Week 10, no Scot. Tom’s had a few days where he’s been out during part of the time he normally stops by, too. I don’t know what I feel stronger; glad that he didn’t come around at all, or bummed that I didn’t get to say no, though I can technically say no any time I want to. This is, after all, our house, even if the state of Arizona seems to think it owns me, the house, my life, etc. I guess you could say I’m gladder that he didn’t show up in the first place, given how far into the sentence I am and the nature of the so-called crime, which isn’t really a crime, but rather a violation of my civil rights.

Anyway, the stock came within 35¢ of selling today. Just maybe it will sell this year after all. The question is will we find a truck?

I decided to chuck the Barbie dolls off my list for now. They’re very nice dolls and I’d very gladly take them if they fell in my lap, but to shell out the $100 the 3 I had picked out would cost would be too much to spend right now on dolls that small. They’re just too damn small. If there weren’t other dolls I want more, then maybe I’d get them, and maybe I’ll get them in the future anyway. For now, I’m going to concentrate on getting the four $40-$50 16” fashion vinyl dolls I want, then I’ll get the 28” $162 porcelain Felicity doll next year.

One of the sites that sells the Playboy dolls sells all 3 of them as a set, which I’ve decided to get. I really do like them all. It’d be cheaper that way too, and then I’d only have to fight for 1 package and not 3. The whole set costs $135, plus shipping. Hopefully, they’ll have more of these dolls at this time next year. Then I can have a collection within a collection, so to speak!

I can’t believe I’m still seeing prairie dogs out there. This is the day we came here exactly 3 years ago and there were no prairie dogs in sight.

And now for some more good news. I got a laser printer! They were selling stuff at work to raise money for charity (United Way) and for just $10, Tom got an ’89 model. He says they’re very reliable and will save us a fortune. That’s cuz this thing doesn’t use ink. It uses toner, which is a form of powder that melts onto the paper. It doesn’t do color, but still, I’ve been dying for one of these things. We don’t have a toner cartridge for it yet which will cost about $40. But the wonderful thing about it is that for just $40, I can print up to 4000 pages of text. A $30 black ink cartridge will only do about 250 pages.

So, while I still can’t afford to print tons of graphics with the inkjet printer, I won’t have to worry about plain black text! Once Mary moves, I can send her everything she’s sent me as far as her story goes and the only real cost will be paper and stamps, and that’s not much compared to if I printed her stuff from ink cartridges. Right now, it would take half a cartridge to print her whole story file.

I’m amazed to find I can still run. The rower gives me backaches, so until I get my bike, I decided to jog as a warm-up prior to working out. You’d think that after all this time of not being consistent with it, I’d either fatigue real fast or get calf burn, but nope. I ran as if the devil himself were chasing me!

I’ve felt much better over the last few days. Not that I was depressed. As long as I can stay home with my husband and never go back to wanting a kid, I shouldn’t get depressed. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I won’t cry my eyes out when Little Buddy dies and things like that. Anyway, although I wasn’t sad, I felt like things were at a standstill. It was like we were in a car that broke down and we were waiting around till someone could give us a lift.

I began tackling Mary’s drafts and I feel so, so sorry for her! The poor girl’s been nothing but brainwashed and abused, so it seems. How can she believe that her mother ever loved her with the way she treated her? You don’t show someone you love them with your fists. You just don’t. Supposedly it was cuz she thought Mary looked like her father, whom she hated, but I think that was just a crutch. If it weren’t that it’d be something else. Maybe she’d say she looked like her old schoolmate who teased and taunted her. It seems people pick some excuse and they latch onto it for dear life.

And how the hell can this father at her old convent insist that God loves everyone, cares about their desires, and answers all prayers? I’m sorry, but that is absolute bullshit. Just pure wishful thinking, if you ask me.

I can relate to how she sought out her mother’s love and acceptance or at least tried to when she was younger. I went through it too, where you try and you try and you try, then by the time you hit your 30s, you just don’t give a damn anymore. But Mary’s only 25. Time will tell how she’ll feel in the future. She has a right to feel and believe whatever she feels and believes just like I do, so if she believes her mother loves her and if she has faith in God, more power to her. I, on the other hand, could never trust and have faith in a God who’s allowed me to go through what I’ve gone through. I can see some of it being a lesson, a test and a strengthening period, but there are limits. There’s a difference between testing and downright punishing!