I’ve been feeling many things more and more often these days that are hard to put into words. This relentless boredom is really getting old. I have no drive or energy to do things so much of the time. I mean sure, there are things I would love to do but since they’re not things I can just up and do anytime I want, I’m left with the same old, same old. It makes me wonder how I managed to keep from losing my mind from boredom when I was younger, but then I did have other things I did back then that I don’t do anymore, and the things that I still do once took longer. I had to write journals and stories by hand and that takes longer than using speech-to-text. I had to walk to and from bus stops to go places. I hung out with friends more often. I had sex even if it wasn’t as often as I would have liked or as enjoyable as I would have liked. I used to be more flexible.

Even in just the time we’ve gone from Auburn to here, there’s quite a difference in how much more energyless, lazy, and bored I often get. I don’t look forward to the things I used to look forward to and the things that I do still enjoy seem to go too fast. There are only so many hours in a day I can write, drill, or listen to audiobooks.

I feel more and more empty inside even though I have more and more going for me as funny as that may sound. Hey, anything is better than anxiety but I still wish I had more of a zest for life. It’s just that I realize that even if people like Nane and Maliheh were back in my life again, not that I would want them to be, it wouldn’t be the same. Nothing would be the same because nothing is the same.

So I’ve been racking my brains trying to come up with a way to pass the time. “Mia” and “Stephanie” help but she may get old eventually and I may grow tired of her. Even if it’s some kind of silly pretend game like role-playing where I imagine chatting with hotties or at least people I find interesting. But then even that would get old after a while because there are only so many things we could talk about. Well, things that I know and understood and could relate to well enough anyway. I know there are a million subjects under the sun. It’s just that I’m not familiar with all of them. Maybe I need to get into more story writing. It’s just that the editing part takes a lot of time and that’s another thing I can only stand to do for so long. I guess with ADD you really can’t focus for long, can you?

So even though I have setting up the new place to look forward to, going to the beach, maybe going cruising, and other things, I’m still going to be home 95% of the time needing to fill my time with activities.

Here we go with the nighttime small planes flying round and round. Can’t wait to get away from that shit. Definitely another thing to look forward to, bored or not!

Anyway, I guess I need to make a list of activities that I can do and do each one for an hour at a time. I can definitely drill for an hour and work out for an hour, but blog for an hour? I don’t see how I wouldn’t run out of things to say long before that hour was up. But it is easy to ramble on with speech-to-text, and again, most of the work when it comes to writing is in the editing and not the actual writing whether you type it out or talk it out. I’m not a stress eater but I sometimes want to eat when I get bored because watching shows and movies without nibbling on something is boring. But I really have to control myself because I gain weight so damn easily.

I know I’ve said this before but I really miss random crushes on people whether they’re strangers I see online or in movies or somewhere in person. They were not only fun but they made for good story ideas even if those ideas were pretty similar in the end.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could work part-time because then my free time would be more special and I would be making some money.

Pawandeep texted Tom today to say she had another baby. So they chatted awhile via text and he learned she and several others had Covid. So glad he got out of there in time! Things could have turned out so very differently for both of us and not in a good way either.

Andy messaged me to say he started Weight Watchers to help get him out of the plateau he’s been in for the last four months. He said something about learning that he’s been eating the wrong foods.

But I told him about this years ago. I don’t think he realizes that he’s going to eventually have to start counting calories. He said something about not measuring the cream he puts in his coffee or the butter on his toast or things like that since measuring is beyond him, and that he’s still over his point limit for the day. I never understood how that program worked but knew it was some kind of point system. I don’t know why measuring is so hard for him. Doesn’t he have measuring cups? He said he could get a scale or contact one of the coaches they provide. It will be interesting to see how it works for him.

For me, I’m always going to have thyroid issues and therefore nothing could work except for lowering my calories to unsustainable levels. The best I can do is try to eat more of the right foods and hope I don’t gain anymore. Not gonna focus on this much until we get settled in our new place. Right now, things like my weight are the last thing on my mind. I just don’t want any more delays! And I would prefer to be able to stay here until we leave and not have to stop at a hotel first. Hopefully, we’ll find out something from Pierce soon enough. I just want to know what’s what for sure! The approximations are getting a little old.

If there aren’t any more delays, then I will sleep here 10 more times. Yeah, just 10 more times sleeping in traffic. I thought something woke me up this morning but I may have been dreaming. He said there weren’t any more loud vehicles than there usually are. I’m still kind of tired because I only slept 6 hours. Shouldn’t have to worry about my schedule for the rest of the time we’ve got left, no matter where we are. Right now, I’m guessing we’ll be here until the 9th unless anything comes up to change that.

I don’t like how I’ve been getting so cold so easily even when it’s warm in here. Really hope my thyroid isn’t dying anymore! When I contact Doc A to let her know we’re leaving and ask whether or not she wants to call in refills then or have me let her know when I need them, I’ll also ask if it really is OK to take this form of magnesium before 4 hours after taking my medication.

I still miss Aly so damn much! It still hurts like hell to know she’ll never Skype me again and that I can’t share anything that’s going on with her. It’s so sad and so unfair because she felt like she’d hardly lived, all she did was suffer, and there was so much more she wanted to do and experience.

However, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that Cam never existed. I’m just not sure if she was living with her parents most of the time or was really in a relationship but one that wasn’t all that satisfying and fulfilling instead and therefore she made up a much better relationship with “Cam.”

Some things just never added up. The doctor I couldn’t Google, the fact that I couldn’t get the slightest info on him, the fact that her accounts still exist and she had to have her neighbor contact me instead of Cam. I think that had she been with anyone at the time, they would have been the ones to close her accounts and contact me. But I can see where her parents were just too old and not computer-savvy enough to get such things.

Plus there was the fact that I never got to see any pictures of Cam or where they were living. The way she wouldn’t give me her address and had me send things to her parents were other clues suggesting he didn’t exist. I think she really did have an apartment for a while which I once saw part of in a picture, but I think she spent most of the time I knew her with her parents. I do believe that her past relationships were real when it came to Dustin, Sera, and Jase, and I do believe she lived with those gay guys for a while too.

If she felt like she was settling to the point that she had to make up a “better” boyfriend, then that’s pretty sad but she also would be able to do that quite well with the intelligence and creative mind she had. I wonder things, though, like why she decided he should be in acquisitions, then a bartender, and finally trained to be a corrections officer.

