I got a message from Lisa this morning saying that she got a hold of my mother, but before she could explain what I won and that there was no cost, she said she wasn’t interested and hung up. I replied explaining that my mother is old and not as sharp-minded, and might have even thought she was a sales call if she didn’t get the chance to mention our names. I thanked her for trying anyway. It’s their loss! Meanwhile, she still has yet to talk to Jessie, but as I told Lisa, Jessie works full-time and has a 6-year-old, so she doesn’t have much of a life or free time.

Of course there are other possibilities where my folks are concerned. Yes, my mother’s probably losing it and maybe even my dad is, too. They’re right around the age when the 3 grandparents I knew lost it. I don’t think anyone in my family has ever made it to the 80s, and they’re 76 and 77 right now. I still feel that they will, but no one can know for sure. Either way, I thought she sounded a little out of it at times last year, asking how to spell our last name, who I was with, etc. She was her usual stern-sounding self, but just the way she talked and some of the things she said made me wonder.

Most would probably say I was being too hard on myself, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking this personally, but being the curious type, I’ve wondered why they stopped writing. I’m just the kind that likes to analyze things. My parents, especially my mother, can be rather fragile and sensitive. Meaning that they get nervous and or uncomfortable easily, and tend to take things the wrong way. So I thought of the few letters I’ve sent over the last year, and I can’t think of anything I said wrong. The only thing that might’ve set them off is our difference in opinion regarding other family members, both dead and alive, or maybe the psychic talk freaked them out. That always did seem to be a little spooky for them which tells me they may not be as much of a non-believer as they like to let on. Hey, if I thought someone may be able to make me ill or bring me bad luck simply because they got upset with me, I’d be hesitant to associate with them too, whether they could help themselves or not (I posted the letters on MD).

Some have suggested they only saved us last year simply because they felt obligated to. Well, thinking back to the time we spoke on the phone, Dad did seem concerned, he did say he loved me, but not once, not even in the card my mom sent, did she say she loved me. And when we spoke she seemed burdened and annoyed more than genuinely concerned for Tom and me. Maybe all those who insisted over the years that they never truly loved me and that they even hate kids and simply had them for appearance’s sake, have a point. After all, what kind of mother pawns her kid off on camps, hospitals, relatives, and schools, and goes and uninvites them to family gatherings so they could have a “quieter evening?” Not one who isn’t in a hurry to have the house to herself and her friends (my siblings were long gone by the time I was in my teens) or who could accept their child as they were, unique or not, different from them or not.

Some may also say they’re simply giving me a taste of my own medicine for dumping them like I did in ’99, but Larry dumped them for a decade too, yet they welcomed him back with open arms. I don’t know if they’re still in touch, or even if they’re in touch with Tammy, but they want the money they play down, so they probably are. Oh, they might’ve lost a good amount to medical expenses, but no one gives someone $450 on the spot that has any real financial problems. Then again, what I’d consider comfortable probably isn’t much to them. These are people who are used to being loaded and living high off the hog. They weren’t ever millionaires, but they were still way upper class.

So I did something today that a part of me regrets doing. I sent them a letter before Lisa told me she spoke to Mom. Or tried to anyway. I gave them the link to MD, as anyone who reads their letters will see, and asked that they pass it along to the drama queen. I even have an entry just for her, explaining why I could never forgive her. But now I don’t even know if they’ll read it or visit the site if they do. Makes me sorry I “desexed” my stories, hoping they might enjoy some of them. I’ll remember not to bother when the one I’m working on is done. After all, it’s my journal and they don’t have to read anything they don’t want to, and I told them that, too.

I updated them on what was going on with Tom and me, told them about getting books published, and enclosed a couple of pictures, and that’s pretty much it. There really wasn’t much else to say.

For whatever reason, be it real or imagined, they’ve decided they don’t want me in their lives, and I never liked them as people anyway, so we’re done with each other. They’ll never hear from me again and I doubt I’ll ever hear from them again or anyone they know, not that they know where to contact me. Yeah, I didn’t put a return address on the letter. As I explained to them, I chose not to so they wouldn’t feel obligated to reply, and so they wouldn’t think I was out for birthday money with my birthday being just over a month away.

Yup, things would’ve been a lot different had they been divorced or I’d been an only child!