“So many people want to be ‘normal’ and so many want to stand out uniquely. I just want to be me.” ~ Another unknown tweet quoter 

Andy told me in a PM that he didn’t want to say this in public for fear of offending anyone but they were sick of hearing about Robin Williams’s suicide when the guy had everything he could ever want. Yeah, I can see where some may perceive that as rather insensitive, LOL, cuz some things just aren’t that simple I’m afraid. Depression is a disease, not about being a rich, spoiled brat. It alters your mind and your way of thinking so that no matter what you may have or not have in life, you’re still depressed and if it’s severe enough you’re not very rational either. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain, not a conscious choice. 

I don’t think everyone is necessarily insensitive, though, as opposed to uninformed and inexperienced. When it’s something people don’t get or haven’t experienced firsthand, they are quick to appear less than empathetic. I’ve seen the same attitude where my sleep disorder is concerned, and so have others who actually have clinical depression. 

I told Tom I wondered why he hadn’t gotten help since he certainly had the money and the resources, but like he said, not everyone can be helped. Even a friend who's suffered through the same thing said one shouldn’t assume he could’ve gotten help, and then Tom reminded me of Steve Jobs. He had all the money and medical help at his fingertips yet cancer still killed him anyway. Not everything is that cut and dry. I used to think hypothyroidism was about weight when in fact it’s about a helluva lot more than just that! 

What really pisses me off is how you only hear about black kids being shot by the police, and the usual talk of how oh-so-wonderful God is. Damn, does that get old! I know I shouldn’t let people’s opinions and beliefs get to me and on pretty much any subject in the world I don’t, but the God thing in particular is that one thing that really gets under my skin. Again, I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but I can’t help but take offense to hearing the very being praised that I believe sat back and allowed a lot of misery into my life. That is unless Tom’s theory is the correct one. He thinks there probably is a God but that it doesn’t play a role in our day-to-day lives. He believes the events of our lives are simply random. He said that if everyone’s life were the same, then he’d say he could see a pattern that suggested something was controlling it to be that way. But because no one’s the same, he thinks it’s all just dumb luck. 

Whatever the correct theory is, I’m just sick of hearing about God. God, God, God! I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but I think we all have our pet peeves we don’t quite understand and that we can’t just chuck aside that easily. But I know that no matter how many times I tell people, hey that’s YOUR fantasy, belief, or whatever you want to call it, people are gonna do whatever they’re gonna do, so I just try to ignore it whenever possible. Still, it really gets to me at times. Like praising a woman’s rapist, you know? Imagine how she’d feel. 

I didn’t read the article, so I can’t say if the black shooting victim was provoked or if it was a matter of police brutality. That’s not the point. What bothers me is knowing that if this kid was white it would never have made the news. These days when a white kid gets shot, no matter how undeserved and unprovoked it may be, no one gives a shit. They only give a shit when they’re black. As I’ve said a million times before, two wrongs don’t make a right. Favoring blacks isn’t any more ok or correct than it is to favor whites and I don’t care how not so politically correct I may sound. As usual, though, the vast majority will side with the blacks whether they’re innocent or not. 

Later… 

I currently have 21 finished stories and 6 unfinished, one of which I’m working on now. Just thought I’d share that interesting piece of news. :) 

Andy shared some pics of his place with me the other day, which both Tom and I saw, and I must admit I was rather impressed. I thought the place would be a mess, but it wasn’t. It’s nicely decorated, and while the colors may not be me, they are definitely stylish and go well together. If you can stand that climate and to be attached to others, he’s got a great deal that would be very hard to find elsewhere. 

It was only 87° today so the pool was a touch chilly. It was great for tanning, though I don’t seem to be getting any darker. Oh well. At least I’m not burning. 

Rode my bike 10 times around the circle last night, which equals 2 miles. My heart rate was 120 when I got back, which is reasonable with no steep hills in that area. The weather was gorgeous, too. A bit warm for bike riding, but windy and beautiful. That mutt barked at me twice as I went by, and I thought I got a flat when I heard a loud pop, but I didn’t. The drone of freeway traffic was a bit loud but soothing. 

Before taking off I felt slightly apprehensive (at the thought of how I’d feel riding alone?) but once I made a few rounds and saw that I was still feeling just fine, the feeling diminished. 

Anyway, I finally got paid for my last round and jobs and ordered those stickers. Then sure enough, not even a half-hour later, more payments came in. So now I have a bit of a head start for my next goodie goal, an erotic figurine. 

Decided to pass on the toe ring for now. Yes, I’m addicted to the things and can’t seem to get enough of them, but the two I currently have are enough for now. Besides, I couldn’t make up my mind just which ones I wanted and with my skinny little toes, getting one that actually fits without having to overlap the ends, can be a bit tough. 6mm seems to be a common size, but I need 5mm and even that’s slightly big. 

Anyway, life is good except for loud traffic waking me up in back twice today. I don’t know why it sometimes wakes me up while other times it doesn’t. I made adjustments to the sound machine and we’ll see if that helps. That is the ONE thing I would change about this place if I could is to get rid of that street running by the bedroom! The sound machines drown out landscapers and every other sound you might hear around here, but those super loud vehicles like UPS trucks. What’s with the rise in loud vehicles anyway? Even Virginia pointed that out. You hear something that sounds like a semi or a giant RV coming down the street, but then you look out to find it’s just a pickup. 

Later… 

Not that agreeing with me is mandatory or anything, but I'm amazed how many agreed on my last entry pertaining to the subject of God that everyone seems to love to discuss. I totally agree with the one who said they're learning that God is the worst thing to ever happen to humanity. In many ways, this is very true when you think about it. Look what "God's" done to the twisted minds of Muslims. Maybe they'd find some other reason to slaughter people if no one had decided a God exists, but maybe not. 

Also, look how many people hate gays because "God" supposedly hates them, too. I not only think this is bullshit since if there is a God I don't see why it would allow for any groups of people it hated, but I do think God can hate certain individuals. He's made that obvious enough to me since the day I was born to the wrong woman. There are worse mothers to have, but mine was bad enough. 

I think people can also become delusional in the name of God. If I'm supposedly fair game to the devil for hating God, then why have the last few years been wonderful with the exception of a few rough spots we all have to deal with in life? Why do I have a guy like Tom? And how can there be atheists like Nane who are mostly happy and God-lovers like Tammy who are mostly miserable? 

Furthermore, it irritates me when people give Him credit He doesn't deserve, like when they try to tell me shit like how blessed I am for the languages He's "given" me. Sorry folks, but I gave myself those languages by studying hard. Oh, something up there may've set my brain to pick them up easier than most people, but I'M the one that studied and I'M the one that learned them, thank you. Give credit where it's due and keep in mind all that HUMANS do! You know, those things that walk on two legs? We really are responsible for much of the good that comes our way and it often has nothing to do with anything inhuman. 

Ok, enough God-talk for what will hopefully be a long, long time, LOL. As I’ve always said, we all can’t help believe what we believe any more than who we’re attracted to, but it would be nice to hear about a bigger variety of things, even if they’re as mundane as the weather. 

Another airplane-loud truck went by checking out our bulk trash pile but decided nope. They don’t want those old bulky stools. We’ve also got some boxes of trash out there like the rest of the old curtains, and the wooden platform the dishwasher came in.