I just wish I could have her back! I don’t care what was real and what wasn’t. I loved her like a sister just the way she was.

Tom is 64 today. One more year till Medicare! Last week of Unemployment, though. We’re still dumbfounded that he could get paid more not to work.

Nancy has definitely moved in. Other than some door-slamming yesterday, she’s been quiet. It looked like one guy moved her. She caught me going to get the mail and we said hello to each other, and she asked about us moving. I told her the three main reasons we wanted to move were for warmer winters, a cheaper place, and that I thought it was too noisy here. She came from an apartment so she knows all about noise, but understandably, it’s hard to pass up being offered a house and no doubt much cheaper payments. California may be expensive no matter where you go but this is actually cheaper than even a tiny one-bedroom apartment.

Tom had a paranoid moment and told me not to tell people we thought it was too noisy here in case Debbie finds it too noisy and we didn’t disclose. But we did disclose, I reminded him. He mentioned the delivery trucks when she asked if it was quiet. Also, she doesn’t live far from here so she’s hearing the same planes and helicopters we are. Furthermore, noise is a subjective thing. He grew up in noisy environments so he doesn’t consider this noisy.

The noise was absolutely horrible yesterday mostly due to the 5 hours that the trash and green waste trucks were going in and out, other service vehicles, and of course the freeway in the sky.

There are many reasons to want to move and one of them is the fact that they’ll be turning the water off next Tuesday for 6 hours for the millionth time. I told him we wouldn’t make it out before another water turn-off once we learned we were delayed. Will there be any more after that, I don’t know.

Yesterday, after we went to drop off a streaming box at the cable company, I said hello to the Twenties as I was bringing in the green waste bin. I told them what furniture and exercise equipment we had available but they don’t have a need or the space for them.

Passed the 5-week marker without any skips of my med and all has been fine so far except for a racy heart yesterday. I had some ice cream so maybe it was the sugar. I was also doing sprints.

So excited to be getting out of here and picking out a new place! The only thing that kind of sucks is knowing that it just isn’t in my cards to get my dream home. Not a single side of the place is going to back up to woods or water. It’s going to be all streets and houses just like here. But at least it won’t be in a flight path, will be cheaper, and the climate will be warmer! Can’t say if we’re going to be there forever, though. We may one day decide we want to be in a regular house, and if he’s still healthy and wouldn’t mind going back to work, I would be okay with that as long as I was feeling okay and it wasn’t for 12 hours a day and some Saturdays. There are a number of possibilities that could end up happening, as he pointed out.

Got my diamond painting yesterday. It's a colorful toucan with a pink background. I miss drilling and it gives me something to do while we continue to play the waiting game. It's going to be a long 2 weeks.

Had groceries delivered this morning shortly after I got up, and my toe stickers are arriving today as well.

He brought old paint cans to a recycling company and had one of the car's tires fixed as well. A while back a screw punctured it and it would slowly lose air so he realized it was silly not to fix it before we left. At least it was only $20 to patch it up.

Not much in the way of dreams. Just something about locking myself out of a building until someone I knew came around that I knew would let me in, and worrying that a small white dog that was missing might have drowned in a lake.

Tom's gone to drop off old paint cans at a paint recycling company.

I was not at all happy to learn that this year the parade is going to loop around the circle. They couldn't just wait one more fucking year before they had to wrap their asses around the house and pose yet another threat to my sleep! I'm supposed to be crashing that day before they start. It's not even 10 a.m. and already there has been so much loud traffic and helicopters. The helicopters were absolutely maddening a couple of days ago. I think they were military helicopters. Even on the days they're "quiet" they're still way more than I've ever heard anywhere else in my life. 

I really hope it's better in Florida but I'm guessing that only a few things may be better there. People are still going to have things delivered to their places and most of the loud traffic stems from delivery trucks. So I really really hope the soundproofing material works as well as they say and that we’re able to install it properly. You have to basically do it perfectly otherwise it won't work.

I'm not sure I see the point of a gated community, though. It would make sense and be helpful if the gates were closed all the time and there was somebody at the gate opening and closing them. But the front one is open all day and therefore anyone is free to come in. Yet if delivery trucks don't make it before they close, there's no one there to open them unless they come in right behind someone who lives here.

The good news is that Pierce texted him yesterday to say that while he still can't make any promises, it's looking like there's little chance that there will be a second delay. Because of my  fucking schedule, we're going to ask if we can stay until the 9th but let him know that we don't absolutely have to. If we have to go to a hotel, we will even though that would make things harder on me. I've been tired lately. I just took a nap until traffic woke me up. This time it was a water delivery truck. Anyway, the problem is that there are no suitable flights going to Tampa if the house closes sooner as we expect it will. No red eyes, no evening flights. I don't know if there's even any in the afternoon. But at this point, I would be willing to switch to Coach even if it meant dealing with all the screaming and having to have someone sit with us to get out of here sooner. I don't see this happening, though.

Holly’s still ignoring me but she hasn't blocked me. No new updates since she returned from her trip to Oregon. I reread her post again thanking people for the cards and flowers and found that I missed what kind of cancer she was dealing with. She had breast cancer surgery. One of her friends said they went through that nearly 20 years ago and have remained cancer-free ever since. 

The question is do some of these people have me marked as spam? Has she, Shannan, and Alyssa completely ignored my messages? Or do they read them in silence?

It's great that I've been calmer these days but now I'm dealing with a little bit of fatigue, TMJ, and a whole lot of boredom. How did I survive my younger days when I had less to do without going completely out of my mind from boredom? And damn do I miss some of the old me! I miss being able to see without glasses. I miss being at least a little thinner. I miss my libido. I miss having crushes on various people even though I knew they could never lead to anywhere and that was all right. For me, it wasn't about capturing them and falling into bed with them. It was about flirting or at least having fun with them in my mind and stories. But when you can almost never get horny in the first place, you can never look at anyone and realize you're hot for them. 

UPS just went by, music blaring, before crashing into the speed bump as if it wasn't even there. Damn, I'm so sick of this shit! If they would just do something to quiet down the delivery trucks and we could get out of a flight path, that would make a huge difference right there. At least then I could still have the peacefulness of the nights to look forward to. I really hope I get that back in Florida! No one should have to listen to planes and helicopters swarming around at 3 AM. But it isn't just at 3 AM, of course. It's on and off all through the night and it's not just helicopters either. I'm sure some of them are small planes of some kind. Not as many commercials at that time but every now and then there are some.

