The good news is that my Bluefly order’s on its way to me, but the bad is that they’re still ignoring the credit that’s obviously not real credit. I see now that their sweeps are just scams to make extra money. Just a ploy to force people to buy things. How clever – offer them fictitious credit via a sweep they win, then charge their credit card. As it is they were full of shit about the top I’m getting. They claimed it was the last one in stock, but now that claim is gone and the thing’s marked down to $77. I suppose they could’ve gotten a new shipment in, but I doubt it. It could also be a ploy to get people to buy things in a rush, but it all comes down to the same thing and that’s that these people are liars. If my scam theory is right, it’s obviously perfectly legal, or else they’d have been shut down. After all, not all crimes are illegal in the first place. It’s not illegal for gays to be fired for being gay, or for lazy freeloaders to drive their neighbors crazy before using their connections to get them tossed in jail.

Well, the peace is over. I got up last night at 8:00 and only heard one stereo bang by and then got to enjoy the rest of the night in peace. But our first little attention-getter of the day just went by, so the end of my day won’t exactly be peaceful.

Bluefly’s fucking around with us, so it seems. Instead of taking from the credit that’s there, they charged our card $108 at a time when we’re kind of tight due to having to pay the cruise-related expenses. We’ll contact them to see if we can find out why. Meanwhile, I think I know why. Because I badgered them about taking forever to credit me. If this turns out to be the case I definitely won’t order from them again. I mean, how can you call it a sweep if you’re going to charge people’s cards and ignore the credit that’s sitting there right in front of your face that you gave them?

Tom’s still sick but managed to do the laundry yesterday as well as some grocery shopping. Liz checked him out but didn’t say anything like, “Hi, I think your wife’s really hot. Can I have her phone number?”

I wish! But chicks like her are only in my dreams and stories. She’ll be in my range of sight too, though, next weekend.

They’ve been good next door all weekend. I hope it stays this way, too.

Later…

Tom’s getting better, which is good. He tried these new cold pills that are supposed to cut colds down from 7-10 days to just 3 or 4. Well, it did shorten it, but he said he felt so bad on Saturday and Sunday that he’s not sure it was worth it. I guess getting better faster means having a more kick-ass cold with these pills.

He went to the store after work and saw Liz, though her line was too long. I wonder if she’s gone full-time. She seems to be around more lately, but that’s ok with me!

Is this bitch and her roommate psychic themselves, or what? Every time I relax to music in the dark, they play with the light back there. They opened and closed their door 4 times when I was trying to relax with music late last night, and once just now. At least they’ve been letting me sleep.

It’s been getting colder and lately, we’ve been having highs in the 50s and lows in the 20s. It’s gonna be 17º tomorrow night. The attention-getters won’t have their windows down, but the dog’s still an everyday problem. I’m just glad I don’t have to literally blast the music to drown it out.

Offer number 3 came at 9:00 to buy the truck. The guy knocked and apologized for bothering me, saying he’d been coming around in the mornings, but no one’s been here and said he could use the truck for work if we were willing to sell it. I let him know we wouldn’t be selling it till sometime next summer and he gave me his name and number.

I saw that they sold the car that had been parked by the gate next door.

Using a coupon, we got this scented glass thing that works surprisingly well for not needing warmers or batteries. I keep it in the bathroom. I just wish I could get them with my favorite scents!

I signed up at this site which seems pretty cool so far. You play to match numbers up to theirs and the more you match, the more points you get. There are even cash payouts, too. I have 4,590 points and need 25,000 to get the $25 Walmart card I want. I can get 1,000-3,000 points a day, so it shouldn’t take too long, assuming they’re for real. If they are, I’m going to go for a $100 Bluefly card afterward which will take 100,000 points.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been journaling for 19 years now!

Kim’s been wonderfully quiet with the light play being the worst of the annoyances lately. Yeah, as soon as I go to relax to music in the dark in the evenings, the light in back goes on and off and distracts me, but I’d rather that than the door slamming. Obviously, Century hasn’t been around or else she’s been doing a great job of coming in quietly and not waking me up. I’m getting up in the late afternoons now, so I don’t know if I’ll see Liz this weekend.

I saw Estella a couple of days ago. I don’t think she likes me in that way, but she’s definitely been noticing me more and smiling more. In the past, she’d just talk to Tom and act like I wasn’t even there.

In Tom’s phone chat with the cruise line lady, she told him they would do a radio interview with us in Florida when we return from the cruise. The thought of Doe and Art or someone they know hearing it cracks me up!

Bluefly’s finally given me my credit. In fact, they’ve given me double my credit! I have $200 in my account. The question is, did they do it to be nice for making me wait so damn long? Or is this a fuck-up? Well, to be on the safe side I’m only going to spend $100 of it. If the other $100 is still there in a week or so, then I’ll spend that, too. I’m ordering two pieces this morning. A peach-colored tiered drawstring skirt and a gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous, silk chiffon top that’s on sale at $85 from $130. Its usual retail price is $215! There’s only one left in stock. Hope I get it! The top of it is bright yellow and it turns to hot pink on the bottom. It’s got a rhinestone brooch in the center and pink and yellow twisted chiffon straps. It just sucks that it’s dry-clean only as is most of their stuff, but it’s absolutely beautiful! The bust is lined so I don’t have to wear a bra under it and have the straps showing.

