The last week has taken a weird turn, but a nice one, I hope. First of all, I’m definitely not going to Phoenix because I just can’t see myself selling every single thing I own except for the clothes on my back. A move should be happy, exciting, and adventurous in every way. It should be much more secure, especially as big a move as that. Not sad, stressful, and miserable, too. You know me—I either take my time and do it right, or I don’t do it at all.

Russ and I went to see that mediator, who was a very obvious butch—ugly as all hell, but very nice and very much on my side. I simply told Russ that if he drops the eviction, I won’t press charges in small claims court. He did. After getting home from that meeting, I made a stop by the apartment Eddie and Jo L used to live in. Before I explain why I stopped there, let me back up a bit. About a month or so ago, I met this girl, Susan, in the laundry room. As we were talking, I learned she’s a singer who has performed quite a bit in Springfield and also in New York. I told her I sang and that it was my goal, and she asked me to stop by, but I was on my negative “I give up” streak due to all the shit I’ve been through.

It’s going to be so hard losing Andy despite the differences we’ve had in the past. We love each other to death and always will, even though I’ve had many desires to mutilate him here and there. I hope, however, that he goes to Phoenix, discovers it’s all he’s wanted it to be, and I can save money and join him someday.

As far as Sue goes, I finally thought, what the fuck? If I don’t try, I have nothing to lose. I stopped by, left my number with her roommate Jen, and she called me when she got in and came up. We harmonized together, and it sounded great. She had a cold, and I felt I sang a little better, but she’s still good and probably much better with no cold. She sings pretty much all over, though usually not in the winter. She has a band and performs three weekends a month. I asked her how much she usually made a month, and she said $1,600. I don’t think she meant the whole band, either—that was just her money. She said she did an anniversary and made $200 in just three hours. Hey, I don’t care if it’s the shittiest pay as long as it’s singing and not doing nothing or doing something I hate.

Kathy, Bonny’s sister-in-law, trimmed my hair today. She did a great job, and she also did a great job on Bonny’s hair and her daughter’s hair. Kathy trimmed my bangs and a half-inch off the bottom. God, have I got split ends—probably 8 out of every 10 hairs are split, some up to six or seven times.

By the 23rd of this month, it’ll be 120 days since the police exam I took, so I guess I’ll be notified soon. I always knew I’d make a good cop, but I also figured that at the same time it wasn’t meant to be—not now, for sure, since there’s going to be a default warrant out for me because of Jenny’s shit on March 6th. As I said before, Jenny got all she deserved, and I’m not giving her the satisfaction of coming to court. Andy says the cops I know will take care of the warrant. I thought about that, but I can’t count on it. Most of all, I very well may have flunked that test—you know my math sucks.

I spoke to Jai and Jenny. Jenny’s now living with Jai on Mattoon St. I hope they like it, but I know Jai hates the landlord. I left a message for Debbie at PCS to call me. I spoke to her a few days ago and told her, with my “feelings,” that she was gay—and she is. She’s now on break.

Later...

Andy came over stoned out of his mind but in a good mood. Tomorrow is Andy’s birthday; he’s going to be 29. I gave him a card and a bag of hard candy. He’s leaving next month, and he’s still saying how much he wants me to come with him. Of course, I wish I could go too, but I just can’t sell everything. Even though Jimmy offered to store my stuff in the new house he’s buying, he’s still not sure he’s getting the house, and it may not be for several more months.

I thought of calling Philip about storing my stuff but never bothered, figuring he’d say no.