I was thinking more about my visit with Dr. A, and there was just something about the way she squinted at me in a skeptical manner that I found a bit disturbing. 

She still thinks there’s more to my anxiety than just the levothyroxine. It seems that no matter what I tell her or any other doctor, they look for other reasons. They believe there are other reasons. The levothyroxine was never 100% responsible but I still think it was mostly responsible. That time when I needed to take the beta-blocker was probably due to anxiety independent of the levothyroxine, and yes, there are other things that can make me a little anxious. Just thinking of my upcoming appointment with  O makes me a little anxious. 

When I first got up my pulse seemed a little elevated and a little hard, and just a little while ago I felt a little breathless. I’m sure there are other things besides the medication, but I still worry about the stuff becoming a problem again in the future. 

I also could have sworn that Dr. A mentioned something about dissociation. I thought the word she used was dissociative or dissociation, but Tom said she never said that. He said she mentioned exposing people who have phobias to what they’re afraid of little by little, which I clearly remember, but for some reason, I thought she also used one of those words. Gosh, I hope not! Because all I could come up with connected to that is DID (dissociative identity disorder). In other words, that’s a form of MPD (multiple personality disorder). 

Now, those who know me know I’m just ONE person and ONE person only. I don’t pretend to be a variety of different people to suit my present mood. I don’t believe in that shit, and to me, it’s just another fancy label and something for shrinks to play around with and even make money off of in some cases. I would really love to see these doctors’ private notes on me because when I say I don't give a shit what others think that does not extend to my doctors. Again, when you’re dealing with those who have your health in their hands, you could be in a lot of trouble if they get the wrong idea. 

I know this sounds awfully paranoid but I couldn’t help but remember this movie that Victoria Principal was in. I saw it about 20 years ago. Now Doc A & O hardly seem the type to try to make somebody into the nut job they’re not and push them into funny farms for the sake of insurance scams, but you just never know. Sure did give me a good story idea, either way. 

Part of me wishes we recorded our conversation because then we could just play it back if we wanted to. I agree with Tom, though, because for her to say that makes absolutely no sense at all. That’s not only something a psychiatrist is supposed to decide and diagnose but of all the things people have mistakenly thought I was, a split personality hasn’t been one of them. 

Did some more digging on Doc A. That’s just what I do as an amateur detective and being the curious person that I am. Oh no, wait. According to the state of Arizona, I’m no detective; I’m a stalker, right? 

Her middle name is Libertad, LOL. That means liberty. Also, she’s been at it for 12 years and not 4 like I thought. That explains the scattered strands of gray hair I never noticed before. So she’s probably closer to 40, not 30. Checked out her reviews and one person complained that she doesn’t do well with older patients. Couldn’t find a Facebook profile on her and I’m not surprised. She just doesn’t seem like the social networking type. 

Later… 

“Political correctness is destroying the very fabric of society. Never before in history have people been so afraid to stand up against absurdity for fear of being labeled a racist, a homophobe, or a bigot. Get rid of political correctness. Let’s get people talking again.” 

I couldn’t agree with the above statement more. The question is when are people actually going to do something about it? I’m all for freedom of expression and the right to be ourselves. This doesn’t mean we should make threats, call people names or be rude, but I’m sick of all the pussies out there where political correctness is concerned! People take something, run with it, and then get carried away to the point of utter obsession. 

Well, if I’ve got something to say, I’m going to say it! I make no apologies whatsoever for any people I may not like any more than I would for the foods and types of music I might not like. Being open and honest doesn’t mean we have to share every single thing on our minds, it just means people shouldn’t have to feel obligated to kiss ass on account of other people’s fragile little eggshell feelings! To stifle expression because others are overly sensitive, can’t handle things, take things wrong, blow things out of proportion, etc. is like telling a woman she can’t wear sexy clothes simply because some guys can’t handle/control their damn hormones. 

It was another hot and dry day out there. I’m not going out walking/running till later. I did some strength training videos indoors earlier. Did a quick thigh and butt vid. Maybe an ab vid is in order next since it’s still too warm out. I wasn’t going to go out till late tonight. Thought I’d do 2-3 rounds around the block when it’s cooler and the traffic and people have settled down. 

Paula was asking how much a round-trip ticket out here would cost and that she wanted to visit for two weeks. When I told her I would look into it but that two weeks would be a bit much for us with my crazy schedule and his working so much, she apparently took it wrong and told me, “Sorry I asked. Forget it.” 

Well, if that’s going to be her attitude she can shove a pound of jalapeños up her ass. 

Later… 

Although I can’t do anything on the schedule that I’m currently on, I have been very tempted to call Carol and tell her to take Simone back because she is just too spastic. I cannot do a damn thing unless she’s asleep or shut up in another room because she is constantly underfoot. The constant meowing may not be as annoying as landscaping and barking, but it does get old. 

Then I considered asking if we could trade her in for an older, calmer cat that is more independent. I have never had a cat like this that was in constant, constant need of attention. She may lose energy with age, but I think she is who she is and she’s not going to change. She’s not going to get out of my hair and she’s not going to shut up. 

The only thing that makes me hesitant to get rid of her is that Tom has really come to love her, and we’ve already spent hundreds of dollars on supplies. Tom once again brought up the idea of adding a second cat that would hopefully deter her attention so that she feels less alone when neither of us is around, and hopefully, she will also be less clingy. Hmm… that could definitely make things better, but it could also double the trouble and cause me to really be sorry, so I don’t know.