I’m so disproportioned that according to their measurement chart, my hips and bust are large, but my waist is extra-large. They really do have some nice things as outrageous as their prices are and I’ve been looking more and more forward to the idea of getting new clothes. I’ve been wearing the same things for years. It’s just that most things, especially such fancy clothes, fit and look better on skinny people. If anything may give me the incentive to starve, it’s clothing like theirs, though I’m not doing anything till after the cruise. I didn’t think they were that nice at first, but the more I browsed through their site, the more I could see that some of the stuff truly is nice. I like how you can search by size and color, but I still prefer to try clothes on in person.

Later…

Tom’s got a cold, unfortunately, but he’s got these lozenges that claim to cut colds down to just 3-4 days. I asked him if he thought it was just a coincidence that he got sick right when he was about to beef up EFO for serious money-making. He said he wasn’t sure, but that he wondered about it.

He went to the grocery store before I got up. She was there, but her line was too long so he went elsewhere.

Boo-hoo, Lizzie doesn’t like me. Poor me. At least I got to see her. She had her hair up in a ponytail today. I dig her nice smooth skin too, though she’s pale. Even paler than me. Nonetheless, she hardly even glanced my way. She barely glanced at me when I first walked in and said “hi,” and I’m not even sure she saw me. At the check-out, she glanced at me for half a second and that was it. No “how are yous” or anything. Tom said it’s hard to like someone on a job, but as I reminded him, Jane sure did. I think my influencing experiment’s just not working, even though an article I read suggests we’re “wired to connect.” The article spoke of this guy who was in therapy for a year when he proposed to his girlfriend and then his therapist shared his elation when he reported that she had accepted. They were then wired to special equipment that showed that the therapist was in tune emotionally with him and on the same wavelength, so to speak, at feeling the guy’s joy. Well, I’d sure like to know I can wire chicks I’m attracted to into liking me back, but maybe I’m just not likable. After all, I am fat and older. Well, then I guess I can still hope to wire anyone that may have bad intentions in mind for us like when we go to buy or build a house.

Tom and I are doing a wiring experiment of our own over the next few days. Without telling each other what we’re going to try to influence the other to do, we’re seeing if we can connect and send the message to one another. I’m trying to influence him not to be such a slob. He’s probably trying to influence me to talk softer and swear less. Or maybe not to worry about being woke up or working out the trip details. One thing I do know and that’s that he isn’t trying to get me to want to have sex with him! Good, because it wouldn’t work.

Speaking of those last two things, we sent in the port taxes. It’s a good thing we can afford to do that since it’s like paying the rent more than twice when you factor in the passport costs and the fact that we haven’t yet gotten the money from the wakeboard. Someone from Sandy Beaches Cruises left a message afterward, so Tom’s going to call them tomorrow to let them know payment’s on its way, and ask if there’s anything else we need to do in the meantime.

The blimp and her roommate were wonderfully quiet all day, then we heard two insanely loud slams before the car left in the evening, then one when it returned. Then at 10:30, just as someone’s done the last few nights, they left quietly. They had no company, though.

This is the first period in years that I haven’t had to use liners before it was due. The spotting I’ve had thus far has been very minimal. I asked Tom if he thought I influenced it and he said he doesn’t see who else could have. I just wish I could influence my weight to melt away at least a little, as well as for Liz to dig me! Gorgeous, hot, young Liz who’s no doubt sound asleep in the arms of her boyfriend or husband right now. Hey, she could be in his arms all she wanted if she’d just pay attention to me every now and then. But no, lust is a sin for Jodi S.

I check the Real Doll site every now and then and that Asian one named Kaori is still the best and I’ve decided to save the black shoes I won with the heel that’s too high for the mannequins. The mannequins are a size 8 and Kaori’s only a size 7, but that’s okay. She won’t mind.

She’s definitely got someone living with her because when I heard the car go out last night at 10:30, someone was playing with the lights. The car didn’t return till 8:00 this morning, Tom said, so one of them might be working nights, probably the roommate. I think I got a handle on what happened. I think she cleaned up the place and said to the roommate, “Hey, I don’t want to work. Meanwhile, I’m about to lose my car, so how about it if I let you use it and give you a place to live while you help with car payments?” Incredibly, tomorrow’s to hit 70º so I expect they’ll go crazy with the company and be in and out all day. She’s gone ballistic for the last 3 Sundays anyway, so I guess that’s her new trend. I’ve even added the sound machine to the air cleaner, hoping the heartbeat setting will blend in with any slams. But hey, I’ve been dealing with noisy neighbors for nearly 20 years now. I’m a real pro at it. It would be great, nonetheless, if someone there really was working nights indefinitely as this would certainly deter some of the company if the person had to sleep half the day. It may not stop the one that wasn’t working from coming and going, though, or from being picked up by others.

I had to miss an opportunity to see Liz today because I didn’t get up till noon and didn’t want to rush off, assuming she’d be leaving at 3:00. I like to take the first few hours of my day slowly if I can help it. We’ll go tomorrow instead because there are a few things Fred’s didn’t have anyway. It’ll be after 3:00, but she doesn’t seem to have a set day or shift to work anyway, so I guess it’s hit or miss. The only thing she seems to do regularly is Saturdays, but I can’t even be sure about that since I’ve only seen her there twice on those days. I hope she’ll be there, but like I could ever have her either way. I’m 40 years old and will never have sex again anyway, nor have I ever had it with someone I was overly attracted to. Now that’s one hell of a sexual curse.