Most of our stuff is now gone and what’s left is going on the plane with us or not going anywhere at all. We still may donate the unwanted furniture. We’re not exactly sure what’s going on with that just yet. I filled Carolyn in and joked about how we were the noisy ones yesterday with the moving trucks and all that. They’re back from Iowa now and she said at least they’ll get to say goodbye to us.

There were actually two large trucks, and believe me, the sight of them definitely got me emotional with tears stinging my eyes. The moment had finally come! The first truck had a couple of really nice Mexican guys and was mostly filled with other people’s stuff along with moving supplies since they’re a full-service company that will pack you up and move you if you pay them for it. I’m sure they found us to be rather easy since we’re not taking any furniture.

Not letting them know I know Spanish so I could eavesdrop even though I didn’t pick up anything exciting, the guy had a roll of stickers that starts with the number one that he stuck on each of our items along with a unique number so as to keep track of our stuff and not get it mixed in with someone else’s. We ended up with 109 items. He packed some of the smaller items into a large cardboard box. It was $15 per box which was kind of ridiculous and we needed 2 of them, so it cost us $30 but then when you’re paying $4,300 to begin with, it hardly seems like much. They didn’t charge us for all the tape they used because they wanted to give our boxes extra security.

They did a great job and were a reminder that we’re not as young and as fit as we used to be with the way they so easily loaded five boxes onto their dolly and wheeled them all out like they were made of air. Tom was so glad that in the end, he didn’t have to load everything up himself as was originally planned until he learned he couldn’t get any moving pods out here until August.

The second truck, driven by a third Mexican guy, was even bigger, and after they had time to load up most of our stuff which they wheeled up a ramp onto the truck, I went out and looked inside the truck which was practically as big as our living room which is huge. Our stuff seemed so tiny and lost in the vast cavern of the truck. It was packed against the back wall. They had shelves in the middle of the wall so they didn’t have to have such tall stacks of stuff. This truck, they said, was to pack a bigger place in San Francisco and then be brought to the San Jose warehouse. There our stuff will remain until we get a place in Florida to have it driven out to.

They were 40 minutes late and here for 2 hours. It seemed to take more time to do the paperwork and the taping than the actual moving of the stuff. I can just imagine how long it would take if they were to pack and move an entire household of 4 or more!

Taking advantage of Prime Day, we decided to get another laptop like the new one we just got only it has a better brain. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll go back to my desktop. Yes, I’ll miss the touch screen feature and the bigger screen but maybe we’ll set it up as a security monitor in the next place because we plan to install cameras around it.

Not sure what we’re going to do with the old MacBook but I’m sure he’ll find some use for it. Still might get an iPad at some point as well. It will be interesting to see what the new version of Windows is like since they claim it’s more like a Mac.

Oh, and we also got a laser tape measure which ought to be cool.

Getting a haircut later on.

The movers didn’t get to us yesterday because the person they had to move before had more shit than they told them they had. They’re coming this morning at 8 along with our groceries.

I really like this new Windows laptop even though I’ve always hated how it lacks some of the features that the Mac has. Especially being able to simply highlight and read text anywhere on or offline. Instead, if I want anything read aloud I have to copy and paste it into Word. However, I do like how Word highlights each word as it’s read whereas most others don’t.

The only thing is that the keyboard is arranged a little differently and it takes some getting used to. I don’t like how I have to hit the number lock key to use the 10 key. Then I have to release it if I want to use page up and page down. But then this one has missing features that my Windows desktop has like the touch screen.

Really love the fingerprint password instead of having to have a regular one with numbers and letters because if any of my other devices were stolen, a desperate and determined person could order encryption tracking software from the dark web and they’re in. But nobody can order up my fingerprint.

I wish my schedule jumped faster on days instead of nights because I not only sleep better at night but then I’d get to be the first one up more than just three or four times in a row.

He ordered a large suitcase since we can each check 3 items for free, and instead of mailing the safe to our temporary box, we’re going to just throw it in that suitcase.

Yesterday was Prime Day so for less than $5 I’m going to try toenail stickers.

We haven’t decided for sure but we may sell off the unwanted furniture through either Craigslist or eBay.

He was emailed documents to sign this morning pertaining to the inspection so it’s looking more hopeful that things will actually go through this time around and that there won’t be any more delays.

Never got a reply from the wrong Patricia O, but I messaged one of her daughters and her granddaughter and said that the least they could have done was tell me that I had the wrong person after years of messaging her. The daughter blocked me in the granddaughter said, “You can’t be serious. My grandmother is 80 years old and doesn’t know much about computers. I don’t think it was malicious in any way.”

Now it makes sense to me and I kind of felt bad for not thinking of this possibility upfront. I did know she wasn’t young, after all. Other things make sense as well like the son contacting me. He was probably showing her something, got nosy and browsed through her messages, saw my name, and looked me up out of curiosity.

The blog view I once got from Gloversville, NY was no doubt him as well, and because Doc O told me she was out of town at the time I messaged her, that furthered my belief that it was her Facebook account.

Pierce better give us some fucking information today! I’m tired of things being possible but not for sure. I want to be certain about what’s going on and what to expect.

Tom slaved his ass off packing all day yesterday but couldn’t finish, so he crashed early and got up early to finish before the movers get here later on.

The movers are coming tomorrow and the house will be 95% empty which will definitely make it real! Now all we have to do is hope to hell the sale doesn’t fall through and cause us to have to start all over again. I also worry about waking up too soon the day we leave as well.

Screw Instagram. They won’t let me upload more than one picture at a time unless it’s to the Stories which disappear in 24 hours. Had uploading problems but researched and found that if you have issues you might have to restart your phone. After doing that, they showed up on Facebook and Instagram like they were supposed to. I’ll just upload to Facebook whatever pictures I take when we finally get the fuck out of here.

I messaged both of the “fake” Patricia O accounts to ask why the hell she couldn’t have simply told me I had the wrong person and even sent a friend request to the accounts to help get their attention and I’ve been totally ignored. Makes me wonder about some people!

