Yesterday I was anxious for 4 hours instead of 9 which is an improvement but still sucks big time. Just 4 minutes of it is horrible.

I would really, really love to know just how much anxiety I would have felt these last 7 years if I’d never been on the poison that I decided to skip today. Part of me wants to quit for a couple of months and see how I do but not here in the cold weather. If I’m going to quit for a while to see if it changes anything, I want to wait until the dead of summer in Florida. Then again, I quit from August to December of 2014 and I don’t think I was much better. So I’m still not sure what to think of the med. It both makes sense and it doesn’t.

I wasn’t as bad as a couple of days ago but wasn’t great either. Had mild anxiety and depression. My appetite is still low and I’m still nowhere near as productive as I’d like to be. My mind keeps pinging back and forth between possible culprits…low thyroid, hormones, medication, things going on in life, bad energy in this area…and I just don’t know what to think or believe anymore.

Not sure if the tea is going to help.

I have mixed emotions about my appetite being down. Sure, I could afford to lose a little weight. But my appetite being down means I don’t feel well and therefore a part of me misses my appetite and looking forward to enjoying whatever meals I had planned for the day. No matter what we weigh, eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures and I definitely haven’t been doing as much of that. Maybe some of the bupropion is still in my system. I thought my appetite was back yesterday. I felt hungry so I started happily shoveling my fish dinner down but before I could finish, I felt like I might be sick.

Partly thanks to daylight savings, I got up a lot later today. Really getting sick of sleeping in chunks! No one woke me up today, but I woke up a few hours into my sleep and had trouble getting back to sleep. When I finally did, I didn’t get up until after 10 p.m. His schedule program factors in daylight savings so I’m still on track. It seems I’m always tired, anxious, or both. When I’m not anxious, I’m anxious about becoming anxious. I’m mostly calm now but I know it won’t last. Somewhere around 6-ish, the anxiety will start picking up and there won’t be a damn thing I can do about it but wait out the storm.

Starting to wonder if Virginia is ever going to come home. It’s been almost a month now. At least it’s good to know that if she does put the house up for sale soon, she can’t get out of here any faster than we can.

Forgot to mention that the black bitch in Arizona doesn’t seem to have a Facebook account anymore. If you insert someone’s name in the blocking option under Blocking, you can see accounts that have blocked you. But I didn’t see hers at all. Even so, I searched her name and blocked everyone with that name or a variation of it.

I’m really surprised she would dump her account. I mean I’m sure she’s still around under a bogus name, but I’m surprised she dumped her account and blocked me before she did. I would think she’d want me to contact her so she could have a better chance of screwing me again. Maybe she just gave up hope and blocked me so I at least couldn’t see her friends but who knows? Only the fucking bitch knows.