The birthrate is dropping, but the population’s rising thanks to all the fucking immigrants. Here are a few surprising facts. Nevada, Arizona and Florida are the fastest-growing states. This part doesn’t surprise me but the fact that California’s not one of them is. Maybe they’ve run out of room to grow anymore or are just waiting for us? Also, fewer Americans are having enough kids to replace themselves.

I answered Yahoo’s poll on what we think happens to our souls when we die. I said: I don’t know what happens. I only hope we aren’t reincarnated. One life is enough!

Of course the bible thumpers talked of Heaven and Hell, though you know me, I don’t believe everything I read. The Bible isn’t “God’s word” anyway. No one’s ever seen Him. People wrote the damn thing and so it’s their word! They wrote that gays will go to hell as a means of trying to scare them into being what they want them to be and all the other shit that’s in it.

Later…

They just left quietly next door. I heard just one car door but there was no way to tell who it was in the dark. I hope it’s to work all night!

Today started off a bit shaky but turned into a damn good day. Tom had been paranoid that my asking for a cash option would cause them not to send me anything, but when I was taking a bath, he came in with a smile on his face. I thought he was gonna tell me the horses hit a biggie, but instead, he let me know they left a message saying I’d receive a check in 8-10 days for $2500! This is awesome! I just really hope they put their actions where their mouths are because it not only pays for the passport applications, tickets and souvenirs, but there will be a bit more shopping this year after all, too! We’ve agreed to put 2 grand towards the trip and split the remaining $500. He’ll use his $250 to bet more aggressively, and I’ll use mine for an Indian doll from Ashton-Drake, a small Yves Rocher order, a small order at the Incense Rack, a few Barbies from Fred’s, and maybe some books, too.

The shaky start-up was that unless I was dreaming, the bitch next door woke me up twice. I don’t know if I was just paranoid of her doing so and dreamt it or if it was for real, but the weekend will tell for sure because we know it’s gonna be a circus over there at least one of those days, and he’ll be here listening. I asked him what he thought we should do if she does start waking me up regularly – move, try to talk to her, pull a speaker in there, or wear earplugs to sleep? He said we should wait and see if the company backs off when it gets cold and snowy, then decide. Well, it better because 7 more months of wake-up calls when I’m on nights is a bit much. Why must all our neighbors get worse and worse in time??? I see no real change in that department, just a delay. This is where I sometimes get a little hesitant to try to ditch society and live on our own. Life just isn’t what we plan or want so much of the time as opposed to what we don’t want or expect, but the check sure does help make up for the annoyances of city life.

Kim’s been quiet so far today and didn’t turn out to be all that bad yesterday, but I don’t want to spend much time writing about her because every time I do someone comes slamming in.

It’s to be in the 60s for the next few days, amazingly.

I’ve had the lowest win month ever in compensation for the cruise and wakeboard. Where I usually win about 10 times a month or more, I’ve only had 2 wins so far this month.

The wakeboard people called about a week ago to let us know they’d be shipping out the board and to call them if I didn’t receive it in 4 weeks. Then yesterday they wanted to know if I wanted it made up for a guy, a woman, what colors, etc., and I was like, why couldn’t they have asked me this shit up front? We’d really like to either get this thing to sell or a cash option in time for the trip to cover the plane tickets.

These next 80 days are going to be a bit boring with nothing to do but sweep and write since we don’t have the money for him to bet aggressively right now and I can’t do any shopping. The only shopping we’ll do before the trip is for clothes. Then when we return, if all goes well we’ll make tons of money, buy a trailer to hitch to a new vehicle, and get into a motel till we can get into a rental down there while we figure out where to build or buy a house. If we’re being unbelievably cruelly teased, then we’ll rent a small U-Haul, dump our stuff in storage someplace down there, live in motels till he can find a job in a place that has more blacks than Phoenix, then buy a paper-thin trailer in the midst of the mainstream’s chaos and hope I win big while I’m at least grateful to be out of the cold.

Tom will be here in a few minutes and then we’ll be going to the PO with our passport applications that we filled out online and then printed out.

Meanwhile, I expect a noisy day from next door seeing that it was quiet yesterday. There’s already been a round of door slamming. It’s just her car over there, but she’s got someone with her because I could hear them talking.

Later…

The leaves are falling and the canal’s draining. Tom said the colder weather would curb her company, but I don’t see it and it’s certainly colder! Century just pulled in so I’ve cranked up the tunes because I don’t want to hear it while they load/unload whatever the fuck it is they’ve got to load/unload. Tom said her car wasn’t there when he left for work, so she must’ve been just getting in when I heard her before we left.

It took us just under an hour and went faster than expected. We simply went down to the PO, gave this lady our forms, signed a paper and that’s it. In 6-8 weeks we’ll get our passports and birth certificates back. Now, all we have to do is cash our e-prize checks and get Tinkerbell a roommate.

Given where my schedule’s headed, I doubt I’ll be able to see Liz this Saturday. A part of me wondered if Tom’s presence would block any influencing progress, but it didn’t stop Jane from letting me know she liked me. Jane and Liz are two very different people, though.

