Read a very discouraging article on how we can’t literally “burn” fat. We don’t literally gain or lose fat. Fat cells only shrink when we lose weight but never go away. We gain more fat cells with age and those that shrink with weight loss only fight like hell to refill themselves which is why lost weight comes right back if we’re lucky to lose it in the first place. I think the best most of us older folks can do is try to eat sensibly in hopes of slowing the gain process and then hope for a medical breakthrough someday. Really think the only way to get around it, though, is to remove the damn fat cells, but oh well. Sometimes you just gotta accept that some things are the way they are and they can’t always be changed. and when they can be, the effort isn’t always worth the results.

Slept shitty, waking up several times along the way. Sometimes I was hot flashing and other times I was too cold. Can’t do much about the hot flashes though I could at least have Tom close the vent a little bit in the bedroom. So I guess if there is anything up there cursing my sleep, if it can’t use traffic as a weapon against me, it uses me.

I checked my journals to see if I had ever tried Estroven, and as I suspected, I tried it a while back and found that I had a tingling sensation in my mouth and throat. When I called the number on the box, the person I spoke to said that could happen.

I’ve always wanted to stay in an overwater Bungalow, so Tom and I were checking out various vacation packages in places like the Maldives. The problem is that they’re either too far away or the closer places like the Caribbean and Florida that have them are outrageously expensive at 2k a night. Better to go to Hawaii next year if we’re still able to but even if he’s at the same job I don’t know that I’ll be able to handle it with the way I’ve been sleeping so shitty and seem to get more tired with age. This time around I was able to nap for a couple more hours afterward but still, this may simply be the way I’m going to be for the rest of my life just like I’m going to be fat for the rest of my life.

I may not be able to shrink the fat cells but I can at least be a fit fatty so I still keep active whenever possible. It’s definitely important to work my core and do back and ab exercises regularly to avoid backaches. It’s also good to do cardio as often as I can so I’m not out of breath if I suddenly want to do something more strenuous than usual.

All I remember for dreams was something about giving the rats a bar of soap which were smart enough to know what to use it for. I picked them up, saying how smart they were and how good they smelled. LOL

Showered with my Hawaiian Ginger shower gel and then used the Hawaiian Ginger lotion afterward, both of which are quite luxurious. :) Skin smells and feels good!

Tom can’t get in to see the audiologist till the 8th which means that if he doesn’t return to work in a week or so, he may have to apply for unemployment and partial disability. Really hope it doesn’t come to that!

I still can’t shake the feeling that we could be on the road to change if we aren’t on the road to doom. I wasn’t kidding when I said that anything worse than the last crisis would kill me. I cycled through the crises I’ve endured in life and most of them could never reoccur. I’m not going to want to be a singer so bad that the thought of never achieving that damn near kills me. I’ve never going to want a kid again or be sexually active, so there couldn’t be any dysfunctional sex to have to deal with or are infertility issues, menopausal or not. I’m not going to chase or long for women I can’t have. Lastly, I’m too smart for freeloaders to take advantage of me again, so the only things that could repeat themselves would be financial or health crises.

Health is unpredictable as almost anything can sneak up on anyone at any time, but if we were headed for financial ruin, which is always possible, it would take time. Not only is the economy booming now and jobs plentiful, but we do have 14 or 15 grand in savings.

Later…

Tom will be going back to work at 9:00 on Monday morning. We have mixed emotions about this but is it so they can turn around and fire him? Or eventually, lay him off? People are dumb but would they be dumb enough to fire him and give us a case against them? And would whatever that may be up there and that loves to protect our perps have them do such a thing?

I personally think that if they really want to get rid of him they’ll cover their asses by laying him off within a few months. After all, they do lay people off regularly there. That way he could be screwed, once again, with no way for us to fight back. The only good that could come of him leaving this place might be a job that pays more, but I really believe he’s just not meant to be paid fairly. It’s like he really does have a pay curse on him like I have a sleep curse on me.

So anyway, I have mixed emotions about it. It’s easier for me to plan my activities around a more predictable schedule like he has when he works, but I always feel more comfortable with him at home.

I actually slept okay last time around and the garbage and green waste trucks didn’t wake me up along with anything else. However, my music player’s battery died before I got up which was a little surprising since it’s supposed to have a 30-hour battery life. I won’t take it out of the charger until I’m ready to use it next time around and we’ll see how long it lasts.

For dreams last night, I was surveying a room and deciding how I wanted to rearrange it. It might have been some kind of office.

Then I was excited to be getting permanent hair removal from my legs and told the woman who was going to be performing whatever procedure she was to do for this that I wanted to wait until a couple of cuts I had healed.

Then I was filling what looked like a long skinny cardboard box with water for someone.

So nothing important but just senseless, meaningless junk dreams.