My 32” Jade doll has worn the same shoes since 1999 and they have become discolored. So now she has new shoes! They’re size 3-6 months and are sneakers of a soft cloth-like material as opposed to canvas. They’re pinkish orange with silver glitter and blue hearts. The laces are ribbons instead of traditional shoelaces. 

My 24” Hillary doll that I got from Goodwill also had old, discolored shoes and she’s now wearing silver glitter shoes in size 0-3 months. 

Jasmine got a new outfit since I never really cared for her original one. It’s just a pink swimsuit with matching flip-flops. 

While I am beyond grateful as hell to Tom for his patience and support in dealing with these health issues, and while I appreciate that I’m his number one and how he’d quit his job to take care of me until the funds got so low that he had to get another one, I still feel bad. Ever feel bad/guilty about something you know you shouldn’t and that isn’t your fault, but you still feel bad anyway? Sort of like accidentally dropping a heavy book on someone’s foot. You didn’t mean it and they know you didn’t mean it, but you still feel bad anyway. Well, it’s like that. I feel bad that I have had to hog so much of his time and attention and that I’ve been costing us a fortune (we owe a couple hundred for the biopsy), but I know he is the one person who truly, TRULY loves me for he has NEVER complained. 

I felt ok for the most part yesterday but got drowsier than expected when I took a chill pill a half-hour after taking the levothyroxine. I also had a few semi-anxious moments when I became a bit breathy, but nothing major. Today I’ve gone chill pill-free, but may chill when Tom leaves for work tomorrow just to be on the safe side. I had felt slightly off a few times earlier, but again, nothing major. I even dyed my hair. You can see how thin it is now in front due to the meds, but I’m not bald, so I can’t complain too much. The loss of my tan and hair is pretty trivial right now as opposed to how I feel. 

Since it’s been about a week since that scare of a heartbeat of 161 when an attack hit me while bike riding, Tom went with me this morning (exercise is always good for him anyway) and we went for a short ride just to see how I’d do. He reminded me to feel free to stop if I needed to. I stopped at the crest of the hill just to make sure my heart would slow down when it was supposed to. When it did, we coasted down the hill (the part of my route I find most fun), looped around the lake and headed back uphill. My heart was booming like it was supposed to at about 130 and not an insane 161, so that was good. I have felt great ever since! I just hope I continue to feel this way. Each day that goes by that I feel good will gain my confidence back. How I still wish I could wind the calendar back to the 9th and undo the accidental double dose! That’s no doubt what’s caused these waves of anxiety. 

Later we’re going to put the rats in another cage that’s much easier to clean. Only problem is that since Hoodie didn’t get that big, the little devil may escape. Even Sugar’s not that big, but he’s disabled. Romeo’s huge, though, so he won’t escape, but he may push the bedding out all over the place. I don’t know why he does that, but we’ll see. 

Had two disturbing and one cool dream last night. In the first disturbing one, I said something like “Are you worried things will get worse?” to Tom and he nodded. The house we were in didn’t look like ours and it couldn’t have been in an adult community because tons of screaming kids could be heard outside. 

Then in another dream, I was going to this school of some kind, though I don’t know what for. When the alarm went off, Tom was already at work and I realized I hadn’t slept a wink. I had no energy whatsoever to go to school. So I called and told him I needed to catch up on my sleep and he wanted to come home. I assured him I was fine, just tired. I didn’t want him to risk his job by leaving work. 

The cool dream was speaking both Spanish and German. I was telling Nane in German that the buildings we were walking by weren’t old, and then I was speaking in Spanish to some guy at an intersection I was waiting to cross on foot. He was on his bike and was speaking Spanish to himself. He told me in Spanish that he likes to speak his thoughts aloud in Spanish as a means of practicing and I said I liked to do the same thing at times, also in Spanish.