It’s been much cooler and it looks like winter’s here to stay. It’s really curbed the stereos, so that’s good. I just wonder what it’ll take to curb the blimp next door. She came in last night at 9:30. How many times they had to slam doors, I don’t know, because I was listening to music. I only knew of her return because I saw her light go on in back. She left an hour later and came back in two. So far today, she’s stayed put. She obviously went on this cleaning frenzy so she could start entertaining like crazy. Every other day this bitch has a whole slew of visitors and I don’t know that it’ll stop anytime soon. Oh, how the past always comes back to haunt me! At least the horses ran well today because she and her buddies didn’t annoy the shit out of me. She’s got the dumpster full again, and hopefully she’ll have sense enough not to add anymore till the trash is picked up Wednesday morning. She’s still got tons of bags stacked in back.

Oh, here we go. She just now left. At least it was in a reasonable way. I heard two door slams, then she left. She either loaded laundry or something into the back or had someone with her.

Tom’s gone to the PO to mail Paula’s package, and as I told her, this is it. She can get her own damn incense if I’m never going to hear from her.

He’s also going to pick a few things up at Safeway. I didn’t go because I didn’t think Liz would be there. It’s also a little cold in the 40s. It’s supposed to be in the 60s in a few days, but as of yet, that’s hit or miss.

We got this pamphlet that’s to have all the issues they’re to vote on this year, and not surprisingly, I see nothing on banning the stereos, nor do I see shit to restore the rights of gays.

Why oh why do all my neighbors get worse and worse with time??? The only difference is that it took this one a lot longer to get noisy. She just can’t go more than a day or two without the constant slew of visitors! This morning they drove me batty with the door slamming. This occurred on and off from 9:00 – 10:30 and the blimp’s been staying put ever since. She did leave quietly last night at 10:30, but I can’t say how long she was gone.

Sure enough, because I had to wake up and shower to the slamming, it was a shitty day at the track. At first I was like, this has got to be a coincidence! I’m not God. If I had that kind of power then I should be able to influence anything, shouldn’t I? And maybe this isn’t a gift after all, but just another degrading curse to use against me that I should try to destroy. But Tom thinks I can learn to control it, though I don’t know how.

He said he’s not sure my anger can influence anything positively as well as negatively, though it sure seems ironic that as soon as I get fed up with the poverty trip, we get money. Then again, there’s been enough things that getting fed up over didn’t fix. He agrees, however, that my being able to influence things through writing may be more possible.

Definitely possible, seeing that Century just slammed in, though that’s not the effect I wanted. Maybe I should write that she hasn’t been around even if she has. Maybe that’s what it’ll take to get her to stop coming around so much. Or at least get them to just get what they want from their fucking vehicles and go. I don’t see why they have to sit there and slam so many damn doors when they come and go. This is the shit the freeloaders did. If they could just get in their fucking cars and go, I’d be much happier. I’m sick of the big production they have to make about it before they take off or after they return.

It wasn’t Century. It was yet another new vehicle, so I saw, with at least 3 people in it. It was a gray-blue van and I guess these people picked her up and of course when they come back, instead of her hopping out by herself and them taking off, they’re all going to have to get out and cram into her little jail cell. Then they’ll have to come out and get something they forgot. Then come out again a few minutes later for yet more shit they either forgot or that she gave them to take back with them, then they’ll finally all slam out, giving me who knows how many precious hours of peace.

Meanwhile, my mood had perked up before the last round of slamming and one race was a hit. I wish he was the Influencer! He rarely gets pissed or as pissed.

The question is what things should I write what about? Meaning, would it really be more effective if I wrote about Liz liking me, or more effective if I wrote that she hated me? Or perhaps none of these things would make a difference. I just don’t know. Well, it’ll be a while, but we’ll find out when The Influencer, the book I just began, is finished. I don’t know if we’ll still be in Oregon when it’s finished. Either way, I would think I’d have a better shot at influencing Liz than Kate because I never knew Kate and Kate never knew me.

I still have to wrap up Heart of the Forest, but I’ve got an ending all mapped out. It’s just a matter of taking the time to tie up loose ends and bring it to an end.

The weather’s turned cool and damp and so my ear is worse. Or should I write that it’s better even though it’s not?

Mary’s 29 today. In another few years, she’ll have that extra 20 pounds she doesn’t think she’ll ever gain.

Kim and Century wrapped up their conversation at sunset and took off in Kim’s car. When I was about to crash at 10:30, she still hadn’t returned. So far today, she’s been there alone and hasn’t gone out yet, but it’s early. Century probably won’t show till around 6:00.

I decided we should go to the store figuring that since Liz was there last Saturday, she may be there this Saturday too, and she was. Besides, I like Safeway’s soda better than Fred’s. She has a very soft voice and was very friendly. I recognized her from behind as soon as I entered the store. She turned around just as I was passing by and issued a friendly “hello.” After we shopped and I made sure we got in her line, I noticed a few flaws like her pointy nose and droopy neck. It could be that she lost a lot of weight as she definitely has a fuller face, though not to the degree that mine is. She’ll probably be heavy in a decade or so. She might’ve also been missing a tooth. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Her hair was down and almost as long as mine. It was parted at the side and had a slight wave at the bottom which I’d never seen before.

Anyway, as to whether or not I’ve influenced her, I’ll probably never know. I hope I have because then I could influence people with bad intentions, and it’d also be nice to be liked by someone so pretty. But like I said, if it works I don’t expect she’d come out and admit it and say, “Hey, I like you, by the way. Want to be friends?” It may also scare her to suddenly have an attraction towards another woman if she’s really always been as straight as I think she has been, although this is something that isn’t as rare of an occurrence as some might think. She may even find it strange if she suddenly got the desire to be just friends with me.

