calorie snacks.

Sometimes I’ve heard barks and thought it sounded like it was right outside. Well, it looks like that might’ve really been the case. I was in the kitchen when I heard barks that sounded too close for comfort, looked out the window, and saw all 3 of the renter’s dogs (yeah, Jesse last said there were 3 of them). I shouted them away, though it took a couple of minutes before they headed back into the ditch. I didn’t want to charge them and risk getting attacked. They’re huge dogs, all the same light brown color and breed. I didn’t think loose dogs would be a problem here cuz of the ditch, but once I saw those deer manage it, why not dogs, too? I wish we had a gun! I could’ve taken all 3 of them out. I wish someone would. Maybe that’d teach people not to let their dogs run loose!

So I contemplated calling up to Jesse but was hesitant to bother him. Then said why not? He bothers us. So I let him know, surprised he didn’t hear me screaming at them. I asked if he knew their landlord’s number so I could call and ask that they be asked to pen or tie them up. He now claims he doesn’t know if they really are just renters. Well, they sure act like renters! He suggested I call the pound and that they’d talk to them, but as I pointed out, the dogs would be gone by the time they arrived, plus I don’t know their address. So he said he’d get it and talk to them. Last time we talked he did say he was going to “have to talk to them again about the dogs” anyway.

So now I’ll have to watch my back when I’m out running like I did in Maricopa.

Tom ran the old 50’ blue wire to my Mac because it kept falling offline. We have no idea why, though, since he never gets knocked off and neither does the laptop, but nonetheless, that’s one less problem I now have to deal with.

I won a $10 iTunes GC, which is nice for a small prize.

I viewed the front of Stacey’s house on Google Earth and am almost sorry I did. I feel almost as hurt and as jealous as I am wowed by it. It’s a fucking gorgeous house! Totally my dream house. It had a really cool odd shape and split levels. It wasn’t a square or a rectangle. It was probably 2000 square feet or more. Most of the houses there are nice, and while I’m sure car stereos and barking dogs are a problem there, it’s just so not fair! What, was I not a big enough bitch (she was so like my mother was) to deserve to be in such a nice place for so long and without the money problems attached to it? Ok, so maybe it was a different Stacey, but I doubt it.

As beautiful and as peaceful as this place is despite the fact that there aren’t any of my favorite trees or flowers visible from this place, I have to once again question “God’s will.” Why has she been meant to live in such luxury while we’ve mostly been meant to live in dumps? They’ve obviously been quite successful and I’d be willing to bet they have absolutely zero concept of what it’s like to struggle. But why? What makes them so much more deserving than Tom and I? Why can they drive? Why can they have a normal sex life? Why can they sleep with their loved ones? Why could they have kids when they wanted them? Why can they have money and security? Why can they keep a schedule?

I used to tell myself that I was blessed, but I don’t know about that anymore. Sure, I’ve got some blessings and that’s great, but am I really truly more blessed than usual? I’ve got Tom, I’ve got my share of talents and skills, but I don’t think I’m really any more blessed on a general basis. If anything, I think I’m more cursed than usual when you add up all the problems I’ve had, be it because of other people, my own stupidity, or seemingly just because.

Having a sleep disorder that keeps you from keeping a schedule is a HUGE curse from God right there! It’s better than being blind or paralyzed, but it’s bad enough. That’s got to be runner-up to the shit my family put me through. Again, I have to question what kind of a friend He really is to me, though I am still praying. What kind of God would do this to someone? I could’ve saved our house and kept us from struggling as badly as we have if I could’ve gotten out there and worked, too. Sure, I’d probably only have made minimum wage over the years and I’d have no doubt gotten fired from one job after another cuz I don’t get along with people (or better yet, they don’t get along with me), but it would’ve prevented a whole lot of nightmares. Being able to keep a schedule even if I never worked outside of the house would still make life tremendously easier. Jesse wouldn’t seem as much of a pest, and I wouldn’t get woken up as much. I’ve been sleeping better since I started using both the sound machine and an off-dialed radio station on the stereo to create white noise, but to say it would’ve helped tremendously when we were in the city and motels is an understatement!

So while I still feel more hurt than angry that God would allow me this schedule problem as if I hadn’t had enough problems already in life, and while it’ll never be “ok” or acceptable in any way, every burden really does have its blessing. Sleep disorder or not, lost money or not, I’m glad I don’t have to work outside the house with some of the world’s fuck-ups. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you just how many incompetent, rude assholes there are in this world. Every job’s got its fair share of them, that’s for sure! I also appreciate having more time here for cleaning, sweeping and other things.