I don’t want to get my hopes up yet as I pass 4 consecutive weeks of not skipping my medication but when I look back on the calendar for the word “anxious” since I put that word on any day I feel anxious whether it’s just a hint of it or a lot of it, I counted 17 days for last month but just 4 days for this month so far. The reason I don’t want to get my hopes up is that I do have some good spells every now and then where I manage to make it several weeks with just a few scattered days of mild anxiety. I’m hoping it’s a combination of the new supplements and getting further into menopause but I still wonder at times if the medication building up as it does when I pass the 6-8-week marker could still have a hand in it. Guess I’ll find out soon enough!

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and saw that Nancy was here. She had a cable truck here. Don’t know if she’s moved in yet but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was before we left which kind of sucks because then there’s going to be a lot of door-slamming and company. My sleep is so critical at this point that anything that’s a potential threat to it puts stress on me.

Had a series of strange dreams. Again, they were quick and senseless. In one of them, I was standing in our (future?) kitchen posing in certain positions because my joints had been stiff and I was worried I lost even more mobility. But I was glad to find I hadn’t as I looked up through a skylight and saw it was raining.

Tom was in another room and I was thinking about how Stacey and I exchanged a few messages which I mentioned to him.

Earlier, he was telling me I could get food cooked in grease and have it delivered because we had a monthly delivery service plan and every so often for no extra charge they would cook it in this special grease, LOL.

In the next dream, I entered an apartment or condo somewhere that was set up as perhaps some kind of group home. “I’m back,” I said to the handful of people sitting in the living room watching TV, worrying that I forgot to dress and was completely naked. The people in the living room ignored me and I looked down and realized with relief that I had a sundress on.

I spotted someone I recognized in the kitchen and asked if she was from Virginia. She nodded and I asked her if anyone from that state ever appeared on my phone bill that tried to contact me when they were checking everybody’s phone records in search of someone that was causing some kind of trouble. I told her I couldn’t remember the name of the town but in my mind, I was thinking of Maliheh even though she lives in a different state in real life.

Then I heard guinea pigs squeaking somewhere as I traveled through the place and out onto a balcony made up of a small pool and a large pool that was sunken into a rock floor. I now magically had a swimsuit on and jumped down into the large one. I opened my eyes underwater to try to get a sense of how deep the pool was. There were at least half a dozen other people in the pool area and I asked the closest one to me how deep the water was. She said, “It depends. It’s connected to the ocean.”

“So there’s no way of knowing?” I asked.

The woman shook her head even though I noticed a small pool nearby with a little sign saying “Sandy” which I took to mean was shallow.

I said that whoever owned such a beautiful condo was lucky and the woman agreed as she pointed to an older woman in a one-piece black G-string bathing suit walking away from us along with someone else they were talking to.

Then I went to get out of the water and had to climb up a ladder to do so. But the steps were so steep I could barely pull my weight upward. Some guy reached down to help pull me up and the dream ended with us struggling to get me out of the pool.

The splinter hemorrhage in my toenail is growing out so it’s definitely not melanoma or anything to worry about. The question is how it got there in the first place since I didn’t injure my foot in any way. I read there are a number of different things that can cause them.

I’m still not remembering my dreams much. Just senseless snippets here and there like us being in a two-story house with a large yard around it that was set back from the street. Tom was sitting in a lounge chair reading something as I looked through the windows in the living room we were in to see neatly trimmed bushes that were about six feet tall. They extended around the front and side of the living room and I said something about us being surrounded.

Then Tom was saying that our package was being delivered and I ran upstairs to look out a second-floor window to get a better view of the street. UPS was parked at the curb.

I ran back downstairs to get the package which was a doll head that I either attached to a body or used as a decorative display. The only problem was that it was the same head that I already had. Not wanting to go through the hassle of returning it, I decided I would simply give it different color eyes to make it look different.

Holly’s still ignoring me and still sharing vacation pics. I shared one of her funny cat videos (not hers personally) with Kim because I knew she would really like it. I wonder if this will cause me to be blocked or not but I don’t care either way. Until and if she does, Kim will appreciate the good laugh. Especially since she’s having a tough time with her shoulder and she recently fell too.

I learned some sad and interesting news yesterday. But first, I had my final ENT appointment. Definitely going to miss Dr. N! The good news is that she said my ear looked good and didn’t need to be cleaned. The bad news was that it cost us $95 for her to tell me that.

I mentioned how my bite has been off lately and how only the teeth on one side touch when I close my jaw. She confirmed that TMJ can cause that and said to mention it to my next dentist.

She looked like she wanted to hug me on my way out but didn’t. Instead, I told her to look me up on Facebook someday. She said she would but I know she won’t, of course, LOL. I’ve already given her a positive review on Yelp and I added one on Healthgrades as well.

It was while I was on Healthgrades that I made a shocking discovery. First, though, I’m truly grateful that I simply accepted the referral I received to Doc N and never checked her reviews beforehand because so many people don’t seem to like her. The same goes for Doc A who I checked next just to see what was there.

Curious, I went to pull up Doc O to see what came up on her and wasn’t able to pull up her name. Finding that strange, I Googled her name, and up came her obituary! She died in February of lymphedema! She battled with cancer for eight years beginning when she was my age, so she suffered for one year longer than I’ve suffered from hormonal issues. I can’t imagine battling cancer for that long! Such a horrible and scary time that must have been in some ways. I guess she had cancer in her lymph nodes and the removal of lymph nodes can cause lymphedema.

She was 63. What is shitty age to die. You live long enough to suffer through menopause but you don’t get to enjoy your retirement after working so long and hard.

She was an “Army brat” and lived in many places. Massachusetts was listed in the obit, which she told me about. She also lived in Michigan, Nebraska, and the Philippines before her family settled in Rancho Cordova.

The obit quotes her saying that it turns out everything is hormones. That is so true!

It also mentions another thing I was aware of and that was her love of gardening. It said she turned the acre of land where she and her husband of 40 years, Adam, created a series of beautiful gardens. The Rose Garden, Orchid Garden, Sierra Garden, and more.

Now here’s where my surprise deepened but then some things started making sense. Well, she did have three kids, but not Stormy, Beth, and a gay son Peter. Instead, it was Annabelle, Will, and Harry. She had two brothers and two sisters.