With people behind us, we didn’t speak much. She just asked how I was. I said, “Good, I won a cruise.”

She said, “Oh, good,” and that was it.

Later…

Well, we’ve made it to nearly 9:00 and all is still quiet next door. Has she been too sick for company?

Just a short while ago Tom came and pointed out that I was in a better mood today. Sure I am. It’s been relatively quiet for being in the city, we’re hanging out together, and I got to see Liz. Meanwhile, the horses didn’t fall on their noses today. They did great, winning 4 out of 5 races.

I’m not very hopeful for Miss Straight and Narrow being attracted to me due to my age and appearance, but on the other hand, remembering the DOs in jail who liked me gives me a bit of hope. Perhaps my influencing abilities really have improved over time. Before meeting Tom I sure as hell couldn’t influence those I wanted to want me back (assuming they weren’t famous), yet it’s ironic that the DOs I liked happened to like me back. And I was no young, skinny thing back then either.

I’m listening to music now and someone’s gotta teach these damn blacks how to talk. The word ‘ask’ isn’t pronounced ‘aks’. The s comes first. It’s just another attempt at standing out and getting attention, but if you ‘ask’ me, it only serves to make them appear just as dumb, insecure and rebellious.

Kim has been getting on my nerves like never before. Yup, she’s totally been at her worst. After just two days of going companyless, the Century 21 van showed up last night. It was only here once, but there was a lot of door-slamming. Something was being loaded either into or out of the van. Or SUV or whatever you want to call it. She’s got this new thing now where she gabs outside with the company taking us back to the duplex where there was always conversation right outside our windows. Also, where she was never using the dumpster, she’s been using it like crazy, almost leaving us no room for our own trash. She’s still got more trash bags by her door too, from what I can see.

This morning, shortly after I got up at 8:30, a red car pulled in. I’m not sure if I’ve seen it before or not. There have been so many vehicles coming and going from over there that I can’t keep track. I just don’t understand why everybody’s got to go see Kim all of a sudden. Kim, who’s got a teeny weenie microscopic dump. I wish she’d get a job, get a life, and go to someone else’s place for a change!

To balance out my annoyance last night, Tom gave me a horse update and a good one! He’s upped the win percentages dramatically by making a few minor adjustments, and this is with betting small. Had he been betting aggressively, which he won’t do till after the cruise unless one of us wins another biggie before then, it would’ve paid much more. Out of just 4 races, it would’ve brought 2 or 3 hundred in easily with this new method! Also, it used to be that a lot of the losses would be way off, but the ones that have been wrong lately have only been off by a length.

Here’s where it really gets amazing and weird! He made this adjustment on Tuesday. Ironically that was the day I wrote about us moving to California to build our dream house with all the riches we’d won with me sweeping and him handicapping in the story I’ve just begun! Using Liz as one of the central characters, I’m writing my little “jinx story” since what I write seems to be a factor the same as my emotions, particularly anger. I just wish I knew what time of day I wrote this and he got his idea, though neither of us can remember. Judging by my schedule and the fact that it was a workday for him, I’d say I had to have written that part in first.

It also seems I can sometimes jinx-write the opposite, though too, by writing something like how there haven’t been any spiders in here for a while, then I see one the next day.

The red car just left with a guy driving that appeared to be in his 40s. How many times will it be back? And how many times is Miss Century 21 coming and going today?

Anyway, when I think back to how my anger has influenced things, it’s rather uncanny. It not only made sick those who pissed me off, but it influenced me to quit the inhalers, my ability to handle dairy foods, my allergies, etc. I don’t know why it can’t influence my schedule or weight, but I guess it’s just not meant to be. Yet after getting pissed off like never before over being broke so much of the time when we were homeless, and feeling like a puppet and like God’s little bum, he gets the promotion, I start winning sweeps, and he gets the horse idea. Before this, though, I had always accepted poverty as a fact of my life without bitter resentment. Well, now I’ll be happy to fume over the fact that while we did get the dressers, the bed, and a new chair for me, we’re still using boxes for furniture in some cases!

Liz wasn’t there yesterday, but Estella was. Although she’s been chattier with me lately, I’d say she’s just being friendly and that it’s not a case of right effect, wrong target. It’s funny cuz she still asks if we need any help out.

Kim just left, though it almost didn’t look like her driving. I couldn’t see well enough to say for sure, but anyway, I’m sure she’ll be back in just a few. God, this is getting old!

While we were loading bottles into the bottle machine, I was stunned to see two teenage girls walk by sucking on pacifiers. I guess this is the new attention-getting trend, but what a way to get attention! I swear, if people can’t get it positively, they’ll do it negatively. What a tacky, asinine, stupid thing to do!

Speaking of teens, there were 3 teenage girls next door when we passed by. The weather was nice, so the front door was open and we could hear rap music playing, but not in our house, thanks to the distance. I still can’t say how many people live there, but I know it’s a lot.

The Midwest got their first taste of winter and last night the Northeast got it. We have yet to get our first taste and I hope we won’t anytime soon, even though there are still tons of spiders and flying things out there. A big spider was coming down on its web just outside the door when Tom got in yesterday.

Later…

Century 21, a heavy blond with a high ponytail just came and then left, but Kim’s car is still gone. This definitely could be a lover, or maybe even a roommate with the way she’s been coming around so much.

