I’m just one day away from my appointment, but I’m not nervous. I should be, though, I suppose, since most people are when it comes to seeing new doctors. I told God, “I’m confused. I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to get tested? Should I get tested? Show me the way.” I believe he will. The more something’s meant to be, the more the way is paved for you with fewer obstacles. If it’s not meant to be, you’ll be blocked. Maybe make sure that Tom doesn’t cooperate like he said he would? Cuz that’d end it all right then and there as far as testing goes. I’ll quit right then and there. I’m going to this doctor to deal with why I’m sterile. Not why he won’t cum.

I keep saying my appointment with Melanie is on the 29th, but in truth, it’s on the 30th.

Tom said they only made one quick run across the street yesterday. Well, that explains why I haven’t heard the dog. It’s not here yet. He said he saw them today, too, but again, they obviously aren’t gonna be all moved in today either, cuz I don’t hear no dog. If they don’t have a dog, I guarantee you they’ll be getting one within a month. I don’t have a bad vibe about them, and things always quiet down as I get close to making a move, but 9 out of 10 houses have dogs, so why not?

I wonder what God will compensate me with when we move. There’ll be no noise/neighbors to stress out over, and he won’t replace neighborly noise with child noise since he knows I can’t handle that, so what will he do? Give me health problems? Time will tell.

At around 9:30 this morning, the cock was on the street. Why would he only park in the driveway that one Sunday only? Maybe cuz he was too lazy to haul laundry to the street, and maybe cuz it knew it’d be here all day and coming and going a lot.

I was amazed to weigh 115 pounds yesterday at the end of my day and after being stuck for two days. I woke up at 113 pounds, though, and took a dump.

I forgot to mention a couple of other things about Andy. He went into the studio where Stevie does her recording and offered to clean the place which was trashed. He found a tape that said Stevie soundboard something and he stole it. He said the quality of it was great and sounded better than any CD he’d ever heard. So now he’s trying to get a job volunteering to clean in there so he can see her work.

Another thing he said that I got a kick out of was, “If I have AIDS, I won’t let anyone else touch me, but I’m gonna be the biggest slut I’ve always fantasized about being.”

Later…

No freeloader shit. Like I said, they’re gonna wait till he’s done before they let us have it right back. All I saw was that light blue car and a tall, skinny, black lady with a cap on getting into the car and leaving. Never have I seen a white person visit them. They’re not good enough for most of them to be visiting anyway, even if most people are assholes, no matter what the color.

There is one thing I do dread about tomorrow. Not the appointment itself or the doctor, but all the waiting I’ll have to do. I know this waiting room is gonna be the opposite of Melanie’s. It’s gonna be filled with pregnant teens that’ll piss me off and tons of screaming kids, and I’ll have to wait for a half-hour or more till seeing the doctor. I’m not looking forward to that at all, so I’ll take a puzzle book since I won’t be able to concentrate on reading.