Another shitty sleep. Was up for
21 hours and slept for 6. Woke up a million times just because and maybe once
due to traffic. Tom may have accidentally found the solution, though, after
half a decade of dealing with this shit! He was looking for something else on
Amazon when he stumbled across these soft foam-covered speakers embedded in a
headband that you wear to sleep, as well as earbuds especially made for
sleeping. Well, I don’t want to get my hopes up but it’s looking like the
earbuds may be the most promising. The headband is wonderful but that may slip
easier than the earbuds may fall out. I just can’t use them in the fake canal
because it’s not shaped right, so it’s a good thing I’m mostly deaf on that
side. Now I have to figure out what device would be best and I’m thinking that
I’ll test what nature sounds I have on Amazon Prime Music and compile a
repeating list of the best song that I think masks bassy sounds the best. If I
make a playlist with a track added over and over again until the amount of time
equals longer than I ever sleep, then I shouldn’t have to worry about it
turning off in 4-5 hours unless the connection hiccups.
Took Ibuprofen for the
headache I woke up with when I got up a few hours ago. I hope it’s only due to
shitty sleep and not anything else, as I’m absolutely exhausted! If this works,
though, I wonder if I’ll stop waking up on my own so much. That’s part of why
I’m so exhausted and not just because of others waking me up. But maybe if the
stress of being woken up is off, I won’t wake up as much. I don’t understand
why I can’t go back to sleep when I’m exhausted like I am now but I usually
can’t.
The next decision is… do I
still make an appointment with the sleep doctor anyway or wait and see if this
helps? If I continue to keep waking up on my own or I continue to feel tired
when I do sleep well, then I suppose I should definitely see him.
The only thing I hate about
this time of year is that the fucking firecrackers start so far in advance of
July 4th. As if the car stereos, muscle cars and planes aren’t enough.
Just finished roasting a
fresh batch of peanuts. Maybe by the time we move the first smart oven will
exist and we can just tell Alexa to preheat the oven and all that.
The drama queen called saying
she hasn’t been online because she’s been having all kinds of testing and
doctors’ appointments and asked if I would call Monday. I told her on Facebook
I’ll call Monday morning. sighs I still don’t understand why
she doesn’t use WhatsApp. Then we don’t have to talk live at scheduled times. I
hate talking to her either way because it’s all about her health, God, and
maybe Lisa, too. You know me… I’m not a people pleaser and I’m nobody’s liar
just to “fit in” and avoid conflict. The last thing I want is conflict with
anyone but if she brings up Lisa, I just can’t lie to her. I wish I could just
like I wished I could tell Andy he was right and that I was just using my sleep
disorder as an excuse just to get him off my ass because I was tired of him
provoking arguments and feeling like I had to defend myself to keep the peace.
But again, I can’t lie to
her. I don’t want anything to do with her crazy daughter should she change her
mind or should Tammy decide to try to bring us together, so to speak. I worry
my honesty will get me dumped but I would rather risk getting dumped by telling
the truth than by lying and telling her I’m up for a connection my heart really
isn’t into. She isn’t the dumping type, though. She’s hung up on me a million
times but she doesn’t usually dump people.
Still, I get that Lisa was
young and screwed up and that maybe she’s changed. But bipolar disorder doesn’t
go away and it’s nothing you want to fuck with. They’re very VERY hard to deal
with. It’s what Marie has. They can turn on you for any reason at any time, be
it for something real or imagined, and there’s just no reasoning with them.
Again, I loved Stuart. But enough to live there with my sister???
Later…
Tom’s finally feeling the
jittery effects of prednisone, and guess who’s a little anxious?
Yesterday my lungs were
surprisingly tight and I had to take a hit from my inhaler for the first time
in a while.
Not at all happy to learn
they extended the hours from 1 PM to 2 PM in which kids are allowed to be in
the pool. What’s next? Are they going to let them move in here? Might as well
since this place is so noisy during the daytime anyway. In some ways, this
place is worse than the NHA. There, almost all the racket was from kids. Here,
it’s all kinds of things.
The other night I dreamed my
ENT was holding her baby who now has to be close to two years old. I said
something about it being a girl based on all the pink it was wrapped in. She
nodded and said, “Would you like to hold her?”
I said, “Sure,” and took hold
of the baby who then began talking in complete and intelligible sentences.
In another dream, I was
watching this really ugly woman sitting in a restaurant booth and holding this
puppy that was dressed in this frilly “dress.” Then I realized she wasn’t in a
restaurant like I thought she was but on TV instead and I figured she was on
some weird show like Bates Motel or something.
Then I was swimming in a pool
and a couple of gay guys were in the pool as well. I turned and floated on my
back and felt so peaceful at the moment, never wanting to get out of the pool.
Next was a dream that Kim
called me about being hit with one of the boards she broke in karate class and
then she left me hanging on the phone to listen to some weird music.
Then I went to a convenience
store and requested various items, then realized I didn’t have any cash on me
which seemed to annoy the cashier.
Then Aly contacted me but I
was having trouble seeing the device or maybe finding the device she was on.
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