So I’ve been talking to the wrong Patricia O on Facebook all this time?! And according to the people who left condolences on her obit, mostly patients (I added my own), Nurse Chris was Christine M. So Chris C was not the right nurse either that I once messaged. But why the hell couldn’t the wrong O tell me I had the wrong person? I know she read at least one of my first messages to her. Would it really have been hard to take the time to tell me “Sorry, wrong person?” I asked her this on Messenger instead of Facebook and she’ll get an invite to Messenger because she’s apparently not already on it. So she shouldn’t miss it.

Like I said, other things now make sense. I really thought it was her account, though, because the person also appears to love flowers and always has flowers and the types of profile and cover photos I could always see O using.

The poorly written comments I’ve seen her leaving on other people’s posts now make sense because you would think a doctor would be smart enough to write better.

The son really wasn’t kidding when he said his mother was Patricia but not a doctor. I still don’t know how the son knew who I was and why he reached out to me but I always assumed Doc O mentioned me to him if he didn’t nose into her account somehow. That was another thing I thought was weird but now that I know it wasn’t the right O, maybe it’s not so weird.

I was really surprised when her “daughter” Beth was celebrating her 45th birthday one day and realized that Doc O couldn’t have been more than 13 years old when she was born, LOL.

The constant game-playing makes sense now too. I couldn’t understand where she was getting the time so often in the middle of workdays to play on Facebook.

Holly shared more pictures but ignored my voice clips, not surprisingly. Starting to think she marked my messages as spam. More research suggests that yes, you can do that without the other person knowing. So she and Shannan probably haven’t read more than my first message to them. I know Holly at least got the first one because of her reaction when I asked her about it one time.

Anyway, although Pierce didn’t exactly say so, Tom got the impression that the house could close on the 6th. The problem with that is that there aren’t any nighttime flights available then when my schedule will be on nights. So you could say the delay eased his stress but has upped mine. Everything was lining up perfectly for me but now things are sort of in the air again. If people quit fucking up and delaying things for whatever reason, there’s no reason we can’t be gone by the 9th for sure. I’d be getting up around midnight and we’d fly out at 6. Instead of having a layover in Washington, it would be Utah, and the whole flight would be 7 hours. So by the time we got to the hotel, I would be up for 13-14 hours which is doable. 20 more days, though. That sucks. Bet the delay means one more water shut-off too. My biggest concerns are any loud vehicles or projects waking me up when I do my final flip.

Here comes the loud paper car. Tom says I only hear it because sounds travel better at night. No way. I get what he’s saying but it’s definitely loud. I wouldn’t hear our car, the Twenties car, or Gerry and Nancy’s car with things not running yet I can hear this one loud and clear with things running. It’s not motorcycle-loud but it’s loud.

OMG, I am SO pissed! We just went from having one week left to three weeks left thanks to delays in her house closing. 🙁 I knew things were going way too fast and too easy. Nothing is ever this simple for us. There were delays moving to Maricopa, there were delays moving in here, so why wouldn’t there be delays moving to Florida? So now June 24th has become July 9th…unless there are even more delays.

The delay is both good and bad. It’s bad because I just want to get the fuck out of here. The adjustments we had to make cost us a couple of hundred dollars. I have to do another roll here which means sleeping in the daytime and hoping the garbage trucks and other loud shit don’t wake me up. I have even longer to listen to all the planes and other shit.

It could still close a little earlier which would mean going to a motel for our final few days which would be even worse. I’d rather just stay here until the end. I have enough sleep challenges as it is.

We got a temporary mailbox in Tarpon Springs that I call Tampon Strings, LOL. The car has been delayed from being shipped, and both the hotel and flight have been bumped up, but our stuff is moving as scheduled and then they’re going to store it for us. We agreed to wrap the bins in plastic wrap, not because we worry they may drop something if the covers pop off but because it would be too easy for them to spot something they may like to have for themselves and it would be just a matter of slipping the latch, popping the cover off, and helping themselves without the wrap. We wouldn’t even know it until it was too late. This way, they would at least have to cut through the wrap.

Since most of our stuff will be gone two weeks before we get out of here, we’re just going to keep the absolute bare necessities. Just a few pieces of silverware, a couple of plates, a skillet, etc. Then we’ll pack those in the box we’re putting the fireproof safe in which looks like a small briefcase that feels like it has a rubber coating.

If there’s any good at all in this it’s that we at least have a little more time to bow to the park’s demands since it’s always those we can’t ignore that are the ones that have the most hold on us, and we do need to comply with their orders so they hopefully won’t give us a shitty reference if we need them in the future.

He’s going to get some things hauled away such as the old rusty cabinet the last people left here. So if there’s room in whatever container or truck it goes in, we’ll add some of the unwanted furniture since the housekeeper just can’t seem to get back to us and clarify what she wants and doesn’t. We can’t know for sure what she would take.

This also gives him a chance to condense his stuff even more into fewer bins which will save money.

July 9th is a traumatic date for me to remember but if we really do leave that day, it will surely be a far cry different and better than July 9th of 2014! I will have been in the West for 29 years and one month since it was on June 9th of 1992 that I left New England. It will be about two weeks shy of 14 years in California alone since we came here on July 25, 2007.

I’m finding that I just can’t get into using the Twitter account I set up for voice posts so I think I’ll scrap that idea for now. However, I’m not going to deactivate the account or spring up my old one. I just don’t use Twitter much.

I check some people on Facebook every now and then and Holly must have cancer because, for the first time in years, she’s been posting publicly for some reason. One of her posts has a picture of Get Well cards and flowers displayed in her kitchen that she got after having radiation treatment. She didn’t say what kind of cancer she had but in another post, she mentioned needing some R&R after treatment and going to Crater Lake up in Oregon. She’s in her late 50s to early 60s, so hopefully, she’ll be OK.

I didn’t say anything to her or Shannan of course because I know I’m not going to get any response. I would have thought medical professionals would be willing to communicate with former patients they haven’t seen in a while but apparently not. I’m still going to say hi to Doc A after we’ve been in Florida a while, even though I don’t even know if she’ll see it and I do know she won’t reply if she does.

Scratch that. I just left Holly a few voice messages telling her I recently lost my bestie to cancer, and I really feel for her.

