Last night the two of us did something together for a change. Usually, he’s off either at the computer or the TV, and I’m off either at the computer or the MP3 station. We played a word game on my computer.

They cashed the check for the fairy a few days ago and they finally took the money for the Indian doll too, so I hope they’re both on their way, along with the camera and CDs. I decided to drop that other Ashton Indian doll along with Sydney, so I can get on with getting kits once I get Barbie and Dalene.

Again I changed my diet date. I’m going to start on the 29th, the day after his birthday. Better to be fat than ugly, though. Fat can be lost, but when you’re ugly there’s not much you can do about it.

People are unbelievably persistent and pushy! I keep unsubscribing from all the junk emails I’ve been getting, but the stupid fucks go and send me the shit anyway.

I’m starting to believe that the reason the renters started dumping their trash is that they’re never home anymore. I know it’s been hot, but I haven’t seen hardly any activity back there. I think they’re coming in late and are just too tired and lazy to burn their trash and that’s why they’re dumping it. Most of what I’m seeing are garbage bags. It appears that as soon as they fill one up, they just open the door and chuck it out. At least they’re quiet!

Meagan called Tom last night to tell him she quit because they’ve been treating her like shit because they know she’s friends with Tom. That’s typical; treating someone like shit cuz you don’t like someone they know. I used to get that back east. People automatically disliked me if they disliked Dureen. Anyway, she wrote on their little chalkboard: I quit. Fuck you.

He still hasn’t contacted a lawyer because he fears that doing so before we get our pension money will cause the bank to spite us out of it which I fear they may do anyway. People are sore losers.

I still don’t think God would ever be kind enough to let us win a settlement on account of their shit. And profit from being screwed over? I don’t think so! Getting fucked over, ripped off and used is the story of our lives. So much so that I’m rather irritated by Mary once again and her many favors. She’s getting too pushy again where others are concerned. I don’t know how many times I have to tell her that I’m her friend, I work for her, and I’m sick of doing for strangers. I’m just sick of working so hard for so little! And almost always for someone else. If I’m going to work really hard, I want it to be for me for once. Not a fucking fellow inmate of hers.

She started off by saying she wanted me to scan pictures of her friend Buffy, but then she went on to say that she was too scared to say no to this chick as much as she knows I hate doing for others. I was like, well, if you know I hate it, then why ask? And if you’re scared of her, why do you call her a “friend” and why don’t you PC yourself? She swears she’s going to learn to say “no,” and I’m like, oh yeah? When? When she gets ripped off another 50 times. She fucked herself over by giving this bitch $100 worth of commissary in exchange for having her boyfriend send me a $100 money order to send to José. How could she have been so dumb, naïve and trusting? I know I’ll never see that money order!

She said she didn’t care if I scanned the pictures really small and in black and white and that she promises never to ask me to do for others again. Oh, and also, I was to include a note in the stamped envelope she sent saying that I ran out of color ink and that I don’t do for strangers (since she obviously didn’t have the guts to tell this bitch herself).

Finally, I said this is it. If she can’t say no, I will, and I sent all the pictures back without scanning them and with a note saying that I don’t do for strangers. Oh, and there’s no picture limit, she says, and I’m like now you tell me? I could’ve sent her shit a lot faster if I’d known this before. In fact, I’d have just thrown it in one big envelope. They get a Rubbermaid box to store their papers in, she tells me.

Anyway, in a separate envelope, I wrote back telling her that I hated to sound like her mom or aunt lecturing her, but I obviously needed to remind her that when I said I didn’t like to do for strangers, I meant just that. I’ve agreed to mail her mail to Jose and to type for him provided he’s willing to pay me for my work, but that’s it as far as others go! I will not be used, abused or ripped off at my own expense by these people. I’ve had enough of that shit.

She’s got to learn to put her foot down and to say no or else she’s looking at a lifetime of people using her for this and begging her for that, etc. I also would like her to not tell anybody what we have (scanners, printers, computers, etc.). There’s no need for anyone there to know my name or a damn thing about me. If they see a picture of me on the wall, all she needs to say is that it’s a friend of hers, if they ask. Meanwhile, I never like people to know what we have because I know they’re going to want to use it and the answer’s NO! I’ve been a slave to society long enough and have done my time with that.

Another thing that has me a bit irritated is her sending the $100 to José. It’s not like we’re hard up for money (at least not at the moment), but I kind of had my heart set on the money for July, something I prefer more than stamps, though the book of stamps she sent was certainly nice to get, and now I find it’s gone to José. Well, actually, it’s gone to Buffy’s boyfriend more than likely.

