To me, Maliheh’s coming to my blog has become like a special meeting place for us. A place where we meet, acknowledge one another’s existence and keep in touch. It doesn’t make up for the lack of contact but it’s something.

I tell myself that someday I’ll forget her and I’ll move on. Someday I’ll go back to being not mean and not a prankster, but not forgiving and not friendly. While I understand Maliheh will totally disagree with this, Maliheh’s worst fault was making me feel led on and then cruelly dumped before I was even given a chance. Before we were given a chance to become anything together. But as she said 19 years ago, she wasn’t interested in me or becoming anything. Can I blame her for my being too stupid to figure that out? It wasn’t her fault I let my own hopes and desires prevent me from seeing that the attraction wasn’t mutual. And it’s certainly not her fault I handled it all wrong and started prank-calling her and letting Fran get her number so he could threaten her. The point I’m trying to make is that I wish I could stop caring for those who don’t care about me! But I’ve been in love and lust with those who basically don’t even know I exist a few times in my life. I know this happens to everyone at some point, but it still gets old.

Damnit! There goes Jesse on the fucking bulldozer. This was after he gunned the motorcycle 3 or 4 times in less than an hour for seemingly no reason at all, and went zooming around on the ATV. Yeah, I figured the peace couldn’t last a whole week. What the hell is he doing up there??? I doubt he could be clearing space to build anything since the steepness and trees don’t leave him much space for building, so what could he possibly need to bulldoze for so many hours at a time? He hasn’t got enough room up there for farming either, so I just don’t get what he’s doing other than being a major annoyance.

People have been messaging me to suggest I edit the story like Maliheh wanted and re-post it. Oh, but it’s a lot more work than you think! For example, if I change the name Maliheh, I’ve got to come up with a similar name since one of the neighbors accidentally referred to her as Maria, or change that, too. There’s also the part where I tell her the meaning of her name. Well, that’s another thing that would have to be changed. So one change usually leads to several more. I may as well just put all my energy into creating fresh stuff.

I made a whole cent on the writing site so far. Yeah, lucky me, huh? But I know I really have more than a penny since the accounts don’t reflect most things till the end of the month. After that, I’ll probably quit.

I don’t get why so many people say they can’t even achieve one star. In just a day I got two, so I don’t understand why they’re having such a hard time. If you just use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation and remember to use paragraph breaks, there shouldn’t be a problem.

We’ve been having warm days and cold nights.

Every now and then I search for what new stuff may come up on Maliheh, and I wonder if she’s a guitar teacher or some sort of musical instructor based on a comment of hers I found on a public post.

Later…

That penny in my writing account is ad revenue – duh! I forgot about that. Like I said, I’ve got to wait till the end of the month to see what I’ve earned, but the good news is that all but one of my articles is in the top 5, and 3 of them are in the #1 spot!

Other than a few minor annoyances from Jesse and having a bee scare the crap out of me that managed to break in, I feel very ignored and abandoned. Not by Alison and Kim, but I feel like everyone else is ignoring me. I was hoping Nane would “like” some of the pictures I uploaded (at least Marilena did) after I’ve “liked” some of hers, but nope. Not a peep out of her. No messages, no comments, no liking anything, no responding to the chat I tried to initiate. Nothing from Dieter either in response to a German question I asked him, who “poked” Alison, so she told me.

Even Mitch and Eileen are ignoring me and that’s totally not like them at all, though I know they’ve been to my blog.