I lost my top retainer wire this afternoon. So let me guess – the sudden cavity craze and shifting of my teeth, thanks to the crazy blacks who wouldn’t let me have my removable retainers for a while, was my punishment for the braces, right? Then the broken tooth and jaw-popping were my punishment for the wires, correct?

Yes, we really do pay for not only the sins of our forefathers but for the sins of those not related to us and the sins we make by thinking we’re helping ourselves. So now I have to pay with ear and teeth problems for the rest of my life because of what I and others did thinking we were making a difference for the better. As a 10-year-old kid in Boston, I had no say in the matter, but when I agreed to have braces and ear surgery in Phoenix, I truly believed I was helping myself. They needed to do the ear surgery to see if I had a tumor. I had no idea just how much it would piss off God and be seen as a sin in His eyes for altering the way He created me to be. But there’s no doubt in my mind that the troubles I’ve had are His way of saying, “Look, if I wanted you to have an ear frame, an ear canal and straight teeth, I’d have given them to you in the first place!” And again I have to wonder, just what kind of a good God does this? What kind of God is this that people worship? Just His cursing women with labor pains all because of something Eve did should be enough to raise red flags in people’s minds, let alone period pains and other shit. What kind of a God does this??? To say that God favors man over woman is the understatement of the century. I mean, it’s so, so obvious what with all the shit they go through compared to men. He’s been anything but kind to women in general, and for the most part, He’s been anything but kind to me. He decided from the moment I was born that I should live in pain and endure all kinds of abuse and suffering. Yet people think He loves everybody?!?! Great way to show it! Well, I haven’t worn braces or retainers in years and now the top wire is gone. I hope the bottom one goes soon too, even though I think it’s too late to call off the “punishment.” The deed’s already been done and so I’m not going to stop paying for it just because it’s gone. I will never ever again do anything to myself that isn’t medically necessary short of cutting and polishing my nails or cutting and dying my hair. Never! I say that if a person has procedures like breast enlargements or in-vitro, they’re crazy! And you can also end up paying tenfold for things you shouldn’t. For example, because I cost the sickos $40 when they tried to have me served, God made sure they cost me thousands.

I don’t even try to lose weight, though I do try not to gain anymore. It’s hard enough just trying to stay 20 pounds overweight, so why would I bother to try to lose it? Most women would kill for my tits and hips. They’re about 39” around! Either way, I’ll gladly stay where I’m at, and right now that’s around 123 pounds.

I’m just glad the top wire is gone. I thought something wasn’t quite right with it over the last week or so. It seemed to have moved a bit. Then when I woke up today, it was clearly moveable. Tom looked in and saw that it had disconnected from one side. A few hours later the thing that had been living in my mouth for 4½ years finally fell out.

Tom thinks I lost the wire because of the tooth that broke. He thinks that once enough of the tooth broke, the anchor tooth that was next to it began to shift towards the gap, putting stress on the wire and eventually breaking the epoxy. Either way, whatever the cause, I know it was part of my punishment for trying to straighten the damn things. Well, now the top teeth are free to get as crooked as God would like since I don’t seem to have much say when it comes to my life and body anyway, even though Tom doesn’t think they’ll shift at all. We’ll see. I’m just glad it’s gone. I don’t know why, but I feel a strange sense of relief. There’s a bit of epoxy left on the anchor teeth, but fortunately, they don’t have any sharp edges to irritate me.

I got really worried there that we’d be forced to spend our time and money on a dentist. It’s as if something was teasing me with having money for shopping and money to save to make my California dream a reality. Who knows, though? None of my past non-material dreams came true, so perhaps this one won’t either. One can only do what they can possibly do to achieve something, but it doesn’t mean that they will in the end. I have no problem with going to a dentist eventually for the usual cleaning and shit like that, but I want to do it when I say so and not when cruel fate says so.

I had to laugh at Tom earlier because he didn’t even know I had a bottom wire. He thought I only had one up top. I said the same thing I said to him when he said he didn’t know I’ve dreamt of living in California all my life – where the hell have you been?! And these wires were supposed to last all my life? That was a long life for the top one!

You know all those guys who died of heart attacks from using Viagra? Well, I totally believe that was God’s way of saying, “Hey, if I wanted you guys to have inflatables, I’d have given them to you!” I can see non-medical aids or talk therapy, though I don’t see how a flat-chested woman, for example, could talk herself into jumping out to a 40D, as funny as it may sound. Nonetheless, I’d be flapping my trap 24/7 before I took pills, and if I were fertile I’d never take the pill. I’d make Tom control himself instead. I always thought the responsibility should mostly be on the guy anyway. If it were the woman’s job to give her eggs to the guy, then I’d say it should mostly fall upon her, but since it’s the guy that has to do the giving, he should be the one to contain his stuff, and not give it to the lady in the first place if he/they don’t want kids.

Tom slept in my bed but arose after just a few hours of sleep and several hours before I crashed. He was hungry, so he got up, ate and worked on the upgrade. He stood up all the way till late this afternoon.

Now that it’s almost 10 PM, maybe our local attention-getters will shut up out there with the damn stereos so I can work on my story since weekend sweeps are quick and easy.