Hasn’t she figured out by now what most inmates are like? Yeah, there are a few sane, nice, innocent exceptions like us, but most inmates really are guilty and they are assholes! If she suddenly snapped her fingers and turned all the people there into just ordinary citizens, think it’d still be that loud? Think so many people would still be hounding her for this or for that? Think there’d still be so much bickering and immaturity? No, there wouldn’t. Most people are fucked up no matter where they are, but let’s just say that if the people there were suddenly regular citizens, she wouldn’t feel so much like she were in the middle of elementary school recess. Like I said, she’s just too nice and she has too much of a good heart. She really needs to start becoming somewhat of a bitch and not give a shit so much about what others think. It’s like what I went through with the blacks and Mexicans. As soon as I handled them the wrong way and sent them the wrong message, they just kept picking and picking and picking. Once they see they can walk all over her, they won’t quit. She doesn’t have to be rude but she does have to be firm. As long as she’s a bright beautiful flower, the bees will always flock to her ready to sting the hell out of her at the first opportunity. I suggested she seriously consider telling the moochers there two things – that she’s not there to be their source of entertainment, nor are they her responsibility to support.

She can only give money if someone picks it up, so because she has no family or friends there if she wants any money to reach me or José, then her best bet would be to have her family send the money directly to me and him, although I don’t know if they’d want to send money to a convicted murderer. Anyone else she has pick the money up is just going to pocket it for themselves.

I’d also watch what she gives José, I told her. I know she’s been used by so many guys before and that’s why I say this. I never met the guy so maybe he is different than Clarence, Derek, Todd and Monster, but I doubt it. I’d still like for her to tell me about him, but she’s obviously not going to. She keeps saying she will, but it’s clear to me that she doesn’t want me to know anything about him.

She says she sent the money because he’s had no money. If he’s in prison, though, can’t he get a job within the prison?

I’m sorry to hear she couldn’t resolve the commissary rip-off, but I know God made sure that happened because those 6 books of stamps were for me, and most of the work I do isn’t worthy of payment in his eyes. Instead, she can spend her money on losers. God will go for that. She can shower José with money just like she did with Clarence and so many other cocks who never gave a damn.

She says Buffy’s going to prison soon. Real soon, I hope, for her sake, though there’s always other Buffy’s waiting to replace the first one. This is the one that likes me. I took one look at her picture and was like, it figures a fat ugly bitch like that would be attracted to me. I don’t care how mean or hypocritical I sound either. I may be a mean-ass bitch, but at least I’m honest. See, if one asked me if I liked their new outfit, for example, most people would be polite and say yes, even if they didn’t. Not this bitch! No, I’ll tell the truth because with me yes means yes, and no means no. I won’t be mean about it and say, “It’s hideously ugly,” but I’ll say something like, “Nah, I think you could do better than that.” Either way, why can’t good-looking women be attracted to me more often, not that I’ll ever get it on with one? I mean, I know I’m fat, but I don’t think I’m ugly.

As I made clear to her, I’m not saying I’m perfect and that I know it all. Believe me, if anyone has a million things they wish they’d handled differently, it’s me. There are lots of things I regret doing or saying or not doing or saying for that matter. I just wish she’d listen to me when I say don’t be so nice and so trusting, and also, listen to me when I say I don’t do for strangers. Meanwhile, if by some miracle I really do get the money order, I’ll do as she wishes and fill it out with the proper info.

She now says she’s sending me money in August, and I’m like, yeah, right. Whatever. I know I won’t get anything till she’s out of there, not that I wouldn’t want to work for her. I like typing, I wouldn’t have to worry about schedules, she’s my best friend, so what better deal could I ask for? For now, I think I may eventually sell kits for twice the amount I pay for them (after I assemble them) to get out of the expense of a kiln and the burden of firing, painting, etc. I found a site that has really good deals on their kits. They even set the eyes and lashes which is very hard to do. You have to drip candle wax on the outside of the eyes while you epoxy them so the epoxy doesn’t ooze through. It’s a big to-do that’s messy, smelly, and just a plain old bitch.

She says there are shadow men there too, going around and stirring things up, the mattresses are softer, and she sleeps mostly during the day, though I don’t see how she can sleep through the riot there, and they play musical cells on her there, too. Guess they just love to move people around in jails. It’s a power thing, you know? Makes them feel more in control.

She mentioned getting letter #30 and tomorrow I’ll mail out letter #39.

At least Mary doesn’t have a hold on me of any kind if worse ever came to worse. She has no money of mine or any items belonging to me. I can simply pull out if need be and that will be it. She’s white, so she couldn’t use race against me. She could call or send mail, but that’s a hell of a lot easier to ignore than trying to ignore a pack of loud welfare bums just a few feet away from you!

Because I haven’t gotten any mail from Paula, it leads me to think she is in jail. I’d think she’d have tried calling by now if she weren’t, then went and wrote a letter for real once she found the number disconnected.