I was a bad girl when I left a less-than-kind comment when I found a picture of Polly that her daughter Miranda shared of her on Instagram before I blocked her. I didn’t realize blocking someone deleted their comments, although I should have figured as much since that makes sense. Yet in the five seconds between the comment and the blocking, it was seen and reported. Then Miranda had one of her friends troll me with their own silly comments. No problem. I simply changed my username which changed the link. Of course, I got hit with a pop-up when I returned to Insta reprimanding me for trolling while they got to get away with being the hypocrites they apparently are. I could have reported them but I’m more of an ignore or block or both kind of person.

Then I hunted the friend down on Twitter. Not surprisingly, her account is private so I requested to be added and left her a tweet.

Tom found these really cool bubble mailers on Amazon that may be a great idea for if I ever have a future Etsy store that takes off. It’s a 20-foot-long thing of bubble-lined mailing material and you cut it to the exact size you need. It seems like a much better alternative to traditional mailers.

Although I’m not in a hurry for new nail stickers, I may splurge on another set. I could use something fun in the midst of all this waiting and all the headaches that come with the delay.

I don’t know if my little magnifying mirror is 10X or 20X but for 7 bucks I’ll grab a 20X. If this doesn’t help since they don’t seem to go any higher than 20X, makeup will likely be a thing of the past for me. It’s way too hard to put on! It sucks too because I’ve always liked makeup but I would rather do without that than my nail candy and perfume.

Dyed my hair burgundy again since the color in this cheap dye fades so fast. It looks so good when it’s fresh! I’ll use the last box before we go and then I won’t have any dye to move.

We decided to dismember the doll. Lol, she was definitely the dumbest purchase we ever made. Since we now have an additional trash pickup, we’ll distribute the body parts evenly. I still have the heads and wigs.

I feel like I’m totally losing control of my weight and that waking up in the 160s is just a matter of days now. I went down a couple of pounds over the course of four or five days and then in just one day put it back on. I wonder if some of it is water retention. I’m overdoing the carbs and sodium no doubt. I like the calmness I’ve been experiencing the last couple of days, though despite the frustrations going on.

So Juneteenth is now a federal holiday. Fucking figures. All to “celebrate” something that happened hundreds of years ago and has nothing to do with today whatsoever. Now how many more names do we have to change and what statues do we have to remove as if we could rewrite history, some of it shitty or not?

The wind must be going the wrong way because everything is so loud out there tonight. You don’t usually hear much of the freeway at this time of year but I can hear that and of course the planes. A few spurts of barking as well but as annoying and as loud as it is, at least it’s only a few barks at a time. Wish I could turn off the sound machine and air cleaner to give my ears a break. Maybe I can do that in the next place at night but not here. Here I would rather hear my shit than the rest of the world’s.

There was a mountain lion spotted near Verner yesterday. Well, we live off Verner. From the talk on the Citrus Heights pig page on Facebook, the mountain lion went to pay its respects to Bob and Virginia.

Just 8 days to go! He contacted Pierce to ask what was up and make sure everything was going on time and he said he hasn’t heard back from anybody so we’re hoping that no news is good news. What’s a bit strange is that the cleaning lady still hasn’t gotten back to us.

We’re getting groceries tomorrow for what will probably be the second to last time.

Also, instead of throwing my clothes haphazardly into trash bags, I’m rolling them up and shoving them into bags that you vacuum-seal to save space. Our stuff is easily under 4,000 pounds but it’s mostly about how much space your stuff takes up. It’s $6 for each cubic foot of space you fill.

I’ve been playing around with Instagram and getting to know it a bit more but I’m still not sure what to make of it. I don’t want to directly shoot pics to Insta so that I get a chance to review them first. Not every pic we take is a good shot. I don’t like the way they square off the images cutting off the tops and bottoms of portrait images and the sides of landscape images. I’m surprised how many people started following me after I shared the link. I guess I’ve got more readers than I realize, LOL.

It may be a good place to upload and share pics, and I definitely plan to take many along the way. Just uploaded my latest nail pic.

Got to remember to do things when we get settled like change to the new time zone on some sites I use like PB.

I talked to Bob C’s son on Facebook, the guy I first bought incense from when we lived in Maricopa that ended up going to prison. I asked the son if he could ask him if he happened to remember the name of his supplier and he replied with his number saying Bob said I could call him. I was going to at first but then decided against it. Why can’t he simply tell his son the name and have him tell me? Besides, he’s on a lifetime of intense probation and I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that. I’m sure the pigs keep tabs on all his communications.

At midnight there should be just 9 days left. Yes, we are now down to the single digits! Woot!!! I can now see what the weather is going to be on the day we move on my Windows weather app since it shows 8 days at once.

Something else special happens at midnight and that’s our 27th anniversary! 27 wonderful, fun, adventurous, and sometimes downright frustrating and scary years. Wouldn’t trade him for the hottest chick in the world. Beauty really is only skin-deep although I can’t imagine ever getting with him in the first place if I found him literally unattractive. Never could get into someone I personally found to be just there or ugly. So yeah, looks do still matter to a degree. Overall appearance and personality matter more to me than body parts but I know everyone’s different. I’ve met some who swear looks don’t matter and others who say body parts absolutely do matter.

Not sure yellow is my color but the coverup I got for the beach and pools fits perfectly.

Packed a little more stuff but again, we do need to live for another nine days so some things have to wait. The car gets picked up on the 21st and our stuff between the 21st and 23rd, but probably the 23rd.

I just don’t like this anxiety I’m feeling, mild or not. I’m like please tell me I’m not gonna get hit with debilitating anxiety on top of the stress and lost sleep that goes with moving! I’m overwhelmed enough and I don’t need more than I can handle thrown at me. Don’t like the mild chest pain I have now either.

I know this is just a dream but it would still be nice to be in a pet-free park even though it isn’t literally “pet-free” because service dogs are less likely to bark.

In light of the heatwave coming up, I wonder if they’re going to do any rolling power outages while I’m sleeping. God, I hope not! I still have night sweats and sleep hot enough even with the AC down to 75 instead of the usual 78 I keep it at. If there was ever a time my sleep was critical it’s now!

Watching a particular Lifetime movie gives me one more reason to be grateful we never had kids. A woman’s neighbor called Child Protective Services on her for refusing to loan her money. I totally wouldn’t put it past the drama queen to pull sadistic shit like that. In fact, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she’s lodged phony complaints against others that have pissed her off in the past.

I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid or what but sometimes I still feel like I’m being watched online. Obviously, whoever may be watching can’t be that harmful since no one’s done anything to me but I’ve come to realize all the horrible possibilities that could come of me mixing social sites and allowing people to learn my full name along with the names of others. Once you know someone’s full name you can find out locations and all kinds of shit.

