I decided to leave the tall tropical plant behind. I’m going to try to sell it first, but if it doesn’t go, I’ll just leave it. It’s a wee bit tall for the RV. I mean, I’m sure we could make room for it, but since it’s just a plant and not my favorite one, I’d rather leave it behind so we can fit more important stuff in. I just don’t like its skinny stalks all that much because they’re harder to support when the damn thing shifts toward the light.

I slept in till 11:00 this morning, so I doubt I’ll be going with Dave and Miss Perfect to get the RV, but that’s ok. I’m going to be on the road so damn much soon enough and living in such cramped spaces, that as much as I’m eager to get out of here and get our lives started in Oregon, I also want to enjoy being off the road while I can and in spaces where I can reach out an arm and not hit a wall.

I keep telling Tom he’s wasting money because the bulk of the scratch tickets he’s been getting are going to be losers, but he keeps getting them anyway. I reminded him that because of the auctions, we’re going to be compensated with losing tickets with only an occasional few-dollar winner. He says he feels that not buying them will jinx the auctions, but I assured him it wouldn’t. Then I reminded him who the psychic of this household is.

I wonder if I’ll be psychic in Oregon too, though I don’t see why not. I didn’t lose that coming to Arizona, though I’m certainly much more psychic here than I was there. Actually, I didn’t develop quite a bit of it, like the sick/healing abilities, till we came to Maricopa.

Last night I tinkered with the laptop in bed, and oh my God! I never knew they were so heavy. The thing must be 6-8 pounds. It’s going to take some getting used to. Except for the letters and numbers, the other keys are laid out differently because the keyboard’s not as wide as a regular one. It has a touchpad, though a regular mouse can be hooked up to it.

Later…

We made nearly $90 on 3 different auctions earlier. $74 of it was for some old computer stuff that we thought was an insane price to pay. Especially after we paid less than that for a fairly modern laptop. He thought he’d get $25 or $30 for it. This thing’s going to Phoenix too, to a business on Black Canyon Highway. Then there are a few hardcover electronic books going to CA and some Atari magazines/disks going to GA.

We’re still waiting on Maria’s money order they said they’d send, but we think we’ll get it tomorrow.

Miss Perfect called. She said they’d follow Tom back, rather than go home as soon as he gets to the RV, and although he told her she didn’t need to do that, we know Miss Perfect’s always got to do things her way, so what Tom says won’t matter. I guess they want to go to the casino, too.

The well guy came before I got up. I’m surprised he didn’t wake me. He made a little round gravel pit for the water tank, which I assume will be in tomorrow. We also figured out that the little strip of cement is going to be for the 5 pressure tanks that’ll also be brought in at some point. Each house will have its own. How ugly the whole ensemble’s going to be, but we won’t be here to see it for long. It’ll be cool to check every decade or so to see what’s here. By satellite, I mean. The pictures aren’t updated regularly and they aren’t released as soon as they’re shot. If they’re shooting one right now, it could very well be 5-10 years before it’s available on the web. I guess they don’t want people to feel spied on. So, if we want to see what’s here 5 years from now, we could be in for a 15-year wait, but we’ll be around.

He’s doing the same thing with the subject of sex as he did with the kid which is basically saying this and saying that but doing nothing. He’s still saying he’s always wanted to get it on, using me as a cover for his own lack of ability to admit this isn’t true by saying he’s only going by what I say (which hasn’t been much lately), but meanwhile, what he’s doing is absolutely nothing. You can talk and talk and talk, but when you never do anything but talk, that tells me something. I still say actions speak louder than words, but either way, it doesn’t matter what he wants. I don’t want it, so that’s all that matters. I let him have his way with an awful lot of issues during the first part of our marriage and he’s not getting his way with this one. This means that even if he did miraculously wake up horny one day and approach me, the answer’s no.

I was curious and so I asked if it bothered him to know that I wouldn’t care if he got off if we got it on, and instead of answering, he said, “You are who you are.”

I think it’s safe to say that the answer’s yes, it would bother him. Especially if I’m right about him enjoying turning me off by giving me what I don’t want. Well, in the past I didn’t want him not cumming. See, my gut still tells me he used the time I was in jail as a means of getting us off the sex which he could no longer get into anyway because I no longer wanted a kid and therefore, cumming wasn’t important to me anymore. It would only bother me if it bothered him because I wouldn’t have wanted him to be unhappy sexually since I’m not like him, but I think that if not cumming had bothered him, he’d have done something about it. I always believed that, so that’s why his not cumming doesn’t make me feel bad for him in any way. Not as long as he’s ok with it. I think he always may’ve had a low drive, but I think the bulk of it is related to turning me off, and he just couldn’t turn me off anymore. Couldn’t turn me on other than to get me off by going down on me, but he couldn’t literally turn me off. If I’m psychic, and if our gut instinct is reliable enough, then I still don’t see how I could be wrong on this one, but anyway, I’m sure he’ll always say otherwise and that he never was into teasing me and that he always wanted a kid/sex. I’m just glad I don’t! I just want to get moved, be in good health, enjoy the house we build, and stay there forever without others burning us along the way. I’d like to do more shopping, too.

Later…

I can’t believe this fucking post office! It seems the stuff we send is getting just as cursed as the stuff we receive. The guy got the computer stuff he asked about, so that’s good, even if it took forever, but Amelia, who was sent on the 11th, hasn’t been received by her winner yet. I’m hoping she’s just going to be late too, since she was sent by parcel post as well. Parcel post and media mail are always slower than first-class and priority mail.

A truck pulled up on the land in front, 4 Mexicans jumped out, and then they started clearing brush and tossing it onto the flatbed attached to their truck. Why would they be doing that by hand and why when the sun’s setting?

Two of the Mexies wandered further away. The others just drove over to them and once again they’re throwing brush onto the flatbed. If this is what’s going to be moving over there, you bet I’m glad we’re out of here! I just still can’t believe a house never came in over there during our first year here or that the freeloaders have now been out of our lives for over a year.

They’re gone now. That wasn’t long, but it sure was weird. If you’re planning to put a house there, why come and take a few pieces of brush? You need a tractor to clear out space for a house/septic. If it were winter I’d think they were gathering firewood.