Later…

It’s like the duplex minus the dog and TV with this bitch and her company slamming in and out and gabbing outside our windows! It’s really starting to go from annoying to pissing me off. Both Kim and Century returned, then left, then returned, and now they’re gabbing outside and driving me nuts! It’s starting to look like Century’s moved in. That would explain why so many boxes left; to make room for Century’s mattress. But why would a real estate agent of all people want to live in a dump the size of a jail cell? Better yet why would a real estate agent want to associate with a jobless person? God, if the weekdays can be this hectic, the weekend’s gonna be a nightmare for damn sure! I’m at the point where I’m really seriously starting to wish she’d get the hell out and take my chances as to whether or not something worse moved in there. And of course, because she had to go and piss me off, one of the horses scratched, one fell on his nose, and so forth.

It’s to be in the 70s for the next few days which is amazing for mid-October in a cold climate. It sure saves us money too, since I haven’t had to run the heat during the daytime.

The guy with the wakeboard called and left a message yesterday wondering why he hadn’t received my affidavit yet. Tom called and let him know that in a small town such as this, we had trouble finding a notary but that it was on its way. I just checked and it’s out for delivery down in Irvine.

We got a new carrier that seems nice. The other guy switched routes, he told me. He had been on two weeks of vacation himself, so I guess that’s why the mail would be late at times.

Kim surprised me by not having any company yesterday. She’s been home all day and hopefully, she can go another day without it.

Meanwhile, I’m still thinking about how fat, old and ugly I am, and how young, beautiful and straight Liz is. Yup. God definitely put a lifelong sexual curse on me. Absolutely no lust is allowed that isn’t in my dreams only.

Just when I was also thinking it a bummer that I only had one win so far this month, I get an email telling me I won a custom book of photo stamps from Fuji.

I’m starting to wonder if her moving out next door wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. She’s been getting on my nerves with not only her own constant coming and going, but with her company’s constant coming and going as well. It’s not as bad as the duplex, but it’s annoying enough. A couple in a white pickup visited like 3 times on Sunday. Then a gold van came and went a few times later on. I think the white pickup couple may’ve been her parents because the woman had her features and was humungous. She had to have been 250 pounds or more. I have to wonder about people like that and if they’re so huge because they eat all the time, or if they’re just naturally that way. The woman was looking at the car for sale next door. She was so big that walking alone seemed to be quite an effort for her. Her double chin hung way down onto her neck.

She was gone when Tom left yesterday morning and I thought maybe she had split after all, but she returned at 9:30. She then stayed put for a few hours till the Century 21 van started making its rounds. Tom said he heard 3 people talking at one point. Again I have to wonder, when does this bitch sleep? I’m getting sick of all the door-slamming, but I know that if she does move, what moves in there next won’t be any better. Everybody here has to have company every day! Will this bitch ever go back to taking some days off?

She’s got the dumpster chock full now, so we’ll just have to wait and see what’s going on. As of yet, we haven’t got a clue. It’d be nice, though, if I could “influence” her to go it alone today.

When Tom was checking online about updating his license and my ID with this Oregon address, he found that for just $20 I can have my license reinstated without taking a driver’s test. So we got it reinstated so I can enter vehicle contests too, though I don’t know if one more entry will make a difference with contests that generate millions of entries. It should be here in 5 days and should hopefully eliminate any problems there may’ve been when we go to apply for the passports next Monday.

We found a reliable notary downtown that notarized the wakeboard forms. She was telling us about a movie they made about a woman who supported her family by winning contests many years ago before computers were a regular thing. It was easier to win back then because they didn’t get as many entries.

We hit Safeway afterward. No Liz, but Estella was there and very chatty. She’s definitely Liz’s runner-up. She asked if we wanted to donate 69¢ towards this new vaccine that’s to prevent breast cancer, which we did. Then I mentioned being impatient about this pill they were supposed to come out with that straightens curly hair, and she insisted I had beautiful hair. While I was flattered I also thought to myself, now why couldn’t it be Liz giving me this compliment? Hell, I’d probably have a better chance of getting her over here than Liz. Speaking of which, it occurred to me afterward how ironic it would be if I was successful after all with my influencing, only I ended up influencing the wrong person. I vaguely remember dreaming about that, too. Well, if it accidentally does bounce from Liz to Estella, better than it bouncing off and hitting this poor, fat, ugly blond retard that works there named Emily.

Later…

Kim’s stayed put all day so far, but the day is young and this is someone who’s predominantly a night person, so I’m sure she and her visitors will annoy me later.

I learned two new songs in Spanish today, which I’m still learning more and more of over time, and probably always will.

The object of my attraction isn’t Jennifer or Leanne, it’s Liz. Boring nickname and so is Elizabeth, but at least I got to see her and to find out her name.

We caught the bus downtown just after 10:00 and got the passport photos done at Fred’s. My face looks enormous and old, like closer to 50 than 40, but what can I do about it? It’s something that only gets worse with time as I only keep getting older and never younger. Tomorrow we’ll be getting the damn forms notarized and maybe see Liz again, too.

We then left Fred’s and hit K-mart where I got new socks, bras and underwear. It’s nice to have underwear that fits and that isn’t all stretched out. I also got a couple of cologne sprays I like and two Barbies. One’s in a Hawaiian theme and the other’s in a flashy fashion that the religious freaks would no doubt see as utterly sinful.

