I’m depressed, frustrated, pissed and tired, and my undying hatred for God only continues to grow while I’m at it, too. They woke me up twice yesterday, then I woke up twice more, once when I was hungry and once when I was sweating. I got up at 10:00, did my work, then took a 3-hour nap from 2:00 – 5:00. It was so nice to do it with no sound machines, too. Had Tom gotten up to pee, yeah, it would’ve woken me, but there was absolutely nothing but the computer’s fans whirring in the background and it was nice for a change.

Tom wants to research the Sacramento area this weekend, but whether we end up in the $400 apartment or the $800 house, it’s all going to be maddening and so I’ve already made up my mind to starve to death just as soon as I get my hands on that Claritin. I’ll be damned if I’ll live like this another 5-14 years, more like 14. I just can’t believe any retirement home would let a couple in with one being under the age limit, so fuck this Tom-and-Jodi-are-only-allowed-to-live-in-noisy-places rule our fucking God’s slapped on us! I can’t deal with these things that only get louder and louder each year for another decade and a half. Hell, the freeloaders’ stereo wasn’t nearly as loud as they are today! If they had been I’d have assaulted them for damn sure and ended up at least somewhat deserving of the shit they put me through. And no one’s ever going to do shit about them either. They’d have done that 10 years ago if they were.

I’m just sick of life. Sick of humanity. Yet the more I try to escape it, the more I just get stuck right in the middle of it. I can run, but I can’t hide. Not as long as I live, and this is no way to live, trust me. I’m simply not allowed to have anything I want, no matter how simple it may be. All I want is a peaceful place and some money, but sure enough, that dream Tom had just had to be that 1% of the time that it didn’t pan out. Gee, why am I not at all surprised?

Anyway, it’d be nice to have a place lined up for when we get down there so we don’t have to waste money in motels for too long, but at the same time, I don’t want to do the sight-unseen thing again either. There’s no way we could stay in motels indefinitely, though, on the Unemployment. It won’t be enough to cover the higher rates down there.