Tom and I are at the hotel now, and boy are we pissed, frustrated and depressed! It’s an understatement to say we are really really cursed! Something does not want us to live in that house. I knew God was gonna make us pay for leaving Phoenix and the Mexicans but like this? This is overkill. He’s really taking it to the extreme.

Today was such a mix of emotions. Not only was the fear of God in me but so was everything from tears of frustration and depression to a red-hot boiling rage.

Scared the shit out of Dan today. Everyone’s pissed off at Dan and Steven. Both Dan and Steven’s careers are over cuz I also intend to sabotage their so-called business and have their licenses pulled. I gave Dan a piece of my mind from A to Z, and according to Tom, even he said I had every right to be upset later on when I ran into the trailer to cry, bitch, and cuss.

After Tom called at 10:30 complaining about how they “promised” to be at our place and done with the well by 10:00, the fucking cocks finally decided to show up at 1:00. Tom was asleep in the house when they pulled in and I hopped out of the trailer and approached the driver. I asked if he was Dan and he nodded. Then I firmly said, “I want the well done today. No more delays.”

He looked terrified, although his partner, a cock I’ve never seen before, found it to be quite funny by the amused look on his face. So Dan says it’ll be done, then proceeds to set to work on the well. Then Gravity, who’s turned out to be one of the more reliable guys we’ve dealt with so far (along with Brian. Although I wish he’d finished caulking nails that are visible), shows up and digs two trenches. One running along the back of the house to the well for water pipes, then one running along the front of the house to the well for the electricity. We had no idea he was gonna dig a trench in front. His cowboy buddy was with him. They both sympathize with what we’re going through as far as Dan and Steven go, and Gravity said that yes, Hilda was really fired. He said he’d have quit if she weren’t.

Anyway, Dan is such an incompetent little fuck. Before he even tested to see if the well had dried up, he and his assistant put the pump, threaded pipe, and wire down the well. And the stupid fuck never had enough pipe to begin with, cuz his math is worse than mine. He said he went down 526’ but the fucking thing’s 550’ deep (which should’ve been deeper). So the shit runs the pump, gets no water, has to pull everything back up, then tells us the well’s dried up and he sees it all the time. Then if he’s seen this before, the stupid fuck should’ve known better than to have those other guys only drill to 550’ and he should’ve checked for water before going through all this shit and wasting more time. Now the retarded fuck is saying they’ll come back and drill deeper and it’ll be done and operable by next Thursday. Oh, bull fucking shit it will be, and as I told him, he’s already looking at not getting paid. And I’ll be so pissed if Tom pays the January house payment, cuz I’m not paying for anything I’m not living in. They wouldn’t pay these assholes’ bills for not being done yet, so why should we have to pay for a house we’re not able to live in? That ain’t fair.

There’s no fucking excuse for this. We should’ve been living in that house 6-8 weeks ago. These people are turning my dream into a nightmare, and I’m gonna be their worst nightmare! Just as soon as we get in that house, so help me God! I’m fucking sick and tired of people lying to me and fucking up my life and getting in the way of the things I want to do. It’s one thing to have God running my life and making all my decisions for me, but another to have people doing it, too.

I’m scared. I’m really scared. I know it’s gonna be one problem after another as the “price” we have to pay for leaving the city. But why?!?! Why?!?! Why should we have to be punished in order to have something we want in life? We worked hard for this. We earned it. We deserve it. What? Can only lazy blacks or Mexicans be given anything for nothing?

If these stupid shits don’t want to do the work for us, why don’t they just say so? Why the bullshit excuses and stories? Tom let the loan people know we’re way past ready to fire these people and hire new people, but if we do, will they be any more reliable and competent?

Teresa isn’t working tonight, and I’m kind of glad she isn’t cuz I’d be lousy company. I’m all bummed out and I may only bring her down, too.

After we got here and showered, he called Mary and we both cried on her shoulder. It felt good and I could really hug her for being so positive, cheerful, supportive, and understanding. She really felt for us.

She mentioned a Christmas gift for me and from what I understood, she and Ma picked it out together. I guess they debated about which one would be best for me, but as I told her, whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it. Tom and I doubt it’s a doll. We think it’s clothes of some kind. I kind of hope not, cuz I don’t think anything they could get would fit. Not if they’re buying something for a 110-pound person to wear who’s really close to 130 pounds.

Before anyone came out to our place, all by myself, I put Tom’s free chair together and then he broke it. We were having trouble snapping the wheels in and he put so much force on it that the plastic we glued it, but I don’t expect it’ll stay put for long.

The directions the chair came with were actually written in clear, blunt English. No wordy shit, no dancing around the subject.

What I’ve already written about wasn’t our only problem. Something’s really out to get us good. We’re gonna have no more free time than we used to in Phoenix.

The fucking trailer toilet is fucked up now so you can’t fill it up with water. Another thing we have to deal with. As if we don’t already have more than enough to do.

Also, the headphones for my portable CD player have a short in its wire, so now I’ve gotta get new headphones. I have a couple of other pairs, but one’s too uncomfortable and the other’s jack is the wrong size and I don’t know where my adapters are at the moment.

I also let Mary know I was sorry I couldn’t make up those calendars for Christmas as I’d originally intended to do, and she understood.

She also said things like how she wanted to see the house when it was done, we’d be very happy and things would work out, and this will only make me stronger so I’m a pioneer woman when this is over. Well, if I haven’t been a pioneer since I was about five, I never will be. I feel the opposite. I feel like all the shit I went through at home with my parents, then at the places and apartments I was in, along with living with the blacks and Mexicans, has made me smarter and more experienced, but weaker, nonetheless. I feel like each crisis just breaks me even more.

To make an already shitty situation even shittier, it was so incredibly windy today that the dust Gravity and his tractor were kicking up was horrendous. We had to shout to hear each other, and dust was getting in my eyes and hair.