I just hope God will one day compensate for our hardships and the lack of disability money I should be receiving with a new home, even if it’s not that nice.

I suppose some may say I shouldn’t have this “poor me” attitude, keep in mind that some have it worse, and quit feeling sorry for myself, but I can’t help how I feel at times. Besides, there are no right or wrong emotions, and hey, I just get tired of seeing some of the most non-deserving people get it all, even though we had plenty of reasons to want out of that house in Maricopa!

I’m still enjoying the ease of my shorter hair, but starting to miss my long hair. Ah, but that’s one area I am blessed in; having hair that grows fast!

I swear I counted out 28 days perfectly, so yup, my periods are coming later lately. I can’t be too close to it because I usually have scattered spotting about 5 days in advance and I ain’t had nothing yet. At least this way I’ll get fewer per year.

Finally, a jury dared convict murderer OJ Simpson! It was for kidnapping and robbery, and I’m sure the sicko will weasel his way out of jail in no time at all, but it’s about time a jury had the guts to convict a rich, famous and black. Of course, this was in Nevada and not California, so that must’ve had something to do with it. California lets its murdering and child-molesting black cock walk for fear of their fellow blacks rioting and being the spoiled little assholes they love to be, but obviously Nevada does the right thing as opposed to worrying about what childish and immature little shit fits some people may take in the end.

Yesterday is the would-be anniversary of our deaths. Yeah, the 11-day nightmare began a year ago yesterday. Who’d have ever thought I’d be fighting so hard to save the life I tried to destroy so many years ago?

Later…

The weather was nicer today. We could open the windows and run the cooler. Late in the afternoon, I heard some chick in back (probably our lovely renters) yell out, “Josephine! Margaret!”

I went out jogging today and was pissed to have to stop after just two songs because my hip hurt. I just don’t get why my hip can’t take running at times or a long walk. I’m not old yet!

I did something I didn’t think I’d do. I guess I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a spontaneous person. I thought it’d be funny to send Dave, Miss Perfect’s husband, the link to my journals at MD, so I did, along with a Webshots postcard to see if I was remembering the email addy correctly. Well, it went through because it wasn’t returned to me. He hasn’t picked it up, though, which could be because he hasn’t checked his mail, it got caught in his spam filter, or most likely, he’s ignoring it. Miss Perfect never picked up the one I sent her a year ago either. If it is a case of spam filters kicking it out, though, then they probably didn’t get the journal link either. I wonder if they’d ignore that too, if they did get it. I can see ignoring the postcard, especially if I thought it would alert the sender as to when it was picked up, but I would think I’d be curious about the journal link. On the other hand, Tom says you don’t have to go online to read the message on the card.

I went out jogging and the weather was so gorgeous. Perfect for jogging. The breeze was wonderful and the air smelled so fresh and clean after the long-awaited rain.

Tom showed me this really cool thing called Google Earth that takes you right smack in front of a particular building or house if you know the address. Not all places have these kinds of cameras. Oregon didn’t have it and neither did Maricopa. We could see our old house in Phoenix, though, and OMG! They really wrapped the place up in plants galore! They have oleanders, palms and more surrounding every side of the place. I wish we had that much shade and privacy when we were stuck there. Having the front bedecked with plants will really help cut down the summer’s electric bills. It must’ve cost a fortune to plant all those plants, though. If I had that kind of money I’d rather just get a better place. Wish I could’ve seen the inside. I’ll bet they recarpeted and redid the floors and other things. We thought the freeloader house was sold to an individual because the front looked spruced up and there were no vehicles in the driveway, but then we saw the back looked rather dumpy, so who knows?

At last, the rain has come. It was kind enough to hold off until after Jesse got the roof done (he came down just as I was getting up), but the idiot ran out of screws, so he has to come back some other day. He was going to return later in the afternoon after picking his boy up (I’m still not sure if he lives here or not), but that’s when it started raining. Somehow I doubt he’ll get it finished tomorrow, even if it’s sunny. This is not only someone who doesn’t finish what he starts very well but also seems to like to space his visits out.

