Another day of Tom stripping the roof. As I predicted, he doesn’t think he’ll be done stripping today. He told me he realized that although he doesn’t want anyone putting the new roof on since they probably wouldn’t do it right, he should’ve at least paid the money to have someone come and strip it and haul the old roof away. Well, it’s too late now. All that hard work and mess and clean-up are on him. I offer to help him with picking up roof bits and nails, but he brushes me off. He said I could help with the stuff at the side of the house, but not for long since the dust isn’t good for me. I have a feeling part of the reason he doesn’t want me working in the front is cuz he worries I might attack the bitch. I wouldn’t do that unless she came on our property or threatened me from hers.

He’s gonna have to keep the dumpster till Monday, rather than Friday.

He said he doesn’t think the back room was added on in the 70s as he originally thought. This whole subdivision was built in 1950. He thinks that the back room’s been there all along and that it was one of those extra things that were optional that people could pay extra for if they wanted.

I had a flash vibe of me being 110 by February. In the past, I’d have been thrilled to know this, but now it kind of worries me. It takes the body about a year to adapt to major changes. It’s been just over a year since I quit smoking and it seems my old metabolism is poking through more and more. Well I awoke at 112½ pounds today, and we’ll just have to see if I lose more weight or not, but if I do, am I gonna have to pay for it in some not-so-cool kind of way? I’ll tell you one thing for sure and that’s that if I had to choose between not wanting a child and being 125 pounds, and wanting one at 100 pounds, I’d take the 125 pounds and the not wanting that. I don’t ever want to return to my days of obsessively dreaming about the impossible. I only want material dreams from here on out cuz I can make material dreams come true in time. If my dream was to find a million dollars in the street, that’d be different, but I’ve never had such a dream like that eat at me year after year day after day and I’m sure I’d have to become a whole different person for me to dream such a far-out dream as that. Even my old dream of becoming a famous singer wasn’t as far out as that would be.

I asked Tom why he didn’t bring up adoption or foster kids. He said that although he disagreed with those judging others by their ages or their pasts, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that adopting would be a problem cuz of his age, and fostering would be a problem cuz of my record. Personally, I never had a desire to adopt or foster, thank God. I guess I’m just one of those who felt that if she wasn’t gonna have her own kid, she didn’t want anybody else’s, but that’s just me. There’s nothing wrong with those who adopt or foster, though, as long as they’re not like the second foster mother I had was. She lied to me and starved me, and her sick friend threatened me and scared the shit out of me. It’s a miracle I got out of there without her beating me to death. Or close to it.

I’m recharging my vibrator batteries now. They’re great cuz it’s like having the same batteries that last and last and last. I used to worry about my sex drive going up in time, too, but since I’d rather take care of my own orgasms, and since I don’t want a child and can’t conceive one anyway, it’s OK if my appetite goes up, cuz I can take care of it myself, and Tom’s busyness and my schedule won’t be a problem if it goes up again like it was a problem the last time it was up.

Speaking of schedules, I went to bed just after midnight again and got up at 8:00. I had to read a good 4 hours or so before going to bed to relax and tire me down. I might sleep later tomorrow though, cuz Tom, who has to get off the roof at 4:00 to sleep 7 hours before going to work, won’t get home till around noon tomorrow.

I should have no problem getting to the doctor’s Monday. It’s Melanie’s appointment a week after that that I question.

I hope we can take a shot at doing those T-shirts soon enough, and also, I’d like to go to the library to see what Ruby books they’ve got and to check out doll-making books. I might want to take their doll-making class someday if I can keep a schedule long enough to do so. I wonder how long and how often the class is? It was something like $50-$60 for the sign language classes and they went 8-10 weeks.

I commented to Tom how I was surprised Bill and Mistake didn’t hang out in the yard more. Tom said that he’s really old so he couldn’t keep up with it, nor would he be likely to even want to hang outside. I’m surprised I don’t hear that animal screaming all day, but I guess they don’t even open their windows over there.

Later…

It’s a bit cloudy out, but there’s no threat of rain over the next 5 days or so, according to the weather channel.

I was out getting my daily dose of color till the headphones began producing static. They’re great, though. No wires, no commercials, then you just charge them back up. No constant need to change dying batteries.

Later…

I was bored shitless for a while there, but I guess I should get into some writing now.

Tom went out and got himself something to eat and I got KFC. I’m making a pot of tea now.

Bill and Mistake were seen by Tom coming and going earlier, but the cock hasn’t shown up today. Yet. I’ll bet he will later. Yes, he was here again yesterday. From 7:00-7:45 last night.

Tom’s opinion is that he found religion and that’s why he’s been quiet even when he’s parked on the street, and he’s coming around more to see the kid. I highly doubt it. I think it’s her he’s coming to see and I think it’ll just be a matter of time before he starts pushing and testing and going back to his old shit whether or not he lives here again. If he does move back in, though, he’s gonna have to park on the street during business hours. However, I’ve already decided the day he moved out last July that we’d never again be neighbors and that’s final. He is not welcomed here, he does not belong here, he is not wanted here, and he cannot live here as far as I’m concerned. Not that the bitch is anymore welcomed, wanted, or a snuggly fit in this neighborhood either, but I can tolerate her existence while we’re still here so long as there’s no shit from her or her friends, cuz if there is, she’s gotta go too.

Later…

Tom’s gonna be wrapping it up soon for the day so he can get some sleep before work.

He said he was surprised his Ma didn’t call to ask how the roof was going.

Maybe she doesn’t care.