Afterward, we caught the bus back downtown and Tom waited outside Safeway with our bags while I ran and grabbed a few things. When I first saw her as I was entering the store, I didn’t even recognize her because I’d never seen her hair up in a bun before. Guess some of the employees there are changing hairstyles. Anyway, I grabbed a few items and scanned the cashiers as I approached the front of the store. I was just about to pass by her when I got a quick glance at her eyes and realized it was her. She’s not Kate-gorgeous, but she’s still pretty hot. Tom was right in that she is skinny, but the shape of her face is what must’ve thrown me into thinking she was a bit chunky. Her face seems slightly full as opposed to the rest of her, but she’s still got a nice body, even though she’s a little shorter than I’d like. She’s between 5’ 3” and 5’ 5”. She’s got a nice ass and I like her eyes, even though they’re a bit narrow, making her appear slightly snobbish.

She was professionally polite and didn’t appear to have picked up on any of my vibes. It was busy, so I didn’t bother using the sweeps pitch I was going to use as bait. I was going to mention winning the cruise and hopefully encourage her to want to be my sweeping partner so we could use each other as referrals for extra entries.

She wore little makeup, just a touch of eyeliner. Not surprisingly, she wore a ring too, though I couldn’t tell if it was an engagement ring or a wedding ring. I couldn’t expect a girl that good-looking to be single, much less interested in me if she were gay. I’m fat, ugly and old-looking, and she’s young, skinny and pretty. Ah, but I still have her anytime I want to in my fantasies, and she’s damn sure to have a role in one of my stories, too!

We saw why the car is parked just inside the gate next door. They’ve got a little for-sale sign in it.

We got a repeat performance from a few weeks ago from Kim. The same pickup came and went twice, making us think she was moving, and of course, Miss Century 21 was in the picture, too. Tom saw that the back of the truck was loaded with tons of boxes and a chest of drawers the first time it left. He thought he saw them bring in a mattress another time, then leave again with the truck virtually empty. I crashed around 8:00 and Tom said she returned by herself at 10:00. She’s been there ever since. She’s got a bunch of trash bags in the dumpster, but we don’t know what the hell’s going on. If she’s moving, she sure is taking her time doing it. It’s hard to believe she’s getting rid of old shit since there’s only so much that tiny shack can hold.

She wasn’t at the store, I’m sorry to say, and Tom thinks we may’ve gone too early. He thinks more people may come in on Fridays after 5:00. It was closer to 4:00 when we were there. So we’ll go later sometime. Being Friday, it was more crowded and there was more staff. Except for one girl, they were all people I’d seen before, including Estella, who I thought was her for a minute. I’d never seen her hair down till yesterday and because she’s got the same thin dark hair, I thought it was her even though the length was off. Estella’s is to the middle of her back, but the one I’m after has it closer to the waist. There was one new cashier we’d never seen before, Olivia, whom I hope isn’t a replacement for her. When I tried to remember what her name might’ve been, Jennifer and Leanne came to mind, though I knew these could be names from nameplates I’ve seen on other employees in other stores like Fred’s. Ironically, though, I did hear someone named Jennifer being paged. There are employees who also work behind the scenes, so who knows if she was really there but just hiding in back somewhere?

We came back just in time to see this teenager I’d never seen before bringing a baby and a toddler to the swings. I was surprised as it was a bit nippy out. It’s freezing at 32º right now, though it’s supposed to get up to 64º. Anyway, I turned on the sound machine, though I never heard a thing in here. I don’t think they were there long because when I checked a short while later the swings were empty.

In a few hours, we’re going to hopefully find a notary working somewhere and browse through some department stores, too. It just sucks that it’ll be the afternoon on a weekend and not either late at night or during the week. Fred’s and Kmart are semi-crowded, but Walmart is always a zoo. The passports we’ll do in a week or two since we know it only takes 6 weeks for those.

The toilet’s clogged up again. That blimp better not be fucking things up with her shit again, but like I said before, they’re welcome to bill us all they want. We’ll just move. Still, we don’t need the hassle. If they do give us the hassle, though, we’ll really up their workload, that’s for sure. Leaving the place a mess is one thing, drawing with permanent markers on the wall is another.

We’ll be going to the store when he gets off work. I hope she’s there! I’m going to put on a little makeup and hope for the best, no matter how foolish it may seem.

Since stopping the diet I concocted I’ve been much hungrier. I’m going to live it up today and tomorrow, then cut back again to reshrink my stomach. Of course the first few days will be hell.

Unless he hits a big one, Tom’s decided not to tell me what’s going on with the horses till after the cruise because he doesn’t want to deal with what he perceives as my negativity when it doesn’t go well. That’s fine, I told him, it’s just that I’ve seen him get overly optimistic in a naïve kind of way before and I’d hate to see him kid either one of us. On the other hand, just maybe he really is onto something here. He sure is plugging away at it when he’s home and awake.

They broke another plank in the picket fence in front. Why are these little animals hell-bent on breaking this fence? I don’t care what they do to the damn thing since it’s not ours, but these little shits may very well work on the truck next. We won’t be able to get much for the old heap of shit as it is, so we don’t need any trouble.

It’s cold and rainy and miserable, yet wonderfully quiet. Been up nearly 10 hours and haven’t heard one bark or stereo yet. If I was your all-American noise-lover, I’d be really disappointed today.

I’d also have been disappointed had I made it to Safeway yesterday because she wasn’t there. Tom said it was the same people who were there the day before.

