Meds… Took my pill on Saturday, started off a little iffy, and then I felt great for the rest of the day and had good energy.

Yesterday, however, after taking it 3 days in a row I started off okay and then I later felt wound up which morphed into depression until Tom cheered me up when we chatted. He believes Dr. O is going to be helpful and while I want to believe that because she was helpful before, I’m losing hope. I know I say this feeling has gone on for 2 years but I actually think it’s always been there ever since I started having problems yet because I was so much worse overall it sort of masked this particular feeling. My issues early on were more about my heart racing and pounding which would have naturally made me feel anxious. These days my heart doesn’t race as much when I take the meds. There’s just this feeling of anxiety sitting in my chest that comes and goes in waves.

I skipped today, and coincidentally or not, I’m fine. So that’s some placebo effect. I still say there’s a very real problem with the medication and Tom does agree. He just thinks there could be other factors as well. Yeah, well, I really hope there isn’t anything else wrong with me we don’t know about!

Me… Just like always, I went down a couple of pounds to 153.4, stopped shitting, and now I’m 155.0. Why does my body do this? Every time I drop a few pounds it automatically resets itself by holding onto its shit. What does my body think it’s trying to protect me from by holding onto its weight?

Andy… Aly told me she was getting gross food-related questions and intimate questions on Ask and asked if Andy could be behind them.

Absolutely. But there are tons and tons of perverts out there so there’s no way to know for sure. She blocked his account so we’ll see if the questions back off, not that he can’t create a new account to come at her from. But if it’s him, why mess with her and not me as well? He can’t mess with me from his old account since I have it blocked but he could always create a new one to do it from if he really wanted to. So far it doesn’t seem like I’m worth the time and effort and I hope it stays that way. She said two of the questions disappeared when she blocked him but Ask is notorious for being glitchy to begin with so that doesn’t necessarily tell us anything. The celeb and “hairy guy” talk and asking if she’d lick food off a lover, with random nouns capped that usually aren’t capped, does make me wonder, though.

Kim… I also got some questions that made me think of Kim, as innocent as they may have been. Just the topics and writing style, but I don’t know. She is secretive at times and will sometimes create accounts without telling anyone.

That’s part of the fun of Ask, though, guessing and wondering what could be from who unless they make it that obvious or choose not to be anonymous.

Molly… I asked Aly what time Molly went to bed and she said she’s in bed by 10:30. The Dallas visitor was in between 1:30 and 2 a.m. so can she sneak online in the middle of the night? Because if she can’t then it wasn’t her and the timing between that visitor and her tweet was solely a coincidence.

The park… When you look at the roads that wrap around our house you can see they really are pretty ugly with their square patches which are distinctly darker than the rest of the road where they didn’t do any work. Tom says that all that matters is that the roads are smooth and not to worry about them resurfacing them but I say they’ll resurface them soon enough because this park is obsessed with appearance. We can’t even go a month without someone doing some loud project here that’s hard to drown out even with the sound machines. If this park wasn’t obsessed with looks, there wouldn’t be landscaping every single day, would there be? I say they’ll redo the entire surface by the end of the year, late spring/early summer at the very latest since we are coming up to the rainy season.

Shopping… Yesterday we went to Goodwill to do some treasure hunting and I sure made some great finds! With Halloween coming up, they have all kinds of wigs in every style and color imaginable. I got a shoulder-length dark purple wig with bangs and one with long hot pink ponytails with neon orange at the ends. The orange isn’t that noticeable unless you really look for them and you have good lighting because they’re a similar shade to the pink. I put the wig on Gia and it looks fantastic on her! I put the dark purple one on the mannequin head.

I also got a little figurine of a black girl in a blue dress walking barefoot and holding her shoes in one hand. Her original price tag of $16 was still on her base. I got her for $3.

The best thing I found was a 26-inch all-porcelain doll by Dianna Effner named Hilary. I’ve had some of her dolls back in my days of regular doll collecting. This doll has very realistic eyes despite being a weird color of dark grayish-green. Except for the feet, the doll is pretty realistic looking overall, especially the hands. She had no wig and came in dumpy old stretched-out clothes with stockings and dirty shoes. While I was still in the store I went to the smallest-sized children’s clothing I could find and got a beautiful bright sleeveless dress for her. The dress has a solid pink liner with a white and hot pink lace overlay. I did have to pin it in back a bit to keep it from slipping off her shoulders but it looks adorably cute.

I also put a long wavy black wig on her that I had and was thankful I didn’t throw out. She sits on the living room floor by the window by my desk which I only use when I’m on nights because it’s quieter in the bedroom. Traffic is bad everywhere but it’s a little harder to hear the landscaping in the bedroom so that’s my daytime office. I dumped the shoes and outfit she came in.

Hilary ranges from $50-$100 but I got her for $6.

Yesterday my new mascara arrived along with the cutting board with the poppies design. It’s a lovely cutting board that can sit on the counter.

Tom… He put the new door stop on the front door so I could hold the screen door open when carrying in any heavy or bulky packages. I used to hate it when I’d have to struggle to hold the door open with one arm while wrestling boxes in with the other.

Kathleen… I can’t remember much in the way of dreams lately but it seems I had a positive dream about Kathleen last night. It seemed to be a happy, fun dream. A sign I’ll hear from her eventually? I still have my doubts. So many people make plans they don’t follow through on.

I still can’t figure her out. There are things she’s said that go against the theory of her liking me but more things that say she does. She’s just a little too “physical” with me not to and while she may be a very friendly person overall when it comes to most people, I can’t believe she would hug and put her arm around that many people either. The way she’d look at me, the things she would say… I would see it in her eyes, you know? There were a couple of times I remember her looking at me in that way.

Yet the way she pointed out how Tom and I make such a cute couple when we were talking on the phone and has yet to follow through with even contacting me online sends some waves of doubt through me. But hey, regardless of how she may like me, I’m not worried about it. She won’t harm me.

While it’s hard to believe she doesn’t have a Facebook account, she could very well be telling the truth about that because before they went and hid it, I never found her on Shannan or Holly’s friend list. They’ve got everyone else they work with on it so why not her? There is a chance they’ve hidden her or that Kathleen blocked me but I don’t see why she would do such a thing.

On the other hand, maybe she hasn’t acted yet because she was waiting to retire. She knew all along she would be retiring soon enough, so maybe she’s been waiting until there was no more business connection. Maybe she does hope to start something in her mind and maybe that’s why she hasn’t contacted me online and has waited until she retired. This way, when she calls (unless she blocks her number which I doubt), all I have is a phone number but nothing else. No last name, no address, no online connection.

She would know I could talk to those at the dentist’s, but unless she plans to keep a close friendship going with them or something, nothing I could say could come back to haunt her if anything went wrong. There’s no job connection and I know next to nothing about her. Maybe that’s the whole idea?

Anyway, while I may love to ponder a good mystery and speculate and guess all kinds of possible scenarios, ridiculous or not, I still say I’ll never hear from her again. That would be okay too, as this would be potentially easier and safer.