Up to 3 radio bids on eBay, but still nothing on Barbie.

Tom says he’s 60/40 right now as far as whether or not he thinks he’ll get that job. I’m 50/50. It’s shitty pay and not close to home, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he got it just because of that. On the other hand, it’s hard to believe I’ll ever have insurance again, especially anytime soon, and this place would have good insurance, too. The kind BOA had. AND it would be affordable in that they wouldn’t take half his paycheck for it.

The reason he’s gone up to 60% is because of the last place he worked in Oregon. Well, they’ve not only heard of the place before, but they’ve done business with them. So that’s what initially caught their attention when they were going through resumes.

I keep thinking about what we’d do if we won big versus if we didn’t win big (it’s too soon to know yet). They both certainly have their pros and cons, although I’d still prefer to win big of course. Yes, I would be afraid to travel again after what happened last year, even with tons of money. Yes, I would be paranoid about losing the house, and as for staying in motels again, I don’t know that I ever could.

On the other hand, to think that this is it and that this is as far as we’ll ever go in life kinda sucks. Yes, it’s better than funny farms, foster homes, jails, motels and rocking apartment complexes, but I don’t want to rent tiny little dumps all my life either, even if it’s relatively peaceful here and definitely very private and secluded. I want to be able to have a full-size washer that’s hooked up all the time, ready and available the instant we want to use it. Instead, I have to drag our little portable one over and hook that up. It’s better than nothing at all, but I think you get my point. I want to be able to walk around both sides of the bed, not just one side and part of the foot.

Either way, I’ll be devastated if we’re let down yet again with this new idea. I should probably tell myself to quit dreaming. After all, the longer something is a certain way, the less likely it is to change. And like I’ve also said before, I wouldn’t be cursed with this sleep disorder if it weren’t meant to hold us back. Yet dreams are what keeps us going in life so it’s hard to just give up on the idea of one day owning our own home again.

I’m still hoping it doesn’t snow, even though it couldn’t possibly stick here. Still, seeing just one snowflake fall from the sky would be bad enough! Tom was teasing me about it before he went to bed, saying he’d be sure to have the driveway shoveled. Real funny! It sure is windy out there now, though. It’s nice being able to hear the wind chimes. I haven’t been able to because I’ve had to run the sound machine to drown out the fucking barking.

Later…

Well, it’s not snowing now, but it sure is raining. Of course it is! He just sprayed. Had he not sprayed it wouldn’t rain for ages! I love listening to the sound of the rain, though it hasn’t been steady. A cloud will burst for a minute or two, then nothing. Then a few minutes later it happens again.