They’ve been Formspringing me to death again, LOL, with nearly 50 questions. I’m still trying to guess who it could be, though most do seem like questions Andy would ask and more his thing than anyone else I know. It’s fun trying to guess who it is, but not frustrating. So whoever you are, if you’re reading this journal (and I think you are) you need not step forward and identify yourself unless you want to. Most of them came in at what would have been around 9pm in Germany, but they just don’t seem like they’d come from Nane. Andy would ask something like, “Do you think cow farts are bad for the environment?” along with most of the questions, but who in the world would ask me how I got so damn good-looking, LOL? I studied the questions, the spelling, the grammar and the overall writing style and I’m still leaning toward Andy. What’s weird, though, is that he’s never hit me with so many questions at once. I first got 29 questions. Then while I was answering them, I got hit with 13 more. That’s the second time a batch came in while I was answering questions. I just don’t get how they all came in at once. They can only submit one question at a time.

I’m listening to KD Lang right now. I like some of her songs and she has a beautiful voice. How can a woman who looks so manly sound so womanly, LOL?

I was surprised (yeah, that woman is full of them) with a message from my favorite lady. Didn’t expect it cuz I thought she was busy today. She told me what she does for work. Yup, she’s a music teacher.

She also told me the other reason she was worried about my story being posted as it was. Duh! I really am stupid at times! Why didn’t I think of that one myself? Yeah, it’s about the world’s close-minded bigots. Even without her last name, her first name is unique. It’s kind of sad. Not just for obvious reasons, but if she ever met Miss Right (if she hasn’t already), she would probably be afraid to marry her no matter how much she may want to just so she wouldn’t have to worry about the shit that went with it.

I’m sure that had I been totally straight I’d still be ok with gays. What the hell would I care about who others slept with? Sometimes I just wish I didn’t have this nearly 20-year-old crush because it’s pointless, but it’s also loads of fun at the same time. :)

Some of you know that I had a thing for one of the guards in the jail I was in a decade ago and that they had a thing for me, too. She practically had to spell it out for me that she liked me, though, because I’m always afraid to assume things that may not be true. As you also know, I’ve done that before, and so I try not to make the same mistake and let my wishful thinking get me carried away into thinking or believing what isn’t true. My point? Well, I know this isn’t the case, but at first I was worried that the only reason Maliheh was being nice to me was that she felt it was the only way to ensure that I kept on respecting her request not to publish the book with her name in it. But now I know better, and just for the record, I prefer to run and hide from those I may not get along with unlike 20 years ago when I preferred to get even. The shit for neighbors we had in Phoenix was a different story. I wanted to ignore them, but at just a few feet away, they wouldn’t let me.

It seems I misunderstood her, though. I thought she only wanted the name, year and state changed only if I were to post it online or try to sell it, but that if it just sat there in Word doing nothing, it didn’t matter. But she expressed a desire for it to be changed either way and said she’d hate to see me “waste my talent,” blushes with flattery and that I should try to sell it when it’s done. That goes to prove that no, the idea of me profiting from it was not a concern like some had thought it might be. She wants me to make money doing what I love. The problem is it just isn’t that easy no matter how good you may be because there’s just so much competition out there. Why, I’m not sure, for as I told her, most people hate to write and aren’t very good at it. But I do enjoy it, it’s in my blood, it’s who I am, and so I can’t stop whether or not I get paid. All I can do is keep improving any way I can and make sure my spelling and grammar are right on and that it flows well. If it doesn’t read smoothly and you gotta re-read a sentence of mine more than once just to get it (assuming you aren’t incredibly stupid), then I didn’t do a good job as a writer.

She read my running article, too. :) And again I am both surprised and flattered. :) I just didn’t think she’d be interested. I hope these entries aren’t too long or too boring for her.

Going back to her unique name, I wonder if I should start omitting my dreams of her. She hasn’t asked me to, but it’s something to think about.

I’m gonna let her pick out her new name for the story when she gets a chance. She said Malika (I’m still trying to keep her Arabian as we not only need more books with lezzy leads but also with more Arab/Jew couples to help promote tolerance there, too) is not exotic enough. I don’t like Nada which is also a Spanish word for the word nothing. I really don’t think she’d like to be called nothing any more than her real name. Nashita is a definite no-no. I doubt she’d want any “shit” in her name either.

She’s almost an inch taller than me – woot! She’s 4’ 11½”. I usually like ladies to have dark hair, dark eyes, and be taller and heavier. Hey, three outa four ain’t bad! The number on the scale could be changed, but with Twix candy bars and fried chicken running around out there in this world, it ain’t gonna change much. I must seem like a real blimp in comparison, muscular or not. :(

She’s just amazing appearance-wise. It all goes to hell for most of us when we hit 30 (for me it was 32). What made her such a fluke of nature and so damn privileged? I wonder.

Today I had the runs twice and more palpitations. Strangely enough, though, my heart settled down after I talked with Tom and had some decaf coffee. Oh, can’t forget the bad news she had for me and that’s that I may have perimenopause based on my heart palpitations. She said it takes years to go through and so do the hot flashes, vertigo and shit like that. She could have a point, though I haven’t had any hot flashes or vertigo. She said vertigo got really scary for her when she was driving.

Why can’t I just turn 65 instead of 45? Then I could be past menopause, older than Tom (since women live longer and he’s 8 years older) and eligible for Medicare. And hey, if I’m not all that great-looking now, why not get even uglier, LOL?

If she’s right, though, and someone had told me a year or so ago when this first started that she of all people would be the one to diagnose me, so to speak, I’d have laughed my ass off so hard, LMAO! I told Tom what she said and asked if he thought she was right and he said she very well could be from what he read about it. I’m the right age. I also asked if he thought God hated women. He said he didn’t know about that. I sure feel like something sure seems to hate us!

Ok, that’s it for now. Now I’m off and editing, wishing my arms were long enough to reach out and hug my GF.