I was really depressed the day before yesterday. Yesterday was better but I did have a little anxiety and took hydroxyzine. It did a great job of calming me down but after a little over an hour, I felt a bit anxious again. It also caused me to crash earlier and sleep longer. I slept for 11 hours and have felt a little out of it since I got up. Not as bad as the last time I took it, though. I definitely had come down with something at the time.

I’m feeling good emotionally so far today but felt a bit queasy earlier. I wasn’t anywhere near puking, though. Too much greasy food. Gotta make sure I have one salmon cake at a time, and not two. The Ginger Ale seemed to help.

After I let my stomach settle and empty out a bit more, I’m going to enjoy making stir-fried veggies with the sauce I got, and a salad with cucumber-avocado dressing that I also got.

I don’t know if I’ll get around to making the new chickpea dish I want to try, but I’m not having liver. Walmart fucked up again by not giving us our frozen stuff. They also gave me potatoes that are beginning to root. Again, I told Tom we ought to just drop them and get our own groceries. We obviously can’t trust anyone else to do it right and this way we can see exactly what we’re getting. It will be a good excuse to get out too. We could go early in the morning when it wasn’t crowded. He’s the opposite. He doesn’t want a reason to go out. He likes having it delivered. He could stay home and never go anywhere for years if he had to, LOL.

The reason I chose liver was that it's cheap and supposed to be choc full of B12 which helps with anxiety. Maybe if I get it from food, I won’t get sick and with it being so cheap, there won’t be much money wasted if I don’t like it. Liver isn’t the greatest, but I can tolerate it.

Sometime I’m going to rinse, season, and bake chickpeas and see how they come out. It’s supposed to make them crispy as opposed to frying them.

I slow-cooked us a pork roast yesterday and it was just okay. Nothing really spectacular.

Someone's been in Ray's place. They left the lights on last night and then they came back today and turned them off. My biggest concern is them starting projects while I’m still on nights. I think that the fact that they haven’t done anything else since a few days ago when they cleared out the side shows that yeah, they are gonna do the driveway. I think they’re just waiting on the permits and that if all they were going to do was simply drop rocks, they would’ve done it by now.

Tom put a smart switch in one of the kitchen lights. I like it better than the light over the sink because it's a nice bright fluorescent light.

I’m sure this is just a dream, but if storm season gets more and more non-existent here due to climate change, then soundproofing the entire bedroom becomes less critical. We know that for the most part, the window inserts and soundproofing material under the mattress are enough for everyday sounds. They mowed today and never woke me up. But if we could replace just one of the window inserts with a soundproof window so I could let natural light in more easily, that would be great.

It's no wonder they call this region the Sun Coast. Nothing but sunshine forecasted until the 19th and of course, that’s subject to change in the end. At least I don’t have to worry about thunder waking me up before appointments.

Galileo offered to check my B12 and D levels now but I told them they didn’t have to. Instead, they’re going to do that when I have my next scheduled blood draw and reminded me that being low on these things can affect moods. I started back up on Vitamin D supplements, but I’ll try to get the B12 from food so I don’t have to deal with the runs.

He made me a GYN appointment while I was sleeping yesterday that I’ll see on the 24th. She’s in Trinity, and of course, she’s Indian. My God, why is it so damn hard to get an American doctor in this country! Instead, they’re almost always a foreigner I gotta struggle to understand, and even more so with the masks they wear these days.

Tom brought up a great idea for when we see my endo in Palm Harbor - another Indian, of course - at the end of the year. Instead of taking more medication and getting more anxious, and then even more if I lost weight, maybe the best approach would be to go the other way and see if I could take one of the diabetes medications they recently approved that helps with weight loss and see if I can get my numbers normal that way without the anxiety. Still seems like a pipe dream, though, to me. It’s a great dream to dream and a great idea just the same. Knowing me, I’ll have issues with the medication or continue to struggle with this medication. I really do believe my situation is hopeless despite Galileo’s optimism. I think something up there doesn’t want me to have a normal metabolism, which is likely because it doesn’t want me to be thinner for some reason. So if they gave me the medication, and if I could tolerate it, I would probably have the same problem with anxiety as I lost the weight.

If I had to start all over again, knowing what I do now and what I’ve been through, I would have ended it all as soon as we got back from Hawaii in 2014 before my life changed forever.