I still can’t seem to have a discussion with Tom these days without him snapping at me or getting impatient. I always commended him for being so tolerant and accepting, but lately, it seems he always has a problem with me. Most of the time I try to either ignore it or walk away when he starts getting huffy with me, but enough’s enough! I wonder why he even wants me around if I’m making him so unhappy. Since I’ve expressed these frustrations of mine before, it’s obvious that nothing will change, so I better learn to adapt to his ways. There’s no violence or kids involved so I can get used to it. I’ll just try to avoid him more often and talk less. I’ve tried to change too, and not do or say things I think might bring out his irritation and impatience, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when we talk if I don’t seem to get something he says right away, or if I say something he disagrees with, etc. It’s really frustrating, and of course, talking to him hasn’t brought a response like, “Hey, I’m sorry. I’ll work on it.” Instead, he counterattacks me, saying how much it bothers him when I use racial slurs. When I asked how come it didn’t bother him when I use words like butch and fem, he said it would if I used them in a hateful way and I’m like, after all I’ve been through, how can he not expect me to feel the way I do about welfare bums? How can he still say he doesn’t judge by groups? Can’t he see just how many of them are fucked up assholes? They’re vindictive losers stuck in the past. Nonetheless, I said I’d work on it, but did he say he’d change his ways? No, because he has no intention of changing, I’m sure. Besides, he always turns the gripes on me. If I were to say I was pissed at him for 3 different things, he’d conveniently find 3 different things to be pissed at me for.

I’m going to be playing a joke on Mary. I’ve copied in some dream segments from back in ’99. I didn’t tell her they were dreams I was documenting, though. Instead, I’m making like I’m telling her things that are going on. She is going to be one confused girl!

He sent Meagan a text message and she sent one back saying, “Hell has begun,” but didn’t elaborate, so we don’t know what she means by this.

I got my first Spanish text message today. I kept hearing this beep that I thought was the computer, but then Tom got in with my med refills and said it was probably my phone. My message was an ad for a new messaging center. I hope we don’t have to pay for these sales calls too often as much fun as translating them is.

Anyway, this is day 3 of seeing no spiders. It’s amazing. It truly is. They’ve never gone away on their own before once they started showing up every day. If I now have the power to will spiders away, then it’s a wonderful gift from God for sure as you know how much spiders creep me out!

All the houseplants are doing well and showing signs of growth. I still can’t believe I ever got interested in things like dolls and plants. I don’t know what shocks me more; the things I got interested in, or the things I got uninterested in.

When I think of how seldom I’ve heard music in this house since I left jail, as opposed to when we first moved in, it makes me wonder if the music was really an omen or something. It’s like something was saying, “The people you’re reminded of when you hear this base aren’t through torturing you yet.”