July or August is when I expect to get into our new place. I want to wait till it’s been over a year, and I don’t mean just a month or two over, so maybe I’ll make myself the termites’ Christmas present for 2022. LOL

Still feeling a bit off. I just hope to hell the anxiety isn’t going to continue to worsen and cause me to have a hell of a lot more to worry about than just being tired on moving day. I would really really hate to have horrible anxiety on what should be an exciting day, tired or not!

Due to the mounting stress and excitement, I’ve been sleeping horribly. I kept waking up a million times last time and sometimes I wasn’t sure I would be able to get back to sleep. Still have night sweats, too.

But 10 more days. Just 10 more days as long as everything goes well! We hope to learn a lot more tomorrow and have things just about completely finalized.

I just hope to hell I’m not exhausted, anxious, or feeling like shit with a racing heart or overheated with hot flashes during the actual move! It’s going to be a very long day. I’ll be getting up around 5 in the morning and a little after 10 our flight leaves. We’ll be shooting up to Seattle on a small plane before an hour layover and then flying to Florida where we should arrive after 10 p.m. ET. We’re going to fly Delta this time.

I felt fine yesterday but today I’m having mild anxiety. My supplements and nuts aren’t helping. God, I hope I’m not ramping up to another bad anxiety spell! I still hope it’s hormones but worry it’s the medication. I so totally don’t want this shit following me but I know it will. I just can’t imagine it ever going away after all this time. Then again, maybe Gennev and the other stuff are helping since I haven’t had nearly as many anxious days this month as last month. At least not so far.

Anyway, our biggest fear right now are delays that could possibly throw things off and cost us a lot more money. But it says in the contract that it’s all contingent upon her house selling. The thing that pisses me off is knowing that if they cause a problem on their end whether it’s something they could help or not, it will be at our expense and there won’t be a damn thing we can do about it.

This will be his first time in Washington as well as mine. We came pretty damn close when we took the train from Oregon on the way to the airport in Portland back in 2006. So one more state to add to my list. It reminded him of his oldest brother Raymond who died about 15 years ago. He was stationed there for a while and that’s where he met his wife Noralee. He was curious as to whether or not she was still alive, so I looked her up and from what I can tell, she is. She’s living in an apartment in Phoenix and is 80 years old.

Finally found a picture of Bob and Virginia’s grave even though there were never obituaries. They’re “stackables” and just an 8-minute drive away. Where the people in the Calvary Cemetery are just a few hundred feet away, Bob and Virginia are a few thousand feet away at the Sierra Hills Cemetery.

Tom believes they’re together in the afterlife and I still don’t know what to believe. Do they wish they could come alive, claw through the dirt and walk back home to resume living? Or are they in some other place whether that may be better or worse? Or are they simply just dead? I can’t help but wonder about these things.

Virginia once told me that Bob was telling someone that they’re living too long since many people are living longer these days. I wondered if that was a complaint or just him joking around. I’m guessing it was probably both. I got the feeling they got bored doing the same routine every day for so many years. Even I get bored in my 50s. No matter how much you may enjoy the things you do, doing them every day year after year, does have a way of getting old. I prefer to live another 20 years but this is part of why it wouldn’t hit me as hard if I was told I was going to die now as opposed to 20 years ago.

I might have stopped gaining weight but damn does it make things so much harder. It’s harder to run or do anything physical, especially anything jarring like jumping. It’s even harder to bend over to cut my toenails. But sadly, all I can do is what I’ve been doing and that’s to accept it and live with it until and if there’s ever a safe and effective breakthrough. I have zero control over my weight.

I hope the pigs are settled and happy in their new homes. Every time I take hold of a plastic bag, fry food, or run water I still expect the screaming to start.

Andy told me one of the negative things about living where he’s lived for the last 14 years is the horrible odors he has to deal with from his Asian neighbors’ cooking and especially another neighbor’s charcoal grill because it triggers his asthma. He said when he asked the woman if she would be willing to switch to a gas grill, she got so offended that she didn’t talk to him for three years. That is so, so typical too. This, along with the Phoenix freeloaders putting a complex on me after the hell they put me through, is why I won’t complain unless I really have no choice. It’s never done me any good. Well, rarely. There were a few who cared enough to consider me but for the most part, people just don’t give a shit. They either do nothing to change their ways or they spite you for complaining just like the welfare bums, Andrea at the Vista Ventana, and the office here.

Here we go with the obnoxious buzzing of either a small plane or a helicopter. 10 more days left of this shit! God, I hope so anyway. Really, really hope this doesn’t follow me. I don’t expect to hear much in the way of commercial planes there but I sure hope there aren’t many small planes or helicopters either that I can’t even go one single hour without hearing. I just want my nights back! Every other place was usually quiet at night but not here. If it isn’t the freeway, it’s something in the sky. Plus the loud paper delivery car. I hate having three sides of our place flanked by streets!

I can’t wait to give this park a piece of my mind when we’re gone but the termites are going to wait. Even if the termite doesn’t make up some bullshit story that the pigs fall for and no one comes to the door, mail could still be forwarded and I don’t want that. I’ve waited this long so I can wait another year, and besides. That’s better than the 2.5 years I’d have to wait if it wasn’t for COVID and the layoff.

We’re in for another heatwave in a few days with triple-digit temps. I really hope the AC doesn’t give us any shit!

Just put some scented oil in my diffuser. They’re a hell of a lot easier to clean than wax warmers but the only thing I don’t like is that since oil floats on top of water, the smell dissipates long before it empties out and turns off.

I remembered why I had “July” in my journal notes yesterday. It’s because I totally doubt I’ll make it to July without getting anxious again. I haven’t made it more than a month in a while now. I’ll know just how helpful (or not) the supplements I’ve been taking are depending on what happens over the next few weeks. I’m still doing the combination of black cohosh tea and tablets along with magnesium a couple of times a day.

We’ve booked our hotel, we’ve got our first-class tickets, and we’re about 90% packed. Oh, the happy tears that flow on and off! But the stress is ramping up along with the sadness of not having my bestie to share these moments with. We loved each other like sisters and it just sucks that she’s not here. Tom believes she somehow goes on and knows what’s going on but I don’t know what to believe. It’s one thing to believe Paris exists even though I haven’t seen it firsthand, but another to believe things that no one has seen or that may very well be just stories or the false beliefs of those who swear on them.

