Found this really cool site called Novni that someone mentioned on PB. I’m keeping it secret from everyone and I mean everyone, even though I know that if Aly thought to do it, she could Google parts of the journals I send her to see where else they may be that’s public.

What I like about the site is that you can write there anonymously without creating an account. You still have to watch what you say but it’s kind of cool to be able to drop a copy in a place where no one is likely to know me. I can even choose to disable comments if I want but I don’t mind if anyone comments. Not even sure I would be able to find my entries after time much less any comments because I’m not logged in. I suppose I could Google excerpts from my main journals but it’s not that important. I just like dropping a copy of my thoughts and experiences on the world. The only one I mentioned it to was Tom.

I did my own “anonymous writing” search and it looks like there’s another one called Vigyaa. This one even has a view counter. I just have to be careful because there’s no way to edit or delete posts once you publish them.

The only thing that’s almost as bad as being anxious is knowing that it’s only a matter of time before the anxiety returns. Even though the black cohosh tea seems to be helping, I know I won’t even make it a week before it’s back to torment me. Until and if I ever see differently, I have to assume it’s going to be a part of me for the rest of my life and so I must simply try to enjoy the few breaks here and there that I get from it.

It really irritates me, as I told Dr. A in a message earlier, when I’m told different things by different people. I received a voice message from her office reminding me to go to the lab, so I messaged her and told her that I was told after January labs when she was out that there was no need to repeat labs before our April appointment.

Since I had to message her anyway to ask if she wanted me to fast or not, and I’m guessing she does, I also asked if I can be vaccinated when I see her and gave her a heads up about the bupropion backfiring on me. Now I’ll have to wait until Monday to hear from her and probably have to spend many hours hungry as we scramble to fit me in somehow. Totally regret the two levothyroxine skips I made a couple of weeks ago. Especially since I’m not sure they did me any good.

Not gonna ask for an inhaler renewal, not that we should still be here in September when this one expires because I can get Primatene Mist for a lot cheaper. I only need a few puffs a year and hopefully it will stay that way.

Now that more people are being vaccinated and restrictions are being lifted, the commercial planes are back to being annoying night and day. Still not as bad after about 5 p.m. but still, this place is utterly ridiculous.

Also, first I couldn’t stand to be in the living room during the daytime because of the sawing and now I can’t stand it because of the barking. According to Carolyn, the dog Geri used to have died a few years ago. Well, this one’s annoying as fuck. It was fine until the weather warmed up but now she’s leaving it out in the fenced-in area and it gets annoying at times. Since we’ll be out of here soon enough, I’m not going to say anything. Really, though, I didn’t come here for this shit! This is totally NOT what I signed up for and I really hope that if we end up in another park, and I suspect we will, they don’t allow pets or motorcycles.

Ugh, that’s another thing. That motorcycle that sometimes visits in the middle of the night is going to be back anytime now.

Now that we’re close to getting vaccinated, we should get a better sense of what’s going to happen and when as far as the move goes. Things kind of got stalled because of that. We still have quite a bit of prep work to do but we’re slowly working on it.

He’s been spreading mulch around the tree on the corner of our lot but had to order more from Home Depot. While he was at it, he grabbed more plastic bins. We want to pack up stuff we’re not going to need while we’re here. Most of what’s in the desk in the laundry room as well as the hutch can be packed.

Why oh why is it that lately, Nane has been on my mind so much? This person that doesn’t give a shit about me. This person that I never met face-to-face. This person that I only ever knew in cyberspace. This person on the other side of the planet.

I just can’t get this former cyber crush off my mind all of a sudden. Maybe I never completely got over her despite the fact that she turned out to be a real judgmental asshole.

Yet she continues to be a muse for my stories or at least story ideas I mull around in my mind. I still imagine us meeting and different scenarios playing out from there.

Later…

The piggies are now up for adoption! Hope they get great homes real soon!

Going out for an evening walk once the sun starts setting and it cools off a bit. First day I didn’t hear Geri’s mutt but it could have gone off when I wasn’t in that part of the house to hear it. Wouldn’t be surprised if Carolyn mentioned me being annoyed by it to Geri but I can’t see Geri giving a shit either way because that’s just how people are. They’re going to do what they’re going to do and to hell with who it affects.

Had a really weird dream last night that I was about to be executed. At least I think I was even though I wasn’t in jail, so maybe something else was going to kill me. I seemed to be comfortable wherever I was and glad to spend my remaining days there. Yet it was so hard to believe that yes, this would really be the last year of my life.