A few of my Tonner dolls won me a pink T-shirt. You had to submit a photo showing how well pink and orange go together fashion-wise. Well, I didn’t have a picture of myself in those colors, so I said, why not the picture of Sydney in a pink dress with an orange coat standing next to Mei Li in a hot pink gown and Tyler in her orange, pink and red Cinnamon Swirl gown? It turns out that the first 10 submissions got the shirt. It’s nice to know that plastic people are acceptable!

Guess that’s it for now. Time to fantasize about the cashier, work on my story, and win more sweeps! Always win more sweeps!

A part of me misses Mary, but I don’t miss her sensitivity, and I still wouldn’t want to deal with her pestering me once she’s cut loose.

Once again I’m totally confused about my ear. It’s colder today, like the coldest day so far this fall, yet my ear’s fine today. It’s got to be either the elevation or just my lifelong punishment for having it messed with. It will be interesting to see how it is on the cruise and my lungs as well.

That dude that comes out front to smoke is out now. His dogs and the ones next to him haven’t turned out to be the problem I thought they’d be over the summer. No dog’s as big a nuisance as the canal dog, though that one should simmer down as it gets colder. It does most of its barking in the late afternoon and evenings. Obviously, its owners return from work, ignore it, and it doesn’t like it. Anyway, the worst part of the summer was definitely the stereos except for when it was really hot in the 90s.

Speaking of work, I still don’t get how so many people can afford to stay home all day. Do they all have someone supporting them, or do more people around here work 2nd and 3rd shift than I thought? And what’s that hot cashier do when she’s not at Safeway, I wonder? She’s obviously only part-time. Maybe she goes to school when she’s not working or has a kid, though I doubt that if she’s as skinny as Tom says she is.

Kim hasn’t gotten a job or rid of her car, but Miss Century 21’s coming around again. She picked her up yesterday at lunchtime. I just hope she doesn’t make a regular habit of coming around! I don’t like doors slamming just outside the bedroom window. I can sometimes hear them loud and clear even over the air cleaner.

My lotion came yesterday. No freebies this time.

As I’m sure most people would agree, I’m fat, old-looking, and just not very pretty. So why can’t I just forget about this sure-to-be straight chick? Oh, I don’t know. I guess it gives me something to do. It’s kind of fun. It’s like with Palma. I knew I wouldn’t get a damn thing from her, but I had fun flirting just the same. Can it really hurt anyone if it’s done in good taste? I wouldn’t do anything to put her on the spot or embarrass her in any way. At least not if I could help it. I just can’t see myself ever wanting to have sex with Tom. As I’ve learned, one can give their heart to the same person forever, but not their body. This doesn’t mean I’ll ever give my body to anyone else, though Tom’s saying that all he wants is me is no help as far as turning me on to him. If he wanted me, he’d have had me. I guess it’s just in most guys’ nature to say they want things they don’t. In other words, yes really means no in most cases.

He went to Safeway yesterday and there were very few employees he said, and she wasn’t one of them. If I’m not too tired, I’ll go with him today for stuff they didn’t have yesterday after he gets off work. He said there were no frozen potatoes or hardly anything else on the list I made up. The shelves were bare. I guess they had a problem stocking up or something. Somebody fucked up somewhere, but anyway, I may be too tired to go today. Next week for sure, though.

Got the forms from iSwag, who I won the $50 from, but what’s not good is that I still haven’t received my lotions. I sent Kepa an email. The post office site says it’s still in the system, but if it was shipped on the 27th via priority mail, what’s taking so long?

Still think of that cashier nearly every waking minute, though I know it’s a waste of time bothering to go out of my way to see her. What for? Mutual attraction is a sin for me, so it seems, so why bother when she’ll only be straight, gay and taken, or gay and not interested because I’m too short, feminine and older? Tom being in the picture doesn’t help much either, but I’ll still be stupid enough to wish for a friendship and go out of my way to see her. Or at least to hope to see her. Hey, eye candy is a wonderful thing, if that’s all she can ever be, but just to have someone like me too, other than head-playing Teddy Bear, or someone else I couldn’t even be just friends with, would be so way nice.

Oh, the frustration of doing something right just to fail and never get any results! I’ve kept my calories low and even dropped to 127 pounds, which I woke up at this morning. But now, after less than 1000 calories, I’ve shot up to 131. I just don’t get what’s doing it, either. No one should gain 4 pounds eating so little, so with this discouraging me, I’ve eaten more today and haven’t bothered to work out. Why work so hard and go so hungry for nothing? I never would’ve believed it if someone told me there’d come a day when having 800-1200 calories consistently wouldn’t do the trick. Never.

Yesterday turned out to be a real pisser. I made myself stay up 18 hours for nothing. We took the bus up to UPS to get the form for the wakeboard notarized, but the fucking notary wasn’t there. Of course, this is after we were told that there’s always one there on Saturdays, and after we didn’t think to call first to check, knowing you can’t take people’s word for shit. The only good thing was sharing an order of fries at a nearby Burger King while we waited for the bus. We also picked up a DVD. We have until the 13th, so we’ll get the damn forms taken care of somewhere else next Saturday and get some other errands done then, too.

Although Tom thinks I still influenced things, it turns out that they didn’t do the wakeboard drawing till the 25th, then they overnighted the forms. We’ll probably overnight them back once we finally get them out of the way. We still have e-prize checks to cash, too!

That car hasn’t moved next door and I see they now have a lock on the gate. Must’ve gotten sick of the local animals going in there.