It rained a soft, gentle rain that was steady for a few hours. It never got over 79º in here, so tonight we’ll need the heat for sure. Or when we get up. I shouldn’t be up too late tonight, so I shouldn’t need it tonight. It’ll be back in the 80s in a few days – yes!

Got my new robe today. It’s way nicer than the other one. It’s softer, better quality and longer, too.

The doll cases weren’t the hard plastic I thought they’d be, but are still very nice. I like how the stand is removable. I want to eventually have all dolls with outfits that can’t or shouldn’t be washed in cases.

So the Candy Striper has decided I’m okay. Not as ok as other past favorite rats have thought I was, but ok enough. The other one still won’t allow himself to be handled. At least he’s going home on his own now. This is because I let him out more often, so it’s not as special to him.

Well, I’ve got surprising and funny news today! Paula left a message yesterday! She sounded rather chipper but didn’t give a reason as to why she hasn’t contacted me in so long. She did say, though, that she got the package and that one of the smaller dolls broke. She also said that Justin set up an email account for her on a laptop and asked for my email, which is strange considering that I wrote it on the inside flap of the package. Out of it or not, sometimes I think she just likes to make me wonder about her!

So I called the number she left, was told to unblock the caller ID, then left a message. Only I’m not sure I got the right number cuz the person didn’t quite sound right. We’ll see, though. I told her I wasn’t going to call back and gave my email addy to her, saying I had so much to tell and ask her.

She asked about picking up a cheap friendship necklace cuz she doesn’t have much in the way of jewelry. Yeah, that’s Paula for you! I have a different necklace I never wear. I’ll send it next time I send incense, which she says she loved along with the other dolls and necklace, though she doesn’t wear the necklace cuz she’s paranoid. Yup, that’s definitely Paula for you. I’m ordering incense tonight, and was thinking how sad it was I’d no longer have anyone to pass the ones that I didn’t like onto until she called.

Typical dumb cock Jesse, who can’t listen and doesn’t get it when I ask to be called first for non-emergencies. Fortunately, I was up, though. Yeah, it came down at 5:00. Of course he had to have the dogs with him, too. The puppy’s full-grown now. It’s going to get cooler and rain (finally!) and he wanted to know when he could finish the roof which he said should take a couple of days. At least he was concerned about not bothering us too early. I told him Tom’s usually up by 10:00 and not to worry about my schedule because it’s got to be done. I’ve been getting up close to noon lately.

He obviously does have an older boy because he was chainsawing something while we talked, and I doubt even he, as dumb as he is, would let a 10-year-old use it.

He heard the shots too, and has seen the renter’s dogs which are huge and have an incredibly loud bark, and he fired his BB gun at them. He said he’s thinking of talking to them again, but I know it won’t do him any good. They’re going to let the damn things run loose 24/7, and they’re going to be here for however long we are. He says he’s not sure if it was them shooting or not because it’s “deer season.” I thought deer were active here year-round. Either way, the shots did seem softer than usual, so who knows? Besides, he said the cops were already out to talk to them once. Renters aren’t ones to be reasoned with, though, so it probably was them.

I mentioned hearing engine gunning “somewhere around here” to see if he’d say it was him or not. All he said was that they had a dirt bike.

Oh, and he’s been running up and down the driveway trying to get back into shape for going back to work. The doctor put him out longer cuz of his finger, and soon he’s got to have eye surgery for a cataract.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the rain, but not the cooler weather. We’re definitely going to need heat Saturday night.

Firefox (or Firefuck as I sometimes call it) is colorblind. Colors don’t appear as they should with FF, but they do in other browsers.

Today’s the day. Woke up at 139.6 pounds!

We decided not to bother calling Jesse, whose motorcycle I was pleased to only hear once so far today, and simply leave the rent in his box. It’s not like people are driving by it.

Of course Tom doesn’t feel like it, but I feel like he’s working more for Jesse than for us. He gives more than half his pay to the guy!

Tom finished setting up XP on the laptop. I have my old sound recorder, but can’t seem to figure out how to open the damn files! Figures, huh? There’s always something in Computerland that stumps me or causes problems.

Haven’t been working on my stories for the last few days, and today I had over 300 new sweeps to go through being the 1st. I just hope that this month it wasn’t all for barely $20 worth of stuff!

I have more to do than I could possibly get done in the 16 or so hours of my day, but that’s just fine with me. It sure beats being bored and feeling useless.