It’s been a relaxing birthday so far. I’ve heard most women say that their 40th birthday was a rather depressing day for them, but I still feel the same. I may not like my slower metabolism, blurrier vision and drier skin, but I like the wisdom and maturity that comes with age. This birthday sure beats my 30th. My 30th sucked! I was more depressed then because this was back in the days when I wanted a kid. I just never would’ve thought my 40th birthday would take place in Oregon of all places!

Well, it took 40 years to do it, but this was my first birthday I didn’t get any cards other than the e-card from Tom, but that’s okay. He’s all that matters to me. He brought me back some treats from Circle K after he did the laundry, too.

It’s hard to believe I’ll be considered old in 20 years since anything under 29 is considered young, while 30-59 is middle age, and anything over that is old.

My first thought was that the platform was too low once we got it fully assembled and so we discussed the idea of me getting an additional platform with drawers to raise it. However, I realized that’d make it too high and my head would be practically on the shelves, so I decided against it. I’d rather be too low than too high.

It’s funny because when I look at the shit of a plastic shelf that’s in this room holding some of the dolls, I think that I should have better than that at 40 years old, but then I see the bed set up and I know I’m improving little by little. I just hope we don’t ever lose it or end up forced to sell it!

Last night I sewed another dress for the Tonners using the material from the comforter’s matching pillow shams. It was a tough job because the material is so thin, but it came out alright. I made a tube dress.

I had to laugh at the thought of Art and Doe thinking of me today. When I asked them how it felt to have their youngest turn 30 a decade ago, they said it made them feel kind of old. Then I can only imagine what antiques they must feel like with their youngest turning 40!

I’m up to 39 views. I just can’t imagine what idiots could possibly be interested in checking up on me. I know it may sound conceited of me to say this, but I always looked down my nose at most of my classmates. I just thought most of them were little jerks, but I guess most of us are when we’re kids. Still, I always felt superior to them, even if I had the mother from hell and envied some of those whose moms were cool or at least not abusive in any way. They just seemed so silly most of the time and I remember finding myself embarrassed for them and even ashamed of them quite often. Most of their jokes were in bad taste or just so corny. Then again, we were kids, and everything’s hilarious to a kid. Perhaps this is partly why Kate Jackson and 70’s music remained so special for me. I had to deal with stupid kids doing stupid things and a negative, domineering mother who only cared about herself, but I had my records and my Charlie’s Angels scrapbook.

This rat is like a two-year-old. She gets into everything and anything she can. She got on Tom’s desk while he was in here showing me something and walked on his keyboard, fucking up his TV program. He still can’t figure out what she did to mess it up, so he’ll have to reinstall it.

I really hope to hell the doctor can help me end this ear problem tomorrow! I’m so sick of the pressure and popping that I’m ready to swap this problem in for a new one if that’s what it’ll take. And I don’t care that God will be pissed at me for seeking help with it like I know He will be. He will be because He wouldn’t have had me born this way if He didn’t want me to suffer.