Here’s something pretty freaky, though. I’m listening to a book right now that deals with a woman who is dying of cancer. Well, her name is Alison and she’s 40 years old. How weird is that?! That’s freakier than the book with the pig named 

So like I said, lots of stress right now. I’m excited, I’m missing Aly, but definitely stressing too. The normal kind of stress I’ve always had when something big is going on. Not the hellish anxiety I’ve experienced at the hands of my medication in menopause. They’re distinctly different feelings.

So much could go wrong right now. If there are any issues with Debbie’s house closing escrow, that could really throw things off big time for us and end up costing us thousands of dollars. If all continues to go as planned, then we now have 11 days to go!

The fireproof safe he got actually looks like a mini suitcase that feels like rubber. A metal box would be too heavy to ship, so this will be better.

Woke up a little earlier than usual. Without circadian rhythm disorder, one’s day is typically 24 hours. Mine averages 25 hours and 15 minutes. But I’ve been waking up to pee like crazy lately and if this happens within an hour of when I was going to get up anyway, I can’t always get back to sleep. So my day ended up being 24 hours and 45 minutes. I started off a little tired today but managed to perk up. I still sleep better overall and have less fatigue and lightheadedness than I did when I was in the perimenopause phase, so that’s good.

Wish we were going back in time rather than ahead. It’s gonna be a big jump in one day for one with a rolling schedule whereas if we were going back in time, I’d be on days longer. It’s funny cuz in a sense, he’s jumping into the future. I’m just going back to where I started. LOL

Another sign that I’m sleeping better in general is that I’m not remembering my dreams as much. The only dream I remember was seeing a new doctor but it was an older male instead of a younger woman. I would prefer a woman who’s not fresh out of medical school but experienced enough. I want her to have a good five years or so of experience but I’d like her to be a lot younger than me so that as long as neither of us moves, I can hope to have the same doctor for the rest of my life.

But the doctor in the dream was a guy in his late 40s and I told him I hoped he wasn’t behind because I had a lot of history to catch him up on. He kind of smiled at that and led me into the exam room where he had a small dog. I complimented the dog’s shiny collar and began to tell him of my shitty experiences with menopause and how my medication can fuel my anxiety.

“Are you a mommy?” he asked me.

I shook my head and said, “DES, you know?”

Since I seem to need to eat every three hours or so, once we get settled, I’m going to devise a meal plan where I eat about 300 calories 4 times a day. I couldn’t lose on 1200 calories a day even when I was young but if I keep gaining on that, I really have a problem!

Why the fuck am I sometimes chilly at 79 and sweating like a pig at 78? These are indoor temps I’m talking about. It’s starting to affect my sleep, too. My sleep is still better in general but last time around I slept like I was still in perimenopause. I didn’t just wake up warm a couple of times but I also woke up cold as well. I’m retaining a little water lately too, and I really hope my thyroid hasn’t died off some more.

So that there would be less for him to have to do, I hauled out all the totes from the bedroom and bathroom except for one big one that isn’t fully packed yet and a small one on the closet shelf that’s heavy. I put them in the living and dining area.

I don’t need my Fitbit to know I got some Zone minutes! I just really hope I can handle the move itself between the physical part of it, the heat and humidity, along with the lack of sleep! If I can pack the fan mister, I will.

I tore up our address labels and cleared the desk drawers completely along with the hutch. Not everything is in totes yet, though. We still need things to live here for the next 12 days.

I have “July” listed in my journal notes and I have no idea why. I can’t remember what is supposedly happening in July that I was going to mention tonight but anyway, Pierce says it still looks like we’re on for the 24th. Debbie has accepted our offer and now it’s just a matter of waiting until her place is out of escrow so ours can go into it.

For some reason, electric cars in Florida are much more expensive than here so we’re still on for having our car shipped. If we don’t live close to the beach, we may sell it for a gas car because even though he likes electric way better, this one doesn’t have that long of a range and couldn’t make it that far on one charge.

He had a very frustrating day today when he was trying to line up the moving pods only to learn that there aren’t any available until August. With the pandemic winding down, everyone’s moving like crazy. So after making numerous calls and being put on hold forever, he found a moving company that will pack our stuff and move us and it turns out it’s a grand cheaper than if we did it ourselves, as strange as that is.

He is a smart thinker at times for sure! He decided we should get a safe for important papers and have it shipped to a temporary address we’re going to set up. Very smart idea!

We’re almost certainly going to fly into Tampa and stay in a hotel in Clearwater which he’s also lining up. Very stressful. So much to be done! As he said, one small mistake can lead to big trouble and end up costing us thousands extra.

While he ordered the safe, I grabbed a yellow pool/beach cover-up. I have one but it’s short-sleeved and terry cloth. I wanted something a little thinner and with no sleeves at all.

He has to get his second shingles vaccine when he gets there, and of course, I have to line up new doctors as well.

Windows did an update. Now you can see the temp on the lower right side of the screen. I like that. It’s nice when there are good changes instead of bugs or the loss of handy features.

I created a third Twitter account to do voice tweets. They’re actually video tweets only I don’t show myself. It’s the best I can do directly on the site since we’re not going to get the features iPhones have.

What’s funny is that I followed Molly who followed me back and is so damn stupid she doesn’t even know who I am. Molly doesn’t care about other people’s tweets unless you’re talking about her anyway. But even though it’s the same old shit from her, it is kind of funny. I just wonder how long it will be, if ever, before my name comes up. It beats the days when she used to stalk, follow and pester me on every single site she could, including reaching out to my friends.

What I don’t get is why she remained obsessed with some people while her obsession with others died out. She quit being obsessed with Aly and me, but she sure is hung up on stalking Roman and Kathy relentlessly. She’s also complaining about some people at the group home she lives in not wanting anything to do with her.

There is always drama with her. Always. Even she admits this and says tired of being so moody and hopes her doctors and therapists can help her figure out what to do about it. I think she’s always been this way and she always will be. Some people really never do change.
I can’t wait to get the hell out of here! The small planes and helicopters are driving me crazy and so are the barking spells. There are still some commercial planes but not as many at this time of year.

He prepped the ground in front and tomorrow he’ll spread the bark.