Just to keep you up to date, I have a virtual appointment with a psychiatrist named Lisa French on the 29th of this month. I did well for 12 days and then on the 30th, the anxiety returned. I have some depression too, and still feel hopeless. Sill feel like I have questions but never any answers and solutions. I still hope it’s just a matter of getting used to the new medication dose and my lady hormones settling in, but I don’t know what to think anymore. I just know that 8 years of going around in circles with this is ridiculous so I made the appointment. I just don’t know if I can be helped. While I’m at it, I have a question for you. Is it OK to take a 10MG CBD gummy before 4 hours after taking my levothyroxine?

The above paragraph was my message to Galileo earlier. I’d been planning to check in with them and give them an update, but I didn’t want to do so without making an appointment first and have them be like, we told you to make the appointment, blah, blah blah.

What I didn’t tell them was that I’m fed up. Honestly, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t make it till I’m 60, let alone another 20 years or so. I just want to get my hands on a bottle of Lorazepam and end it all. I’m tired of suffering.

Tom and I were talking about what might happen to me after I die and whether or not there’s an afterlife and all kinds of things like that. Of all the different theories, I realized that none of us can know anything until we’re gone. I still hope there’s no afterlife at all.

Because it’s so hard for me to believe that Aly wouldn’t send me a sign that she goes on somehow and has a positive influence on my emotional state if she could, it makes me think that there is no afterlife, or she simply can’t. Hell, even my parents would lend a helping hand if they could and wouldn’t want me suffering like this.

Tom brought up an interesting theory about those lights I saw back in Phoenix. Maybe it wasn’t an alien craft but a glimpse into another dimension and time. Maybe even the ghosts some people claim to see are from another place and time.

I sure wonder about those multi-dimensions, alright. Especially with some of the dreams I’ve had. I recently had one where I was thinking about how my parents were 72 and 73 and that I hadn’t contacted them for a while. I thought it would be a good time to send them a letter. It wasn’t so much what happened in the dream that makes me wonder, but how real it felt. Like I was really in some other place and time.